chapter three

The brightest light in the still and dead dark came not from the moon, which had been reduced to a waning sliver shrouded in the black fog of clouds. Instead, within one of the apartments came a disturbingly eerie blue glow.

Hyesung was coiled up on his couch, clutching a game controller as if his life depended on it. And it might as well have, because as he jammed away at the buttons and analog stick of the controller, he kept thinking back to the face that appeared in his dream the night before.

It was wrong. It was all wrong. It had been so long since she died; so long since she had finally stopped tormenting him with memories of her. But now, it had come back to the point that Hyesung was unwilling to go to sleep in fear that she would appear again.

His hand slipped and his character nearly grenaded itself. What was it that made her show up again? Was it Yurin? 

Hyesung bit his lip. It couldn't be Yurin. First of all, that unclear dream of Miran appeared before he met Eric's sister. Second of all, when he mistook Yurin for her, it was exactly that - only a mistake. 

Nothing made sense.

After another failed attempt at using the game to distract him, Hyesung finally gave up - what he needed was not an alternative, electronic universe made of ones and zeroes to save him.

What he needed was a walk.

He powered down the gaming system and piled on some winter clothing to go for his walk. It was well into the night - or morning, since it was two AM, so he had no publicity to worry about. At most, he would just be seen as some strange insomniac.

Because of the time, it was even chillier out than during the day. Hyesung shuffled his feet along the sidewalk as he strolled, the dark completely obscuring his vision. For some reason, the streetlights weren't on tonight. His feet tumbled over some invisible objects several times, taking his breath with each stumble.

"This ," he breathed to himself. A sharp blast of wind caused him to hide his face into his scarf.

Before he knew it, he had reached the fountain again.

He stared at it. Somehow, in the dark, the tiles still managed to reflect a bit of light. 

A bud of sadness abruptly bloomed inside of his chest, suffocating his heart as another plume of wind buffeted at him. It forced tears from his eyes as he kept his pupils directed at the shadowed fountain.

He had never felt so lonely in his life. At least, not since the time when Miran had left him. Loneliness was such an excruciating feeling. It ate away at the soul, devouring it with painful gritting of the teeth. The cold night did not make the agony lessen.

"I miss you."

Maybe he should have gone to sleep after all.

--

"Here is your choreographer," Taehak told Hyesung. "His name is Junjin. I hope you two can get along well, at least for the time it takes to prepare the album."

Hyesung was at the Liveworks building after being called over in the morning by his manager. Apparently, he wanted to discuss the beginnings of Hyesung's winter album.

Now, Hyesung absentmindedly shook the hand of the tall and muscled man that was to be his choreographer. "Why are we doing choreography?" he asked as Junjin smiled at him. The guy looked nice enough, at least.

His manager explained, "I was thinking of a more...upbeat theme this time around. And with those kinds of songs, it would be better if we had you do some dancing. What do you think?"

Hyesung felt his throat tighten as he hurriedly released Junjin's hand. Upbeat? The introduction of a new image? Cold sweat lined his fingers as he looked down at the floor.

It was exactly like that time.

"Yeah, sounds good," he said, hoping he didn't sound overly panicked even though his throat felt tight.

Apparently he didn't, because Taehak accepted it with a single nod and turned back to Junjin. While those two had a separate conversation, Hyesung tried to gather his wits. It had been four years since Taehak had last popped such an idea on Hyesung, and four years ago was when the worst event in his life had taken place.

Maybe this was good, though. This time, it would be different. He didn't have anything - or anyone - to lose that would be the same as back then. And besides, maybe this change of pace would help him permanently leave Miran behind.

"Get along, you two," Taehak said. By the time Hyesung looked up, his manager was already halfway down the hall, leaving two stiffly stationed people behind him.

"So..." Junjin started.

Hyesung took in this man's slightly slouched posture. "Yeah?" he replied.

Junjin laughed out loud, not a single mannerful filter pasted over his mouth. "Sorry," he said. "It's kind of awkward, isn't it?"

Hyesung shrugged. "All first meetings, right? But I might as well warn you since you'll see soon enough: I can't dance."

Junjin only chortled some more. Frankly, Hyesung had never met anyone who enjoyed giggling so much upon first encounter - aside from nervous fans at fansigns or fanmeets. It was strange, but Hyesung wasn't so sure he would be quick to say that he was bothered by it.

"I'll just make it so that you can dance," Junjin said. Hyesung wished he had the heart to tell him that he was just about a lost cause, but the absolute optimism with which Junjin spoke stopped him.

"But in the meantime, we should get to know each other," Junjin said, and Hyesung lifted his face nervously.

"What do you mean by that?" Hyesung asked. "I mean...aren't you busy or something?"

