I got to class early one day.  The class before let out early but not early enough for me to actually be able to do anything, so I went to my next class to sit and wait.  And nod off.

            By the time the class filled up and the professor came prancing in, I was ready for a nap.  I snapped upright and pretending like I wasn’t half way into a dream about me and Jae Hyo away for a romantic weekend.

            “Hello, hello, hello,” Professor Han chirped as she dropped her books onto the podium.  That woman was always way too damn happy for her own good.  “Before we start class, I have some exciting news.  The student for the Rome internship has been selected.”  She propped her elbows up on the podium and looked right at me.

            My stomach fell into my feet and my heart got lodged in my throat.

            “Amelia Jackson was selected to intern for the English department at the University of Rome!” she cried out, clapping wildly.  “This is the first ever we’ve had a student from Seoul University to be chosen to intern at this university.  Congratulations, Amelia!”  The other students in the class clapped half-heartedly for me.  A few turned to find out who this Amelia person was and to smile at me.  As if we knew each other.

            “Aren’t you excited?” Professor Han demanded.

            “So excited,” I replied through a tight lipped smile.

            “This is an amazing opportunity for you!”

            “So excited,” I repeated, wringing my hands in my lap.

            “I wish the best for the rest of you.  I hope you all apply for great internships like this.  Amelia, this will look so good on your resume.  If you even need one after this, I’m sure you will do wonderfully, and the University of Rome will hire you in an instant.”

            I swallowed hard.  “So excited.”

            I didn’t hear a word of the entire lesson or any words of any lessons in the rest of my classes.  After Professor Han’s class, she gave me a half inch binder filled with documents and papers and information that I would need.  She also rattled off important dates and times and deadlines.  I pretended I wasn’t listening, but I heard every word she said.  All I could think was, why isn’t she asking me if I want to take it?  Is it really so unbelievable that I may not want this?

            On complete autopilot, I walked out of the building after my classes and sat on a bench in the courtyard.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but my hand thought it was a good idea to call my parents at work.

            “Hi, Mom,” I said in monotone when she answered. 

            “Hi, honey!  How are you?” she asked.  Tears filled my eyes, but the more I blinked, the more they disappeared.

            I’m terrible, Mom!  Those stupid professors picked me for that Rome internship!  I don’t want it!  But my professor wouldn’t shut up about it!  How wonderful it is!  Maybe for someone else!  Mom, tell me I don’t have to take it!  Tell me it’s ok that I tell them I don’t want it.  They should give it to someone who really wants it.  Who really needs a killer internship like that!  One who will appreciate it more!  Please tell me it’s ok that I stay in Korea.  Tell me it’s ok that I stay here with Jae Hyo, too.

            While those words played in my head, the real story of what happened in class that morning came out of my mouth.

            Half way through my story, my mom stopped me so she could get my dad on the line too.  So we could have a family conference call. 

            “Amelia, that’s wonderful!  I’m so proud of you!” my dad cheered.  Then I actually heard him pull away from the phone and tell someone else in the office.  Seriously.

            “Oh, Amelia, this is so exciting!  When do you leave?” my mom wondered, her voice three octaves higher than normal.  “How long is it for?”

            “Second week in June I leave.  It’s until the end of August then I come home.  Unless they hire me, then I start with the new school year,” I remembered from what Professor Han had said.

            “Oh, my goodness.  That’s just wonderful!  But oh, second week in June?  That’s two months.  Well, about ten weeks actually.  How exciting!”

            “So excited,” I muttered.

            “Honey, James,” my mother began again, her voice farther away.  “Mark it down on the calendar.  The first week in June, we’ll take a couple days off so we can help Amelia get ready for her to leave.  Ah, Amelia!”  It took me a second to realize she was talking to me.  “When you get hired as an actual professor at the university, we’ll come out there for Christmas.  Christmas in Rome!  How much fun!  I haven’t been to Italy in years.  Huh, James?  It’s been years since we’ve been to Europe.  Since before Amelia was born, isn’t it?”

            Why isn’t anyone asking me if I want to do this?

            “Mom, what if…” I began quietly. 

            “What, dear?”

            “I don’t speak Italian.”

            She scoffed.  “Easy fix, I told you that.  You’ll pick it up like nothing.”

            “I like Seoul.”

            “Darling, you’ll love Rome.  What’s wrong, Amelia?  This is just nerves.  Excitement.  You have nothing to worry about!  You’re going to do great!  What?  Oh, hang on a moment, Amelia, your dad’s back.”

            After a few seconds of silence, my dad’s voice came through the line.

            “Amelia, it’s understandable for you to be getting cold feet.  This is a big change in your life!  Doors have shut, but now a window has been opened and you can dive right through it!” he assured me.  What the hell was that even supposed to mean?

            “You are going to be the best professor!” my mom piped up.

            My stomach hurt.  I let them gush over me some more until I finally had to make up a story about meeting a classmate soon and that I had to go.

            Barely able to walk after I ended the call, I pocketed my cell phone and dragged my feet around to the back of the English building.

            And threw up next to the dumpster back there.

            On my way back to my dorm, I called the one person I was dying to see that very moment.  The one person who could make me feel better.

            It went to voicemail right away.  “Hey, Jae Hyo.  It’s me.  Are you busy tonight?  Later?  When you’re done?  Want to go out with me somewhere?  Anywhere, it doesn’t matter.  It’s been a crazy week so far, so if you’re not busy tonight, come see me, please?  Ok, bye.”

            Half way through the message I remembered he’d said something about more filming for their newest music video.  That’s why he’d been so busy this week.  I hadn’t seen him in a few days.

            Back at my dorm, I was the first one there.  The others still had classes.  I put on some music and then sat at my desk to do homework like it was just any other day.  I propped the binder with all the internship information in it on my desk against the wall.

            So I could glare at it while I worked. 

            When I finished, I studied a little.  When I had no school work left to do, I sat there with my arms crossed, shooting evil looks at the binder.

            The sound of Block b’s U Hoo Hoo coming from my phone as it rang nearly scared me out of my skin.  I lunged for my cell phone that was on my bed, hoping it was Jae Hyo.  It wasn’t.  I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID screen.

            “Hello?” I answered, trying not to sound too disappointed.

            “Amelia?  Amelia Jackson?” a woman’s voice questioned.

            “Yes, that’s me.”

            “Hello, Amelia.  I’m Dr. Stevens from the Study Abroad Department.  How are you this afternoon?”

            “I’m great,” I grumbled.  Then clearing my throat, I controlled my tone.  “Thank you, how are you?”

            “Oh, just fine, thanks.  I’m calling to congratulate you on being selected for the internship at the University of Rome.”

            Of course you are.  “Thank you very much, Dr. Stevens.”

            “You must be just beside yourself with excitement,” she chuckled.

            “So excited.”

            “Well, I won’t take up too much of your time.  I just wanted to personally congratulate you and let you know if there is anything you need or you have any questions during the process of preparing for your departure, please do not hesitate to contact the office, alright?”  She sounded so happy.  Must be the same reason Professor Han was so excited.  I’m making Seoul University’s ESL department look good.  I’m making them look good.

            “Thank you very much,” I responded.

            After some formal goodbyes, I ended the call and crawled under my covers.  I must have nodded off because the next thing I know, someone is calling my name and then someone else let out what could only be described as a feral war cry and then some hysterical laughter.