there is a girl who catches my bus
who has dark brown eyes as rich as
the chocolates the girls buy
for valentine's day.

it's a gloomy school day, seven o'clock in the morning, and there is no sign of the sun being in the sky. clouds roll and rain threatens to pour, but it never actually does.

i wait at the bus stop for my ride to school to come. business workers and students alike stand at the bus stop, waiting for someone to take them away to their desired destination. it's not long before a bus pulls up and stops along the sidewalk.

people hurry on, swipe their card, and quickly occupy seats. i'm lucky enough to spot my usual seat in the back of the bus and head towards it. on the way to my seat, i take a glimpse at the girl sitting near the window two seats in front. 

she's wearing a different school uniform than me, along with two other girls next to her. her hair is up in it's usual ponytail, long and wavy and thick strands of hair swinging back and forth.

i think she looks cute.

she sits with her friends
and laughs a lot at little things.
and when her friends are silent,
she looks out the window.

i proceed to sit down in my seat and keep my eyes on her. she's always on this bus before me every single day, sitting in that same spot. sometimes her friends are with her, sometimes one, sometimes none.

one is of tan skin, sporting glasses and frizzy hair parted in the middle of her forehead, and the other has puffy cheeks and pouty lips. they're are talking, probably telling a funny story, and she laughs. The girl ( who i secretly might or might not have a slight obsession over ) has a laugh that is cute and bright, like the laugh of a child, and it rings throughout the bus many times.

i find myself smiling when she laughs.

i sit two seats behind her
and i think she's beautiful.

sometime during the bus ride, the two girls next to her crouch over a book ( looks like homework ) and the girl stares out of the window silently with her elbow on the arm rest and her chin resting in her palm.

the dim streetlights barely light up some of her features gives her skin a soft glow. she's no longer smiling and instead her eyes cloud with a mysterious look, almost solemn-looking.

i find myself staring at her, not able to look away.

there is a girl who catches my bus
who acts happy every morning.

the following days are the same; she catches the bus, i catch the bus right after, she's still beautiful, and i'm still staring.

only this time, her aura is different. in comparison to her two friends, she seems more silent than usual.

and i keep staring.

she sits with her friends
and gives them empty smiles
and wears long sleeves
in the middle of spring.

her friends are talking to her again, about shopping trips and what they bought and new favorite bands and new boyfriends, but she doesn't seem like she's listening. all she gives them is a smile, one you would give to strangers, which mean nothing but politeness.

her friends don't notice and keep talking as she looks down at her uniform sleeves.

it's spring and the weather is warm, the air full of pollen and skies full of birds. by this time fo the year, the school uniforms usually switch to short-sleeved shirts for the time being to keep the students cool. however, she wore her winter uniform with the long sleeves reaching just above her fingertips.

i sit two seats behind her
and i think she is beautiful.

i can't help but stare at the way her sleeves are too big and oversized because even then i think she looks pretty.

there is a girl who catches my bus
who has dark-brown eyes as empty
as the wrapper when the
chocolate inside is all gone.

she is completely different.

now she sits in her seat by the window with a slouch and with no interest. her hair is down, out of her normal ponytail, and her right eye is partially covered by her bangs. when i pass her to my seat, she doesn't fidget or flicker her eyes to the movement anymore; she just sits there and stares straight ahead.

but i'm still intrigued and more captured by her than ever.

she sits with her friends
and stares at her lap
and when her friends say something funny,
she doesn't laugh anymore.

her two friends are talking again but the way they sit is directed slightly away from her. they keep their conversation mainly to themselves and when they do catch her attention, she just nods or shakes her head.

the girl with the pouty lips says something that has the glasses girl breaking into laugher but she stays still. she doesn't laugh anymore.

i find myself missing that laugh.

i sit two seats behind her
and i think she's beautiful.

and yet, i still can't stop staring or stop thinking about her.

there is a girl who catches my bus
who i sit next to today.
i don't say a single word to her
and instead i give her a note.

