2013

Seoul, South Korea 

“You remember!” Yulana cried.

She sits up on the bed. Luhan leans in, and touches the four leaf clover charm on her necklace.

“Of course, I never forgot about you. Back then, you were so angry. I knew my presence reminded you of your mom’s death. I was hurting you, so I had to leave. When I met you again at the café, you acted as if I was a stranger. When I met you again at SM, you ignored me. I thought you had not forgiven me yet, so I left you alone,” said Luhan.

She laughs. “No, I assumed you had forgotten me.” Luhan pulls her in closer. She looks up at him and asks, “Must our relationship always be plague by misunderstandings?” He shakes his head. Yulana pulls away from him, a serious expression on her face.

“Luhan, what happened to your blindness?” asks Yulana.  

Luhan pulls her back toward him, and wraps his arm around her waist. He begins explaining. “I was actually not born blind. Before I met you, I could see perfectly. My eyesight worsened gradually as I grew older until I could not see anymore. Back in the late ‘90s, Chinese ophthalmologists did not have the advance medical devices we have today. Because I had a blind aunt, all the ophthalmologists misdiagnosed my condition as a con disorder. They said I had no hope. In early 2006, my mom’s friend recommended a well-known ophthalmologist in England to my family. That was also the year your mom died. I was hesitant to leave you, but you felt so much resentment toward me.  I soon learned me being there was actually hurting you more, so I left for England for a year with my family to give you time to heal. The English ophthalmologist told me I was not blind. There were thick cataract layers on my eyes, which prevented me from seeing. He said Chinese ophthalmologists could not see the cataracts due to lack of proper medical equipment, and cataracts were not common for my age. The English doctor performed a surgery to remove the cataracts. Although I can see now, I have to wear glasses or contacts for the rest of my life. Did you know who was the first person I wanted to see after I regain my eyesight?” asks Luhan. She shakes her head.

He leans his head forward to rub his nose against hers, and said one word, “You.” Luhan her hair and said, “I remembered running my fingers through this long hair.” Next, he brushes his thumb across her eye and said, “In my mind, I’ve visualized about these beautiful large eyes.” Then, he grazes his hand across her skin and said, “I’ve missed the soft touch of your pale skin.” Finally, he leans in so close she can practically feel his breath on her face. “On many nights, I have fantasized about kissing your small lips.”

He presses his lips against hers. She wraps her arms around his neck, and gladly returns the kiss. He initiates the kiss gently. As soon as Luhan feels Yulana kissing him back with fervor of her own, he deepens the kiss. The rhythmic movements of their lips and twirling of their tongues beautifully come together for a passionate kiss. Yulana inwardly smiles as memories come flooding back.

“Yul-mei, can you tell me what you look like?” Luhan asked. “My mom told me my eyes are quite large, my lips are small, and my skin is pale.  I like to keep my hair long,” she quickly said.

Yulana sighed. “Seriously, if someone manages to solve this Rubik’s cube for me, then I think I will fall in love with him,” she said casually.

Breathlessly, Luhan breaks off the kiss. He whispers, “Don’t you know? It’s always been you.”

He continues the story. “Afterward, I contacted Qian. I asked her for a picture of you, and Qian informed me you immigrated to South Korea to live with your aunt. Although I now know you do not blame me for your mom’s death, I blamed myself at the time. I still do even now. I could not live with myself without knowing whether you were alright or not. I decided to study abroad in South Korea. When I was walking around Myeongdong searching for you one night, I got scouted by SM.” Yulana did not realize he followed her to South Korea.

She frowns. “Luhan, I received money from an anonymous sender from 2009-2011. Was that you?”

Luhan remains unresponsive. She nudges his arm until he confesses, “Yes, that was me. One time, I saw you working at KFC. It was late at night, and you looked exhausted. I wanted to make sure you got home safe, so I followed you home. Soon enough, I figured out you were having a hard time financially. I did not tell my parents about me dropping out of Yonsei University to become a trainee at SM. They continued sending me tuition money for school. I sent that money to you. That was why my parents did not show up at the EXO Beijing Showcase. They were livid.” He laughs. He stops immediately when she glares at him. “Don’t worry. I worked things out with them. We’re good now. Although they are still not one hundred percent supportive of my career, they are slowly getting there.” She made a mental note to pay him back the money one day.

