Title: The Rewrite

Genre: angst

Pairing: kaisoo,slight! Luhan & Baekhyun.

Words count: 12,969 words

**Warning: This story contains suicide, character death, and cursing (for the sake of the impact it brings to the whole emotion things). Read at your own risk. (The paragraphs in italic are the flashback -just to differentiate the flashbacks and the current ones.)

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The Rewrite

 

 

Kyungsoo had been studying meticulously for his finals. He had one paper due in two days, and though he had studied the whole notes since last week, he still feels the needs to revise them again.

He didn’t remember when he fell asleep but he woke up with a painful neck and loud knocks on his house’s door.

He stretched his hands slowly, taking his sweet times to chase away the sleepiness despite the continuous knocks on his door.

“Kyungsoo!” a voice shouted desperately behind the wooden door.

“Kyungsoo, please open the door now!”

His eyes widened when he registered the voice. It belonged to his best friend, and he could feel his heart beating nervously at how desperate the other had sounded. He scrambled through the stairs in hurry, feet almost tripping onto one another before he reach the final step.

The door was opened in a flash, revealing a skinny young man with a pair of deer eyes and a bleeding forehead.

“Hyung! You’re bleeding!” Kyungsoo shouted with a panic voice. It was louder than he had intended it to be.

 

 

Kyungsoo always thought that his life was nowhere near perfect, because somewhere deep within his heart, he knew that something was off.

Something was off because there was guilt in his gut, a guilt that was buried down in the mess of his own dark past. The guilt built a knot in his stomach; it twisted and stretched in a painful way every time he is reminded of what he had done.

There was nothing he can do to undo the knot, to stop himself from going backward in time. His best friend, Luhan, had always been a step ahead of him.

“Stop digging the past, Kyungsoo.”

It was funny how things used to be the other way around. He was the one who used to take the first step, and Luhan had always been a step late. The latter was reckless, immature in his decisions despite him being the oldest one of them two. He even got himself stuck in a black hole, and Kyungsoo, the ever so loyal Kyungsoo, helped him out of the loop and save him from his doom.

But things had changed deliberately since ten years ago.

Luhan wasn’t the same person he used to be. His unfocused eyes looked a bit too fierce for Kyungsoo’s own liking now, leaving trails of fears and guilt in every step he took. His words were smooth and sharp, as if he had no fear at all.

“If I can escape once, then I can get my off the rest too.”

Kyungsoo never told Luhan how much he hated those words, but his friend seem to like them a bit too much. That wasn’t the first and the last time he had ever heard them from Luhan. And sometimes, he thinks, he was the cause of his friend changes.

He sighed as he ran his fingers on his silky black hair. There were lines of wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, a proof of his aging age. He just turned thirty a few days ago.

He was no longer the twenty years old teenager struggling with his finals. No, he was an adult now, much to his own delight.

He was engaged to the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his entire life. He was twenty-six when he met Kim Yuna, and ever since then, she was the epitome of perfection in Kyungsoo’s innocent eyes.

He took over his father’s company when he was twenty-five, two years after he had graduated. His father thought that it was only wise for him to start from the bottom, and so he crawled his way up in two years times.

It wasn’t really a surprise. He had always been a brilliant student; he even skipped grades, so nobody says a word when his father decided that it was time for him to retire.

“It was time for you to take the responsibility, my son. You’re more than ready now.”

 He took Luhan in with him; he even gave him one of the highest positions. After all that they have been through, he thinks he can trust his friend so much as to let him be a part of his father’s legacy.

Well, at least he thought he could.

 

 

It was September when the first autumn leaf fell on the ground, right in front of Kyungsoo’s office building.

The leaves had turned colours, yellow and orange splashed over the sea of trees. The fallen leaves piled up on the land just beneath the trees, while some scattered across the road, colouring the black tar with bright colours.

Kyungsoo might have enjoyed the beautiful scenery, studying the leaves falling off from the tree like a free soul. He used to do that every time autumn came greeting the land. He could have cherished that beautiful moment if it wasn’t because of a damn letter, crumpled within his fist.

He slammed his right hand on the desk, crumpling the letter even more than it already had.

He couldn’t believe what he had just read.

He was gone for just a week, travelling far across the sea to the United State, all because of work matters. He got them a deal, a contract worth a million dollar. He was that good.

