D A E H Y U N

Daehyun’s hand trembled when he held the gun, holding it underneath his chin. He wanted to pull the trigger, but his hand just wouldn’t let him. He squeezed his eyes shut, lips forming a thin line. He didn’t’ realize that he was holding in his breath the entire time, he out a long shaky breath. He blinked back tears as he placed his gun back down.

He in another breath and looked straight into the mirror in front of him, placing the gun back again, this time, pressing it against his temple. He looked at the man staring back at him from the mirror, he was tired. He closed his eyes once again, preparing to squeeze the trigger.

Just as he was about to press the trigger, his phone rang. He immediately turned the attention to his bag, where the ringing was coming from. He placed his gun down, taking his bag and started rummaging through it. He looked at his phone, a call from YongGuk, their leader among his group of friends.

He stared at it long enough for the call to end; 58 missed calls, 40 voicemails and 60 messages. He quickly unlocked his phone, planning on looking at the phone’s logs. However, he paused when he saw a picture as the wallpaper, a boy and a girl, Jung DaeHyun and Hyemi. He was smiling happily in the picture; the happiness was reflected in his eyes. That Daehyun was long gone, instead, it was replaced with a Daehyun that barely laughed, let alone smiled.

He continued staring at the picture, his eyes glazed over with tears. Before he could stop himself, tears made its way down his cheeks. He went into the inbox of his voicemails. Majority of them were from s, he pressed into the first one.

Daehyun-ah? Where are you? Why aren’t you picking up your calls? Please call me back when you hear this.

Daehyun hyung, where are you? It’s been so long since you came for practice. It’s been so long since we saw you, are you still living at your old address?

Daehyun, where are you? Call me back immediately.

He paused, going through the voicemails from s and the occasional few from his manager; he continued scrolling until he saw the very last one.

 Hyemi . He pressed the icon, and it played. He doesn’t remember how many times he had played it; he had lost count after sixty. He listened to it so many times that he’s able to repeat it word for word now.

Daehyun oppa, it has been a while since we last talked, let me tell you a story. There was once a boy and a girl. The boy was very popular in school, and the girl was simply a wallflower that nobody noticed. Although the boy was surrounded by many others, his eyes only stared at that girl, the wallflower. The girl noticed this, but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t know what to say or do. Until one day, the boy came with a bunch of flowers and waited at her doorstep for quite some time. When the girl finally mustered up enough courage to open the door, the boy was still there, waiting with a delicate look in his eyes. Eyes that would only look at her and no one else. A beautiful love story began on that beautiful summer day. Things went well for the boy and the girl, they were happy, and that was all that matters. That boy liked singing, so he sang at every competition there was in their community. Whenever the boy was on stage, his eyes shined, it was his dream. The girl stood below in the crowd, watching him proudly. The boy then received a call from an entertainment company in Seoul, and he left, with a promise that he would come back for the girl. As the girl grew up, she herself found a job in Seoul, and the couple was reunited once again. However, life isn’t always a bed of roses. The boy was a celebrity, while the girl was just an accountant for a bank. Because the boy was a celebrity, they couldn’t be seen together. Because of the boy’s endless schedules, the girl could only watch him from afar, on the television or from the crowds he performed for. Because of the boy’s endless schedules, their dates were pushed further and further back until they were forgotten. But the girl never complained once, she kept quiet and accepted it because that was who the boy she loved wanted to be. Even when news articles ‘reported’ that the boy and another celebrity were seen in a restaurant together, the girl still stayed because she trusted him. The last straw for the girl was when she saw the two together with her own eyes. Yet, the girl still loved him, but the boy could only see another person. The end.

Daehyun oppa, congratulations on winning that award, you deserved it. Thank you for everything.

Every time he played this voicemail, His heart was slowly folding in on itself, a perfect Hyemi size hole forming in the centre. He blinked back the tears threatening to roll down; memories that he had locked away at the back of his mind came rushing forward, tears quickly made its way down his cheeks, flowing uncontrollably. He clutched at his chest, trying to stop the aching in his heart, and he broke down.

His entire body was shaking when he felt arms around him, and he heard his name being called. When he managed to wipe away all the tears, he realised that it was his group members, all looking at him with worry etched onto their faces.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jongup started, when no one spoke. A new batch of tear promptly formed in Daehyun’s eyes. Himchan whacked Jongup on the arm, preventing him from saying anything else that could cause more damage. YongGuk comes and gently pats Daehyun on the back.

-x-

Daehyun walks into a flower shop; all the flowers were arranged neatly, but he couldn’t remember which was the flower that Hyemi liked, he could remember how it looked like, but not the name. He continued scanning various flowers that was arranged in various different arrangements.

Among the flowers, he saw a beautiful flower bouquet that he really liked, and he knew that Hyemi would like too. He quickly made his way to the cashier and paid for it. The cashier was an elderly lady who had asked if it was for his girlfriend and Daehyun nodded, smiling at the old lady.

After paying, he walked across the street, the route was more familiar to him after a while, compared to when he first came (he was completely lost and had to ask for help).

He entered the gate, and walked to where Hyemi was, passing a few people along the way. There was a cold snap on the air; luckily he had worn a coat. The wind was unforgiving but there was warmth radiating down from the sun that was high in the sky. It was a beautiful day despite the cold wind.

He had saw Hyemi and had walked up to her, showing her the bouquet of flowers he had gotten her, he had placed them down and started talking.

“Hyemi-ah, this is pretty right?” He waved the bouquet of flowers around some more before setting them down.

There was no response from Hyemi, but Daehyun didn’t mind at all, instead he continued talking, “I'm sorry that I took so long to see you at first. It’s getting cold lately, are you keeping yourself warm? Oh! Yongguk hyung finally manned up and asked Jieun noona out, I guess you were right about them liking each other. Oh, I’m starting to write lyrics too, Yongguk hyung and Himchan hyung are helping me.”

There was a slight change in his voice.

“Hyemi, I miss you,” Daehyun said softly as he traced the cold stone block that had Hyemi’s name craved on it. 

{ 1,351 words }

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