Since he saw her for the first time, he wanted her to be his.

She was nothing special. She didn’t stand out for her beauty and she wasn’t even tall or small nor thin or fat. Her hair was tied in a simple bun so he couldn’t even measure how long it was, he only knew that its colour was the typical Korean dark brown. Her eyes were even hidden behind a pair of glasses too big for her face.
Maybe that is what he was attracted to, that she was so ordinary. He was tired of hot bodies and women turned into dolls due to all the makeup in their faces. These thoughts were kind of hypocritical as well since he was also one of them. His skin, already damaged by puberty, was being deteriorated too fast by all those beauty products he had to put on. In fact, the amount of makeup they had to wear when they had dance performances was especially heavy.
That’s maybe why he needed something common in his plastic world. His dream had been to debut and be able to sing and dance without restrictions, work in something he really liked and take it as far as he could. However, this world wasn’t as amazing as it seemed. He had to sing and dance what he was told; sometimes he even had to bear with lip-synching. He had to wear the clothes they gave him and the days that they had free time, he was so exhausted and had so much to prepare that, most of the times, he couldn’t even enjoy them.
In spite of everything, he couldn’t complain. He made quite a lot of money to help his family, doing what he loved. It was tiring but no matter what path he had chosen, every Korean person knew their life was going to be tough work and exhaustion.
The only thing he could work out from her looks was that she was a student and they had to be around the same age. She was wearing a uniform with a blue plaid skirt, slightly larger of what was fashionable lately. 

They only crossed paths once at the zebra crossing but nonetheless, he knew it had to be her. That’s why he changed his way and followed her. She wasn’t going far because she went into a shopping mall nearby and took the escalator to the fifth floor. It was the textbooks section.
Because it was winter, he was luckily covered with a hat and a scarf. Some girls would turn to look at him but no one seemed to recognize him and they would only whisper, probably saying that he was handsome. That sounded vain even in his own mind but it was a fact. Without even realizing, he had turned from the little kid with chubby cheeks and slim weak arms into a grown up man. His own fellow members in the band couldn’t stop telling him that with half admiration half jealousy in their voices.
The girl took a book from the shelf and started looking over it. From his position he could not see her very well but he noticed that her eyes were the typical small almond-shaped type. She was turning fast the pages, got bored soon of that book and leaving it in its place, went to look for another one. He had to find the opportunity to get close to her soon or it would turn really difficult to do so. Therefore, he also started to check the books. From up to down the shelves, he would pretend to look at them but he didn’t even read the titles. He run his fingers through the spine of some of them and walked to his right, very slowly, trying not to trip. He was getting more and more close to her.
Their hands met. Oh, what a coincidence. He made a surprised face when he looked at her.
— Excuse me. – She said in a whisper, bowing slightly and giving him some space so he could grab the book. He smiled. Not one of those big, forced smiles. Something subtle and shy that would click on her, sweetly. – Take it. – She insisted thinking he was hesitant. Her nose was small and her lips thin. He certainly couldn’t find a reason that would make that girl stand out.
He liked that. 
— Do you like the sea? —it was a book about marine biodiversity.
— It’s actually for a school project but… yeah, I like it. —she admitted in a quiet voice, a sweet, shy voice. Probably her vocal register wouldn’t go much up if she tried to sing. In fact, she looked like one of those girls that sit on the corner at the noraebang, holding her glass without even drinking. 
—Do you need help? —there was no need to beat around the bush. She didn’t seem to recognize him nor was she surprised that he had started a conversation with her. — I could help you.
—Are you a sea expert? —he just shrugged.
—No, but I’m pretty smart. —That was a lie. His grades at school were anything extraordinaire but when he made an effort, he could do the impossible. That’s why he thought it was a good idea to show some interest for some topics he had never paid attention to before if that could help him to get what he wanted.
The girl was hesitant. She wasn’t sure of what was going on and why a stranger wanted to help her. Finally, Oh So Young, as he later knew was her name, agreed to his proposition and they arranged to meet the next day. Luckily, he would have finished with his schedule around three so there wouldn’t be any problem.
While they were talking, he sneakily took the book that made them talk in the first place. He bought it when she wasn’t paying attention and gave it to her. That caught her by surprise and left her open-mouthed. He thought that would make a good memory for the most probably brief relationship they were going to have.
He acted as usual around his band members, the day after. He didn’t want them to know about his excitement of going out to do something out of his daily schedule. Routine was tiring and he had finally found something to distract him from it. Finding the ordinary So Young had been a blessing. 
Changjo, Teen Top’s youngest member, was known for being really quiet despite of being the youngest. That’s why no one suspected that he was going to do anything weird when he said that he was out to meet some friends that afternoon.

