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0-1

She has always been by my side since I could remember.

I can vividly remember what she looked like when we first met: it was a cool autumn (just like her name) afternoon, she was wearing a white dress, her hair down to her shoulders, her smile as bright as the sun.

That night I convinced my mother that she is an angel and that I want to keep her forever by my side.

Even at the most awkward age, I still thought that she’s an angel. Her braided hair, round glasses, and braces—it didn’t bother me much because I know that underneath that is an angel.

Whenever she catches me staring at her, I freak out and end up throwing insults just so I can cover up the fact that I was looking at how cute her nose is when she scrunches them.

When high school came around, I was convinced that she really was an angel. Despite the fact that I was rejected by the company of my dreams, she stayed by my side and always managed to make me feel better than ever. Her presence alone gives me luck which is why I decided to bring her the third time I did my auditions.

I was a nervous wreck during the screening process. My mind was whirling and I thought that I was going to pass out and vomit…then I caught her eyes on me and she gave me the most beautiful smile in this universe. 

At this point, I’ve concluded that not only is she an angel, but also she became my one and only lucky charm.

With that smile, I felt like Thor came down and smacked me with his hammer and I began to dance like there was no tomorrow.

After I received the call from the company, my first instinct was to run to her—and alas, I did. Even though she was just a room away, I felt like I’ve been running miles and finally told her the good news. Her arms wrapped around my torso and I couldn’t be happier than that.

Thunderbolt: I became Thunderbolt.

1-2

The training period was harsh. We were training for almost 12 hours a day, it was tiring. Because of the demands of being a trainee and being a student, my company decided that I should transfer schools—an art school that will be more forgiving when it comes to trainees.

I was determined.

The company prohibited too much contact outside the company. They confiscated our sim cards and only gave it us once in two weeks—sometimes once a month. Communication was scarce—I missed my family, my friends, and her.

When I get my phone, I spend hours reading and listening to her messages.

She told me stories of how school is for her, it makes me smile. She always told me that she was having a good time with new friends so I didn’t need to worry about her. She even told me that she’s recently adopted puppies—golden retrievers and named them after me—thunderbolt.

Although it was hard to keep my eyes open while reading her messages, I tried my hardest to stay up to read all of the messages she would send me and save all the pictures she’d send and send the photos on my ipod so that I could look at it when I don’t have my phone with me.

I always looked at my phone’s wallpaper to see her face and mine smashed together during my birthday two years prior. I then thought that we should take another photo—maybe even better than that.

With that thought in mind, Thor came back and next thing I know is that it’s 4AM and I was the last person who’s on the floor.

The good thing about being a trainee is that you share the same burden with other trainees. I made new friends…and maybe dated a few times but I was never indulged in a serious relationship.

For some reason, I always thought of her whenever I tried to hold a different girl’s hand. It didn’t feel right, it always felt that there was something missing—it feels filled yet empty at the same time.

During the training period, I never did realize that her company meant so much to the point where I don’t function as a regular being without her.  She was an essential vitamin that I need for me to be considered as completely functional emotional, mentally, and physically.

I didn’t realize it till much later on.

2-3

I was about to die out of exhaustion when I heard Heejin-noona’s voice speaking loudly. It took a while for me to get my grip together, but when I did, it was the best thing that happened.

The first thought that went in my head when I saw her at the door with HeeJin-noona was that “An angel has arrived.”

I swear that I was smiling so brightly that even the other trainees were completely taken aback with the new persona that overtook me.

She smiled back and all of a sudden, my legs and arms moved by itself and the next thing I know, my arms were around her and my face was buried in the crook of her neck.

It was Heejin-noona’s clearing of throat that slapped me back to reality. I smiled sheepishly yet kept my arm around her.

 In amidst of Heejin-noona introducing her to the other members, I noticed the changes in her, she was no longer the awkward girl who had pig tails on both sides of her head, awkward braces, and huge glasses. She evolved into the most angelic person I’ve ever seen.

Her hair grew longer, her eyes shined brighter, her smile became more beautiful.  