But maybe that wasn’t enough, because right now, he felt like a fool standing on top of a cliff, ready to jump off because he thought someone would be at the end, ready to catch his fall.

The truth was, what waits for him at the end was nothing but sharp stones, and death.

He stormed his way out of his office, face tensed as he gripped on the letter tighter. He could feel anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. His heart stung when the sense of betrayal sneak it way into his mind and body.

He saw Jongdae stood in a rush as soon as he barge out of the door. His secretary had always been nervous when he looks a bit too serious. Even when he just simply put his poker face on, and so much as to quirk his eyebrow, it was enough to push Jongdae to the edge.

“Sir—”

“Where the is Luhan now?” He cut off mid-way. His voice was shaking, teeth gritted in anger.

“He—he’s in his office now, sir.”

Kyungsoo ignored the stuttered reply and made his way straight to the Senior Executive’s office. It wasn’t far from his room, they were still in the same floor, but walking with anger made the walk felt too long for Kyungsoo.

Each steps felt like a drag, and his sight turned darker in each seconds.

Sehun was just about to close the door when he arrived. The latter’s small eyes widened at the sight of an angry CEO. Kyungsoo was small, way shorter than Luhan’s secretary but Sehun had always thought that Kyungsoo had a vibe that allowed no one to mess with him.

He pushed the door harshly, feet almost kicking the wooden door as he made his way into his best friend’s office. He had, once again, ignored the taller one standing timidly by the door.

Luhan was sitting comfortably on his chair, fingers tapping on his desk in a set rhythm. Kyungsoo heard the door closed painfully slow behind him.

Luhan stopped tapping his fingers as soon as he looked up from the pile of documents in front of him. He looked calm despite the tension building up in that room and Kyungsoo felt like screaming his lungs out, because Luhan had looked too ing calm.

 

 

Luhan looked wreck and terrible. There’s an open wound on his head and cheeks. The blood made a trail on his face, and it dripped on his shoulder. His eyes were half closed and unfocused. In one glance, anybody could tell that he wasn’t in his right mind at that moment.

Kyungsoo caught him right before he falls on his knees.

“Kyungsoo, you have to help me.” His voice was desperate and strained, god knows for how long he had been crying. He clutched on Kyungsoo’s arms desperately.

“Hyung, what happened? We need to get you to the hospital n—”

“No!” Kyungsoo realized that something was terribly wrong when he felt the grip on his shirt tighten. “Please, don’t take me to the hospital. I don’t want to go there!”

“But why, hyung? You’re hurt, you need to get treatment.” His voice was soft and comforting. He had his hands wrapped around the elder gently, fingers drawing circles on the other’s back to comfort him.

“Kyungsoo-ya, wha-what should I do?” Luhan cried as he loosened his grip and looked straight into his friend’s eyes.

“I-I think...I’ve killed someone,”

Luhan’s words were low, like a whisper that was not meant to be heard. But Kyungsoo heard them clearly. He heard every single word that escaped from his best friend’s mouth, and he could feel his heart racing furiously, almost at the same pace as the other.

“Yu-you what?”

 

>>

Kyungsoo slammed the letter on the desk. His eyes were glaring holes onto Luhan’s, but the other man didn’t twitch even for a bit. In fact, Luhan’s eyes were gleaming with pride.

“What do you mean by this, Luhan?” He asked in between gritted teeth and low voice. His hands were shaky, not because he was nervous, hell no, he was pissed off.

His best friend was still sitting on the chair. His eyes were bright as a smirk casually appeared on his thin lips. Kyungsoo felt a stab on his heart.

“Lu-han?” The latter asked, mouthing those two syllables name like they were strangers to his mouth. “Did you just drop your manner on your way here, Kyungsoo?” He asked rather softly, acting oblivious as to why Kyungsoo was acting the way he is now.

“You can forget about the ing manner until you explained to me, what you mean by this!” His voice was an octave higher, but his still gritted teeth were making it sounded lower and firm.

He hated how the other man’s eyes didn’t even wavered when he leaned closer to the table.

Luhan opted to take turn into glancing at pissed looking Kyungsoo, and the scrunched up letter on his desk. The grin on his lips grew ever wider as the minute passed.

“I thought the official letter was clear enough for you.” Luhan swung his chair slowly.

