He lived a simple life. He never thought how it would be like to be different from the others. His family was average, like most of the families in Korea, not rich but neither were they poor. He was a really simple person, living the normal mundane lifestyle like any other person. He was taught the way a normal person should be, brought up the way a filial son should be and expected to do the things a healthy young man would. He was Lee Seunghyun, or Seungri, the name he preferred to be addressed as since young. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there are certain things you can never change. First of all, the way people look at you and most importantly, the way your heart feels. One shouldn’t even bother changing the latter, because the only thing that doesn’t lie when the whole world tries to deceive you is the words that your heart speaks.

Because Seungri had tried, and he had failed.

Because Seungri met someone who had changed his life so drastically.

Because Seungri met Jiyong, Kwon Jiyong.

Seungri was seventeen that year and Jiyong was two year older, nineteen. They met when Seungri’s family moved to Seoul eight years ago. When Seungri first arrived, those richer kids around the neighborhood loved picking on him. Tripping him with ropes at the gate was like a daily greeting from the bullies. Tripping him with sharp rocks along the rocky hill to school was normal too. Snatching the lunchbox his mother had prepared and pushing him into puddles of muddy water started not long later. Seungri could only endure. He was from a remote village and he was taught to endure. That is the normal life that he was born to live. But Jiyong came. Jiyong was the one to helped him up when he fell; Jiyong was the one who helped him push his bike up the steep and rocky hill when the wheels got caught by the stones the kids threw. Jiyong was the one who offered to share his lunchbox when Seungri’s got taken away. Jiyong was the one who tell him ‘it’ll be fine’ when things get tough. Jiyong was the one who used his body to shield Seungri from those rocks and eggs that they threw. Jiyong was the one; the one who had selflessly gave his all for Seungri.

They grew to become really close friends. Seungri had Jiyong and Jiyong had Seungri. It was simple. The kids stopped bullying Seungri after awhile too. The two kids were inseparable.

“Ri, what is love?” Jiyong asked out of the blue as the two boys lied comfortably on the beach, eyes concentrated on the shining stars.

“People say it is when your heart beats faster when you are with that person; you will do anything to protect that person even when you will be hurt,” Seungri replied casually as he took a glance at the older guy next to him.

“Must it be a girl and a boy?”

“I think so. Eomma always say that I have to tell her when I have a girlfriend, the one I love.” The younger one chuckled at the thought of his mother being impatient about him getting a girlfriend.

“Then do you have someone you love now?”

“Not now. There isn’t a girl who had made me feel that way yet. Don’t worry Ji, I’ll let you know when I fall in love!” Seungri laughed as he hugged his jacket because of the cold weather.

“Can love be wrong?”

“But what is wrong? I don’t think love can ever be wrong. Eomma said that love is a beautiful thing,” Seungri smiled as he replied. Jiyong smiled too. To him, Seungri felt that love could never be wrong. But that was when they were at the age of eleven. Things may change and things did change.

“Then my love is right, right?” Jiyong whispered, making sure that Seungri couldn’t hear it as he wrapped his coat around the younger boy. It was a cold night but somehow, the boys found comfort and warmth in each other. Everything was still simpler for Seungri then. Jiyong thought so too.

“Ji, is there anything wrong?”

“Should one be afraid to love?”

“I don’t think so. Love has no boundaries Ji.”

Seungri smiled as he looked at the older guy. At that moment, Seungri was sure of his answer. At least at the age of eleven, Seungri was sure that love has no boundaries. He was taught that love is a beautiful thing. His answer seemed to have put Jiyong’s flustered mind at ease. An hour ago, Jiyong was really confused about his own feelings. Seungri’s words were like an ease pill to him. But what they didn’t know is that the future is unpredictable.

“I love you Ri.”

“I love you too Ji.”

Children are known to have the purest heart. What they didn’t know is that as they grow, their innocence gets tainted by the dark world; the words that are sharp to kill; the norm that overshadowed the loving hearts. Sometimes, somehow and somewhat, they will look back at the past and wonder why things just wouldn’t stay the same; why things they have once thought became different; why the world had the ability to change your fate. But what the world didn’t know is that the words from those innocent kids are the truest; and what they had forsake isn’t only their innocence, but the words your heart speaks.

Innocence is one of the rarest virtues.