“Were you also the one who recommended me to Lee sunbaenim?” Yulana asks. “Yeah,” Luhan admits shyly. “That woman gave me such a hard time. I accidentally saw you at SM C&C turning in your application one morning. I casually asked Lee sunbaenim about you, and she said she discarded your application because you lacked experience. I forced her to give you a chance. It was your hard work which really landed you the job. When she read your writings, she liked you instantly.” That explains why she met him at the elevator that day. It really was not a coincidence.

“What’s up with all these sudden questions?” Luhan asks. Concern is evident on his face. Much to her relief, her secret guardian angel is unrelated to the accident from seven years ago.

She hesitates to decide whether or not she should tell him. He was as involved as she was in this matter. He deserves to know. “Last year, I came back to Beijing with my brother to pay respect to my parents. I learned Ming committed suicide a few months back while he was in jail because he felt guilty. He wrote me a letter, and the police gave me the letter. Because Ming was not right in the head, the content of the letter was very messy, like words strung together by a five year old. Ming apologized to me. He stated a “fire goddess” told him no one was in the house. This “fire goddess” apparently told him his mission was to create the biggest fire the world had ever seen. She told him he had to start his destiny by burning my house. Everyone ignored it because these words sounded insane, and Ming was insane. But Luhan, I know Ming. Yes, he was not right in the head, but he was never cruel. Wasn’t that why he turned himself in and committed suicide? I do not believe he would have the capability to do such a thing unless someone made him. I’m scared this so-called “fire goddess” is real, is human, and is going to come back to hurt us.”

Luhan stands up, and gently pulls her out of the bed. “It’s noon. The boys ordered Jajangmyeon. Come outside and eat lunch with them. I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Luhan said. He tries to sound calm, but his nervous eyes betray him.

As soon as she steps outside, she hears chattering noises coming from the kitchen. She enters the kitchen, and sits down next to Lay. Sehun hands her a bowl of black noodles.

“How did you know?” she whispers to Lay in Mandarin.

“Luhan and I share the same room. I accidentally saw a picture of you on his phone one time,” Lay replies. He winks at her.

Someone rings the doorbell. Sehun opens the door, and Yoon Sohee steps in. Yulana’s face instantly turns sour. Lay looks at her and laughs. “Come on, don’t be like that. Smile! You know honey attracts more bees than vinegar. It’s quite unfortunate you are attracted to the king bee,” Lay told her. Yulana turns around, and pinches his arm. Lay yelps.

Luhan steps out. He looks at Sohee; then, he walks over to Yulana, and kisses her forehead.

“Sorry, I forgot I made lunch plans with Sohee last week. I can cancel if you want?” Luhan asks carefully.

She shakes her head. “If you made plans last week, then go. Just straighten things out with her,” Yulana told him. Sohee may be beautiful, but there is no reason for Yulana to feel insecure.

“Bye everyone!” Yulana said. She heads toward the door, but turns around when Sohee calls her name.

“Yulana unnie, the elevator is not working today so you have to take the stairs. Be careful because it’s slippery. I would not want you to slip and fall,” Sohee told Yulana sweetly. Yulana nods. For a brief second, she saw Sohee smirk.  

As soon as Yulana walks out the door, a hand held her back. “I’ll pick you up at midnight tonight,” Luhan told her. He gives her a chaste kiss on her lips, and watches her walk away until she disappears from his sight.

Yulana receives a call from her brother.

He asks, “Can you open the door for me? I left the key at home. I just got off the train, so I’m on my way home right now.”

“Yes, sure. I’ll be home in twenty minutes,” she told him.

She quickens her pace as she reaches the stairs. Distracted by the phone call, Yulana fails to notice someone is following close behind. In her haste to get home, she becomes inattentive. As soon as she set foot on the first stair step, a hand from behind pushes her forward. Yulana’s body rolls down the stairs. When she lands on the ground, her forehead hits the wall.

