05
Saving ChristmasTaking careful sips from her soup, Haera tried to ignore the annoying ringing of her phone in the background. Her mother glanced at her, wary of asking her why she didn’t just pick up as it might have been an important call. Judging from Haera’s expression, however, her mother was fairly sure that she was avoiding someone so the elder just sighed and began clearing the table of the dirtied dishes.
Haera sighed relieved when her phone finally stopped ringing and set her cup on the table to freely cover her face with her hands. “So damn persistent,” she muttered between her fingers and sighed again. She couldn’t enjoy her relief for long, though, because the familiar screeching ringtone began to play after a few seconds again. Whining, Haera dropped her head on the table and plugged her ears to keep the annoyance out and childishly wiggled her body because she couldn’t handle it any longer.
Her mother finally had enough and threw the towel she was using to dry the dishes on the counter before stomping over to her daughter’s bag, grabbed the phone and walked back to Haera. “Please just pick up, Haera. It’s driving me insane!” her mother said exasperated as she handed her daughter the continuously ringing handphone and impatiently shook it when she didn’t make any moves to take it. “Haera!”
“Ugh fine!” the younger groaned and snatched the phone from her mother’s hand before scrambling from the chair to barge to the hallway. “There’s a reason why I already have eight missed calls from you! Can’t you take a hint?” she yelled into the receiver after she had finally picked up. “I thought we could continue with the mission again tonight,” Luhan answered the fuming girl and Haera swore she could hear the pout in his voice; she ran a frustrated hand through her dark hair. “Well maybe I don’t want to!”
“Why not!”
“Oh I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to be almost locked in a shopping mall again!”
“We managed to get out, though,” Luhan pouted again, making Haera groan. “Not the point here!”
Luhan sighed afterwards because he already had the growing feeling that Haera wasn’t planning on giving in anytime soon. “Can you please just meet me at the cafe near the park? I promise I won’t do anything stupid,” he tried again.
“Highly doubt you can keep that promise.”
“Please Haera? I know it’s late already but I need to see you right now.”
For some unknown reason, Haera’s heart began to pound in her chest, almost making it hard for her to breathe anymore. She took it as annoyance and shrugged it off before choosing to give in because even though she hadn’t known Luhan for that long, she was for a fair amount sure that he was as stubborn as a mule and terribly persistent at that too. She sighed and shook her head in defeat.
“Fine.”
“When you said cafe, I thought we were actually going to stay there,” Haera frowned irritated when Luhan and her were walking on the sidewalk along the road. Luhan grinned before he continued to poke his tongue into his drink that was topped off with a layer of marshmallows. He had taken off the cover that the barista had placed over it so Luhan wouldn’t spill his drink but in the end his love for marshmallows was stronger than the love for his safety. Haera winced at the sight and stuffed her clothed hands into her pockets when she felt a cold breeze pass.
“Want a sip?” Luhan asked casually when he his lips. Haera instantly shook her head as she was still feeling particularly annoyed with the man and crossed her arms. “No, your lips have touched it. God only knows where they have been,” she spat and picked up her pace, careful not to slip on the icy surface of the sidewalk. Luhan chuckled and hopped after her. “Come on, stop being such a dramatic baby. I know you want some,” he cooed and held out the carton cup before her.
Again that persistent habit.
Haera sighed and tsked at him before, for the second time that day, giving in to the male. “At least put the lid back over it,” she muttered, still annoyed, and carefully grabbed both the cup and cover before assembling them again and lifting the slit to her lips. The warmth of the hot chocolate instantly heated her body when it slid down , creating a pool of comfort in her stomach when it had finally settled. “See?” Luhan grinned satisfied when he saw the relieved expression that washed over his friend’s face. Haera sneered at him in response and with a last glare walked away together with his drink.
“Hey, that’s mine!” she heard Luhan whine after her and suppressed a laugh when she saw the childish grimace on his face. “Where are we headed anyway?” she asked as she casually ignored his whines and took another sip from the drink. Luhan pouted but gave up afterwards because Haera obviously had the upper hand in this situation. “You’ll see,” he smiled when Haera glanced at him.