“Are you saying that I, no longer own this company anymore? Is that what you tried to imply here, in this ing letter?!”

Kyungsoo felt his fingers curled into a fist. He drew a sharp breath as he watched his friend leaning against the chair.

“Practically, yes, that was what I was trying to tell you in this letter.” 

The smile on Luhan’s face drew a frown on Kyungsoo’s tensed face.

“How....?” He didn’t mean to sound surprised. But the fact that his best friend’s was smiling against his betrayed face was making him speechless.

“Because I have the biggest share in this company now,” Luhan leaned forward, closer to Kyungsoo’s face.

“Oh,” he paused, another grin threatened to appear at the corner of his lips. “And I’m proud to say that I’m the new CEO.” His voice was thick with contentment. His hands were spread widely, like a falcon spreading its wings, proud and cocky.

Kyungsoo thought he lost it then.

Small yet strong hands grabbed Luhan by his collar, and the latter was jerked forward with so much force, his desk juddered along with the pressure. Kyungsoo gritted his teeth for the umpteenth time, eyes looking straight to the other pair a few inches from him.

“How could you do this to me after what I have done for you?!”

He screamed, fingers clutching on the man’s collar tighter than ever. His grip was forceful, yet there was still a sense of desperation in it. His eyes were glossy –a result of the angers and betrayal.

He couldn’t believe what was happening. His mind was blank despite the grunts and the splutters of words coming out of his mouth.

He trusted his best friend,

He had trusted him.

“Are you talking about what we have done ten years ago?” Luhan asked calmly.

“No,” He retorted. “I was talking about what I have done for you ten years ago.”

He never loosen up his grip, if there’s anything he’d done, it was only to make tighter. Luhan didn’t try to break free from his friend’s clutches; in fact, he looked rather pleased with the way he was treated.

“Now, we don’t want to be stuck in the past, do we?”

Kyungsoo felt his eyes widened at that.

“I saved you from going to jail, you !”

Luhan didn’t look so happy after that. The grin on his lips turned flat within seconds. He laid his hands on top of Kyungso’s, digging his nails on the other’s pale skin.

“I thought we’re over with that,” Luhan hissed.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lips, trying to keep his compose but failed when he grimaced at the pain digging on his hands.

“No,” he barked, eyes blaring with rage. “It’s not over yet because you took what was mine!”

“It wasn’t yours to begin with, anyway.” Luhan smirked.

“It belonged to my father, hyung! He built this company from scratch; you knew how much it means to me!”

“This is what happened when you trusted people so much!” Luhan retorted.

They both knew Sehun was out there, just behind that thick door frame. He might be leaning against the wall, eavesdropping. Or maybe, he would be the same Sehun they both had known; remained rooted on his chair, panicking because his two bosses were screaming on each other’s face.

“You trust people too easily, Kyungsoo. That is your weakness. I’m just here to show you what it could do to you.”

There’s pain stabbing repeatedly in his chest, chocking out his breath from his lungs.

How could Luhan do this to him?

They were best friends, and it was a twenty years old friendship for god sake!

“Why hyung?” his voice was weak, tears threatening to fall on his pale cheeks. “Why are you doing this to me?” he felt his clutch on the other’s collar loosening up slowly.

“Because I hate how you always look so ing calm in everything you do, you always had it in you. You’re smart, Kyungsoo, always stood at the top. It makes me wonder, how you will look like when you fall. Will you still have that calm face on yours, or will you look like this; broken and defeated.”

Kyungsoo released his grip completely. His hands landed weakly on the desk, whilst eyes looking at random place; unfocused and lost.

“Remember what happened ten years ago?” Luhan leaned closer again, breathing harshly against his friend’s face.

 

 

 

“Yu-you what?” His voice was shaky, eyes widened in disbelief.

Skinny fingers dug their ways into his white tee, along with desperate sobbing from the elder. Kyungsoo remained rooted despite the way Luhan was clutching onto him like the latter’s life depends on him.

“I swear it was an accident! I didn’t see them coming,” Luhan cried frantically.

His eyes were swollen and red, his nose was running, and the tears made a total mess of his face. For once, Kyungsoo felt lose. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t even dare to ask what Luhan had actually done.

“We tried to avoid each other, I saw the taxi driver made a turn after he saw me coming. I didn’t see the rest, the next thing I know was that the car flipped, it ing flipped before it crashed onto the nearest storey building!”

