Title {3/5}

I would've given you a {4/5}, but you only capitalized the first letter. By right, the first letter for each word should be capitalized. It's a common understanding that when a certain word is a name or a title, the first letter of it is always capitalized. The only times when the first letter of a word in a title is not capitalized, it's when the word is a connector. For example, "Beauty and the Heartthrob". Also, your title is way too long for my liking. A shorter title that keeps that meaning of the original would be something like "Do Happy Endings Exist?". If your title was something along those lines, it would've easily gotten a five out of five.

 

Poster and Background {0/5}

You have no graphics at all, and the layout is in its default state (white).

The poster/background adds on to the feel of the story, and it is extra important when it comes to angst stories. You mentioned that your story belongs to the angst genre, and you also added the angst tag for your story. Perhaps you should request from a graphic shop for a poster and background; something dark would be good and fitting for your story.

 

Description and Foreword {7/10}

You placed the right things at the right places, so kudos to you for that.

I feel that although your description is well written, it's missing something. I can't exactly define what it is, but there is definitely something missing from the description. There's just something lacking from it. As for your foreword, well done! Writers usually don't give previews of their stories because either they haven't exactly planned out what they were gonna put inside, or they're just too lazy to write a preview. However, you placed a little speech from Jonghyun, as though he was interviewed about his feelings, which made it all the more better. It's a new approach that I've yet to see, so this is a first for me and I feel that although it was short, it was sweet. It gives just enough and saves just enough.

 

Content and Main Plot {12/20}

Your main plot is actually very common, where either the leading male or female loses all her kins and ends up all alone until this kid comes into their life and changes everything. There isn't much originality, because through your first chapter, the vibe it gives is that this story is going to go the exact way that other stories have gone, which is much to my disappointment. I support writers when they retell storylines, but they always add this tint of originality in it. Some writers like myself, like to mix all kinds of common plots together and mold them into one, which makes it original. Maybe you should try that approach, and have a little twist in your story instead of retelling the plot the exact way many other writers have.

As for your content, there isn't much to say considering this is merely your first chapter I'm reviewing. However, you should lengthen your chapter instead of barely writing a page (if you measure using word document). My recommendation would be 4 pages per chapter, which is approximately 1,400 words per chapter. Writers who are able to write that much per chapter, but only reveal a little, yet manage to make it exciting still, are those that I really respect.

 

Characterization {11/15}

Hmm I suppose because it's merely the first chapter, you didn't have a chance to elaborate on So Yeon's character.

However, for Jonghyun, you did a pretty good job at elaborating on his character. Although, I feel you revealed too much about him when it's only the first chapter. A character usually takes time to develop, slowly revealing their different charms and different sides, but it seems you threw like half the personality of Jonghyun in the foreword and first chapter. So Kim Jonghyun is an emo freak... Okay. In the next chapters, hopefully there will be other sides of him. I don't want to only see him as a mentally depressed kid. If it's based on common sense, he would've already gotten over the whole accident. I mean, come on, it's been 15 years already, why is he still living in the past? He has Taemin, Jinki, Minho and Key, yet he's still depressed. Don't you think something is wrong?

 

Grammar and Spelling {8/15}

Although your spelling was accurate, your whole chapter was filled with grammatical errors.

I'm just gonna list around three out of the many, because I'm kind of in a rush right now.

original: I was an only child and I was quite lonely growing up but now without much family who want to speak to me I'm even lonelier.

suggested: I'm an only child, and I was quite lonely during the days of my growth. Had it not been for my family, I wouldn't have any friends or anybody to talk to. But now, without my family, there is nobody to talk to, I'm all alone.

original: Sitting down in my seat the new girl beside me keeps looking over at me, I don't know why but nothing happening today is making me wish I came today.

suggested: As I settled down in my seat, the new girl kept sneaking glances of me. I'm not sure why, but nothing seemed to happen today and that alone made me regret showing up.

I believe when you wrote "is making me wish I came today" you meant "is making me wish I never came today", right?

original: "Because why?" she asked me and began leaning in closer to me 

suggested: "Because...?" she probed, leaning over.

Many of your dialogues are missing punctuations, so please work on that.

 

Writing Style {6/10}

Although you wrote in paragraphs, I dislike how you seemingly neglect punctuations during dialogues. Also, you should press "enter" twice before starting a new paragraph, because it makes the layout neater that way. With only one press of the button and immediately starting a new paragraph, it makes it look like the whole chapter is one paragraph itself, and it looks really messy as well.

 

Flow of the Story {10/10}

So far so good.

 

Entertainment {7/10}

I don't really have any comments for the entertainment aspect. It isn't exactly what I would consider entertaining, but I would close an eye since it's only the first chapter. I expect the juice to ooze out of the following chapters, so yea. So far, I find Jonghyun's character quite amusing. A guy who is so emotional and stuff - really good stuff. xD

 

Overall {64/100}

Bonus points overall {2/5}

Percentage {66%; Grade B}

Thank you so much for the review! I know you may not see this but I've taken some of your consideration into action and changed the story title and some of the sentences you changed. I'll be re-reading it and changing some of the sentences and improving on punctuation.