The girl initially thought it was the drink that made her feel all warm inside - this was the case - but when Luhan’s reddened lips curled up into that sweet smile, she knew the real reason for that warmth.
She quickly averted her eyes and threw the empty canister away in a nearby wastebin, stuffing her hands into her pockets again. “Oh, we’re here already!” she heard Luhan say when he had focused to the front again. Haera followed his gaze and was amazed, to say the least.
An outdoors skating rink that was fully lit covered most of the normally open, green part of the park. She never knew the area was this big but she was pleasantly surprised because it was insanely beautiful. The rink was filled with smiling guests that chattered and laughed whenever they would slip or had a near death experience as they almost did. Haera had never gone skating because for one, she thought that it was dangerous for obvious reasons but the main cause of her absence at such a place was again that underlying hate for the holiday.
If it weren’t for Luhan’s constant nagging and sneaky ways, Haera was sure that she would have kept the tradition of not going ultimately strong until the day she was buried seven feet under the ground.
“It looks beautiful, right?” Luhan asked as he stared in awe how great the skating rink was. At the lack of reaction, Luhan turned to Haera and was surprised when he saw a simple smile on her lips. He had not expected for that to happen - not as soon as this, at least. “Yeah,” the girl answered and slowly began to approach the edge of the rink, carefully placing her hands on the metal bar. The sharp swishing of skating blades against ice and boisterous laughter filled Haera’s ears when she was close enough and made the smile on her lips deepen.
So much glee over something that was so simple.
Luhan followed Haera’s example by standing next to her and leaned on the bar with his lower arms. “Have you ever done this before?” he asked as he eyed her for a moment, a gentle smile on his lips. The girl shook her head absentmindedly but, to Luhan’s disappointment, didn’t elaborate the issue. “Why not?” he tried again because up till this day, the man still didn’t know where Haera’s hate came from. He hadn’t exactly asked her about it but he hoped that the girl would do it herself; to find refuge in him so he could help her by being there for her.
It was harder than he expected.
Haera pressed her lips together and lifted her shoulder as she took a deep breath of the cold air before slowly releasing it, her chest deflating as she did. “I guess you want to try it out, then?” she asked with a knowing smile, skillfully avoiding the earlier subject. Luhan had noticed but chose not to push the issue and instead began nodding like a little kid. “Of course I want to skate!”
A laugh escaped Haera’s lips at his behavior. So cute, she thought to herself before she looked around to find the entrance. “Well, let’s go then,” she smiled when she spotted a vendor that was handing out skates and began approaching him. Luhan gaped at how easy she caved and quickly scurried after her when he realized that she had left him. It was fairly packed but the vendor still let them go onto the ice - to Luhan’s delight - because there was a constant flow of on- and off goers. “I have no idea how to wear these, to be honest,” Haera sighed when she had seated herself on a bench so she could change her shoes for skates.
Luhan chuckled at her helpless expression and, instead of putting on his own, he crouched in front of the girl and began loosening the straps of Haera’s skates. “Take off your shoes,” he gently commanded with his eyes still on the skates. Haera was taken aback by this sudden gesture but didn’t go against the male and just slipped her feet out of her shoes. Luhan then gently took a hold of her ankle and led her foot into one of the skates. With quick fingers he strapped her up, asking whether it was too tight or not, before he worked on the second one.
Once wearing the skates, Luhan sent her a showstopping smile before putting on his own. Haera buried into her scarf when she felt a blush creep up from her neck onto her cheeks and looked away to save herself from embarrassment. “There,” Luhan said when he was done and stood up from the bench, taking some steps in his place to check if the skates were okay. Haera eyed him for a second before trying to follow his example, only to fall back onto the bench because the feeling was too different from wearing shoes for her.