"Nope! Free as a bird," Junjin replied happily. "And besides, we were just told to get along." He shot a smile in Hyesung's direction, one hazy with childishness and excitement. "Can't exactly 'get along' perfectly if you don't know the dude."

--

"What? Twenty-eight?"

Hyesung's face contorted itself into an expression of estrangement and displeasure. 

"Yeah; in the prime of my youth!" Junjin confirmed, stretching his long arms above his head with a wide smile, his eyes closed. One eyelid lifted open, a solid iris looking over at Hyesung. "Why? How old are you? Old?"

Hyesung set his jaw at him before lowering his face and mumbling, "Thirty...a few years past...that..."

"What was that?" Junjin asked, the affectation of innocence hovering over his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"Old!" Hyesung snapped. He crossed his arms, trying to prevent his eyelids from twitching. Young people...always having to rub in the number of years he had existed on the planet. "Happy?"

Junjin shrugged and leaned back in his chair, sipping his bubble tea in content. "You don't have to tell me," he said leisurely, gnawing on the tapioca. "Your info is all over the internet anyway. I'll be sure to look it up for tomorrow."

Hyesung wanted to reach over and slap that triumphant smirk right off his new coworker's lips. He and Junjin had spent the entire day roaming the halls of the building and getting to know one another better. Hyesung was able to pinpoint Junjin as one of those people who liked being overly familiar, if only to try and avoid any awkwardness. Generally, Hyesung found him to be a fun person to hang around; it wouldn't be a terrible experience at all working with him.

Generally.

"If you're younger, then you should treat me with a little bit of respect," Hyesung said. "Not to mention, if you make me unhappy, I can pull the tattle card with my manager and you'll lose your gig with me."

Junjin didn't seem affected by this threat at all. "Your manager told me that if you gave me any trouble, I could go to him and he'd take care of you for me."

Hyesung's lips separated in shock as Junjin from the straw again. He certainly didn't look like he was lying...not to mention, Taehak was definitely the kind of person who would hold more trust in someone associated with Hyesung and not Hyesung himself.

I will kill that little punk, Hyesung thought menacingly. 

"Well, then," Hyesung said, standing up. Junjin's eyes followed him, but he continued drinking his beverage. "I'm off to go home. It's a little tiring spending hours and hours on end with you, you know."

Junjin merely lifted a hand and waved at him, not showing in the least whether he was offended or not. "See you later," he mumbled, only momentarily pausing from his drink.

Hyesung scoffed, a tiny smile infecting his face before he headed toward the elevator to bring him down to the first floor of the building. It was only when the doors to the elevator closed that Junjin realized in dismay that Hyesung left no money for the food bill.

--

Hyesung strolled on the sidewalk, the dampened yellow of the lights creating a fog-like presence over certain dark patches of the street. Taehak had offered him a ride home, but since it was nighttime with few people out and Junjin told him about that little exchange with the manager, Hyesung bitingly rejected the idea.

His feet left little taps along the cement as he walked. He lifted his head and saw that he was approaching a school from the left, and some of the windows still had light flowing out from the glass.

"I'm heading back right now," a voice said, rising in volume as the person came closer to Hyesung from the direction of the school building. A pause. "I told you that I'm fine going back alone! It's not like you ever come to pick me up on time anyway."

Hyesung stopped walking, the familiarity of the voice making him focus to try and distinguish who it belonged to.

The individual walked out into the lit path right by the school gates, and Hyesung spotted her face at the same moment her eyes lifted to meet his. Recognition dawned across both of their eyes.

"Oh, bye," Yurin said bluntly to the person on the other end of the phone. "I'll be home soon." With that, she ended the call and stuffed the phone into her pocket.

"Fancy seeing you here," she said, lightly smiling at Hyesung. She was dressed in one of the typical school uniforms, a name tag pinned slantingly to her jacket.

Hyesung lifted a hand and pointed in the direction he was headed. "I was just going back home."

Yurin grinned, the smile spreading glimmers into her eyes. Somehow, it reminded Hyesung of her sibling.

"Same here," Yurin said. "Late night studies, you know? Annoying stuff."

Hyesung nodded, although truthfully it had been too many years since he attended high school for him to remember whether his studying habits were anywhere near as diligent as the students of the present. "Who were you just talking to on the phone?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Yurin rolled her eyes. "My brother. He said that I could've let him come and pick me up from school. But it's only a few minutes to walk, and I literally have to tell him every single time that I don't need a ride."

"He's probably only trying to take care of you," Hyesung reasoned.

"He needs to learn to take care of himself first," Yurin said. Then, as if she had just remembered something, her eyes flicked back to focus on Hyesung, filled with purpose. "Which reminds me. Whenever I see him these days, he's always clinging to his phone. And when someone calls him or texts him, he drops everything to check it and then gets frustrated when it's not a specific someone."

