04
Winter Designs
"So where are we going to eat," Jong Suk asks. He's not sure what made him say yes to Woo Bin when he asked to go out to eat. Perhaps it was the way Woo Bin felt when he hugged him; solid and real and warm. Things Jong Suk hasn't felt in what feels like forever. Or maybe it was nostalgia for home. Either way he's happy he said yes. It's been so long since he's spent time with someone not from his work and even longer since that person was Korean. He's missed his mother tongue. He wonders if he should get used to spending time with someone. It'd be nice to not always be alone. Jong Suk is pulled out of his thoughts by Woo Bin.
"I really want some Korean food. Especially around this time of year," Woo Bin replies his voice soft. Yes, he thinks, he could definitely get used to this. Someone who understands his homesickness without just telling him to go home if he misses it so much.
"I know what you mean," Jong Suk murmurs. They walk side by side in an awkward silence when Jong Suk's voice dies out. Jong Suk steals glances at Woo Bin through the reflection in the windows lining the building walls.
"So Korea town? Or is there a place around here," Woo Bin tries to continue the conversation.
"I think there's a good place just up the street actually."
"Great, lead the way," Woo Bin holds his arm out in front of him inviting Jong Suk to take the lead.
"Ah, okay."
They lapse into uncomfortable silence again. Jong Suk wonders when he got so awkward. He doesn't remember being like this with others even on dates. They walk a few blocks to a small Korean restaurant. It's set into the building and you have to go down steps to reach the entrance. It'd be hard to find unless you already knew where it was. The outside is decorated with snow and Christmas lights.
"They have the best deokbokki in Chicago," Jong Suk says walking down the steps and opening the door for Woo Bin. Woo Bin smiles in return and steps down the stairs and through the door.
"Sounds perfect."
They enter the small restaurant. It's also decked out in holiday cheer and it puts a wider smile on Jong Suk's face. He's finally feeling the Christmas spirit for some reason. They seat themselves at a small table near the window. Their heads reach just above street level and the view is weird but nice. Both their stomachs growl when the smells from the kitchen waft towards them. They look at each other and laugh lightly.
"At least I know my food will be welcomed," an older Korean lady says as she walks up to the table, "What can I get you two?"
"We'll have two orders of the deokbokki, please," Woo Bin replies and she walks away, "So how is it you came to Chicago?"
Jong Suk is a little surprised by the question. He didn't think that would be the first thing asked. Maybe what's your age or type of music do you listen to? But this question feels so personal. He isn't sure why but he decides to answer truthfully.
"Mostly to pursue my dream," he replies. Truthful but not quite touching on everything.
"And that is," Woo Bin prompts leaning over the table. He's staring intently at Jong Suk focusing only on him. It makes Jong Suk feel warm. He's missed having someone who was truly interested in him.
"Ah, fashion design. I'm an intern right now."
"Really? That's awesome. Your sketches were great," Woo Bin replies. But immediately flushes and looks away. Jong Suk smiles. Woo Bin is cute but even cuter when he's flustered.
"It's alright. I don't mind that you looked. How about you? What brings you to the windy city?"
"Honestly," Woo Bin looks away for a second and then back at Jong Suk, "I want to become world renown model. Somehow that brought me here. Though I'm not exactly sure how or why."
Jong Suk eyes Woo Bin looking him up and down. Woo Bin shifts uncomfortably under the other's gaze and Jong Suk laughs.
"I could see it," Jong Suk replies. The waitress sets two glasses of water down in front of them and Jong Suk immediately takes a sip. Woo Bin grabs his own glass and drinks from it setting it down when Jong Suk sets his own down. Woo Bin let's out a chuckle.
"Well tell that to the designers. The few go sees I've been on have turned up nothing."
Jong Suk nods. He likes learning more about Woo Bin. He opens his mouth to ask another question but the food is set down in front of them and he loses his thought. They both dig in and are mostly silent though it's more comfortable.