The male tried to suppress a laugh but Haera noticed this and scowled at him. “Stop laughing!” she yelled and tried to slap him but he quickly hopped away, surprising yet irritating the girl at the same time. He laughed for a little more, just to drive Haera insane, before he held out his hand for the girl to take. Haera looked at it with suspicion written on her face and eyed Luhan with the same expression, amusing the latter.
“I’m not going to let you fall, Hae. You can stop being so skeptical,” he laughed and shook his hand impatiently. The first part of his sentence, however, made the initial blush that had disappeared, reappear again and color her cheeks a pretty pink. Again she buried herself in her scarf and waited for it to leave. Luhan, however, didn’t have any of it and just took matter in his own hands - literally - when he reached for Haera’s hand and pulled her up from the bench. “Come on,” he smiled and started walking towards the entrance of the rink.
Haera stumbled after him, tightening her hold on his hand because she felt like she could fall any minute. She had a fair opinion ready; the skates were stupid and didn’t exactly help her love skating. When she saw the ice come into sight, the girl stiffened because she had seen people fall before and end up on the there pretty painfully. Ice is slippery so why would anyone want to play on it! The logic in the situation was quite low and made her halt in her spot before they could step onto the ice.
Luhan turned around surprised and lifted his eyebrows in question. Haera was soon to answer, though. “I’m not going on there,” she nodded at the entrance in front of them with determined eyes. Luhan bursted out into an amused laugh and leaned against the edge of the entrance to support himself. “You’re such a scaredy cat,” he continued to laugh and let go of Haera’s hand to step onto the ice. The latter quickly grabbed onto a ledge to steady herself with an angry scowl because he called her a scaredy cat and he suddenly let her go in a span of five seconds. She was out for blood.
The male, however, just slid over the slippery surface as if nothing was wrong before stopping next to her again. “Come on~ what’s the worst that could happen?” he asked with a grin and playfully twirled and skated around in front of her. Haera gaped at his abilities to not fall and tightened her grip on the ledge when she saw yet another person fall down. “I could slip and die,” she countered as if it were the most logical answer in the world. Luhan chuckled and skated over to the entrance, softening his smile as he held out his hand. “Come on.”
Haera frowned with a firm shake of her head. “No way in hell.”
“Come on, please?” Luhan smiled and took a step closer to the girl. Haera scoffed and took a step back. “Yeah, adding a ‘please’ really doesn’t help.”
Luhan released a sigh at her answer and, to Haera’s surprise, began to take off his gloves. He then stuffed them into the pockets of his jacket and motioned at the girl’s hands. “Take yours off too.”
“Why?” Haera instantly countered with another one of her skeptical looks. Luhan rolled his eyes playfully before he stepped off the ice in front of Haera and took her hands in his, gently slipping her hands out. “If there is no material between us,” he began and put her gloves in his pockets before slipping his fingers between Haera’s and smiled at her, “I can hold you better so you won’t fall.”
Haera blinked at the contact, again blushing when she felt his warm palm against hers and felt herself melting because of his gesture. How could such a childish man be so considerate.
With another one of his gorgeous smiles, he led Haera to the ice and with careful steps helped her onto it. Haera felt herself like Bambi on ice and instantly grabbed onto Luhan’s other hand when she felt herself almost fall. He laughed at her but tightened his hold on her, carefully pulling her with him as he slowly began to move. “N-not so fast!” Haera screeched and nearly fell because of her frantic movements but Luhan acted fast and stepped in before she could hit the ice.
Haera grabbed onto the front of Luhan’s jacket with one hand while the other was tightly placed in Luhan’s, her heart beating rapidly because she was sure she had just seen her life flash in front of her eyes. Luhan chuckled at the girl’s behavior and lifted his hand to gently curl her hair away from her face behind her ear. “Can you please just trust me for a second?” he asked softly with a small smile, making Haera blush by both his gesture as his question. She had noticed that small things like this always made her flush a deep red and her heart lose control because they seemed too intimate for even casual friends.
It confused her.
