envy runs in their veins

innocent hearts

 

 

With an innocent heart and a pure soul, she is just a young trainee hoping to one day take the world by storm. Soojung waits and tries to listen in. All she has heard so far is that five people will be able to take the world by storm, that they would debut and get to live their dream on stage. She had hopes that she would have been chosen but is reassured when she learns that this time, they were only selecting males. A part of her is disappointed but she reassures herself - another opportunity will come. 

The gate opens. Everyone spills out of the doors. Some look disappointed after years of blood, sweat and tears going to waste. Others seem unsurprised, somehow already knowing that they were not going to be chosen. Their resolve had hardened. It's okay, they tell themselves, better luck next time.

The five who are chosen wear bright, broad smiles on their faces as they receive sincere (and begrudging) congratulations from those who would have secretly done anything to take their places.

Soojung runs up to one, her favourite, the one that stands out from the crowd. The charming prince who has returned to present her with the news that she desperately yearns for. “Minho!” she calls as she runs up to him with an innocent heart and pure soul like the young red princess she is.

“Soojung!” he exclaims excitedly. “I got in! I’m going to debut!”

She puts a grin on her face, masking the slight tug at her heart, “Congratulations!”

He smiles; happy and satisfied. She smiles as well; happy and satisfied.

They talk more about what his debut will look like, who his other team members are, what songs he will need to train for, what choreographies he will need to learn, and whether she will see him as much. "I'm not sure," he starts, "I'll be busy. But I think we'll definitely bump into each other, and even more so, once you debut."

"I don't even know when that is," she pouts, "or if that's even happening."

He puts his hands on her shoulders and tells her to look up at him. "Soojung, of course you're going to debut. You'll make it past those gates. Mark my words: you're going to take the world by storm."

She smiles sheepishly, "Thanks."

He notices her blush and smiles to himself. She's so cute. (She doesn't notice at all.)

"Yeah, Soojung, you're going to take the world by storm," pipes up Jongin who has now joined them.

He smiles brightly at them both. He is like a young stallion, like workhorse who puts all of his energy into everything he does. But he hasn't figured out that to succeed you need to be brutal. It's a cat-eat-cat world out there. He's still on his way. "Congrats, man," he says as he turns to the charming prince. He says it with so much sincerity.

"Don't worry. Your turn will come soon." She tells the stallion magnamiously, demonstrating already the potential she has when she transitions from being the red princess to the Red Queen. 

"I wasn't worried," prompting all three of them to laugh. 

She rolls her eyes, "You are so confident."

Jongin leans in and winks at her, "Confident enough for you to love me and be my girlfriend?"

She scoffs and shoves him off and Minho pats him on his back reassuringly. "Like I said, Jongin, you are too confident for your own good."

He brushes her off easily. "You'll see - one day, you will be mine."

She shivers prompting another round of laughs. And even despite the happiness of it all, no one notices how strained the stallion's is. Only he can feel how tight his heart squeezes. 

 

 

"Hey, Jongin!"

The boy in question turns around. He bursts into a wide smile as the ball of sunshine and happiness that is the white princess bounds towards him. "Jinri!"

She catches up to him (and he has to double over before she catches her breathe, muttering under her breath about how unfit she is), "I heard you didn't get in. I'm sorry."

He laughs and brushes it off, "Nah, I'm good. I'm only 15 you know, plenty of opportunities in the future."

She smiles. "Well, good. I just wanted to make sure you're okay." 

He falters. He shakes his head. She knows her too well. "Soojung said no again."

Her heart clenches. A pang of envy shoots through her veins (but she's too innocent, too loving, too hopeful of the world to notice). She forces a smile as she pulls a veil over her heart, "Ok but did you ask her seriously or was it a joke?"

He looks down, dejected. His voice is small, "As a joke?"

She rolls her eyes playfully and turns to him ready to give him some tried and true advice that he has already heard multiple times. "Well, what have I said?"

He nods oblingingly, a smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, I know, I know." He looks at her fully, taking her in. "Thanks, Jinri."

She beams at him. "Come on, let's go practice!" She pulls him with her and he holds onto her hand as he lets her drag him into the dance practice rooms. 

(For a moment, the white princess deludes herself into thinking that the young stallion reciprocates her feelings.)

 

 

Through the sounds and melodies, the sweat and movements, the smiles and laughter, the young red princess has since transformed into the Red Queen. She hasn’t taken the world by storm yet, but she knows that one day she will. Long has she left her innocent world to walk on water and be in her own spotlight. Soojung has slowly withered away into Krystal.

She looks out at unrecognisable yet loving faces. The crowds cheer for her, for them, really. She waves, smiles, and fulfils her queenly duties.

Across the stage, she catches a face, his face, Minho's face, the charming prince's face. She smiles at him, hoping he will look back at her instead of into the sea of adoring faces. He does. She inwardly jumps, only just being able to contain her glee as fatigue falls from her bones.

