As I think of you, my mind starts to branch into every little thing that makes me love you. It's like the broad and wide tree we would hide under to get away from everybody when we were younger. And whenever I hear your name, my mouth curves into a smile. It's like a everything went right in one day. When I look at our old messages and photos, I giggle a little. It's like your cheesy comments became sweet jokes. When I look at our wedding rings, I marvel at the small, but beautiful, diamonds.

But, Tae?

Where did you go?

Why did you leave?

Was I not good enough?

Do you love someone more than me?

What happened?

What did I do?

Why did you have to go?

Why did you leave me?

You promised you wouldn't leave me.

On that day, April 4, you left me. You left me forever. You went to go reunite with your grandparents, the ones you missed so much. You left me in a room filled with blinding white lights and no more sounds of beeping. Just the sound of my sobs and the blurry vision of tears. The feel of your weak hand being tightly grasped by mine and the taste of blood from biting on my tongue too long. Crying out your name. Taeyeon. All want is to have you back. 

As I think of you, I start to think of every single thing that makes me love you.  It's like the long nights of wet cheeks and late sleeping. And whenever I hear your name, my eyes glaze in tears. It's like a everything went wrong in one day. When I look at our old messages and photos, I sniffle a little. It's like your soft lips will never touch mine again. When I look at our wedding rings, I remember that, if it wasn't for cancer, I could've been walking down the aisle to you.

Because as I think of you, my whole life with you floods into my mind again. And I always think of you.