chapter one

Everything's white. The ground is snowless, but the nonexistent light reflects off the white-dusted floor to the point that it's almost blinding. It's painful to look around.

There's some kind of blurry figure there, in the middle of all of it. What is that?

'That' seems to be a person. Her hair is adorned with delicate blossoms of snow. Her eyes sparkle. Her smile is pretty. She's silent, but stunning.

Why are you smiling?

She's turning paler as the white filters through her fragile skin. Unclear. Everything's turning unclear. She's getting blurrier. She's disappearing.

Wait. Don't.

Please.

You can't go.

You can't.

--

The alarm promptly blared with a detestable droning noise as a man jolted awake in his bed, staring up with blank eyes at the bland ceiling. He sighed in a mixture of relief and frustration, bringing his cold palms to his forehead. When he removed them, they were trembling and dabbed with a layer of moisture.

Why does it have to come back to me now? he thought dully, forcing himself up into a sagged sitting position on the mattress.

Remaining lost in his mind for the next moments, he was only drawn out of his dark reverie by the realization that the alarm clock was still wailing relentlessly, unaware that its cries were useless since he would not fall back asleep even if he wanted to. He slapped a hand down on the clock, the push of a button bringing the entire apartment back into silence.

"Let's go," he mumbled, yanking the sheets away from his body with one movement. The cold rushed around his exposed form and he scurried to turn on the heater.

It was an early morning of the weekend, and he was up before the sun could pass on its damped light and heat onto the city of Seoul. Like every other morning, the first thing he did was turn on the laptop in the kitchen, its electric whirring harmonizing with his shuffling as he began preparing the coffee machine.

As soon as the internet was up and running, he proceeded to type his own name into the search engine:

Shin Hyesung.

Enter.

He looked on with unamused appraisal upon the extreme lack of news results that came up on the screen. Normally, celebrities would be relieved to find no scandals that were uncovered overnight. But for Hyesung, he was yearning for some kind of heartracing story about him to get himself going.

He glanced over at the coffee machine next to him and, upon seeing that it was not even making a sound, hit it with a disciplinary hand. No response.

"Goddammit," he mumbled, pounding at it a few more times. Whenever it got too cold in the apartment, his coffeemaker would stop working. And because it had somehow slipped his mind to turn on the heat overnight, all its operating systems were under shutdown for the day.

That's okay, he thought, immediately going to his closet for his winter coat. There was a coffee shop nearby. He wouldn't even have to call his manager, Taehak, for a ride. A short stroll in the morning would be good for him, too.

He walked out of his apartment, hands tucked into the pockets of his coat. Underneath it, he was wearing a hoodie and he took great care to pull the hood nearly over his eyes.

It was a two-minute trudge through leftover, unshoveled snow to arrive at the coffee shop near Hyesung's apartment complex. Being that it was still dim out and that it was a Sunday, there were very few people up and about. All the better for Hyesung, who wanted a peaceful trip to and back from the coffee shop.

There was no one in line, not surprisingly. The teenager working the counter could not have looked more bored in Hyesung's opinion as she picked at the nail polish on her fingers. 

"Hi, how may I help you?" she said monotonously, only her lips moving to acknowledge Hyesung's presence.

He tilted his head up to look at the menu of bountiful caffeine options. He wished he came here more often instead of relying on that coffee machine of his, which pumped out the same kind of coffee every single time he used it.

"Iced black," he said, and at that point the girl couldn't help but give him a strange grimace. It was into the peak of the winter months, and this guy was ordering an iced drink?

Without any protest, though, the girl turned and began to prepare the beverage. She didn't seem to recognize the singer in front of her, or if she did, she didn't care.

Hyesung took in the surroundings. It was a neat little shop, with petite tables lined up against large panes of windows. He was thinking that it would be a treat to sit around here once in a while, but it looked like the kind of place that would be packed full once day broke. And too many people meant one of the few things Hyesung truly despised, which was the possible attention of an overzealous fangir-

"Are you Shin Hyesung?"

Hyesung turned partially around to the awestruck person behind him. For all he could tell, she could have been anywhere between the ages of sixteen to thirty.

"Um, no...sorry," he said, turning back to the ordering counter as he waited for his order. 

"No, you are!" she exclaimed. Hyesung inwardly cringed, his pulse skipping and his heart clenching uncomfortably. "Seriously, I'm such a fan! What great fate for me to meet you in a coffee shop!"

If fate is meeting you in a coffee shop, I'm never going to one again, Hyesung thought. "Excuse me?" he said to the girl making his coffee, hoping that by pretending the customer behind him wasn't there, she would somehow cease to exist. "How much longer will it be?"