Seungri was sixteen and Jiyong was eighteen when things were beginning to change. Those kids started spreading rumours after attending the lessons about ‘Love’ in school. Things started off when they went around teasing Seungri for being gay. They posted stories everywhere in school that were untrue. It was to the extent that Seungri found everyone following him around and pictures of him with Jiyong were snapped from all angles and distributed in school. He was only fifteen and there was nothing he can do. They started calling him disgusting and alienated him when a photo of him crying in Jiyong’s arms was taken. Unbearable words like Seungri being bottomed were mentioned and it was to that extent that Seungri hated every single thing.

“Ri? Didn’t you promise me that you’d look for me whenever you have problems and not cry alone? Why didn’t turn up at the beach?” Jiyong asked as he stood by the younger lad who was standing by the abandoned railway. Seungri wasn’t cry though. He was really quiet. But at the same time, he wasn’t even looking at Jiyong.

“Those rumours got out of hand in school Ji.”

“Didn’t you say that you wouldn’t let it bother you?” Jiyong asked as he placed his hand on Seungri’s shoulder. What caused a pain in Jiyong’s heart was that Seungri flinched upon his affection.

“Ri?”

“It hurts Ji. Those words hurt.” Seungri spoke up again but he remained calm, not even realizing how his actions had hurt Jiyong.

“Because they called you gay? Because gay is not what the world would accept?” Jiyong asked again as he turned his back against Seungri, swallowing his tears. He had always been the strong one between the two of them and he had never thought of letting his weakness overcome that. His weakness, his only weakness, was unfortunately Seungri.

“No Ji. But because… because gay is disgusting. It’s not right.”

“Ri, look at me,” Jiyong held the younger by his shoulder and turn him around where their eyes met for the first time today. Jiyong’s heart was on the verge of breaking. But he had to keep up with that pretense.

“Gay is love too. Didn’t you say that love has no boundaries?”

Jiyong had his eyes focused on Seungri as he waited for an answer. He was afraid, afraid that Seungri’s answer would have already changed over the four years; afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hear the answer he was expecting; afraid because Seungri’s eyes showed insecurity and no sign of assurance.  Seungri had his eyes focused on Jiyong too as he tried his hardest to let those words escaped his mouth. He was unsure, unsure that he would regret the words that he was about to say; unsure that Jiyong would be hurt because of his hesitation; unsure because Jiyong’s eyes were slowly losing hopes and shine. He felt like he was the reason.

“I was wrong Ji. Love has boundaries. Gays are wrong, they are unaccepted and they defied the way love should have been.”

Jiyong’s hands around Seungri loosened immediately. His heart shattered for a reason he wasn’t very sure of till he heard Seungri’s words. Jiyong was in love. He was in love but the one he loves felt that it wasn’t the right love. In their society, his love will never be accepted. That person who had pulled the strings of his heart is Seungri. However, Seungri’s answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He expected something else. He was hoping in vain that Seungri could still say confidently that love has no boundaries. Seungri didn’t.

“So that’s what you think?”

“Ji, can you promise me one thing? Let’s meet lesser from now on. I hope those rumours can subside.”

“If that is what you want.”

“Thanks Ji.” For the first time tonight, Seungri smiled. But it was different. His smile was painful.

“I’ll always be there when you need me. Don’t forget that.” Jiyong said as he pulled Seungri into a hug. He wished for the moment to last forever. He was afraid that after today, Seungri would never be within his reach anymore. He spent those years protecting Seungri; caring for Seungri and most importantly, loving Seungri the way he never thought he would.

Jiyong stood there as he watched Seungri walked away. He never knew it would hurt this much. He placed his hand over his left chest as he hoped for it to stop hurting. Seungri’s back view faded under the moonlight. Jiyong hoped for Seungri to look back at least once, but he didn’t. What hurts the most was watching him walk away when he so much more to say. What Jiyong didn’t know was that the younger boy’s tear fell. Jiyong never knew that Seungri felt the same pain in his chest too, for a reason he would have hated if he knew.

Seungri’s footsteps had never felt this heavy. His heart has never ached this badly. But most importantly, he had never felt like crying this much before. He had hurt Jiyong. He called Jiyong disgusting without him knowing; he called Jiyong’s love wrong; he called Jiyong’s love unacceptable. What Seungri didn’t know was that Jiyong fell so hard in love with him, only to realize that it was wrong.

They wonder how words can simply cover the screams of your heart.

Just like that, Jiyong stopped meeting Seungri. Once in a while, they would message each other. But things weren’t the sa