It crashed,

It was a crash!

“Hyung... Hyung look at me,” Kyungsoo grabbed his best friend’s chin and held it up to face him. Luhan was choking on his own breath by then.

“It was an accident, wasn’t it? It was not your fault, hyung—”

“It was!”

A frown appeared on his sweaty face. He tried to read the other’s eyes but they were too lost in panic and fear.

“I—I ran a red light and— and almost crash into them....”

He lost his breath when he heard that.

Kyungsoo tried to stand up, dragging his best friend along with him. It was almost a futile attempt, but he succeeded in making both of them standing on their feet. Luhan was still a panting mess beside him when his mind was racking ideas to save his friend.

“Did you go straight to my house after the crash?”

He saw Luhan nodded, but didn’t say anything after that. He thinks his head is about to explode, but he remained calm, not wanting to show his freaked out face to the other.

It will only made things worse,

“We should go and check them. Did you call the ambulance on your way here?”

Kyungsoo was fast to grab his car keys, leaving a blank Luhan by his door. He was about to get out of the house when Luhan grabbed his sleeve.

“The driver is dead when I reached their car.”

He fingers clenched into a fist. He didn’t realized how ed up his friend was at that moment until he heard that last bit of details.

“You said ‘them’, what about the others?” He asked, hand grabbing on the latter’s arm with hopeful eyes.

“There’s—there’s only one passenger, and I—I—”

“ hyung, you what?!”

“I freaked out and ran!”

“There were bloods everywhere on him. I couldn’t bring myself to check if he had died too or not! I just can’t!”

“What should I do now, Kyungsoo? What should I do??” Luhan looked at him with pleading eyes, tears were still strolling down his damp cheeks.

 

 

 

“You taught me something precious that day,” Luhan turned his back toward Kyungsoo, he took a deep and slow breath before he turned around and walked out of the space behind his desk.

“I learned that if I’m smart enough, I can hide the dirtiest dirt on me from others.” He stopped a few inches beside Kyungsoo.

“You know I’ve said this a lot of times before,”

Luhan leaned closer until his lips were just a breath away from Kyungsoo’s ear. “If I can escape once, then I can get my off the rest too.”

Kyungsoo bit his lower lips, trying his best to hold himself from breaking into pieces. He realized, right at that moment, it wasn’t losing the company that hurt him the most. Instead, it was losing his best friend that had him looked so defeated and wrecked.

 

 

 

Everyone thought that Kyungsoo’s life was perfect.

He took over his father’s company when the old man decided to retired. He was good at what he did, and managing the big company had never been a problem to him.

His father died when the company was at the top, but Kyungsoo never felt lonely because he got his best friend by his side, and a beautiful fiancé to spend the rest of his life with.

Indeed, Kyungsoo’s life was perfect in their eyes.

But everyone forgot that nothing last forever, and the perfect life they assumed he will have for the rest of his life, was taken away heartlessly from him.

They didn’t see how he was doomed with a cruel end, an end that dragged him down to the ground, to the lowest level of life, where his pride means nothing but a mere dust.

 

Kyungsoo thought Yuna could be his saviour.

He still had her, that beautiful and caring woman –the only woman he has in his life, because his mother had died when he was six. He had never allowed any woman into his life since then until Luhan introduced her to him.

He thought that at least, he wasn’t alone in this misery.

 

But boy, how he was so wrong on that.

The moment his eyes landed on a familiar figure in front of his fiancé’s house, he knew his heart will be broken to pieces all over again.

It was 9 in the evening. The stars twinkled in their glorious light, surrounding the moon that shone bright like a queen on her throne. The winds were cold as they danced through the night with husky voice and soft melody.

He’d stayed inside of his black BMW, hidden in the dark. The street lamp post –where he had parked his car— was broken since last week, he noted that, purposely had his car parked there.

He should have known when Luhan introduced her to him five years ago. He should have seen it coming when his best friend wrapped a hand over Yuna’s slim waist.

He thought he could deal with it, but he almost broke his door’s handle when those two thin lips flushed to one another in front of his eyes.

 

He was officially alone and broken when he reached home, two hours later, only to find it to be locked and sealed with a ‘For Sale’ sign on his shining black gate.