He looks at her. She looks at him. And through their longing gazes at the opposite ends of the stage, they are saying what can never be possibly put nor said into words. Unknown to either of them, they both do not know how the other feels and keep everything to themselves, content with admiring from afar and filing every image carefully. These are the moments that both the young Red (still innocent) Queen and the charming (yet supressed) prince will forever remember.

 

 

It's another night, another show, another worship from the audience. Soojung hasn't taken the world by storm yet (but she feels that the day will come sooner). Long has she left her innocent world behind to walk on water and be in her own spotlight. Soojung has withered away into charismatic, confident, and cold Krystal - an enigmatic, regal version of herself who knows that one step out of line and she would be shoved into the shadows forever.

Once again, like many other times, her eyes settle on the charming prince. Similarly, their hearts yearning for each other but not knowing how the other feels, Minho looks for her too. Her heart beats fast, feelings almost exploding after a year of containment. He smiles gently at her, leaving her breathless. (The Red Queen treasures this moment like a rare jewel.)

But everything ends too quickly as he turns away. The moment is over in a blink of an eye. She bites her lip and buries her disappointment quickly before the crowd or the fancams notice anything. 

Unbeknownst to her, the charming prince's affections have landed on another - the young white princess who has long since transformed into the White Queen. She's still an energetic ball of sunshine, in the prime of her youth, the envy of all men, and she's blossomed beautifully as the White Queen. The Red Queen never held a torch to her, not in his eyes (or anyone else's really).

 

 

“Want to go out?”

That’s all the Red Queen says. She's not as innocent as she was once. Krystal thinks it's tacky to do a full-spiel confession of how deep her feelings are or how long they’ve consumed her heart. She puts on a cool façade, pushing the jumble of nerves and anticipation deep down. For a moment, she is Soojung, the red young princess who is still innocent, putting her heart on the line.

His eyes widen. She notices. He hesitates. She waits. The longer the silence, the harder her nerves slither into disappointment and heartbreak (she keeps her cool façade though).

“I’m sorry,” Minho starts. "I see you as a sister. I don't like you in that way." (She’s too much of a mess to realise he added ‘anymore’).

“I… like…”

“Who do you like?” The moment is over. She is now Krystal, the Red Queen. 

“I like Jinri,” a blissful smile on his face.

A pang of envy shoots through her red veins – the only push she ever needed to realise her full potential as a charismatic, confident, cold Queen.

(Soojung is gone; kicked, beaten and thrashed until she is dead. There is only Krystal, the red queen and she is no longer the innocent girl she was before.)

 

 

Her guardian, her creator, her puppetmaster, distant throughout her struggles but suddenly present during her success, thinks he can control her. He cannot. She is Krystal - trending, it girl with a larger Instagram following and fanbase than he could ever dream of. She can do whatever the hell she wants, and nobody can stop her. 

She smiles at him. After all, she doesn't need to look like a just yet, especially not to the man who placed a crown on her head in the first place. “But not everyone should go, you know. Not everyone is made for the crowds.”

“What do you mean?” Her guardian is trying to make up for the years that he wasted his time on riches instead of on her. He narrows his eyes. "Who are you referring to?"

She rolls her eyes and continues. "I don't know how to tell you this but you didn't hear this from me. Sulli had a breakdown last week. She was crying all over the shop, refusing to get out of bed and go to her schedule. We tried our best to comfort her and coax her out of bed, but she didn't want to. And then she was vomitting everywhere."

Krystal turns to Victoria, who has been boring holes into her skull ever since she opened . She mouths at her, what the , Soojung? 

Krystal turns away, easily dismissing the leader who only has her title and flexibility, but really no qualifications or authority to speak to her like that. Songqian stares at the younger lady like she has lost her mind (maybe she has) but she knows better than to say , than to out her in front of SM executives. She's not stupid. Victoria doesn't breathe a word against her because she knows there's a heavy price to pay if she decides to badmouth royalty out loud.

The Red Queen continues weaving her web of lies, "She's very all over the place. Unstable. I don't think she's in a great condition to be going out and representing f(x) or SM, especially when she's so temperamental. None of which is her fault. I think she's under a lot of pressure and isn't coping very well."

Her audience frowns. "That doesn't seem like Jinri. She's usually quite professional."

She waves them off, "I know. I know, but I don't know how to say this but," she leans in and whispers conspiratorily, "I think she might be pregnant." She gives a grim smile. 

Their eyes widen. Like good and faithful followers, they've been waiting on her every word. It's so easy, breathtakingly easy to manipulate them. 

Let the curtains open. The stage is set. 

(And just like that, effortlessly, the Red Queen has made sure that the Sulli will never get public support in this battle that will rage.)

 

 

She sits, listens to the clock, checks for any news, watches TV, waits, and calmly repeats everything all over again. The White Queen is trapped inside her tower with nothing to do, unaware of whom locked her in the first place. Everyone is gone, freed as they immediately latch onto the Red Queen when she shows them her power and they beg for her mercy. 

