Just her. 
Alone. 

That apartment that meant to be for both of them, 
Only has her now. 

He has left. 

LuHan, her boyfriend left. 

She sighed for the umpteenth time. 
How did this happen? 

She bit her lips and turned around to lean her back against the cool windowpane. 

Her eyes were fixed at the changing Christmas lights. 
The Christmas Lights flickered and changes colour from green to blue, to red, to orange to yellow and back to green. 
It was a cycle. 

Was fighting part of the cycle of relationships? 

She pulled her knees closer to her chest. 
It was just something stupid. 
Really. 
He could have scolded her, and maybe a hug would have settled it. 

But then again, 
She could have kept her words to herself. 

Her mind unknowingly recalled the fight less than an hour ago. 



Both of them were putting up the Christmas Tree. 
They hung baubles, and little ornaments together. 
They carefully and thoughtfully draped the Christmas Lights around the tree. 

It was just a small tree, small green plain tree. 
But with their hearts connected as one, the tree has become a magnificent sight in just a few moments. 

Both of them, pleased with their work took a step back to enjoy the view of the Christmas tree, as the changing lights makes the tree seems like a picture from heaven, keeping them both silent. 

Many thoughts flew through their mind, or maybe even thinking has temporary halted. 
But whatever it is, they feel blissful. 
Blessed to be enjoying this perfect sight, by each other's side. 
 

“ Jaki.. “ 

She hummed. 

“ The tree is so pretty… “ 

She giggled. 

She was really grateful that he took the time to celebrate Christmas with her. 
She knows how busy he is. 
She knows, She knows before she agreeing for this relationship. 
But the fact that he choose to sacrifice his break to work on a Christmas tree with her.. 
That…meant a lot. 


She nodded. 
Both of their eyes never left the beautiful sight of the dancing lights on the decorated Christmas tree.. 


After some time of admiring, it was almost as if he never stopped the conversation, he added, 
“ As pretty as you.. “ 

His eyes finally left the tree to stare at her. 
Honestly he has never met such a beautiful girl, both inside and out. 
Her side profile has always taken his breath away. 
Even after being together for so long, he still feel rapid heart pumping at the sight of her. 


But.. his comment didn’t light up her face, like it used to. It didn’t brought a smile to her face. 

She bit her lips, almost as if contemplating if she should say something. 

“ Jaki? “ He asked with concern. 
The last he wants is to have her upset. It was a beautiful Saturday. It should be well spent with pretty memories. 

She looked away. 

“Yah..? “
His hands reached out to her shoulder further away from him to pull her closer to him. 

“Why? What’s wrong? “ 

She kept silent. 

“Jaki? “ 

She sighed and looked at him. 

“ LuHan.. “ 
His heart froze. When she calls his name, it usually means something serious. 

“ I.. I’m not pretty. “ 

He was about to proceed with the endless debates that he has with her for so many times, but she cut him before he could.. 

“ I.. don’t know why you decided to let me be your girlfriend.. Sometimes I feel.. Incomparable to you. “ 
Her head lowered. 

His heart ached. What is she saying? 
He feels as if he doesn’t deserve her. 
She is perfect, too perfect for him. 

“ What.. Why… Why did you say that? Did something happened? “ he asked softly. 

She sighed. She kept silent. 
He knows,.. She was about to cry. 

“ Today.. “ her voice had changed slightly, “ I met.. “ she paused there. She wasn’t a girl to cause someone to be in trouble even if they were the ones who says the nasty comment. 

She continued, as if she never said the previous sentence. 
“ She.. “ 
So he knew, it was a girl. 

“She told me that… “ she paused. 
“ Even Luhan is prettier than you, why are you with him?  “ 

She pushed her tongue to the side of her cheeks. 
He witnessed the falling of her tears of pain. 
His aching heart was paralyzing his limps. 
No.. please don’t cry. 

“ Jaki.. That’s not true. You’re beautiful. “ 

She scoffed, “ You don’t have to say anything. Honestly, I had always found myself ugly. I don’t know why you’re with me. I.. “ 

Luhan gave a tired sigh. 
“ Jaki, “ he forced her to meet his eyes. 

“ I swear, I love you for who you are, not just for your beauty. And.. I am not prettier than you. I AM NOT. “ He said firmly. 

She wasn’t convinced. 

“Luhan.. “ 
She was thinking. 
Tears were rolling around her eyeballs.. about to spill over any time. 

“ If you ever.. “ 
She gulped and her lips. 

“DON’T” Luhan threatened. 
“ Don’t you dare to say it. “ 

She closed her eyes, and bit her lips. 
She doesn’t know why she’s acting this way. 
She loves LuHan, but she wouldn’t be able to take it if people or he.. feels that her existence puts him down. 


“ …want to leave me, you can leave. “ 

She said it in a breath. 


Her eyes were still closed, but she felt his hands gone. 
He stood up. 

“ Y/N(in full) , how can you say that?! I told you not to say it. I am not prettier than you, and you’re not ugly or.. what ever that b*tch says. Why do you think of leaving me as the only way to resolve your insecurity? Why can’t you believe my love for you? “ he yelled. 
He never once yelled.  


She heard the door slammed. 
He left. 






Another tear slid down her cheeks. 
She never meant for this. 

She sighed. 

It had started raining fifteen minutes ago. 
Her heart was plagued with guilt. 

Is he cold? 
Is he drenched?
Where is he now? 
He didn’t even bring a coat out with him. 

Her heart was worrying,… constantly regretting. She shouldn’t have said that. 
She didn’t mean it. 
She didn’t want LuHan to leave her..

She finally found the courage to move her limps. 
Her shoulders were slouching as she reached for two umbrellas. 
She put on a coat and found his. 
She left the apartment. 
The apartment was now empty. 


She walked through streets and streets. 
She was worried. 
Where is he? 

She chewed her lips as she thought of all possible places.. 
The park, 
The store, 
The playground. 

Her feets brought her everywhere. 
He was nowhere to be found. 

Luhan..please don’t leave me.. please. I’m sorry. 
I need you.. Come back… 

She wasn’t sure her face was stained with her tears of pain, or the raindrops. 
She didn’t even cared about the umbrella barely covering her. She was getting drenched. 


“ Lu—han.. “ She whispered as her trembling lips makes it difficult to say his name. 

She wasn’t sure how long she had cried. 
She just stood up, and painfully made her way home. 





She found him running around the streets near the apartment. 

“ LuHan! “ she called out. 
He.. never left. 
Her heart was finally at ease. 

He rushed towards her immediately when he heard her. 

“Pabo! Why are you doing out here in the rain?! “ 

“ You came back? “ She softly asked. 

“ Of course, did you really want me to leave forever? “ 

She shook her head, no.. please don’t ever leave me, she thought. 

“ I couldn’t find you in the apartment, I was so worried. It was raining so heavily. “ he was nagging as he pulled both of you apart to check if you were fine. 

You giggled, as you passed him an umbrella and his coat. 

“Pabo.. how can you find me without protecting yourself from the rain first? “ 

He grinned, “ With my heart. “ 
He placed your hand on the left side of his chest. 

You blushed. 
You hugged him tighter. 

“ Y/N ah.. You’re beautiful.. Don’t ever argue with me over this anymore. You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful… “ he chanted.