Years had passed, and the place Kyungsoo came to call home suddenly felt new to him. His apartment felt different, as if he didn’t spend half of his adult life there. The park looked older, and his favourite bench rustier. It creaked once in a while when Kyungsoo would move to a comfier position.

The sun felt warm against Kyungsoo’s skin. It was the perfect weather to have a whip of fresh air in the park. He stared blankly at the children playing by the swing. He remembers his late night sessions in this bench, with his mind wandering off all over the place and the playground empty. Oh, how he loved that view, especially because he had someone to be with while the moon glistened above. His thoughts focused on that person, his gleaming eyes, soft lips, and how the world seem to change into something less chaotic and more hopeful when he smiles. His mind drowned with What If’s and If Only’s. What if Jongin was here? What if he saw him once more? Would everything be different if that happened? If only Jongin was here, if only he could see how empty Kyungsoo felt when he realized that the chances of seeing him was low. Agony started to fill his heart and that was when he snapped back to his cigarette which is now short of length. He took one last drag and flicked it to the ground. The smoke that lingered from his mouth flew west, where Jongin is sitting.The man coughed and fanned the smoke away from his face.

“Hyung, how many times have I told you to quit smoking?” Jongin said out of frustration as his nose crinkled from the harsh smell of the cigarette.

Kyungsoo remained unfazed.

Giving up, Jongin crossed his arms and sunk to his seat. At the corner of his eye, he saw Kyungsoo smiling. His heart-shaped smile and bright eyes brought comfort to the ghostly man. At least, at the very least, he could still see him smiling, even if Kyungsoo couldn't see him.

“You’re finally back” A man said as he strode towards Kyungsoo.

“And you didn’t even bother calling” He said after flumping beside Jongin.

“I thought you didn’t need me anymore. You seem to handle everything pretty well.” Kyungsoo said in defence of himself.

“Of course I do, that’s my job you idiot” Ahh yes, Kyungsoo seem to have forgotten that his Suho hyung is a director.

“Anyway” he continued “I need you to come to a meeting with me. We've found a lead actor”

“Hyung, I don’t think I need to interfere with that” Kyungsoo said. The idea of film pre-production, production, and post-production does not entertain Kyungsoo even the slightest.

“But, it’s your book—“

“Yes, it is. But it’s your movie” He said firmly.

Suho let out a sigh.

“I don’t know why you were depressed after finishing your book. I mean, it gained fame quickly and everybody loved it. And every one respected your privacy and gave you your time off. You travelled around the world, you had your book signing events, and on top of that, your book is now being made into a movie!”

Kyungsoo remained silent.

“If you were too focused on the story that it left a huge hole in your heart, then at least consider getting yourself involve with movie. It wouldn’t have justice if you weren’t a part of it even the slightest” Suho explained.

Jongin beamed his sight at Kyungsoo, who is still undecided of what to do. He smiled, and placed his hand on top of Kyungsoo's rested hand. His fingers caressed Kyungsoo’s fingers one at a time, not leaving any part of his hand untouched.

"We are having a script reading today. And the male lead we found....he's got it, Kyungsoo. I could actually feel that he is Kim Jongin" Suho said and the writer thought of how false is.

 

He twitched his upper lip for a second, thinking that no one could ever portray that lovely son of a gun. Jongin laughed loudly. He laughed freely, clapping and bouncing back and forth in his seat, since no one could see nor hear him. When his laugh subsided, he gave Kyungsoo's hand a little squeeze, pretending that it made an impact on the man.

 

"You're gonna love him, Hyung. Trust me" he said

 

Kyungsoo's expression turned soft, and his body became at ease. That was a good enough answer for Suho, who cheered himself for his successful attempt.

---

“Kyungsoo I’d like you to meet Tao, my assistant. He will accompany you throughout the meeting” Tao bowed at Kyungsoo upon being introduced and Kyungsoo bowed back.

People came and fled as quick as they could with their hands full of papers or ears blocked with phones. It was just a normal day at the entertainment agency. Everyone busied themselves with their tasks, may it be meetings, paper works, or the touring of newly hired staffs. Kyungsoo could never get used to scenarios like these, it gave him a wave of nausea.

“I’ll have to leave you for a while. Duty calls.” Suho said, with his phones beeping continuously. He didn’t bother giving Kyungsoo any explanation, and walked off with a phone on his ear and another on his hand. A part of Kyungsoo’s insides screamed at his Hyung for leaving him all of a sudden, but then he kind of expected it to happen.

Awkward silence filled the empty space between Tao and Kyungsoo. For one thing, Kyungsoo is still shocked of what had happened, with Suho speeding off to where ever he was going off to. Another is that, Tao is still learning how to speak Korean.

“Would you like to go for refreshments, Sir Kyungsoo?” Tao said. “Or maybe you prefer some liquor? We have a bar on the second floor with a variety of alcoholic drinks, would you like to head there?” His sentences faced an ocean of wrong pronunciations and uncertain words. It took a while for Kyungsoo to understand it, which embarrassed the shy Tao.

“I’m sorry” Tao said as he looked down at his feet, still quite embarrassed of how imperfect his diction is “I’m still learning Korean. If you’re not comfortable of me assisting you, I could ask another person to—“

“No” Kyungsoo said “It’s fine. Your diction is pretty well, you just need to practice it”

Tao showed a smile of relief.