Although she was in a university, she still kept the job—no matter how demanding it was. I advised her (half-heartedly) that she should choose another job so that she wouldn’t be dead whenever she came to work. But gladly (as bad as it sounds), she stayed because the pay was good.

I tried to keep her from getting too friendly with anyone. For reasons I have yet to know.

3-4

I have a very bad response system when it comes to flirting. Throughout the entire time that she worked with us, there were instances where she would subtly flirt with me.  I’d freak out and end up laughing.

There might have been times when I thought that she was confessing but she would always end up laughing and say, “You should’ve seen your face.” I’d just laugh with her and tell her to stop joking around.

Although somewhere in the back of my head, I wished the words she said were true.

It didn’t really hit me hard till I saw her with Joonmyun-hyung.

Since we were almost set to debut, we became busier. Especially with Joonmyun-hyung as the appointed leader, he was tasked to take care of us. But since she was in the same age range as Sehun and I, Joonmyun-hyung treated her as a sibling.

Although there were times when I’d think that the way he looks at her wasn’t very sibling-like. I’ve seen them talk to each other so comfortably, while I could barely even talk to her without making fun of her.

The way she smiled while she was with the other members is different when she was with me.

At first I didn’t really mind, until Sehun pointed it out. Sehun wasn’t talkative, but when he talked, it was always with meaning.

We just finished re-rehearsing for our Run and Gun teaser when Sehun brought up the question: “How come she’s so different when she’s with you and when she’s with the others?”

“What do you mean? She’s always the same.” I responded

“No she’s not.” He quickly replied, “She’s more feminine and reserved when she’s with Joonmyun-hyung or with Kyungsoo-hyung. Have you seen her when Baekhyun-hyung and Chanyeol-hyung teases her? She blushes really easily. Whereas when she’s with you, she becomes this whole new person—she’s very comfortable.

“I feel quite jealous when I see her with you because I want someone to rely on as much as you rely on her. You’re very lucky to have someone like her Jongin.”

--*

Han Eunyoung came to our company in the midst of the preparation for debut. She was pretty; she became the talk of the company for her beauty, talent, and kindness.

I have to admit that I was bewitched.

I liked Eunyoung a lot. I asked her out and she said yes.

I was happy. For a while.

For a moment, I temporarily forgot about her. She was there, but to my utmost regret, she faded into the background.

For some reason, everywhere I went, she wasn’t there. Even during rehearsals, she wasn’t there.

I generally didn’t mind, but there it felt quite empty when she wasn’t there.

The relationship didn’t quite long, especially after when she left the company. It wasn’t the same ever since she broke down the news in front of the group. I was upset and confused. Why didn’t she consult me about it?

Her decision to leave had a tsunami-like effect. Relationship wise and career wise—that time became the darkest amongst all.

I was lost in the darkness, the only ray of light suddenly disappeared.

I lost all colors so I buried myself into work.

The exhaustion was worth it when we finally debuted as EXO. Throughout the process of debuting and promoting left and right, I was distracted. It was the good type of distraction.

But every now and then I’d remember her.

The imaginary image of her being with me made me the happiest and the loneliest at the same time.

It was then when it dawned to me that I was in love with her.

A very, very late realization that I am in love with an angel named Lee Gaul.

3-5

I’ve finally reached my limit when we finished filming for our music video. It was around midnight when my lower back started to act up again. I ignored it anyway and continued with the filming. It wasn’t until on the last shooting that the pain quadrupled and I couldn’t move my back anymore.

Stubborn as I was, I kept saying I was fine. Joonmyun-hyung didn’t have any of it though. He immediately sent me to the hospital despite the orders of the managers to just keep drinking pain relievers.

I was half unconscious due to exhaustion when the nurse came up to check on me and did some screening of the pain I’ve been experiencing.

She said that she’ll just call the person who will assist me and suggested that I should take a bit of a nap.

In that short nap, I’ve dreamt of Gaul. She was smiling beautifully as ever.

