CHAPTER EIGHT
Realigning The Lost Stars.Drunken Whispers.
MARCH 2011
YOONA'S POV.
The thunder roared deafeningly outside as the heavy fat raindrops splattered relentlessly against the glass windows. Between the continuous flashes of bright light and the savage howling wind, I was effectively trapped within the SM building, unable to leave for the dorms in this atrocious weather.
It was my fault really. If only I'd been more careful, I wouldn't have to detour back to the building after a late dinner just to retrieve my wallet that I left behind in the practice room earlier and I probably wouldn't be trapped here at all. Instead, I would be in the safety and comforts of the dorm with the rest of the girls... probably snuggly tucked under a warm thick blanket with Yuri and Hyoyeon as we catch a late night horror movie or having pipping hot spicy ramyeon with Sooyoung in this insane thunderstorm...
With a defeated sigh, I resigned myself to the fact that I was indeed spending the night here in the relatively empty building.The crux of the question though, was where am I going to sleep? Well, there was the option of crashing at the beds in the rooms for tired staff members... I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of sleeping there, from both knowing what possible deeds that transpired there and recalling the terrifying ghost stories that supposingly happened in the rooms. Okay, I am sooo NOT sleeping there.
I frowned at the black three-seater couch at the side of the practice room, unwelcoming to the idea of squeezing myself onto the uncomfortable springy small couch.
Muttering incoherent words under my breath, I left the practice room in a huff, deciding that I would much rather roam around the building to kill time, or perhaps bump into a familiar face, than to sleep at any of the places that I'd thought of. I walked mindlessly hallways after hallways, allowing my feet full rein as to where they'd bring me as I ponder over random trivial stuff. The whole building felt like a ghost town; deserted and eerily quiet. I was about to turn back before I realized where I was; a particular hallway in the older wing of the building where no one really frequents anymore, the place where the taboo room stays empty and unoccupied... except this time, the very said room had light illuminating from within.
Curious, I approached the room cautiously, tiptoeing till I reached the doorframe before sneaking a peek through the crack of the open door.
"Hyung." I whispered, a subconscious act on my part as I recognized the drunken mess that sat in the corner of the abandoned practice room.
Unknowingly, I entered the room, my feet carrying me towards the lonely sitting figure.
"Yoong, is that you?" he questioned in an extraordinarily childlike voice, his eyes glassy from the alcohol and unshed tears.
"Hyung, what are you doing here?" I asked quietly, not really expecting a response from Yunho as I cleared some of the strewn beer cans to sit beside the drunken leader.
"Yozorani ukanda hoshiga mojiwo egaki dasunowa..." sang Yunho softly, my head whipped towards him instantly, eyes wide open in shock. Isn't that... JYJ's W? Yunho oppa... how...
As abruptly as he started singing, he stopped. A bitter chuckle escaped his lips before his tears started falling, "He hates me Yoong-ah. He... They hate me so much right now." The sorrow in his voice rang loud and clear against the raging storm outside.
His sorrow struck me in the face like a bucket of brutally ice cold water, agonizingly reminding me of my very own..
2 AND A HALF MONTHS AGO
The girls and I were lounging in a private café in the airport as we waited for our flight back to Seoul after performing at the end of year awards in Japan, the very one where Big Bang was invited to perform as well. Feeding on my random whim of getting a book to read, I strayed alone to the bookstore, the lower half of my face safely tucked behind a maroon checkered scarf.
I was in utter bliss, no claustrophobic suffocation of being surrounded by hordes of overly-eager screaming fans. Alone and carefree, I relinquish in the rough paper texture of various books between my fingertips, inhaling the musky wooden scent of the books that filled shelves after shelves, a silly grin plastered onto my face; delighted at the prospect of escaping into an alternative realm of my choice. I was so wrapped up in my little bubble of happiness that I'd almost missed him, and as quickly as the happiness build within me, it left.
He was unrecognizable to the public's eye really; cleverly disguised with casual trendy everyday clothes with a baseball cap and nerdy glasses, effortlessly blending into the crowd. If it wasn't for the fact that I've known him for several years, he would most probably remain unnoticed by me, easily passing him off as another someone in the crowd, not the talented singer idol that he truly is... not Xiah Junsu.
Funny how I've always imagined all sorts of scenarios and fantasies of me bumping into any of JYJ, countlessly rehearsing what I'd say or would do, but yet when I've indeed stumbled upon one of them, everything that I thought of fled my mind. It was almost as though we were filming a cliché movie scene; us unmoving as the world passed by us in a whirl of random colours.
Beyond nervous, my throat started drying up at an alarming rate and I was torn between to flee like a coward, pretending that I'd never seen him or to not let this golden opportunity miss, to talk to him like I've been wishing for the past year. "Here goes nothing." I thought as I mustered my courage to walk over to where he stood alone.
"Ann-Annyeong Junsu oppa."
Biting my lips in bid to soothe my nerves, I stared at the familiar yet foreign face, desperately hoping to find some sort of acknowledgment or recognition. Looking into his round orbs, I tried searching for the warm sunshine boy that I used to fool around with back in SM, but search as I might, the sparkling orbs that I missed so much only held emptiness as he stared back. Was I really too late? No...