“Could you show me the way to the roof?” Kyungsoo asked.

---

Kyungsoo walked speedily on the roof, going back and forth as he tried to shake his anxiousness off. The truth is, he wasn’t ready to face these meetings because the idea of his story—or Jongin’s story—being made into a film hasn’t sunken in his brain yet. Fame, itself, haven’t found comfort inside this 5”7 man’s head.

He hurriedly took a stick of cigarette out of his pack and flipped his zippo open, until the spark has been made and the cigarette was brought to life. His stomach continued to churn and his hands felt cold. His vision started to whirl and his head felt light. Getting the idea that he might collapse after a few more seconds, he sat down and tried to steady his breathing.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

But he suddenly thought of Kim Jongin and how it would’ve been better if he was here and he starts to question why he isn’t because he misses him so much and he wonders what would happen in this meeting he doesn’t even know what people do on pre-production meetings he will probably make a complete fool out of himself and you ing idiot you Kim Jongin why aren’t you here and—

The fire exit door swung open, revealing a man with a cigarette stick on his hand. His cap hid half of his face, only revealing his dry lips. He stood in a corner, and his lips before bringing the cigarette to his mouth. He took out his lighter and was about to put flame on the nifty stick, but he saw a certain fella before he could even do so. He shifted his gaze, to see a red-haired man staring back at him. The man’s clothes, as he observed, was in disarray and his hair was in a mess. Curiosity rose as he stared and the seated man, but as he added further detail to what he was seeing, it turns out that Kyungsoo was glowering at him as if he was such an intruder.

“Oh ” he exclaimed as he kept his lighter “I’m sorry , I didn’t see you”.

His cigarette remained unlit.

“I’m sorry for invading your privacy.” He bowed as politely as he can, and ran to the door.

But before disappearing to the fire exit, he said “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I am here for you if ever you need someone to talk to. I….uhm…I’m sorry for interrupting your privacy” and he left, leaving Kyungsoo with a halcyonic heart and a collected mind.

This sudden interruption helped Kyungsoo retrieve his composure even though he stuck to his pride and thought to himself that he would’ve gotten himself together even if that strange man didn’t arrive, and so he headed back to the office.

---

Kyungsoo was still disturbed of how packed the meeting is. His brows furrowed as he tried to take in what was happening for the past twenty minutes. All he could remember was that Tao led him to this conference room and was welcomed by Suho, who talked quite professionally which was peculiar of him, and the staff and cast started to scatter and dismiss to their respective labelled seats. The man from the rooftop was there too. Only this time, his cap was slightly lifted and there is something about his eyes that reminded Kyungsoo of someone, though he still couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Thank you everyone for attending today’s meeting. I would like to thank our guests for today , the members of the press, who we are greatful for making time to get a peak of what the movie is about as well as our producers, staff, family, and some of our friends. “ The first part of Suho’s speech earned an applause from everyone in the room.

“A special person is joining us today. After a year of trying my best to contact him, I finally accomplished my goal of asking him to join us. Let us give a round of applause for the author of the wonderful book that we are to adapt into a movie, Do Kyungsoo” a warm, loud cheer came along the introduction. Kyungsoo got up from his chair and bowed lightly.

“Give a speech” Suho whispered to the man. He almost gave Suho “the finger” for this sudden instruction. And he is once again killed in Kyungsoo’s mind for the third time today.

“Well….” Kyungsoo smiled nervously “I would like to thank everyone who made this possible. Without you, the book would not be as successful as it is today.” He said and sat, the never-ending clapping continued.

“Thank you Kyungsoo. Now, it is time for me to introduce the person who would portray as Kim Jongin. When we asked him why he auditioned for the role, he told us that his experience was similar to Jongin's during the earlier part of his career. In the end, he, too chose the right path, which is why he is here with us today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Kai” and the man wearing the cap stood.

He took off his cap to greet everyone with utter respect, and that’s when Kyungsoo’s eyes widened as the flood of memories drowned his mind.

Those eyes….

Nose…

Lips…

Every part of his being…

Is Jongin.

He looked exactly like Kim Jongin.

“Hello everyone” he bowed “I’m Kai”

Kai’s voice sent electric waves throughout Kyungsoo and he couldn’t help but have goose bumps. Kyungsoo never thought that he would hear this voice ever again in his entire life. He fought every fiber in his body to avoid running to him to hugging him tightly and take him away from these uninterested people.

This is impossible.

“My life was actually similar to Kim Jongin’s life and love….” He raised his own copy of the book and looked Kyungsoo “love showed me the right way back” he said and showed the genuine smile that Kyungsoo had longed for.

But it was possible after all, and the world that Kyungsoo thought was torn apart is now being built into a stronger and finer form. 

Author's Note : Hi! Thank you everyone for taking time to read my very first KaiSoo fanfic. I know that it has many flaws, but rest assured that I am doing my best to further hone my writing skill. I am sorry for not updating as fast as I could, but again thank you for sticking with me. There are a lot of grammatical errors and I would appreciate it if you help me sort it out. I apologize for it too as I, myself, find it hard to read stories with a lot of grammatical errors. Anyway, thank you once again! I love you all!

- patneska