She is sick. She knows this. Unable to eat. Retching at the sight of food. What she does not know is something is growing inside of her. Today, she has decided to make her move. She wants to change. She needs to change. With uncanny determination, her hand hovers across the many knives in the drawer. They speak to her sometimes... when voices sleep. They tell her things... things that only they can tell. They have become her hope for change. She picks up Peace, a sharp paring knife, and presses its cold, flat surface against her blistering skin. She imagines it cutting all that binds her here.

Like her long, wretched hair.

The way he it, wraps it around his beautiful fingers, presses it against his conspiring lips. He enjoys playing with her hair... as much as he enjoys playing with her mind. He likes it... then he can have it. All of it. She lets the knife do what it does best. Cut. Cut. Cut. All of it. She is merciless.

She laughs at how light her head feels with it gone. She laughs and laughs and cries.

And then he walks in. "Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind? Put that down."

"You can have it, dear... you can have it. Play with it as much as you want." She motions to the sea of hair strands littering the kitchen floor like it is a marvelous sight to see. She raises the knife and urges him to back away. "Don't follow me... or else..." She backs into the empty living room. Her eyes do not leave his face... not even for a second.

"What are you doing? Come back here."

She wants to change. She needs to change. "Can't you see?" Her voice cracks as all her courage escapes out through the million pores. But she finds she can say it. Despite everything. "I'm ing leaving you." She says it. She really says it this time. It is not just in her head.

"You can't leave me."

His simple words stamp out the flickering flame of hope. He is the Angel of Death... come to drag her soul to hell.

And capture her, he does.

"No. No! Put me down, you ing bastard! Put me down!" She drives Peace deep into his back. Her eyes grow wide. She is in shock.

"!"

Their bodies crash to the cold, hard floor.

She has injured him. She has to run. Run now. She forces her body to move. It is her chance. She wants to change. She needs to change.

"Wait... Xinling... wait!" There is something different in his voice but she does not care. She will not be made to care... ever again. She forces the front door open and blindly stumbles into the bright lights like a mad woman. " off! You can die for all I care. I'm never come back, you hear me?!" She screams so the whole world can hear. "I'm never coming back!"

Loud horns and screeching tires. A strong force knocks her down. With his life, he saves her.

To put it simply, she lives and he dies. Does she feel any better?

No, no she does not. He has long made a cripple out of her. The hole inside her heart can only grow.

Because he... he has won. And she has lost.

JAN 12 2014 |  565 WORDS | M♥H