for the next few days, her friends don't ride the bus with her. she sits alone, the two seats next to her left empty, and i decide this time to do something other than staring.

instead of walking past and to my seat in the back, i stop and sit down next to her. she doesn't look up and continues to stare out the window, not acknowledging my presence.

i wait a moment before taking out a notebook and a red pen. ripping out a page, i scribble 'my name is myungsoo' down and tap her shoulder, handing her the note.

she doesn't look startled and takes the note, eyes quickly scanning over the words, before turning to me and giving me one of her empty smiles.

i find myself thinking her empty smiles are beautiful too.

she reads the note
and looks at me weirdly
but i just smile and she smiles back sadly
before looking away.

taking the not-so-negative reaction as some sort of encouragement, i get out another piece of paper and begin writing a short letter.

it takes me longer to write, since it's now a letter instead of a note, and the the sound of pencil scratches full the empty air between us. i don't stop until the bus stops right in front of my school and am forced to quickly scribble the last sentence rather messily before slipping the paper into her lap and running off the public transportation vehicle.

i sit two inches away from her
and i think she's beautiful.

i run up to the school gates and before going in, i turn back around and look at her through the window.

she's staring at the letter, her hair covering the side of her face like a curtain to keep her emotions hidden, and i think her side profile is beautiful too.

there is a girl who catches my bus
who i give letters to everyday.
they're exchanged with no words at all
and yet i don't seek any reply.

the following days are the same pattern; she catches the bus, she's sitting alone, i catch the bus, i sit down with her.

and then i give her a letter each day.

i don't know if she actually reads them or just pretends to ( and then throws them away later ) because by the time i finish writing them, it's time for me to go and all i can do is make sure she at least recieves it by handing it to her.

every time i do, i feel her cold fingertips ghost over my skin and i shiver, but that too is beautiful to me.

she sits next to me
with her empty smiles
until one day
she's not there.

it's a rainy morning and by the time the bus comes, i'm completely drenched to the bone. umbrellas are closed as the people around me hurry on and the squeaking of shoes echo throughout the bus.

i almost slip on the stairs when it's my turn to get on and the doors close behind me. when i see no one sitting at the seat near the window, i wipe my eyes with fists, thinking that maybe the rain blurred my eyesight.

but no one's there.

i sigh, heading towards the empty seat and sit down next to it, as if she's there like all the other days before. i glance down at the seat one more time, making sure she really wasn't there, and slump into my own backrest.

it takes me a few moments to realize that the bus isn't moving. i strain my neck to look up at the front of the bus, trying to see if there was anything wrong with the bus driver, and then the bus doors open again.

in comes the girl, just as drenched as me.

her hair is in a ponytail, like before, but it's in wet clumps and her bangs are pasted to her forehead. her uniform also clings to her skin and she's shivering, her lips a paler color than usual.

she walks over to me and stops, breathing in and out like she had just woken up late and missed her bus stop, only to run to the next one to try and catch it again ( which is what probably happened ).

not knowing what to do, my heart skips a beat as she settles down into her regular seat and looks at me with dark-chocolate eyes that don't look lifeless anymore.

"hi," i decide on saying, and i wonder if the simple greeting is a bit too simple, but she gives me a smile, one that isn't empty and instead bright and lively like the laugh that i had heard ages ago.

a soft "hi." slips from her cold lips and before i could think that her voice was just as beautiful as her, she hands me a small piece of paper.

i slowly take it and notice her somewhat excited and blushing expression, something that i was not expecting to see ( but also something that i find myself loving at first sight ). her knuckles are shaking as she grips the hem of her uniform skirt and when i read the piece of paper, i realize why.

'my name is hyunjae'.

i sit two inches away from her
and i tell her she's beautiful.

she's looking out the window, as if when she did maybe then she'd disappear along with the falling rain. i clutch the piece of paper and smile before slipping a hand into my pocket and pulling out a readily-written letter myself.

and like all the other letters i gave her, this letter says the same.

"i think you're beautiful.'