With his scarf and hat on to disguise himself, he met with the girl at a pretty crowded square. His heart was beating real fast. If he was recognized, it could stir quite a commotion. The adrenaline produced by this excitement, however, was being a delight and he thought that he could get used to meet her just for the sake of having these pleasing feelings every time. 
So Young arrived on time. She was wearing the same uniform as the day before. Most probably because it was a week day and she had school. Changjo missed going to school and meet his friends, laugh and play with them. It wasn’t that bad with Teen Top, the members really enjoyed the company of each other, but he still dreamed with his student life. He had to make the most of these encounters so, in a way, he could go back to his school memories.
They headed to a café. He knew it wasn’t the best place to study, but if they could find a good table, away of any unwanted observers, they could sit face to face, he would be able to take his hat and scarf and find out if she actually knew who he was and act consequently. He was lucky, very lucky. As soon as they arrived, a couple sitting in a very discreet corner made their way out of the place. If he sit with his back facing the café, no one would be able to see his face. He dragged her to that table before she could find anywhere else.
—Here. —she said, leaving an envelope on the table. —I’ve been thinking about it and I can’t let you give me a book for free when we don’t even know each other, Jong Hyun. —she could have called him oppa, but she was only one year younger.
—I know your name and you know mine, how can you say that we don’t know each other, So Young? —she wrinkled her nose a little when Changjo gave the envelope back. Her glasses moved funnily on her face.
—In that case, order whatever you want. I’ll buy, to thank you. —he was not going to refuse. Very few girls would invite a guy and, if they did, they wouldn’t accept no as a reply. He ordered a cappuccino and she asked for a juice.
They talked for a while before getting into the marine world. The night before, Changjo had been gathering some information and memorizing it to get what he got: impress her. And he did. They were so immersed in work that their heads almost touched over the table. That was when he decided to get up and sit next to her. He furtively leaned on the back of her chair and pointed at interesting stuff in the papers they were reading. He noticed that she was getting a little nervous because of the proximity of their bodies and thought that she was so sweet.
Two or three long hours went by like that until they decided to take a break. Outside it would soon be dark. What’s more, they have had a couple of teas and some snacks during the time they had been in the café. Being a student, So Young couldn’t afford paying for anything else so they cleaned up and went out to the cold streets.
—Don’t you wear uniforms in your school? —she asked while they walked. He wanted to take her, at least, until the station, even when she said there was no need. He denied it, vaguely explaining that they were quite liberal at his school. He was happy because she hadn’t mentioned anything about recognizing his face at any moment during the whole evening. He supposed that she wasn’t much into popular music. They talked about trivial stuff and he discovered that she had a little brother, a new born, and that he cried a lot at nights but she really liked to take care of him. Changjo paid attention to what she was saying while outlining a fake life for himself in his mind. He didn’t want to lie too much so he wouldn’t get caught in his own lies. —I still don’t know why you offered to help me… —she was saying when a guy bumped into them on his bike. Changjo took her arm to get her out from the guy’s way. He sighed; glad to have moved her aside on time. So Young was weightless, he thought, it had been really easy to move her. He turned his face to hers to ask her if she was fine, still holding her arm. He saw that she looked surprised and she was blushing.
They were pretty close.
He kissed her.
When she moved away from her, he noticed that her face had gone all red. Her glasses were crooked (next time, he would take them off, how annoying they were!)  and her eyes were so widely open that he wondered if they didn’t hurt.
—Because I liked you.
Beginning a relationship with her was absurdly easy. Maybe it had been like that because he was the first guy to ask her out. He felt bad for kissing her without permission. However, everything was going fine. From now on, Changjo would have to learn how to keep his two lives apart, and enjoy both of them. He was being greedy for wanting to have everything but… he didn’t want to lose any of it either. Music and dancing were his life and So Young… well, she was a good girl, he could end up loving her a lot. He was pretty sure of that.
Every night, they would text each other good night. The messages were so innocent that felt like a balm in the world of hypocrisy and falseness that he lived in. He was lucky that Andy, their producer, was always giving good advice and that youth protected his innocence. However, he had already encountered the dark side of the industry. That’s why he was so grateful to have met someone so pure and sweet who helped him to escape from it.
He replied to her last text with a heart. He never used hearts but he thought she would like them. It was simple. He had seen her twice, but he could imagine her grabbing her phone with both hands in excitement.
Sometimes it was hard to find a way to meet up with So Young, but Changjo always found a way. Once he had to go with all his make-up still on and dressed weirder than usual, which she obviously noticed. He excused himself by saying that he had to attend an important family meeting. A week after they met, he realized that he could probably get to really love her. From thinking that she was quite an average girl, he started to see her as pretty and different. On their first date, she had worn a simple white dress, paired with black tights and a pair of boots. It was pretty ordinary and not very graceful. Differently than usual, she had put some strands of hair up with a couple of hair clips, letting her long hair floating down her back. She wore her usual pair of glasses and some glossy lipstick as her only visible make-up.
As soon as he saw her, he couldn’t help but take her in his arms and kiss her. When he pulled away, she laughed, asking him where all that excitement came from. His answer was “I miss you”. It wasn’t true, he had met her the day before.
Actually, it was true. He needed her more and more every day.