Before she could answer, Luhan had already stepped away and locked their hands together with a hint of a smile that was meant to assure her. It worked because without any hesitation she tightened her grip and let Luhan lead her over the dangerous ice. With fluid movements, the male moved backwards as he kept his eyes on Haera and told her how to position her feet so they could move better. Haera just went with it, zoning out every other voice on the ice to completely concentrate on Luhan and his soothing voice.
“See? It’s not that bad, right?” he smiled at the girl when she had finally found the courage to allow him to let go of one hand and could skate next to her. Haera just grumbled something incoherent as she continued to keep her eyes on the white ice in front of her, making sure to follow each step Luhan had taught her to stay on two legs. Again, Luhan laughed but continued to maneuver them through the masses of people that appeared on their path. They were all smiles and games, completely unlike the girl he was holding. She was still stiff and refused to let go of Luhan’s hand, not that he minded, but there was something in his gut that told him that she was like this with everything.
Too scared to let go because there was always a chance that she wouldn’t be able to stand up again.
Luhan was too deep in his thoughts to notice a group approaching them, until Haera’s loud voice snapped him out of it. “Luhan, watch out!”
Everything went so quick; a thud and a groan was heard followed by the swishing sounds of skates that passed them. Haera had closed her eyes because she knew she was done for the moment she spotted the group of children fastly skating into their direction and did what every inexperienced skater would do; stop, drop and roll away from danger. She forgot, however, that Luhan was still attached to her hand and her frantic movements resulted in them both ending up on the ice.
Luhan groaned under her and tried to sit up but a gasp prevented him from doing so. He opened his eyes and met with Haera’s widened ones, parted in surprise. Her expression didn’t remain for long because before Luhan could even react, the girl was hitting his chest with an angry pout. “You said you wouldn’t let me fall!” she yelled and continued to hit him before struggling to stand up from his body, feeling far too comfortable in his arms. Luhan laughed it off and managed to stand up before Haera could even plant her feet properly on the ice. “Sorry,” he chuckled and held out his hand for her to take.
Scowling, Haera took it and let herself be pulled up from the cold surface. She pat her clothes to rid herself of the scraped ice before hitting Luhan’s upper arm. “What was that for!” he whined and steadied himself again, rubbing his arm with a pout. “This is why I didn’t want to skate! Danger everywhere!” she countered and continued to hit the boy without any sign of mercy. Luhan couldn’t help but laugh at her behavior but quickly intercepted her hands when he saw her go in for another round of beating. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he apologised repeatedly and pulled Haera into his arms so she was prevented of hitting him more.
“I really didn’t mean to,” he added softly and smiled apologetically at the girl. Again, Haera felt the familiar blush creep up and wanted to step out of Luhan’s arms but the latter prevented her from actually moving. The cheerful voices that played around them dampened as she only saw Luhan’s doe eyes that gazed at her softly, making the girl’s heart flutter as if it was pressing tightly against her ribs. Soft pads trailed her cheek until it found a stray lock of her hair to gently curl behind her ear and slid down until they could rest on her nape.
Haera’s eyes closed on instinct when Luhan’s carefully sculpted face began closing in on her until his plush lips met with hers and molded into one as he pressed himself closer until there was no space left between them. The girl’s fingers wound around the front collar of Luhan’s jacket, tightening as her heart threatened to spill from her chest because of its frantic and erratic pounding. The jingles that surrounded them before, faded into the background together with any other sound besides Luhan’s breathing that stopped together with Haera’s.
A faintly familiar feeling began to blossom in her chest and pulled her down memory lane, visiting moments of happiness during Christmas holidays in flashes of recognition before it reached the year Haera lost her spirit and voice.
“He’s gone, Haera…. I-I’m sorry...”
As if this memory caused a static shock between them, Haera backed away, almost tripping as she had forgotten that they still found themselves on ice. Luhan’s eyes were still closed but when they slowly opened, they widened when he saw the tears that were pooling in the girl’s eyes. He quickly reached out for her and cupped her cold cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked concerned and thumbed the descending tears away.