Hyesung bit back a playful smile. "So, what?" he asked, acting dumb.

"So, please call or message my brother!" Yurin begged, completely serious. "He's an idiot already without dazing off into space every two seconds, but the other day he walked into a wall." She groaned merely thinking about it. "And then a chair. And then the refrigerator."

Hyesung chuckled to himself, imagining Eric taking a step and having his forehead slam into a wall. It would be, at the very least, comical to see that.

Yurin kept talking, "And whenever I tell him that maybe he should just contact you first, he snaps at me like it's my fault he's so terrible at socializing!"

Not that he has my number anyway, Hyesung pondered. 

"Okay, I got it," he said, and the surprise was visible on Yurin's face. "It's getting late. You should be going home before your brother gets worried."

Yurin stared at him for a moment, pursing her lips as if she had more to say. Then she just shook her head. "Okay, then. See you later." With that curt goodbye, she was off in the direction that Hyesung came from. Hyesung watched as her silhouette passed beneath several streetlights, waiting until she turned the corner to continue on his trek back to his apartment.

When he returned, he wasted no time in throwing himself on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, his fingers curled around his phone.

I shouldn't call immediately, he thought, tapping a single finger on the screen of his device. That'll make it seem like I don't have anything else to do. Even though it was true that he quite clearly didn't have any other activities to engage in...Hyesung didn't like admitting that.

He also refused to recognize that he was even a little eager to be dished such an easy opportunity to contact Eric. It would be much less suspicious to call him after being asked by Yurin; otherwise, wouldn't it have been a little strange to randomly try and talk to him?

He definitely wasn't looking forward to talking to Eric. No; that wasn't it. He was just...giving fan service.

"I am a terrible person," Hyesung mumbled to himself as he scrolled through his contacts and dialed Eric's number.

It was halfway through the second ring when a flustered voice came from the other end: "Hello?"

Hyesung unknowingly in a small breath. His heart clenched along with it as he heard the sound of that warm voice and audible breathing, so close to his ear that he could almost feel it along his nerves. How long had it been since he last heard that voice? Not very long. But it felt like an eternity.

"Um...hello?"

Hyesung partially gasped before saying, "Hi! Hi...sorry about that."

Eric laughed on the other end. "It is you. I was getting worried you'd never call me."

The sound of the analog clock's ticking in the living room faded as Hyesung focused on nothing but the voice coming from the phone. "I passed Yurin today and she told me I probably should."

"...That little punk."

Hyesung smiled, splaying out his arm against the sheets as he fixed his eyes on the blank ceiling. He was starting to feel warmer in the confines of his usually lonesome apartment.

"So..." Eric said. "What did she say about me?"

"That you've been walking into things recently."

Eric grumbled something indistinguishable under his breath before raising his tone. "Okay, that's a tiny misunderstanding. I didn't walk into anything. I was minding my own business when - I swear - that freaking chair just moved itself into my way. And crashed into me."

Hyesung laughed, the sheer ridiculousness taking away oxygen from his lungs. "Right," he said jokingly. "I'm sure the refrigerator did that, too. And the wall?"

"Hey, I'm not a klutz," Eric replied defensively. "The world just loves me so much, it always wants to rush over to me and give me a hug. It just doesn't do a very graceful job of it."

Hyesung entangled his fingers in the wrinkles of his blankets. "I find that a little hard to believe. You're not the only handsome guy in the universe for it to throw itself at you like that."

There was a moment of no words on Eric's end. When he spoke again, it was with a content edge: "Well, according to you, I'm not the only one. But I am handsome anyway, aren't I?"

Heat rose to the pores of Hyesung's face as he confusedly traced over what he had said. "I am never calling you again," he responded dully.

"That's okay. Since I have your number now, I'll just call you."

Hyesung sniffed. "I'll report you for harassment."

"I'm your biggest and handsomest fan. Wouldn't you feel guilty doing that to me?"

It sounded like he was barely joking, and Hyesung wished Eric could see the grimace that the statement caused him. "I will hang up on you right now."

"Okay, okay," Eric said, humorously giggling to himself. "But I have to go. The sis is bugging me for dinner."

"Wait. You were supposedly the one who was waiting for this call; you can't just hang up -"

"Have a nice day!" Eric answered loudly and contently. A click was heard and then the blank drone filled Hyesung's ears. For a few seconds, Hyesung couldn't even compute what had just occurred.

"Some biggest fan you are," Hyesung mumbled, a fluttering feeling clinging to his fingers as he tossed his phone onto the nightstand.

-------author's notes

Sorry for the long break between updates! I'm running out of free time T_T SATs are coming up soon and this week I have tons of exams. I hope you liked this chapter and I'll try to be back soon.