I guess we're all waiting for that single moment

 – a moment of change that cannot be avoided.

Like a tormentor that has realised their wrongs,

a silent being needing to speak up;

we are all waiting for someone to change us

or someone to tell us that we need to change.

New year’s resolutions are just a silent reminder,

that are often forgotten or overlooked.

It gives us something to focus on. I guess.

It gives us the reassurance that we are at least trying.

I never tried to try before, but...

That moment has come for me in particular.

He told me to change and I will.

But, I guess I took it for its lateral meaning.

Its logical meaning; a literal meaning.

Change; to change physically.

But I guess it will lead to more change.

Not as easy as I thought it would be.

Change.

                Wallowing in self-pity – that is what Sehun is currently doing. Well... It was what it looked like. However, he was just thinking. Just thinking…

                He moved in with his uncle and is currently situated on his cousin's bed, underneath the covers, struggling to breathe properly but he didn't care. He was in a foetal position staring directly at a single loose thread on the cover of the doona.

It smelled of a mix of honey and lavender, a bright light seeping through its seams indicating that it was still bright enough to call it day.

                His eyes were still empty, cold and void of emotions. Lips forming an open mouthed puffer fish display of movement. Hours passed and he did not move an inch.

                Hunger soon dawned on him. His aunt knocked on the door once in a while to ask if he was hungry, silence was the only answer she was given. His cousin – Luhan, had visited once as well; asking if he wanted to talk, somehow ironically. He knew he wouldn't answer but reassurance that he was there for him is always something people seek at times like these. Sehun thought he didn't deserve any food despite his hunger and didn't need to talk as he didn't know what to say even if he wanted to talk more.

                I guess people at these times would be tormenting themselves into oblivion. Regret overwhelming their being and talking over its system till it self-destructs. But Sehun was the opposite of this – he forgot why he should care anymore.

                Was there a point to?

                It wasn't necessary as they cannot return to their previous states. It was a sign to change but will change do anything beneficial for him? He thought not. He was stuck on the fence from either turning into another persona who was like any other or the essence of keeping what he had.

                He was stuck in a vicious cycle of 'should he' or 'shouldn't he,' and he dwelled upon various perceptions that would be deemed necessary. He just couldn't come to a conclusion.

                It soon grew dark. There was no way to tell the time underneath the covers but he could tell by the sudden loss of light. He could no longer see what is in front of him but what did that matter – he couldn't see what was in front of him a long time ago. He just laid there contemplating the process of life.

                Tap.

                A light tap sounded on one of the windows. Ignored a forgotten – it must be a fallen branch or something. He repositioned himself into a straight position – face up, covers brought down to his eyes.

                Tap.

                It sounded again.

                He sat up abruptly and glanced at the window; a look of nothingness with a hint of curiosity – noting down that it really was dark outside.

                Tap.

                Again the sound returned. It sounded like a solid object hitting the window glass, a hint of urgency in each hit. Tap – it came again but in shorter succession to the previous. He couldn't see anything past the white see-through drapes adorning the window length and he didn't know anyone who would know that he was there. It must've been for Luhan he pondered.

                He slowly got up from the bed and walked to the window to his right. He withdrew the window drapes and unhatched the lock, gently bringing the window up to its highest. Looking down and from his deductions it was not a female as he expected it to be.

                He was wearing a bright orange parka with black denim jeans a beanie snug on his head. It must have been cold and it was… since it was the middle of winter, but all Sehun could feel was the gentle breeze flowing past him. Inspecting the figure once again Sehun noticed he was wearing rugged black converse sneakers with three distinct lines on the right pair. They were all too familiar; he knew who he was. The figure suddenly got up from his position of picking stones to one preparing to throw a canon. But his mouth opened wide with realisation of his onlooker, a wide grin courtly forming after.

                He loudly whispered, "Sehun, where have you been? I missed you~" dropping the stones in the process.

                Sehun put his finger to his lips indicating him to shut up, and gesturing him to come up by the tree. He gave him a 'really? You want me to climb up a tree' look, promptly giving him a distasteful expression. 

                He quickly stretched awkwardly, cracking his neck before grabbing holds of the tree before him. It was a struggle of a climb up the tree; well it surely looked like it. When he finally got up after a gory ten minutes he came to the sight of Sehun comfortably sitting on the bed, legs hanging off the bed with elbows calmly placed on each corresponding knee.

                "Tch... and you didn't even help me up," he gasped out, a fake intake of breath to re-enact his shock of Sehuns behaviour and the following dramatic hand to the chest.