Karma is a ,

But Kyungsoo never thought that it would bite him straight into his face in one single day.

 

Even the fallen autumn leaves were mocking him in his misery.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo drank his second glass of red wine silently. His eyes scanned everyone in that formal party with bored eyes until his sight landed on a particular young man, with silky black hair gelled neatly to the back, while he had his back leaning against a table.

It wasn’t the good looking face that caught his attention, but the way that man had looked at everyone with sad eyes. From afar, the other looked so lonely and lost.

“Hyung, who’s that guy over there?” he asked Minseok, a guy with small cat eyes, and was also one of his company’s shareholder.

 Minseok glanced at the pointed direction, before he quirked a smile as his eyes landed on that particular man.

“Oh, he’s Kim Jongin; the biggest shareholder and also the founder of the Arkanex & Co.” Minseok muttered as he took another gulp of his drink.

“You mean ‘the Arkanex & Co?” He purposely emphasized the word ‘the’ in his question. Minseok cocked a brow and grinned afterward.

“Yes, Kyungsoo. ‘That’ Arkanex & Co. –The biggest company in the city.” And Kyungsoo took another quick glance at the lonely figure that had been the centre of their attention.

“Amusing isn’t it, seeing how young he had looked like. I always thought that the founder was an old man with a bald head.”

Kyungsoo lips turned flat as he gazed at the older man. “That is just so lame, hyung.” He said flatly before his eyes were back to look at the young man again.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo sat on an old bench underneath a lonely oak tree.

It had looked lonely because in that small hill, at the farthest corner of that park, that big oak tree was the only tree that can be seen. It was dark and lonely up here, and Kyungsoo thought it will be perfect to clear his mind, to help him breaking free from the countless thoughts and voices in his head.

There were regrets growing in his heart, guilt twisted painfully in his stomach and the feeling of betrayed was making him feel nauseous all of the sudden.

There’s a beer in his right hand –it was the fifth cans he had bought that night. He was lucky that he always bring some cash in his wallet, because those cards that he had owned won’t be of any use after today.

He was broke, broken, and betrayed.

He had a bottle of sleeping pills in his left hand –it was prescribed for him to help him with his sleeping disorder. It’s true that he had found it difficult to sleep ever since ten years ago. The nightmare is haunting him.

He wondered if Luhan was having the same nightmares as him.

 

“You don’t mix pills with alcohol, Kyungsoo. It will harm your body and mind, or worse, it can kill you.”

His doctor’s soft voice echoed in his head, and he gripped on the medicine’s bottle tighter. Joomyun had always been soft and gentle, but he was just a family’s doctor, nothing more and nothing less.

In the end, Kyungsoo was all alone.

 

He shouldn’t have trusted his best friend,

 

He shouldn’t have trusted his fiancé,

 

And on top of everything else that matter,

 

He shouldn’t even trust himself in the first place.

 

Life is a jumble of bad and good decisions. Somehow, in his ing life, there were more bad than good and he blamed it all on himself. He knew what kind of damages he had done to his life. When people said that bad decision leads to bad ends, Kyungsoo should have listen to them.

Karma is definitely a .

 

He opened the canned beer in one try, eyes looking blankly at the hard surface of the aluminium can. There was nothing waiting for him at the end, the road to his future looked dark and nothing but pitch black. He had lost everything he owned in this world in just a blink of eyes.

He drank the beer once, feeling the bitter taste running through his throat before he grimaced at the bitterness. He had never liked beer in the first place; he didn’t know why he chose to buy that alcoholic drink when he went to the groceries store earlier.

He was not in his right mind, after all.

He pried open the small white bottle, throwing the lid off the ground carelessly. He stared at the bundle of pills inside the bottle for a good few minutes. Kyungsoo knew what he was about to do is an act of a coward, but there was nothing worthy for him to be alive anymore.

Everything felt empty if it wasn’t because of the mixed up feelings he felt in his gut. And those feelings were nowhere near good. He leaned deeper into the bench, arching his neck backward as he looked at the empty sky one last time.

His eyes were glossy, it made his vision turned blur and unfocused.

He doesn’t usually cry. It wasn’t his style and he had no mean to make it one, but his eyes started to sting, and the tears were flowing even before he could stop it.