--

I woke up with the sound of the sliding doors opening and closing. I opened my eyes and struggled to get up. Once I did, I started to greet the supposed doctor.

“Hello Doctor, my back isn’t as bad as it was—“before I felt a sting on my forehead. I was so surprised, but when my eyes landed on the most beautiful creature on land, I was in a trance.

Her hair grew, she lost weight (must be the stress), her skin, still porcelain white, her cheeks, glowing with a hint of pink on them and her pink lips.

“How’s it going thunderbolt?” She inquires with a smile gracing her lips.

I reached for her hands and placed each it on my cheeks, “I feel a whole lot better now that you’re here.” I said as I gazed at her.

I could see the blush on her cheeks, she’s flustered. How cute.

“Shut up, Jongin. You need a whole lot of scolding, considering that you’ve been having pains for almost six months and you didn’t even do anything about it.” She scolded as she lets go of my face as she continued to talk about my condition.

I just sat back and listened to her voice as she spoke. It was music to my ears; I couldn’t help but listen to her alluring voice.

“I missed you, Gaul. I missed you very much.” I blurted.

She was just as shocked as I was, but she smiled gently and replied, “I missed you too, Jongin.”

Now

“Gaul, didn’t I tell you to wake up at 5? We’re supposed to be there by now.” I sulked.

“Shut up Jongin, I told you to call me didn’t I? You know how much of a deep sleeper I am.” She pouts

“Yeah, yeah, yeah okay~ It’s my fault,” I said as I grabbed her brush and started to brush her hair. “I’m the person to blame~~forgive me your highness~”

She laughed while she applied a small amount of lip tint on her heart shaped lips then pressed some powder on her face.

I didn’t even realize that I was staring at her until I met her gaze in the mirror. “Stop staring at me.”

“I can’t help it, an angel fell down from the sky~” I flail and wrapped my arms around her waist. I continued to gaze at her while I rested my chin on top of her shoulder and said, “Maybe we should just stay here…there’s gonna be guys who’ll stare at you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jongin. It’s your fourth anniversary as EXO. You have to be there no matter what.” She reprimanded.

“But everyone’s gonna stare at you! It’s a company party anyway, I don’t have to go! Plus, we see each other every day! It’s tiring and when we get there, Joonmyun-hyung is gonna take you away from me again…then Baekhyun-hyung is gonna flirt with you, then—“

“Jongin,” she turns to face me while my hands lingers on her waist, “they’re your members, they’re my friends too you know! I worked with them as well, plus I haven’t seen them in a long time~~” she pouts.

I mockingly pout at her then leaned in to press my lips on hers. “I know…but you’re mine.” I murmur against her lips.

She leans back and states, “I’m with you. Not with them.”

I place my hands on both sides of her face and just gazed at her while she gazes back.

“I love you.” I state

“I love you too, Jongin.” She smiles.

“But you’ll only woooove me forwever wight? Even if I get bald and lose all my teeth? ” I pout.

She laughs loudly, “You’re gross Jongin. But to answer your question, yes~ I’ll only wooove you forwever and ever~ Even if you lose all your hair, get fat, get blind, lose your teeth~” she sings.

We both laughed at our silly antics while I close the distance between the two of us.

My hands slide down to her waist as I leaned in to kiss both of her cheeks, her chin, her forehead, her nose, which eventually led to her lips.   

Just as the kiss gets deeper, I feel her hands on both sides of my face and all of a sudden, she squishes them together and pulls away. She continues to squish my face and states, “We have to go now thunderbolt. We’re gonna be late.” She states, her hands leaving my face. She pecks my lips once more.

I sighed, “Fine. Anything for you angel. But no flirting with anyone—“she cuts me off with a kiss. “YES SIR!” she salutes.

I watch her walk graciously ahead of me while my hands fiddle with the small velvet box in my pocket.

I smile and follow after the only light in my life. The only light I’ll follow for the rest of my life.

My angel. 

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did~ ♥♥

PS: Gaul (가을) means Autumn. :)