"Oppa." I called out once more, anxious to trigger some sort of reaction, to trigger anything from him. For the briefest second, his features contorted slightly in response as something flashed within his eyes. What was it? Hurt? Pain? I don't know, I wasn't fast enough to catch the fleeting look that momentarily flashed onto his face. The still silent figure schooled his features back to his poker face, betraying nothing once more. Has things really escalated to the point of no return? Is our friendship gone for good after the stunt the CEO pulled?
"Op-" His eyes narrowed as I tried to call for him again. His look transparent to anyone's eyes, a look of pure loathing and disgust, effectively spearing my heart to the ground.
It felt as though someone had delivered a hard punch to my gut, knocking the air out of me. Before I could even recover, the figure moved, hitting me in my shoulders carelessly as he strolled out of the store without as much as a second glance towards my direction... like I was worth nothing, absolutely nothing to him anymore. It was merely a slight knock but somehow the force felt so great that I staggered a few steps back before I could reclaim my bearings. "Junsu oppa." I whispered quietly into the air, a tear fell as my mind acknowledged the very nightmare that I feared, "It's too late... too late. He hates me, he's never going to forgive me... it's all too late."
I was so caught up in my memories that it took a sudden wet sensation on my arm to snap me back to reality; Yunho had spilled some beer in his drunken stupor.
Reacting instinctively, I gently took the can of beer away from Yunho as I directed his head onto my shoulder, brushing his hair rythematically in hopes of giving Yunho comfort and warmth he needs, to lessen his haunting pain and sorrow.
"I wish I could take it all back. I wish I can talk to him... to them, to explain... I wish I don't need to lie during the interviews. I wish Changmin would stop being so mad at them."
I said nothing in return as I continued to his hair, quietly listening to Yunho pouring his heart out, being acutely aware that the collar of my shirt was rapidly turning a darker shade upon coming in contact with Yunho's continuous tears.
"Was I silly, Yoong? Was it silly of me to actually think that I would get used to their absence? To think that nothing would have changed... that they'd continue to place their faith in me? The void seems to keep growing Yoong-ah... the Balloons performance proved as much. Everytime I'd thought I'm finally used to it, it gets worse... the gap that can never be filled. I miss them but I can't reach out to them. I wanna leave, I want to stay by their side but I can't... I can't. Not when I've so many things to protect, I had to stay... to protect them, him... had to protect her... dongseang..."
I frowned in confusion as I tried to comprehend Yunho's drunken ramblings. Protect? Wasn't loyalty the main reason for Yunho to stay?
"He hates me. He hates me. They hate me. He hates me." chanted Yunho in a drunken whisper.
"Hyung, what are you talking about? What do you mean protect? Them, him, her, dongseang... who are you talking about? Your younger sister?"
"Pro...Protect." slurred Yunho, his last words before passing out.
"Hyung... hyung... Yunho oppa. Aish." nudging Yunho as I tried to will Yunho back to his previous state of semi-conscious, in hopes of getting more information out of the drunk leader so as to make better sense of his queer words.
Weird, such weird words from Yunho. Time ticked by and the task of deciphering the misleading words of Yunho laid long forgotten as the rhythmatic even breathing of the DongBangShinKi leader lulled me to deep sleep.
Somewhere deep within my subconscious, i knew, i knew that amidst the horrendous weather tonight, I couldn't have picked a better spot to sleep; I am where I'm supposed to be.
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Anneyonghaseyo Yoroboon!
Where is the fun in storms without the lightings and thunder? Okay.. I sound like a sadist. Hmm.
First of, sorry that it took me awhile to write this. I fell pretty ill, it took me quite abit of time before I recovered and the wifi at my place is still crazy. :(
The usual shoutouts; Thanks to: BBSoneprincess, Poppymore, Eunmi12, yoonghwae, WasabiBear & annguyen1309 for subscribing. :)
And also, hugs and kisses to fantacy, samyeol, GhyHwang, 1380MC, yoonda & Poppymore for the comments. Keke, the comments definitely make my day & sometimes serves as an inspiration of what to write or include in the future, so don't hesitate to tell me what you wanna see in this FF, I'll see what I can do about it ;)
Oh right, 3rd upvote, YAYYYYY. KUMAWO BURNINGSOUL!! :D
Next, I NEED HELP. If you'd realized the fonts for the chapters are somewhat different (CHAP 1, 7 & 8 VS the rest) despite the fact that I used the same font etc. WHY? D: I've been trying to change them all to CHAP 7 coz there's more spacing within the words and lines and all but as you can see, minimal success. Gahh, it's driving me crazy!! Does anyone know why? If you do, please kindly tell me, be it via the comments or private message, SOMEBODEH HELP ME JUSEYO!!!
Alright, so now the storm is pretty much done, I think it's high time for the sun to come out. ^^
See you guys then, adios!
xoxo, againhello.
08/12/17: Yes, it’s a legitimate chapter update. Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are. Enjoy!! :))
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