A week or two later, my professor sent me an email saying – on the down low of course – the internship committee had narrowed down the applicants, weeded out some and narrowed it down by half. 

            Of course, I was one of the ones that made it through.  After getting rid of half, I remained in the running.

            My stomach twisted and I almost threw up, but I managed to push it aside.  Act like I didn’t read that.  This was too much.  I had projects, exams, homework, Jae Hyo and his inexplicable baby obsessed behavior to deal with.  The little guys working my brain kept crashing into each other.  The little hamster on the wheel in my head kept falling off.

            No.  Focus, Amelia.  Everything is fine.  Everything is cool.  Nothing is final yet.  There was hope that I still wouldn’t get picked.  I could pretend at least.

            Jae Hyo stayed over one night soon after I found out the thing I was pretending I didn’t know. 

            Being the only one who had an early morning class that particular day, it was just me and him in his car when he offered to give me a ride to class.

            Jae Hyo drummed his long, slender fingers against the steering wheel as he came to a stop just as the light turned red.  I watched the pedestrians begin their mad dash across the four lanes of road before the little walking man turned into the forbidden hand on the light.  In Seoul, when the light said “don’t walk” it was because cars were going to start speeding through the intersection and pedestrians were 50 points a pop.

One particular pedestrian happened to be a very pregnant woman.  I felt myself smile a little, watching her waddle across the street.  A hand casually resting on her ballooned out belly.  I caught Jae Hyo watching me out of the corner of his eye.  “What?” I smiled, turning to face him.

            He grinned lazily at me.  Leaning over the armrest, he cupped my cheek with his hand and kissed me full on the mouth.  His hand fell from my cheek to my stomach before slipping under the hem of my shirt, his fingers flat against my skin.  “I think you’d look really beautiful pregnant.  We should have a baby.”

            I almost swallowed my tongue.  “Right-right now?  But I have class…”  He knew me too well.  He must have known I was nervous because I was trying to be funny.  Or at least cutely oblivious.

            With a chuckle, he sat back in his seat and watched as the last of the pedestrians crossed the road to safety.  We were in the protection of his SUV with the tinted windows, so he had no need to wear his celebrity disguise.  He had a faraway look in his eyes and a sheepish look on his face.  “You don’t want kids?” he wondered.

            “I only want them if they’re yours,” I answered honestly, cheeks flaming with embarrassment.  “What’s the rush though, Jae Hyo?  We’re young.  I’m about to graduate.  Block b is taking off like a rocket.  We have time for that other stuff.”

            I didn’t know how else to word this discussion.  He was so intent, set on this.  But why.  I couldn’t figure out why.

            A slow smile spread on his handsome face as he shrugged casually.  “You’re right, but I don’t know what’s come over me, I…”  He shrugged, a sigh puffing out his cheeks.  “I love you.  I want to be with you forever, Amelia.”  He gestured carelessly out the window at the now almost empty street, the pregnant woman far down the block by now.  “I want to walk down the street with you on my arm, all big and pregnant.”  I giggled.  “I want to get married and have a family.”

            The light turned green and he eased the vehicle through the intersection, slowly picking up speed.  I slipped my hand into the one he had resting at the bottom of the steering wheel.  He grinned half a smile, keeping his eyes on the road, but letting me pull his hand into my lap.  “I want all that stuff too, Jae Hyo, but we shouldn’t rush it, you know?  We have time, so let’s go about this the right way.  Stabilize ourselves and then do the whole marriage family thing.  We can have as many babies as you want.”

            “I only want two kids, but I wouldn’t object to trying.  All the time.  Day and night.  Multiple times a day and night.  In various places.”  I giggled, my face feeling hot, and slapped the back of his hand.  “But you’re right.  I agree.”  He nodded once and cast me a sly glance.  “You’re so y when you’re being logical.”  He laughed heartily when my cheeks flushed pink all over again.

