Sunflowers, Waiting (Jongup x OC)
Peace of Mind__ One Shots and Story Inspirations
Sunflowers, Waiting
I first met Jongup at my mother's funeral. Torrents of tears were flowing fast and free down my cheeks as omma's words were still warm at my ears, "Nankyung must be happy. Then, omma will be able to rest in peace."
The next second, omma's eyes fluttered to a close and her hand dangled from the pure white hospital bed. I could only sob loudly for omma to come back, even though I knew that she never would.
I slumped onto the floor against omma's coffin, crying too hard to even speak. Drop by drop, my tears fell to the floor, forming little puddles.
Appa was a businessman and he was always flying around the world. I was scared to face an empty house. I dreaded the prospect of living in the huge empty house all alone, without omma's smile greeting me when I came back from school, nor her familiar vanilla scent floating around the house.
Then, he appeared, magically bringing out a sunflower from his pocket.
"For you."
I took it from his hands, allowing the coolness of the stem to soothe my wounded heart. He smiled, patted my head and whispered gently, "Nankyung ahh, this, is a sunflower. It signifies strength and courage, so, you have to be as strong as a sunflower, understand?"
Sticking out his pinky, he beamed and suggested, "Let's make a promise. Nabkyung must be like the sunflower. You mustn't be tainted with any sorrow or sadness. Face the sun and smile instead!"
I stared at him in a daze. Slowly, I stuck out my pinky and we made a little pinky promise, with the warm rays of dusk as our witness.
From that day onwards, I wouldn't cry.
From that day onwards, I would smile.
From that day onwards, he became my only source of support.
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I leaned against the window, listening intently to the silent cries of the rain.
Appa would never be able to bring me happiness. What I really needed was company, not tons of pocket money.
It was my birthday, and I thought that I shouldn't be lonely with the rain as accompaniment. Yet, the tears just wouldn't stop as I listened to the rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain.
"Ding dong!"
I ran to get the doorbell, and what came face to face with me was a gigantic cake with the words "Happy birthday Nankyung" scrawled on it in cream. Then, Jongup appeared in front of me, his lips stretched into a goofy grin. Happiness inundated me at that moment, so suddenly, and so quickly.
Patting my head, Jongup said, "Happy birthday, little Pabo."
I felt a tingling sensation in my eyes as I held back the tears that were threatening to fall. No, Nankyung, you musn't cry, you made a promise with Jongup oppa to smile. Stretching my mouth to its biggest, I gave Jongup the widest smile I could muster.
It was just me and him. Me and him alone, in the whole wide world.
"You must be more obedient now that you're older."
"Little pabo, you must be happier, understand?"
"Nankyung must always smile blissfully."
"Oh hey look, the rain had stopped!"
I turned back in surprise. Indeed, the sun was once again radiating warmth to earth. Standing on tiptoe, I lifted my hand to feel the sun's rays, and I felt closer to the paradise of happiness. Allowing the sun to kiss my cherry red lips, I replied, "Yes Jongup oppa, I'll do whatever you say."
I remembered every single thing that he had said to me.
His words were like the sunlight, penetrating deep onto my heart. Holding on to the rays of the sun, I spent my summer lazing around in bliss.
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I dragged Jongup into the florist one fine spring, despite his adamant protests.
"Yah Nankyung! Why did you drag me here? I'm a guy, I don't go into flower shops!"
"Guess."
"What?"
"Guess the reason~"
He smacked me on the head and stuck out his tongue.
"Pfft. Now tell me."
I grabbed a packet of sunflower seeds in reply. After paying at the cashier, we went outside the shop and basked in the warmth of the spring sun.
"Jongup oppa, do you remember our promise?" I inquired, a sweet smile on my lips. "You told me to keep on smiling, just like the sunflower."
Jongup in his breath sharply, fervently searching that piece of memory in his memory bank. He looked at me and sighed.
"Yes, I do. You've really grown up now, Nankyung."
I kept quiet.
Oppa, I really wanted to be the one and only sunflower in your heart.
That day, we plowed some unwanted field and planted the prestigious sunflower seeds.
Jongup giggled secretly after stealing a look at me. I knew I must have looked pretty embarrassing with my hair as messy as a chicken coop and my clothes covered in soil.
Then I had this awesomely brilliant idea. Grabbing a handful of soil, I smeared it all over Jongup's face. Looking at his flabbergasted face covered in soil, I laughed till my sides hurt and commented, "Oppa, you definitely look more handsome like this!"
Jongup looked at me, exasperated, till my laughter died down and silence hang uncomfortably in the air.
"Oppa, let's come to visit the sunflowers after 3 years."
"That's for sure," he replied, wiping the soil away from his face.
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One day, I realised that even the jovial Jongup had begun to sigh and mope around the house.
My heart drooped along with his mood, too. Because of him, I even lost my appetite!
Damn. I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Yah! Jongup oppa! What the heck is wrong?" I yelled in his ear as he was lying motionlessly on the cement floor
"I fell in love with a girl..." He answered numbly, not even bothering to open his eyes.
All of a sudden, my heart was submerged in a sea of tears. It was suffocating, and the deep gasps that I took didn't help to ease its ache. There seemed to be a sharp knife, brutally digging its way through my heart and it was bleeding profusely.