                He walked up to him and comfortably sat on the foot of the bed, taking off his shoes before curling up on his side.

                "Seriously where have you been this past week? It was gamble to even come here you know. You didn't didn’t bother coming to school for 3 days, so I got suspicious. You weren't at home, so I asked your neighbours. They’d said you moved out but they didn't know where to. I finally got the courage to sneak out to maybe expect to see you here at your cousin's house and you wouldn't answer your phone so you owe me one cause I found you after all that struggle," he suddenly ranted out.

                They suddenly looked at each other and stared into the others' eyes.

                "Don't give me that 'it doesn't matter look,' Sehun." He just simply shrugged off his concern.

                "Why'd you move without telling me? Should have at least left me a message! I'm your only friend," he shouted out in emphasising the 'friend' part with a pitch change. Sehun quickly shut him up with a slap on the mouth with his hands.

                They just blankly stared at each other once again. Baekhyun grabbed his hand and brushed it off from his mouth, spitting out words of hate "Tch. Like I'm gonna get any answers out of you I should of known." He suddenly got up and angrily shrugged off his parka before closing the window.

                "Aren't you cold? You're like wearing a tea shirt in this weather." Sehun forwardly shook his head from side to side, taking note that Baekhyun was still wearing a woollen jumper underneath the parka.

                "I should just tell aunt and uncle that I'm here," he huffed out.

                He slowly pranced his way to the door, expecting Sehun to grab him suddenly in order to hold him back but he was not expecting this.

                "That would defy the whole purpose of you coming through the window, idiot."

                He stopped walking and looked onwards with doubt. Did he hear right, did Sehun just talk? To him?!! He slowly brought his hand up to his mouth to cover his oncoming smile. His eyes were filled with content as they curved into crescent shapes.

                "I should have known you would have given me a smart remark as your first words spoken to me. What a great friend you are~!" He suddenly turned and leapt onto Sehun into a bear hug – a wide grin plastered on his face, head locking him into a death grip of a cuddle. Sehun just gave a grunt in response, bringing his hands up to hug him around the waist.

                He suddenly sighed and brought his face down from Baekhyun's shoulder to snuggle up into the latter's neck.

                "They're gone," Sehun mumbled out.

                "Who's gone? Hmmmm? Hana? I told you to forget about her," he whispered into the other's hair. He shook his head in denial and just snuggled up closer finally feeling warmth in someone's arms.

He just needed a hug, a gentle pat on the head from someone who was not feeling the same pain as him. His relatives' hugs did no justice for him as they were also seeking recluse in his warmth. He couldn't give any. That's what made Sehun no longer feel the warmth of the heater, of the clothes he was wearing or the touch of another’s skin – all because the warmth was transferred to them. They took his warmth because they deserved it. They needed it more than him.

                Baekhyun started to pat his head gently, entwining his fingers into his blonde hair – curling the latter's hair in an attempt to calm him down. The other hand began circling his lower back, little pressure in small circles to relieve his pent up stress. Sehun sighed contently, his breath thinning out in a wavering sob. He began crying, softly at first but it soon became loud gasps of air to painful cries of release.

                Thundering steps were heard outside of the bedroom door which suddenly flung open upon their arrival. The three of them stood at the doorway, a look of shock plastered on their faces. Sehun's aunt, uncle and Luhan were standing there in disbelief – initially because of the presence of Baekhyun comfortably positioned around Sehun, then at the sudden realisation that Sehun was actually crying.

                Sehun could relieve himself of his sadness only in moments when he was absolutely calm. He couldn't cry during his parent's funeral ceremony because of the shear fact that everybody else was crying for him. He could cry after the funeral though as he was staring at the recently filled hole with the soft fall of snow that brought him coldness. But even at that time only a single tear had fell down his face.

                His cries were vibrating through the walls, despair evident in each release of the consonant 'a.' His uncle began to sniffle, his aunt's eyes began to water and his cousin's lip began quivering. Even Baekhyun couldn't hold the waterworks as Sehun cries became more painful. It reached the depth of your soul bringing up the wrath of desolation.

                The air around them became stagnant and heavy. It weighed down on each person with different force crushing Sehun in its wake. It was a change to his usual expressionless face, but was it good change?

                Baekhyun was finally aware of who Sehun stated were gone. He remembered the exclusive use of the word ‘they’ and narrowed it down to the one and only. Sehun parents weren’t here; they were gone. 

                Come back.