He assumed it was the wind, the dust that had gotten into his eyes. He was used to it when he stood at his house’s second floor balcony. He would wipe his eyes gently, and then blinked away the tears so his eyes could feel better. That was what he always did.

But tonight it felt different. His eyes were not the only one that stung. He felt a pain in his heart, like an open wound, it bleeds to oblivion. His chest clenched painfully, breath stuck in his throat, and then the tears fell.

Is this how losing feel like?

Luhan was right; he had always been on top. He didn’t know what it feels like to fall and landed on the dirtiest hole.

He wondered if Luhan had felt this way ten years ago.

He wondered if he had made his best friend gone through hell, just because he thought it was for the best.

What a fool,

He can’t even think of that simplest thing. He can’t even see what his best friend had tried to tell him for years, because he could only see himself.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was desperate. He needs to do something; he needs to make a choice.

He knew he can’t send his best friend to the police; Luhan will end up in jail if he did. He can’t go and check the crash, because if he does it’s like throwing Luhan back into the deathly trap.

But the passenger might still be alive. Maybe he could save him and asked for his forgiveness. Maybe none of them will suspect Luhan even if he go there. Maybe—

No!

He can’t afford to have Luhan in prison. He will be left alone; lonely and lost because Luhan had always been there. Luhan had always been his only friend. He couldn’t afford to lose him to this stupid mess.

Yes, this whole thing was just a stupid mistake.

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan’s broken voice snapped him out of his massive thoughts.

“Should I just turn myself in?”

Kyungsoo didn’t even blink for once as he looked into his friend’s blank eyes. A determination clicked in his mind, and despite the frantic beating of his heart, Kyungsoo bit his lower lips before he hold his friend’s shaking hand in a firm grip.

“No,” he spoke with a low voice, “we’re not going to tell anyone about this.”

“But Kyungsoo—”

He could see how Luhan’s eyes had widened hearing that from him, but he kept himself calm as he said the next words.

“From this very moment, you and I will be the only ones who know about this. No one, I repeat, no one else should know about this accident.”

 

 

He thought he pulled Luhan out of the black hole. He, honestly, thought he had saved his best friend from his own doom when the truth was; he was the one who pushed Luhan deeper into his , deeper into the hell he had created by mistake.

He made his best friend lived in fear and guilt, living in his own hell because he knew –he perfectly knew— that what he did was wrong, terribly wrong.

A person needs to take responsibility of his own actions; he needs to acknowledge his own mistakes, because if he didn’t then he will lose the ability to define what is right and what is wrong. In his eyes, there will only be good and there is no bad even when the whole world think the otherwise.

Good and bad, they were not decided by the society, despite the popular belief, because the one, who decide what is right and what is wrong for one, is him, himself.

He took the right from Luhan when he decided to hide the crash. And all of that happened because he wanted to keep Luhan by his side.

He was selfish.

Kyungsoo stared blankly at the empty sky, studying the blackness of the night even when the moon shone brightly in its lonely world.

He poured the whole content onto his palm, studying the pills carefully as he took his beer off from the bench. The pills felt like small, prickly stones on his palm. They felt heavy despite the small features, and Kyungsoo could feel them jabbing into his skin when he clenched them around his fingers.

This was it. This was the end of Do Kyungsoo.

He smiled bitterly as the memories—the sweet and bitter memories— came flashed in his mind like a ing movie. World was a beautiful place, but humans like him tainted it with their greed and lust for something they claimed they owned.

Kyungsoo thought the moonlight was blinding, forcing him to close his eyes forcefully.

Maybe it was better that way; closing his eyes while he swallowed the pills and drink the whole can of beer in one gulp. If he does, then the next time he opened his eyes, he won’t feel anything but peace and calm, even though the only thing he can see is darkness.

He liked how simple his mind was when nothing was left in him.

 

He was about to throw the pills into his open mouth when his eyes caught a fallen leaf landed straight onto his open palm—on top of the bundle of small white pills. He paused for another minutes when another leaf fell straight to the same spot again.

For a brief moment, he thought the sight looked comforting.

Autumn had always been his favourite season, because he likes to watch the leaves shedding from the trees—like a free soul in a mad world. It was a nature cycle—one that he really enjoyed looking at— old leaves fell from the trees as they pave way for further growth, for a new start.