“Take me back,” she managed to speak, her voice thick of tears and moved her head away from his touch as she carefully slid back a bit. Luhan frowned and tried to reach out for her again. “Why? What did I - ”
“I said take me back, Luhan!” she suddenly yelled through her tears and hit Luhan’s chest for him to hurry up. The male was shocked, to say the least, because nothing had been wrong a few moments before but as the situation had escalated quite quickly, he did as she commanded and gently pulled her with him to the entrance of the rink. Haera had said nothing during their short trip and when they reached the edge, she pulled her hand back and without waiting, stepped onto solid ground again. Luhan tried calling for her but his words only reached deaf ears and he could only watch how the emotion-stricken Haera harshly kicked off her skates and slid her feet back into her shoes. The tears hadn’t stopped falling - even when she wiped them, her cheeks were instantly covered in fresh ones.
Luhan had finally reached the girl and joined her by sitting on the same bench. Instantly, Haera jumped onto her feet and moved to walk away but Luhan had enough of her silence and grabbed her hand before she could leave. “Haera - ”
He couldn’t finish his words because the girl had already ripped her hand from his grasp and turned around, her fuming expression that was tainted by tears cracking Luhan’s heart at an immense rate. “I h-hate you,” she began softly and took a shaky step back, her fierce yet broken eyes boring into Luhan’s confused ones. “I hate you!” she screamed more confident this time with her tears running down faster than she could ever imagine.
And then she ran.
Luhan was too stupefied, surprised and hurt to even properly react to the situation and slowly dropped his hovering hand to his lap. Her words didn’t stop echoing in his head; her hurt expression burned into his mind and left him more confused than ever. But he could do nothing but wait until she was ready; ready to accept whatever she felt.
Burning lungs were no foreign phenomenon to her - Haera had literally ran away from her problems more times than she could count on her fingers.
The sharp, icy air that entered when she took deep breaths during her run wasn’t strange to her either - she ran every Christmas anyway.
It was the mixed feeling of why she was running right now that spun her head.
Picking up her pace, Haera harshly wiped away the stray tears on her cheeks and shot through the entrance of the garden at her home before skidding to an abrupt halt at the front door. With shaky fingers, she sought for her keys and finally managed to open the door after multiple failed attempts of finding the keyhole in the dark - her shaky hands might have played an important role too. Haera sniffed and slammed the door behind her, rid herself of her jacket and scarf before making a run for it to the stairs. “Oh Haera, you’re back - ” her mother greeted her but her sentence was harshly interrupted as Haera just ignored her and dashed up the stairs.
Her heavy breathing was the only sound that surrounded her when she entered her room and closed the door behind her, leaning against it to catch her breath. She closed her eyes when she felt more tears well up and tightened her hands into fists when they escaped and trailed a warm path down her ice-cold cheeks. Parting her lips to let out a shaky breath, Haera slid over to the chair at her desk and dropped herself onto it with a strangled sob. She brought her hands to her face and covered it as she propped her elbows onto the desk, letting the tears flow freely again.
It confused her; he confused her and it was terrible.
How did he manage to do that? How could a complete stranger that didn’t know her, make her feel the things that she, over the years, had successfully suppressed and pushed away, leaving her heart beating faster for different reasons than any other year.
She didn’t want this; it was a sense of betrayal that washed over her when she had dropped her hands onto her desk and spotted a frame with her blurred vision. She pressed her lips together to suppress the whimper that threatened to escape and slowly reached out for the picture, taking it into her hands as she carefully scanned its contents.
Two familiar faces; two familiar smiles with yet one she could still admire each and every day.
Her thumb ran along the frame until it met with the cold glass that covered the picture, slowly sliding over the stature of her father who showed his contagious smile to her which she missed so dearly. More tears came as the old ones left, her fingers tightening around the frame as she closed her eyes tightly, regretting each and every day that had passed this holiday.
“I’m sorry I forgot.”
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