Sulli notices but she doesn't question it. Nor has Victoria's sympathetic looks and sighs in her direction really raised her suspicions. 

Her manager comes and goes, frequently checking up on her to make sure that she's okay. She's grateful for his company. "How are you holding up?"

“I’m bored; there’s nothing to do.”

He hesitates.

“What’s wrong?” (She asks with an radiant heart, kindness wreaking from her bones.)

“The Red Queen trapped you here,” he starts with much reluctance, “forbid you to ever see the light of day.”

“Why would she do that?” (They were once princesses, friendships and trust forged with one another in the same world.)

“So you can’t get public support.”

“What?” (But they are now Queens, friendships long forgotten and trust harshly discarded.)

“To prepare you for the storm she will stir, the battle that will rage, and the war that she will wage.”

He lets her contemplate this in silence and leaves her to be. When the members come back into the dorm from their day of hectic schedules, she's ready to fight. Krystal sees her fuming on the couch. "How was your day?"

“Why are you stopping my schedules?” Sulli asks. 

Krystal darts around her prisoner, not wanting to confront her. But Sulli persists, “Why are you doing it?” she screams over and over again. The other members run and duck for cover. 

The charming prince likes you, wants to be allies with you, don’t you see?

“Why are you keeping me trapped here?”

You really can’t see the gazes he gives you, the messages he's trying to send to you, can you not see?

“Why, Soojung, why?” (She is not Soojung; long beaten, kicked and dead. She is Krystal, the formidable Red Queen.)

“Because he likes you,” and her cool façade has been lifted.

This statement reduces the white queen to nothing but a widening of eyes, a silence of sounds, and a halt of movements. “Who?” (And secretly in her heart, she wishes it is the stallion.

Unfortunately, it is not him.) Can’t you see, the charming prince likes you, wants to help you, don’t you see?

“Minho likes you and I like him but he doesn’t like me,” she blurts out so fast before running away as fast as she can to put her façade back on. Everything is slipping out of her control and she needs time to put everything back in place. (What a formidable queen you are, running away from our own prisoner.)

Once again, the Red Queen reduces the White Queen to nothing but a widening of the eyes, a silence of sounds, and a halt of movements.

(Deep down inside, there is still a little bit of Soojung lingering there. And somewhere deep down inside, her heart knows she never quite lost her innocent heart.)

 

 

“Want to go out?”

That’s all the charming prince says – no revealing of how deep his feelings are or how long they’ve consumed his heart. He puts on a cool façade but inside, he's hoping against hope that she says yes. 

Her eyes widen. He notices. She hesitates. He waits. He pulls away, disappointed. What was he thinking? 

“Yes,” she says. Sulli isn't really any better than Krystal. 

“I’m happy, Minho.” (He’s too happy to realise how hard it is for her to lie to him and believes her wholeheartedly when he really should not have).

They hug; they kiss, and he is happy (for being accepted) and she is happy (for showing the Red Queen she is not the only one who lost her innocent heart).

(Because deep down, she knows her heart still belongs to the stallion. Her heart still belongs to Jongin).

The White Queen has made her first move, recruiting a charming prince to her side in the battle that will come.

Two can play this game.

 

 

Sulli smiles. He's cute. She is grateful for the valuable gifts Minho has given her; loyalty; his heart; retribution against the Red Queen; and most of all, reassurance. Everything is going her way perfectly and nothing is going to stop her. If something did, she knows that her charming prince will step out to shield her. (Such a pity she could never do the same.)

In his eyes, she is dazzling with her smile. She is beautiful, wonderful, perfect, everything he ever wanted to be. In her eyes, she cannot remember if she’s smiling because of mere pretence or because she’s genuinely happy or if she’s pretending the charming prince is someone else - the person she really likes. But she does know what she likes most of all - the look on Krystal's face when she told her that she had swept the charming prince off his feet.

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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danielalmh #1
Chapter 4: I was confused at first but I love it I hope you continue because I found it very interesting and I love it thanks author nim
corinneniix
#2
Chapter 4: thank you so much for keeping this here
missterious
#3
Chapter 3: awesome!! damn close to flawless. reminds me of some of the cautionary 'fairytales' written by tanith lee. if you haven't heard of her, you might like her writing.
junepearl
#4
Chapter 3: At first, i was a bit perplexed by your use of repetition, but it proved to be so impactful and striking! Such a captivating abd beautifully sad story! Thank you for your eloquent writing and hard work! X))
cimmotabi
#5
Chapter 3: Oh god this is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time
peachpeachie
#6
Chapter 2: A battle between two queens that are playing between two boys. Tsk tsk tsk...a love square. But I like it! ;))
peachjinri
#7
kaistal and minsul...great combination...can't wait..^^
MagicalPen
#8
Im here for kaistal
wondering_why
#9
i'm rooting for kaistal! :D