“Ouch! What the heck?” cries Yulana. She rubs her forehead in pain. She immediately looks up to find her perpetrator. She sees a familiar back of a girl dashing across the hall. The retreating figure was gone before Yulana could identify her. Remembering her brother, Yulana stands up. She storms out of the building.

That night, Yulana tries on everything in her wardrobe before deciding on a simple pair of jeans, a red cashmere sweater, and a simple coat. She has to endure her brother’s excessive eye rolls the entire time. When he made his umpteenth sarcastic remark that night, she began catapulting pillows at him until he agreed to stop. Around 11:45 p.m., she begins applying concealer on her forehead to hide the purple bruise.

“Jie-jie, you look pretty already. Right now, you are almost as pretty as mom was when she was alive,” her brother comments.

At the mention of their mom, she looks up at him. Her lips begin quivering as an unanswered question burns in the back of her mind. She never asked because she was too scared to know the answer.

“Do you blame me for her death?”

“Initially…yes. But I love you as much as I love mom. I thank God everyday you’re still here with me – alive,” he answers in a casual tone, pretending to sound like he doesn’t care. She runs over and hugs him. He cringes, but made no move to push her away. He really meant every word, especially the part about her being “alive”.

The doorbell rings. “The bastard is here,” her brother said, “Now get off me!”

She smacks his head. “Be nice,” she warns before she left.

As they walk along the street holding hands, Luhan said, “Sorry about the late hour. I wanted some quiet alone time witho you. Any other time would have been impossible because of the fans.” He looks at her apologetically.

She shakes her head. “Luhan, it should me be saying sorry. About what happened seven years ago, do you forgive me?” she asks.

“No,” he answers coldly. Then, he ruffles her hair affectionately and said, “No, I can’t forgive you because there is nothing to forgive.” Pulling her hand, he urges her to walk faster. She realizes they are heading toward Namsan Tower. They walk up the stairway incline leading up to the tower, and Luhan remains in the center. She lets go of his hand. She walks toward the edge. By this point, they are already high up above ground level. She breathes in the fresh air, and admires the breathtaking beauty of the night scene. She motions him to stand beside her, but he refuses. Yulana leans forward against the protective rail, and looks down. Luhan immediately drags her backward.

“Goddammit! Be careful! It’s too high. Can’t you see how high it is?” asks Luhan.

She laughs. “Sorry, I forgot you are scared of heights.”

“I’m scared of the unknown. Everytime I stand at a really high place and look down, I become scared because I don’t know what lies beneath. It feels like being blind again,” Luhan said sadly. Oh...

“Actually, when you look down, the view is actually not as beautiful as I expected. There’s no need to walk along the edge to enjoy the night scene. I prefer walking in the center of the road anyway because it’s stable and calm,” she lied rather than force him to confront his fear. Yulana realizes some wounds need longer to heal. When you love someone, small sacrifices are inevitable. Feeling sympathetic, she holds his hand again. They continue walking up Namsan Tower together. Their feet never stray from the center of the pathway or each other.

When they finally reach the top, she is greeted by the sight of a thousand different locks on the fence. Luhan smiles, and pulls out two locks from his pocket.

“If a boy and a girl locks two of these together on Namsan Tower, then it means they will be together forever,” Luhan informs her. He gives her one lock and hands her a pen. “Write down your wish, and then we will lock ours together on the fence.”

She writes he following message: I wish Xiao-Lu a long, happy, and healthy life next to me. May he continue to shine like a star on the stage he loves.  She hands him back the lock. He entangles the hooks of the two locks together, and then click them close to secure the locks against the fence.

“I don’t believe in forever,” Yulana confesses.

“Why? Do you fear love?” Luhan asks.

She nods. “Yes. Back then, I think I knew I love you, but I was scared to admit it. I watched my mom yearned for my dad after he died, unable to let go.”

“You will live a long and happy life, and I will be by your side. We will grow old together, travel the world together, and have many cute kids running around. Yul-mei, I won’t die.”

She smiles. “I like the idea. I’ve always wanted a simple love. I never wanted the type of passionate love where people die for each other because I’ve experienced too many deaths around me.”