The sole visible response was a blank, deer look. "A while," came the equally blunt response.

He recited a list of profanity in his head, gnawing on his lower lip. Why were teenagers in charge of running the counter of a coffee shop on the morning of a Sunday? Shouldn't they have been at home, sleeping? Or at the very most, studying?

As he prayed in his head for the girl to start moving her limbs faster, his ear caught a drift of the voice behind him. "Yeah, yeah; it's seriously him! I'm telling you! Come here and see!"

In an instant, Hyesung's heart shrunk painfully again. The last thing he needed this morning was a group of singer-thirsty ladies pouncing on him for pictures or autographs. But that girl - or woman - was definitely on the phone and ringing up her friends to, presumably, do that very thing. 

His eyes moved longingly to the coffee cup that was, sadly, empty. "I think I'll have to cancel my order," he said, taking out his wallet.

The teenager behind the counter whirled around, her eyes wide. "You can't do tha-" She abruptly stopped upon catching sight of the beautiful bills of currency that he had put in front of her. By the time she looked up at her customer, Hyesung was already halfway to the exit.

"Wait!" A hand caught him by the elbow and the self-dubbed fan returned to his view. "Can you please wait a while? My friends are coming and I promised that you were here."

What am I; a zoo animal? he thought scornfully. "I think you're mistaking me for someone else," he said blandly, a bitter taste rising to his tongue. He firmly yanked his arm away from her grip.

This was not the kind of attention he had been hoping for when he checked the news that morning.

He once again turned toward the door, and while the girl this time didn't grab him, she followed him. "I'm sorry, but I really don't want my friends to think I was lying! I swear it won't take that long. They live right down-"

Hyesung took a run for it.

He was never the fastest person in school back when he was in high school, and years of singing nothing but swaying-in-the-seat ballads had severely pegged down his athletic abilities. Nevertheless, he had the element of surprise. While the girl was still standing at the entrance of the coffee shop, speaking to open air, he was already disappearing around the corner.

"I hate running," he panted to himself as he slipped into the alley between two buildings, catching his breath. Hopefully that was enough to throw that fan off his tail. He was too winded to go any further.

It took him a moment to settle his heart rate. He leaned his head back against the cold brick wall of the building against his back. Not only had he earned himself an undesired workout, he didn't even have the caffeine dosage he set out for.

What happened to all the nice fans? The fans that would daintily recognize him and kindly respect his desire for some personal space when it wasn't even seven in the morning?

He exhaled, his breath forming a puff of white, and wandered out into the open again. It was quiet.

He wasn't willing to risk going back to the coffee shop in case that girl was waiting for him. What a drag. He'd have to do without his coffee for the day.

With a heavy sigh, he began to take the route back to his apartment, pulling his hood down further as he approached the crosswalk. There was yet another girl there, but this time she was perfectly distracted by a pair of earphones tucked within her ears. Just to be safe, Hyesung stood a few steps behind her.

The light turned green and Hyesung scurried past the girl to get across the road. Huge relief came over him when no high-pitched voice called after him.

When he got to the other side though, his footsteps slowed. There was something off.

He shot a quick look to the side of the street he came from. The girl was still there, standing at the edge of the crosswalk, absorbed in clicking the buttons on her iPod. Weird. Wasn't she going to walk across?

"What am I doing?" he whispered to himself. It wasn't like people didn't get distracted sometimes, just as this girl was now. "I have to get home."

He took a single step, and then something held him back once more. He glanced again at the girl who remained motionless, some kind of lump forming at the base of his throat. Was she in no hurry or something?

She lifted her head.

It made Hyesung's heart stop.

It was her. Her.

But that wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

She started to cross the street upon seeing that there were still a few seconds left before the light returned to red. Her footsteps were small and scuttling. Out of the corner of his eye, Hyesung saw the light turn red while she was walking. A car began to accelerate in her direction.

Without thinking, Hyesung reached out a hand and grabbed the girl's arm, pulling with more strength than was necessary. While the car sped past the space that the girl occupied only a second prior, the force Hyesung exerted sent both of them toppling into the snow along the sidewalk.

Hyesung gasped for breath as his back hit the ground, only then coming to the realization that he had been holding his breath the entire time. He stared, dazed, up at the dim sky. Cold seeped through the back of his head.

"Ow..."

His neck turned rapidly toward the voice. The girl got to her knees, snow dappled across her dark hair. Her iPod lay discarded in the snow, the music playing through the earphones.

"Are you okay?"

Hyesung had to blink a few times before discovering that the question could only be directed at him. "Oh...yeah," he said, unable to tear his eyes away; away from that face.