W-was that love for Jongup oppa?
Covering my ears, I ran away from the motionless figure.
I didn't want to hear the truth.
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It was the day of omma's death anniversary.
Appa was too busy to come back (as usual), hence, I dragged Jongup along with me to visit omma grave.
Kneeling in front of omma's grave, I the cold, damp tombstone gently and whispered the story of Jongup and I to omma.
Our story.
"Omma, I'm living happily now. I'll smile and never cry. Don't worry, omma, lead a good life in another world."
It was already dark when we headed home. Jongup held my hand tightly and I felt as ease with the warmth coming from his skin.
Suddenly, we stumbled across a girl crying in the park near to my house.
Before I could react, Jongup had already freed his hand from mine and was already by the girl's side.
My hand dangled down, as if mourning over something.
The girl's tears were glistening in the darkness of the night. Jongup wiped away her tears gently and she leaned on his broad shoulders for support.
"Ssshhh. Lee Hi, don't cry."
I couldn't bear to stand and watch anymore.
She was the person living in Jongup's heart, while I was only a pathetic outsider.
I left without his notice.
I couldn't control my loneliness as I trudged back home, alone.
It was my first time seeing Jongup so panicky, and it was all so strange.
Placing my hand on my chest, I realised that there was a big hole at the spot where my heart used to be.
And it hurt, it really did.
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Neither one of us brought up the incident that night.
One day, there was a massive blackout in the whole city and I requested for Jongup company. He agreed.
I knocked on his door when it was almost midnight. Before he could invite me in, I stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.
The clock struck midnight. Jongup pushed me away furiously, exclaiming, "What did you just do? What are you trying to do?"
"I love you," I said courageously, despite my quivering voice. I was glad that the darkness enveloped my whole being and he couldn't see my crimson face.
"It's impossible to have a relationship between us... Nankyung will always be my little sister whom I dote on the most!"
"Is it because of Lee Hi unnie?"
"Yes."
"Oppa, then enlighten me, how can I become the one and only sunflower in your heart?" I asked, staring straight into his gleaming beige eyes.
"You'd become one the day when you wouldn't need to rely on me anymore."
With that, he turned around and left.
I tried to control my inaudible sobs into the night.
Screw the promise.
Just allow me to cry, just once.
Just once. Nobody would know.
It would be the last time that I'll shed tears ever again.
I felt like a lifeless doll as I strolled home, tears still running down from my cheeks.
I've once read from a fairy tale that if a girl kissed her beloved boy at 12 midnight sharp, then they would have a fairy tale ending.
How I wished Jongup was my prince in disguise.
I won't bother him anymore. In this way, I would learn to live on my own, and I wouldn't have to rely on him.
Tears blurred my vision as I walked on the busy streets of Seoul.
An abrupt honk shook me out of my thoughts.
A car was speeding towards me at alarming speed and I stood rooted to the ground.
The bustling city gradually faded to silence.
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The world was completely dark.
Was it another blackout?
But... I felt like I could still sense the presence of light in the room.
The familiar footsteps rang in my ears. Appa.
"Nankyung, you won't be able to see for now, but you'll be fine once we get a cornea donor."
I flexed my fingers, but the lightness of my pinky caused all my blood to rush to my head.
"It was very fortunate that you've only lost your pinky in this accident..."
Appa was rambling on and on, but I couldn't hear anything that he was saying.
My pinky was gone.
Did that signify the ending of my pinky promise with Jongup?
Then, I shall fulfil it for the very last time.
Lifting my tear-stained face, I smiled into the unknown direction of the sun.
I did what Jongup had instructed me to do when we were young.
"You must always face the sun and smile."
And I did.
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I felt dismayed for the first time in my life.
Why was Jongup oppa here to visit me?
"No, appa! No! Please stop him from coming! No!" I screamed hysterically.
Jongup shouldn't be seeing me vulnerable like this.
His sunflower should be strong, not in the state that I was in.
I heard his frantic tapping on the windows and the door, but I chose to be oblivious to his frenzy.
Nankyung can never be Jongup sunflower anymore.
Jongup oppa, you must be good to Lee Hi unnie.
"I love you, oppa," I whispered quietly to the breeze my face.
"Forget me."
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"Goodbye, Jongup oppa."
"Nankyung! Nankyung!" shouted Jongup into the busy line of the phone.
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After receiving a pair of cornea from a kind donor, I left the hospital.
Hailing a taxi, I went to the sunflower field that belonged to Jongup and I.
Three years had passed. Miraculously, sunflowers covered the field, dancing to the rhythm of the wind.
Yah, Jongup oppa, the sunflowers look so beautiful, swaying in the wind.
I took out a piece of paper and wrote on it carefully in my best handwriting,
"Smile"
That will be the promise with myself that I shall keep, forever and always.
Forever and always.
Burying the slip of paper into the soil, a genuine grin spreaded over my face for the first time in months.
I guess that's it huh, Jongup oppa.
One day, I would be able to find my sunflower that had been waiting for me for years.
I know I can.
And how I wish you would be the one for me.
(Written for -endorphins)
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