            Yeah.  Plenty of time to get married and have kids.  The only thing is, how are we going to do all that if he’s in Seoul and I’m in Rome?

            “Let’s buy these,” Jae Hyo called casually, from the aisle next to the one I was in.  I grabbed the toothpaste I needed, tossed it into my basket and shuffled over to where he was.  Earlier that morning, when I told him I needed to spend a Saturday morning at E-mart buying things for my dorm; he donned a baseball cap, hoodie, and sunglasses and insisted on coming along.  Well, he didn’t really have to insist.  I love my time with my Jae Hyo. 

            He kept me happy.  Sane.  Even though I knew he was hiding something.  But he kept my mind off that damn internship and my parents’ voices that kept telling me about ‘passed opportunities’ and ‘stupid decisions.’

            “Buy what?” I asked.  His back was to me.  I hurried up behind him and peeked over his shoulder.  “Jae Hyo!” I hissed, slapping myself in the forehead.  “I told you to buy those when you’re alone!”

            Condoms.  He was holding condoms.  He turned around, smirking, and shook the box at me as my face burned with horror and embarrassment.  He was so good at doing that to me.

            “But we need them,” he replied with a shrug.  “Unless you want to take your chances?”  I laughed, but quickly stepped away from him when he tried to put his purchase in my basket.

            “Ok, fine.  But you keep it to yourself and you wait in line behind me,” I muttered as I hurried out of the aisle.

            “Hey, baby, you want to get the flavored ones?  They’re new!” he called from behind me.  I cringed.  If his real identity was ever revealed when he was doing things like this, he’d be in so much trouble.

            I practically started to run when I heard his loud, pounding footsteps catching up to me.  Giggling, I turned into the first aisle I came across, but when I turned back.  He was no where to be seen.  Confused, I inched toward one end of the aisle to see where he was.

            I screamed when I felt two hands grab my shoulders.  I whipped around and began pounding on the owner of the hands.  I growled when I took in Jae Hyo’s laughing appearance.  His hands were now protectively up by his face.

            “I hate you,” I laughed quietly. 

            “I love you,” he responded, still chuckling as he pulled me closer to him.  “Especially when you blush,” he added, wrapping me in his arms.

            “Jae Hyo,” I whined under my breath as I rested my cheek on his shoulder.  “You’re insane.”

            He pressed a kiss to my forehead and stepped back.  Smiling, he asked, “What else do you need to get?”

            I shrugged.  “Some school stuff.  More notebooks, highlighters, just little things,” I answered.  “Come on.  I’m almost done.”  He slipped his hand into mine and let me lead him into the school supplies aisle. 

            After a few minutes of me staring at highlighter packages, Jae Hyo wandered off like a bored child. 

            I put what I needed into my basket and then went off to find him.

            He was in the baby aisle.  Looking at baby clothes.  The smile on his face was off, almost sad.  It broke my heart a little to see him looking like that.

            “Hey,” I said as I approached him slowly.  “I think it’s a bit small for you, no?” I joked, pathetically.

            He laughed softly, but said nothing.  I touched his shoulder.

            “Jae Hyo, can you tell me what’s going on now?”

            “What do you mean?” he asked, eyes still on the pastel yellow onesie he was now holding with both hands.

            “This.  This baby thing.  What started this?  Suddenly?  You’re only 21 years old, you…we have so much time for this.”

            He put the onesie back and picked up a pair of white baby socks.  Handing me one, he said, “I just want a family.  Is that weird?”

            “No, of course not,” I assured him, taking the sock and rubbing my fingers over the softness of it.  “It is, however, very weird that out of the blue you suddenly only want that.  Married, baby, family right now.”  I yanked the other sock out of his hand, forcing him to meet my eyes.  “Tell me now.  What’s going on?”

            One corner of his mouth turned up and he slowly took back both socks.  “My cousin got married last year,” he began.  “Then, last month, when I went back home to Busan to visit my family, he and his wife told all of us that she’s pregnant.  He’s only three years older than me.”