He wished he could be a tree,

It will always change according to the season, and in autumn, the leaves will fall—the ugly and the beautiful ones— and the tree will start afresh, with new leaves and new beginning.

He wished he could be like those trees.

He would throw away all his bad traits, like the fallen leaves. Amends all his mistakes and later, start anew. He wanted to grow like the tree; it didn’t have to be beautiful, it just have to be useful.

He wished he could change the past. Rewrite all the nasty stuff, and undo certain part where he had made the worst decision in his entire life.

If only he could.

 

 

“Why are you asking about him?” Minseok asked, “Interested?”

“Kind of, he looked so lonely there.” Kyungsoo muttered as he finished off his drink in one go.

“Well, I heard a story about him.”

“What kind of story?”

“They say that he was involved in a fatal crash nine years ago. I think it was a hit-and-run and the driver was dead, while he was stuck in a coma for two years. I heard that his family abandoned him because they couldn’t pay the bill—which is probably why you said he looked rather lonely there. He was quite famous for that.”

“That...that’s quite a tragic past,”

Minseok nodded slowly.

“But that lucky bastard got himself scouted by the founder of Kim Hyun Oh foundation—the man owned quite a number of hospitals here in Seoul. That kid just had to be in one of his and he said that he just had that instinct to do so after he met that kid once. Well, I guess he was right. That kid is a genius!”

Kyungsoo snorted, “You should change your career, hyung. Paparazzi’s camera and notebook seem to suit you better than this nasty coat you wore.” Kyungsoo groaned when he felt a shove on his shoulder.

 

 

 

The autumn leaves started to fall on his laps, one by one, building a chunk of dead leaves on him. Some fell off from his laps and hands, some were blown away by the wind, and he just watched everything in silence, not even once did he tried to toss them off of himself.

He watched, stared at those fallen leaves without a word.

Silence, it was dead silence.

But it was calming, swaying his emotion far away from the cliff, far from the edge of where he was about to fall. Far from giving up on his life, because living wouldn't mean anything and death seem like the easiest way out.

In all honesty, he knew it wasn't.

It means hell, the suicide.

Taking your own life like you're the god, and being the judge of yourself when you weren’t even qualified of it. Isn’t that a foolish thought?

Fool, he was a fool. A fool who gave up on life because everything he owned, he cherished was taken away heartlessly from him. They stepped on his pride, tossing it away like it was rubbish, a meaningless thing.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest.

He didn’t realized that half of his lower body—from the hands on his laps to his feet— had been covered by dead leaves. He looked at his hands rather blankly, feeling odd all of a sudden.

He carefully tossed the fallen leaves from his laps, especially the ones covering his palms. His heart was beating nervously, and there was an odd feeling seeping into him.

To his surprised, the pills, all the pills he had on his palm were gone, and it was replaced with a pen—a strange looking pen.

The pen was silver in colour, with a classic sharp end. A black feather was stuck on the other end like it was meant to be there. There was a single word, ‘rewrite’, engraved on the pen surface—right on the spot where the owner would put his fingers on when he write. Kyungsoo liked how that pen made him feel like he was travelling backward in time.

In one glance, it was a beautiful old classic pen, and the black feather at the bottom just made it looked a bit more unusual to Kyungsoo’s eyes.

He blinked once, and then twice.

When the pen still in sight, he seriously thought he was drunk and his drunken mind is making a fool of himself. He couldn’t find the pills or the bottle anywhere around him, as if it had never been there in the first place.

“It’s a strange pen, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo nearly jump off the bench when he heard that stranger’s voice. It was soft yet still sounded slightly husky in his ears. It was nothing like his owns voice.

He glanced at the stranger with wide eyes and heart beating frantically. The stranger sat a few inches from him, and he was a man.

The stranger had a short dark brown hair. His eyes were small, with double eyelids barely seen from afar. His small lips complimented his whole face perfectly. At one glance, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but to be reminded of a puppy.

“I’m sorry, is this yours?” He politely asked despite his still wide eyes looking straight to other man.

“Well, not really.” The brunette leaned his back against the bench, while his hand spread behind Kyungsoo’s back.

“Excuse me?”

The brunette tilted his head towards him, and then leaned closer, breathe barely touched his shocked face.

“What will you do if I say, it’s yours now?”

It took a few minutes for Kyungsoo to register what the other was talking about before he managed a reply. “What? –wait, who are you?”