He could have sworn that it was her.

But it wasn't.

The girl sheepishly picked up her iPod, pausing the music as Hyesung sat up. "Sorry about that," she said with an awkward smile. "I didn't know a car was coming. Thanks a lot, though."

"I-It's okay," Hyesung said. He inhaled deeply, staring down at the snow that, even in the dark of day, still managed to pinch his irises. 

It was silent for a moment. "Hey, wanna come to my house?"

Hyesung looked at her with suspicion, and she laughed heartily. "I'm not going to murder you or anything, I swear. Who would do that to the person who just saved them from a hit-and-run?"

"It's fine," he hurriedly said. "There's really-"

"You have to!" she said insistently. She beamed brightly. "I'm nice, you know. My brother always told me that if someone did something for me, I should repay the favor as soon as possible."

Within fifteen minutes, Hyesung had followed a bubbly teenage girl - who, apparently, did not realize that he was a famous singer - to her apartment building. 

"We live a couple of floors up," she explained happily as she skipped up the stairwell. Hyesung lamented silently the fact that there were clearly elevators when they came in, but this girl decided to lead him up too many stairs. Then again, why he was here in the first place was a mystery itself.

"Oh, I never introduced myself!" she exclaimed. She turned around on the last step in front of a wooden door. "I'm Yurin. Mun Yurin."

"I'm...Hyesung," he said hesitantly.

A curious expression came over her face. She blinked once before shaking her head and turning to the door, inserting a key into the knob. "Hyesung..." he heard her mumble. "Hyesung...? Where have I heard that name before?"

Hyesung fidgeted in his shoes as Yurin opened the door. She wouldn't recognize him now, would she? 

"Come in and sit down," she said, leading him inside. "I'll go get some tea." 

Hyesung gingerly seated himself on the very edge of the roughed-up couch and looked around. The apartment was smaller than his; no doubt about that. But there was something in the atmosphere that felt cozy and quaint, entirely different from the lonely air at his place.

Yurin, huh? he thought to himself as he looked at the large pile of coats on an armchair. A profound sense of disappointment came over him. 'Yurin' was not a name he had heard before in his entire life. Not even close.

There was the sound of the door opening and he turned to see a man clad in a long overcoat barging into the apartment. A knitted scarf and knit hat covered a large part of his face as he shut the door. Hyesung's eyes followed him as the man panted, shedding off the hat and scarf and dumping them on the mountain of coats.

The man happened to turn toward Hyesung and froze, only just noticing the other person. Almost immediately, his features contorted into one of awe and shock, and he scrambled to the direction of the kitchen.

"Yu-Yurin!" the man hollered into the kitchen, clinging to the doorframe anxiously

"Oh; you're back?" Yurin answered, comparatively calmer.

"Why is there a celebrity in our damn ugly house?"

Hyesung's fingers closed around the fabric of the sofa as the exchange continued. Here he was: instantly recognized by whoever this was.

"Huh? What are you...oh, is that the Hyesung you're always talking about?"

The man shot a mortified look over his shoulder at Hyesung, and Hyesung hurriedly found interest in the curtains that looked warped enough to have been hanging along the windows for over twenty years. 

"Don't say that when he's right there," the man hissed back at Yurin. 

"Sorry," was the sarcastic response. "I mean, there's no way he'd figure out you're basically his greatest fanboy even though you get googly eyes just looking at pictures of him. To answer your question, he saved my life today and I thought I should thank him for it. Now please go talk to him while I wait for the water to boil."

Hyesung glanced back over to find the man cautiously sitting down all the way on the other side of the sofa. He didn't seem very prepared at all to be starting any conversation.

"Um, hi?" Hyesung said cautiously. As if electrified, the man flinched in his seat and stared with two pools for eyes. He didn't provide any vocal response.

Hyesung returned to facing forward, his face burning. He knew that the guy was basically scanning his presence. What was it Yurin said; 'greatest fanboy'? But men would be calmer and not nag him for any fan service, right?

"Sorry," the man finally said. "I...I just really...like you...your music, I mean! Well, I do like you, but not in any overly special way!"

Hyesung laughed. "I get what you're trying to say."

"That's good...oh, I'm Eric. Th-thanks a lot. For helping out my sister."

Hyesung looked across at him. Now that he could focus on this guy, he looked quite attractive. Such defined sharpness to the nose and cheekbones. His face retained a bit of redness from being outside, and his dark hair - the same shade as Yurin's - was flattened from the hat he was wearing.

"It's nothing," Hyesung said, right as Yurin came out of the kitchen. She carried a teapot in one hand and three cups in the other, a tiny bounce in her step.