He kisses her forehead. “Yul-mei, you won’t become short-lived like your mom. You won’t die,” Luhan repeats the word to reassure her and him. An ominous feeling washes over her. When Luhan mentions her mom, unshed tears brim her eyelids. Luhan squeezes her shoulder to assure her everything will be alright. Then, he places a gentle kiss on her forehead and said, “Don’t cry tonight. I will protect you, and I will never let go.” Mayflies begin flying toward them. Zapping noises could be heard as each one flies into the electric lights surrounding Namsan Tower. Their dead bodies fall one by one.

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you on stage?” Yulana asks Luhan. He shakes his head. “I thought you were so beautiful. You shined like the North Star. At that moment, I felt as if I was in the South Pole. No matter how much I reach for you, you continued to shine brightly on that stage above the sky - forever out of my reach.”

Luhan smiles. “That’s funny. Did you know I used to place you on a pedestal? To me, you were like a light that breached through my dark world. You were so beautiful, but I felt unworthy. I remembered thinking a lovely person like you only deserved the best. I didn’t want to tie your life down to a blind boy. I didn’t want to bind your life to such a terrible fate because of my selfish desires. I wanted to have you, but I knew it was wrong. You were that faraway light forever out of my reach. That winter, you were my temptation.”

Yulana opens to tell him he was wrong, but Luhan silences her with a kiss. She leans her body forward to return the kiss, and a piece of paper falls out from her coat. Recognizing it, Yulana tries to pick it up, but Luhan beats her to it. His eyes widen as he begins reading.

“Were these words written for me?” Luhan asks.

“Yeah, I began an original poem collection a couple of years ago. These were the unsaid words I wanted to tell you seven years ago. Had I not been able to meet you again, I wanted to publish my poems in the hopes you will read it someday and understand my heart.”

Luhan continues reading, but his eyes narrow when he comes across two sentences: Right now. I’m trying to change who I am. Although you’re no longer by my side, it’s because of your love I’m trying to change.

“No,” he whispers. “No, never try to change who you are because of me. I’ve never met anyone as pure as you. You have a special kindness. And these are truly beautiful words. Beautiful enough to become song lyrics,” Luhan told her as he mentally toy with the idea. “Can I keep this?” asks Luhan.

Yulana nods. She leans forward, and buries her face on his shoulder in embarrassment. When Luhan embraces her, he hears a click sound. A fleeting shadow of a person passes by and disappears.

“Yul-mei, we have to go,” Luhan said.

That night, an anonymous person sends Luhan a warning on his weibo: Stay away from that or you will die. You are MINE. Understand? 

But this message was buried underneath the million messages he receives everyday from fans.

One week later…

This morning, Yulana is suffering from a horrible headache. Actually, she has not been feeling well since the day she fainted at EXO dorm. Two days ago, she visited the doctor. Today, she has to go back to the hospital for her blood test result. Although her brother still has some negative feelings toward Luhan, he can tell Luhan deeply cares for his sister; so, he is slowly warming up to their relationship. They are still not quite as close as she would have liked, but at least they are on speaking terms. When Luhan dropped her off at her apartment that night, he had an intense conversation with her brother. Since then, whenever he could, her brother goes with her everywhere. Currently, she is sitting in the doctor’s office next to her brother, who insisted, as always, on coming with her.

“You were poisoned. It’s not a big concern. I will give you some medicine, and you should be fine. Try not to eat or drink anything suspicious next time,” informs the doctor.

She turns toward her brother, and sees him gripping the chair. His knuckles turn white, and pure anger radiates from his body. Afterward, he insists on accompanying her back home. Along the way, both of them pass by Gwangjingyo Bridge, which is lined with sweeping willow trees. Because she has a personal fondness for willow trees, she snaps off a thin branch to bring home. Around 1:00 pm, her brother announces he has to leave to attend class. Alone at home, Yulana tries to recall her memory of what she could have eaten or drink that day. All of a sudden, she remembers having a headache after she drank that…coffee. She sends Sehun a text.

To: Sehun

From: Yulana

Did you really brew that coffee YOURSELF?

To: Yulana noona

From: Sehun

Umm…not really? I didn’t know how to use the coffee machine so Sohee noona helped. Why?