 

— 

 

Kyungsoo learned later that the brunette’s name was Baekhyun and he had been, under the old oak tree, for as long as he can remember. Baekhyun couldn’t recall his past; he didn’t know anything except for his name and the duty that he had to commit. Kyungsoo had told him how he envy that brunette so much after that.

Kyungsoo thought that Baekhyun looked chicky when he smirks –almost looked like he had thousand of meanings hidden in every words he says— but turned into a sweet boy when he smile wide and toothy –like an angel in disguise. He found it funny how the brunette could make him felt so comfortable in just a matter of an hour.

 He didn’t know why Baekhyun’s present felt strangely familiar, and he didn’t mind how the brunette had intruded his privacy space below that oak tree.

 

— 

 

“Waiting is a tiresome thing to do. It sheds your patience to the thinnest layer the longer you have to wait. It is bothersome.” Baekhyun told him when they both had settled down in staring at the bright moon in the sky.

“Who are you waiting for, anyway?” He didn’t know why the words flew smoothly with the brunette’s present.

“No one in particular,” Baekhyun replied curtly.

“Maybe just the new owner of that pen.” He added later.

Kyungsoo glanced at the only object in his hand. His eyes lingered a lot longer than he had intended to.

“Who is the owner?”

He saw Baekhyun shrugged from the corner of his eyes. The brunette was silent for the next few minutes before he started to talk again.

“I don’t know who was the original owner, never met him once.”

“Then how come it’s with you?”

Baekhyun shrugged his shoulders once again. “Like I said, my name and my duty is the only thing I know.”

“That’s a shame,” Kyungsoo commented, “it must be frustrating not to know why you have to do something for some stranger that you don’t even know.”

The brunette pursed his lips before he answered, “I had never felt bothered by it though. I guess, some things are meant to be secrets for some reasons. The truth always hurt, anyway.” Kyungsoo found himself nodding along with the other’s opinion.

“Say, why are you here alone, Kyungsoo?”

“I’m here all alone because my life is so ed up right now.”

“Life is boring without its spice and bitterness, Kyungsoo. Sweet and candy are just for baby, you know?” Kyungsoo put up a bitter smile at the latter’s attempt on playing with his own metaphors.

“I reckon you said you don’t remember anything about you previous life.”

“I do, but I’ve been here for ages Kyungsoo. Watching people is my hobby.”

Kyungsoo quirked his lips as he let his fingers fumbling with the pen.

“Why did you try to kill yourself, Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun’s voice was soft and low, with a mix of concern and curiosity laying thick in his every words.  The brunette didn’t missed the way Kyungsoo’s eyes widened at his unexpected question. He saw the invisible walls around the other collapsed as his new friend remained rooted in his position.

“How—how did you know?” come the silent reply.

“I’ve been watching you since the very beginning.”

Kyungsoo jolted up from his seat in reflex as soon as he heard that.

His hair was a messy silk black hair; it froze in different angle like he had been outside for too long. His pair of eyes was wide, revealing more of the white than the black orbs. His brown long coat was dishevelled. He wore a soft blue shirt underneath, with the first two upper part left ed.

Anyone could tell that Kyungs had just had a really bad day—which defined his ed up term.

“Seriously, who are you really are, Baekhyun??”

Baekhyun cocked an eyebrow and offered a soft smile as a reply.

“Me? I’m just a lost soul lingering around this old oak tree here.”

Kyungsoo felt his grip on the strange pen loosened up, and he heard a small thud sound beside his right foot a few seconds later.

Strangely, he realized later that the pen had never left his hand at all.

 

 

“Pretty boring party, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo had his back facing the table where the other man had leaned on. He didn’t miss the surprised look on the other’s face, but he kept himself composed while he drink his red wine casually. He tilted his head to give one sincere smile —enough to loosen up the other.

It took awhile for the latter to reply his smile, but when he did, the smile was slow and shy. It brightened up his sun-kissed skin.

“A bit,” the man replied shyly.

“Say, why are you here alone?”

Kyungsoo watched the men beside him leaned closer, and cupped his mouth using one hand before he whispered.

“Because I don’t mix well with people,”

Kyungsoo let out a small laugh. “Funny, I don’t mix well with them too.”

He reckoned later that the other’s eyes weren’t as bright before he came.