"I like how you call it nothing," she said as she emptied her hands onto the coffee table. "From what my brother babbles about you all day long, I couldn't tell that you went around saving people until it got normal."

"Mun Yurin," Eric hissed through his teeth. He received a carefree shrug and a smug grin in return. He spun toward Hyesung. "What on earth did you save her from?"

"I was crossing the street and a car almost hit me," Yurin replied bluntly.

"I wasn't asking you!" Eric snapped, flailing an arm at her. "And anyways, why wouldn't you see a car coming? Or at least hear it coming! Don't tell me you were listening to that darned music of yours while crossing the street again! You know that's not safe!"

"It's not 'darned' music!" came the hostile reply. "It's an art form! It's not like the only good music that exists in the world is by Shin Hyesung, like you claim all the time!"

Hyesung leaned forward to pour some tea while the two continued to rattle off insults at one another. He sipped the hot drink from the cup and warmed his fingers around it. It wasn't coffee, but it would do.

His eyes drifted back to Yurin as she yelled at Eric. How could he mistake this girl's face for that one? There were almost no similarities now that he could think about and compare it.

This didn't make sense. 

He set the cup back down on the table, unsettled. First there was that dream, and now some sort of hallucination on his part? All within a couple of hours, too.

"I'll have to get going," he said, standing up. "Thanks for treating me."

"Are you leaving already?" Yurin said in alarm. "You can stay for as long as you want, you know."

Hyesung shook his head. "I should really go. I didn't mean to spend this long out anyway."

He didn't miss the flash of disappointment that crossed Eric's face as he stepped along toward the door, but he didn't mention it. As he put his shoes on, he found that Eric was standing directly in front of him and watching him. Luckily, he wasn't staring with some kind of crazed fanboy look. Instead, though, his eyes seemed almost as if they were curiously touching upon the thoughts in Hyesung's mind. Hyesung didn't know which he would have preferred.

"You seem troubled."

Hyesung paused, his finger in the middle of adjusting the back of his shoe against his foot. He stared down and didn't dare tilt his head back up. "What do you mean?"

Eric chuckled. It was a sound that was thick with warmth and nervousness. "You were staring at my sister the entire time. But almost like you were about to interrogate her or something."

Hyesung sniffed and moved to put on his other shoe. "Huh. I didn't even notice that myself."

It was silent for a time, and Hyesung straightened up eventually and turned toward the door. His hand was on the knob when:

"Um, can I borrow your phone for a second?"

Hyesung turned back guardedly. "Why?"

Eric awkwardly kicked one of his feet along the ground. "I was just thinking...as a singer it must be difficult to go out sometimes for some fun, right? Especially since you're not in a group with a bunch of members to fool around with whenever you're lonely or annoyed by something. So maybe when you have any problems, you could give me a call."

It was strange. There were many things that could have been wrong about it: Eric was his fan. For any fan, it would've been too easy to take advantage of the situation and snag the phone number of their idol.

But whatever it was that made him do it, Hyesung ended up slipping his hand into his pocket and relinquishing his cell phone.

--

Hyesung retreated straight back to his apartment after saying goodbye to the Mun siblings, alternating between spending endless hours of his day playing video games and surfing the internet. His head would always bring him back to thinking about the dream, which would inevitably lead him to remember the new number on his phone.

When he passed another stage in the game he was playing, he took a short break and went into the contacts of his phone, scrolling down to the 'M's.

Eric Mun. An unusual name for an average Korean dude, but in the list of people it looked like any other contact.

Hyesung stared at the name and number. That Eric guy had definitely been starstruck. But somehow when Hyesung was leaving, he seemed just a little less so. All for the better, then; he didn't want someone on his tail just because he had saved the dude's sister. Without thinking.

"I'm so weird today," Hyesung told himself, as if stating it would help his thought process. He pondered whether this was all a dream. Why would all of these strange things happen in succession?

Also, there was something about Eric that he couldn't pin a concrete conclusion on. Usually, he felt at least a little uncomfortable being around fans without his manager or security within an arm's reach. But he literally walked into one's house today. And kept the guy's number. 

"Sleep," he mumbled to himself, shaking his head and throwing his phone carelessly on the sofa. "I need sleep."

-------author's notes

Hey, readers! Wow, so many subs and it's only the beginning ;A; I hope I won't disappoint.

This is also a verrry long chapter. Later chapters likely will not be nearly this long; it's almost 4,000 words >.< But I thought as an introductory chapter, it would be okay to overdo it a bit (okay, a lot :3). Hopefully you enjoyed this lengthy chappie and leave comments!