To: Sehun

From: Yulana

Nothing. I was just curious.

Shocked, Yulana drops her phone. With her sweet face and innocent beauty, would Sohee really do such a thing? Her headache worsens as she tries to make sense of the whole situation; so, she decides to sleep for a bit. Approximately five hours later, her cellphone starts ringing nonstop. She wakes up and is greeted by a frantic Luhan.

“Yul-mei, are you okay? Are you hurt? Did something happen?”

“Calm down. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. Nothing happen.”

“Thank god! I was so worried. Anyway, I bought dinner. I’ll be over in about fifteen minutes.”

Luhan arrives in ten minutes. Yulana gives Luhan a sulky expression when he places two bowls of rice congee on the table, which is usually eaten when one is sick. When she’s about to eat the congee, Luhan surprises her by taking away her spoon. He helps himself to a spoon of congee from her bowl. After approximately ten minutes, he nods.

“Alright, it’s safe. You can eat it,” Luhan said.

Yulana frowns. “My brother told you I got poisoned?” Luhan nods. “I know what you are trying to do. You're being paranoid. You cannot test every food I eat. Even if you could, I won’t let you. If someone out there wants to hurt me, what happens if that person succeeds? What if this rice congee really is poisoned? How can I live with myself if you die because of me? I told you before to never think less of yourself. My life is not more precious than yours.”

She softens her voice. “Xiao-Lu, are you trying to protect me because you feel like you wronged me? If that’s the case then –” Luhan suddenly leans forward to press his lip against hers.

“No, I want to protect you because I love you. I want to protect you because I cannot live without you. Foolish girl, can’t you see how much you’re worth to me?” asks Luhan. He looks intently into her eyes.

Silent minutes tick by. Yulana nods in silent acknowledgment. “Baekhyun invited us to his older brother’s wedding next week,” Luhan told her unexpectedly.

“Alright, but we have to go separately. I don’t want the paparazzi to know about us,” Yulana said. She doesn’t want to tarnish his idol image.

“Sure,” Luhan replies. Unlike Yulana, Luhan wants to go public with their relationship. There are two reasons why that’s not possible, and none of them has to do with protecting his image. First, Yulana values her privacy and freedom. He doesn’t want the media to disrupt her life by scrutinizing her everyday activities. Second, he is afraid overzealous sasaeng fans will harm her. Ensuring Yulana’s safety, above all, is his foremost priority.

Luhan grabs her hand. She looks at him surprised. He pulls out a green leaf from his pocket, and places it on her palm. Yulana looks at it.

“It’s a four leaf clover,” she cried. Yulana gives him a dazzling smile, so dazzling his heart almost stops beating. “You know you still have not told me what the fourth leaf symbolizes.”

He waves his hand. “Hmm...I'll tell when you’re old enough,” Luhan said. They both laugh when he repeated that old phrase. Luhan can be stubborn when he wants to be; so, that’s why she didn’t bother to ask any further.

Yulana stands up to give him a special present. She grabs the willow tree branch she brought home earlier. She uses the branch to hit him on the head. Before he has a chance to turn around, she wraps her arm around him for a back hug. Luhan slightly leans backward into the hug, and raises his right hand to hold her left hand. They both revel the moment. Then, she loosens her arms, and sits beside him. She begins telling him about the significance behind willow trees.

“A willow tree has extremely long roots, which gives it the ability to firmly uphold itself on the ground and withstand any weather condition. That’s because more than anything, it wants to stay. If someone cuts off a branch, the branch can still grow back, and finds its way back home. For these reasons, a sweeping willow tree symbolizes the desire to stay.” She hands Luhan a branch of the willow tree.

“Will you stay with me for the rest of my life?” asks Yulana.

“Yes,” Luhan said without hesitation.  “Forever,” Luhan adds.  He kisses her passionately.

That night, Yulana receives a strange text message.

  To: Yulana          

  From: Anonymous                                                                                                                                                                           

I saw him enter your house. Are you happy? Do you really think he’s in love with you? He is not yours. That poison was meant as a warning, but you are more stupid than I thought. Stay away from him or pay a price you both cannot afford.