            “He also works for his father.  Life is different for him and his wife.  We need more time.  Don’t you want more time to be a singer?” I asked, careful not to say Block b in case there were unsuspecting fans lurking.

            Jae Hyo shrugged and put the socks back.  Turning, he leaned against the wall holding up the shelves.  “Not too long ago, my mom called to tell me my little brother proposed to his girlfriend.  They’re getting married this summer.”  He paused to laugh a little.  “My little brother is getting married before me.  He’s going to have a family and be settled down before me.  How bizarre.”  He looked up to catch my eyes.  “And my girlfriend has to be all logical and realistic.”

            I let the basket slip from my hand and fall to the floor.  Pushing up onto my toes, I placed both hands on his cheeks.  “But you know I’m right.  You can’t compare yourself to your brother or your cousin.  Our lives are different.  You chose to pursue your dreams and you’re doing it.  You are going to be more successful than you ever imagined, but that means you need more time.  Your cousin’s wife already graduated from university and your brother’s girlfriend chose not to go.  Which is fine, but our lives cannot be compared.  They’re too different.  Jae Hyo, please understand.  There is no right or wrong to this.  Just different.” 

            His eyes looked so sad, so lost. 

            “But if it will make you happy, we can get engaged.  So you know?  So you’ll believe me.  I’ll do whatever you want.  Whatever will get you out of this funk you’re in.”

            He curled his hand around my left one.  He rubbed his thumb over my fingers, landing on my ring finger.

            “You don’t wear jewelry.  Your fingers look so .  You’re just saying that so I’ll have to give you a ring,” he teased lightly.

            I rolled my eyes and pulled my hand away to give him a little shove.  “Yes, that’s exactly why I’m doing this.”

            “You’d really get engaged earlier than you want?  Just for me?” he asked.

            I nodded immediately.  Ignoring my mother’s echoing voice in my head.  “I’d do anything for you.  You know that.”

            He smiled lightly.  “You’re right.  You know?  You’ve been right.  I’m stupid.  This is not the time for us.”  Ignoring the pair of school girls walking by the aisle we were standing in, Jae Hyo leaned down and captured my lips with his for an instant.  “We’re different.”

            I sighed and nodded.  “But you know I meant it, don’t you?  If you really wanted to, if it would make you feel better, we could get engaged now.  If that’s what you need.”

            He shook his head.  “Amelia, I believe you.  I know you love me.  I know we’ll get married.  I was just so caught up in…”  He shrugged.  “Well, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I’ve been so weird lately.  I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you.”

            “Shut up,” I interrupted with a smile.

            He chuckled.  “We’ll know when the time is right, though, you think?” he asked me.  I nodded.  “Then we’ll do it.  I’ll talk to your parents, get their permission, do it just like in those really old American movies.  Your parents would appreciate that, wouldn’t they?”  I laughed.

            “They already like you, but I think my dad especially would like you talking to him first,” I admitted.  They like him, but they want me to leave him to move to a country I don’t want to live in and take an internship I don’t really want or need that could end up with me in a job I don’t actually care about.

            “Ok, so when the time is right, later, that’s what we’ll do,” he stated.  I smiled.  His smile morphed into a smirk.  “Now,” he began, his voice low, husky.  “Are you done?  Ready to go?”  He bent and picked up my basket for me. 

            “All done,” I answered.

            “Good,” he grinned.  He held up the box of condoms I forgot he’d held onto and dropped them into the basket.  And then took off running toward the registers.

            I laughed, totally uncaring about it.  I felt better though.  Jae Hyo felt better.  He understood, for sure this time.  He’d let go of what was bothering him.  We talked about it and gotten over it.  My chest still felt heavy though.  Because of what I was hiding.  What was bothering me.  I should let go.  Talk it out.

            But I won’t.  It wasn’t the right time yet.  I may not even need to.

            I raced to catch up to Jae Hyo, not feeling any better about my decision about my own bothersome secret.