Jong Suk looks out the window and notices it's stopped snowing. He's suddenly sad about that. Yesterday he'd have given anything for summer again but now, with Woo Bin next to him he doesn't feel so lonely and the snow seems beautiful again.
His thoughts are interrupted by a loud Korean song ringing through the restaurant. He looks up and Woo Bin is reaching for his phone. He answers it and his face falls slightly. He tries to hold the smile but Jong Suk can tell something's up. He tries to only pay attention to his food instead of ease drop on the conversion.
"Ah, Jong Suk-ssi," Woo Bin says and Jong Suk looks up, "I have to go. My worked called and they're short handed. I'm really sorry. Do you mind?"
"Of course not. You've gotta do what you gotta do," Jong Suk smiles. Woo Bin takes out his wallet and flips through it for a few bills to leave for his food. "Don't worry about it. I got the bill."
"Thanks. I had a nice time today," Woo Bin smiles and he's out the door before Jong Suk can say another word. He looks outside again. It's better this way, he tells himself as he leaves a twenty on the table and walks out. It's a nice day out, mid thirties maybe and now that it's stopped snowing the sun is starting to peak through breaks in the clouds.
Jong Suk continues his day like he normally would. Sketching in random places around the city listening to music through his headphones. The only difference is yelling at himself for getting his hopes up. Why would Woo Bin be any different from the several others who've let him down? Isn't this why he was lonely in the first place? Constantly getting his hopes up for no reason. It was just lunch and some help with ice skating. Nothing special.
The next few days pass in a blur to Jong Suk. The same boring routine, sketching and work. That's what his life is. At least he loves what he does or doesn't know how he'd make it through. The only noticeable difference to him is the melting snow. It melts slowly and suddenly a warm rain sweeps up from the southern United States and it's gone completely. He doesn't know how feels about this. He wishes he could be sad but at this point he's numb.
He almost doesn't realize it's nearly Christmas until a co-worker points it out asking if he has any special plans. Of course he doesn't but he lied and told her he did. It's easier than the pity he'd see in her eyes if he did. That's how he finds himself in a bar on December 24th (and everyday leading up to now even) with his sketchbook and a scotch.
He's not sure how long he's been there. He hasn't checked the time all day but he gets severely disappointed when the bartender comes up to him and tells him it's closing time. Jong Suk packs up and walks back to his apartment.
He leaves the bar and is greeted with snow. A light dusting blanketing everything in a soft white. Jong Suk just wishes it would go away. He walks home slowly hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket. Trapped in his thoughts. He's pretty sure he's fallen into a depression. Something that he'd only heard about and never thought would happen to him. He needs to find a way to combat the loneliness that's constantly swelling in his heart like the Han River when the rainy season hits.
He walks up to his building and stops mid step placing his foot down awkwardly. Woo Bin is standing there on his steps. Jong Suk's breath catches in his throat. Woo Bin is holding flowers and hopping from foot to foot. The waves of nervousness roll of Woo Bin hitting Jong Suk fully. Woo Bin raises his hand finger out to press the ringer.
Woo Bin's hand balls up into a fist and he drops it pacing in front of the door a few times before stopping and repeating the process. Jong Suk finds it extremely cute. The ache in his heart ebbs away slightly. He walks up to the steps and coughs looking away. Woo Bin jumps on the spot and Jong Suk can't help the laugh that escapes him.
"Ah, Jong Suk...ssi. I thought you'd be home. Um. I," Woo Bin stumbles over himself and Jong Suk has to resist the urge to laugh again, "I'll just go. God this is embarrassing."
Jong Suk's eyes widen and he looks at Woo Bin. Woo Bin doesn't return the look as he starts down the steps. Jong Suk grabs his arm.
"Don't go," he's looking straight ahead he can't face Woo Bin, "Please. Don't go."
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Another update should be up later today. Until then enjoy!
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