A month had gone since they first started dating and they went to celebrate it to a park that night. So Young brought a little cake and Changjo gave her a necklace as a present. He knew that girls usually liked jewelry but, taking into account the unaffected kind of person that she was, he bought her a cheap one even though he could have spent a lot more. However, the odd thing here was the fact that it took him a good deal of time to decide which one to pick. He thought that was important because he had taken great care of the smallest detail to evaluate the girl’s tastes. 
She felt thrilled when she saw it and apologized for not having anything fancier than a cake to offer him. Changjo grabbed her hand and kissed it.
—You are here with me. What more can I ask for? —So Young’s cheeks reddened. When blushed, she would always look down, hiding herself behind her big glasses and slightly biting her lip. It was easy to make her feel shy and he really enjoyed that.
The night was sweet and fun. The sat together in a bench and So Young got his nose dirty with cream. In revenge, he got her cheek dirty with cream as well and then it sweetly before they started kissing.

So Young’s lips were warm and tempting. He was glad to be the first that had tried them. She was not the first one he had kissed, though. He had lied about that, he had told her that he had never been in a relationship or had with anyone before. It had been easy, as if he had been in a TV programme.  Although he was young, he was part of the entertainment world so he had obviously slept with a couple of girls. Not as many as other guys he knew and he had taken the whole thing very discreetly. He didn’t want to make it affect his hard work because it was quite common that artists were remembered more thanks to their scandals than because of their music.
He slid his hand down So Young shirt and she hit him, pulling him away in response. Changjo frowned in complain. They were boyfriend and girlfriend and the atmosphere called for it, why couldn’t he touch her a little bit?
—We’re in a park. Have you forgotten? —True, they were outdoors. He was so focused on kissing the girl that anything that wasn’t her had gone out of his mind.
Since he first saw her, he wanted her to be his. He had obtained what he wanted. So Young loved him (it had been easy, really easy), and as for him… well, he desired her and he was starting to love her. In the beginning, he could have lived without seeing her every day, now he had found himself thinking of her at his photoshoots, on interviews, while he was dancing… Well, not when he was dancing. Those were the only moments when he was able to focus completely. Dancing and singing were as important as breathing to him.
He walked So Young home, not leaving her alone on the train station anymore. He had a tense moment when a group of girls wondered in whispers if he was Changjo from Teen Top. Luckily, they lost him soon enough. They got in the train together and he blocked the crowd, pressing her to a wall. He felt how So Young leaned her hands on his chest and her head on his neck. The girl’s hair tickled him on the nose. He breathed in to smell her scent and kissed her on the head.
The second month also flew by. He was more and more busy every day and there were times when he was so exhausted that he felt like he wouldn’t be able to text her. Nonetheless, he tried to find some strength out of his tired body to do so; even if it only was “good morning” or “good night”. When they couldn’t meet, he would call her as soon as he got home. No one seemed to suspect anything from his behaviour.
What had started as a distraction, a challenge to avoid the worse side of his reality, was now part of his life. He needed the group but he also needed So Young and nonetheless, he knew that what he was doing was wrong. Eventually, he’d have to choose or he could end up losing everything. That’s why he decided to tell the truth to the girl, risking everything and hoping that her love for Changjo was enough to forgive him.
He called So Young and asked her to listen to the radio that night and to meet the day after at the same park where they had celebrated their first month together. Once she had listened to Teen Top on the radio, she would ask him why he wanted her to do so. Changjo, with a sad smile, would confess all the lies that he had told her because he was afraid that she wouldn’t have wanted to know him if she had known that he was a celebrity. So Young would sure feel disappointed but she would forgive him… right?
He arrived at the place of their date. He soon started to drum on the floor his foot, nervous. Besides some TV shows where it was needed, he wasn’t used to lying. He didn’t like it. And the more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that lying to So Young was the worst thing he could have ever done. In a way… though not entirely, he had been using her; out of pure selfishness. He was a loser that, despite everything, wanted to ask for forgiveness.
He saw her from afar. She was holding something tightly onto her chest and walked fast, determined. He had seen her like that very few times. When he was close enough to see her clearly, he noticed that So Young was crying and he got closer until they were in front of each other.
—So Young, what… —she slapped him without any warning; soundless and weak even though she had put all her strength to it.
—You’ve been lying to me! You… lied… —she threw to his chest what she had been holding tightly. It was the necklace. When it fell to the ground, he looked at it and picked it up while the girl kept on shouting at him. —I the radio! I was curious to why you’ve asked me to do it… and I heard you and recognize you… You’ve been lying to me this whole time!
He hadn’t thought that would happen. Slapping was fine. Shouting, perfect. But So Young was crying with desperation, even choking while talking. When she realised that her tears and words had no response, she hit his chest. Changjo received the first punch proudly, so he did with the next, and the one that followed… Passer byes were looking at them with curiosity but they didn’t stop to pay attention to them. 
So Young kept on hitting him, “liar, liar”, she was saying.
—I trusted you. I told you that… that is hard for me to… that studying takes my time so much that I’ve never… I didn’t feel I was able to… —she stopped speaking. It was true that she had told him about it. She was so focused on her studies to don’t disappoint her family that she had no friends. He had not only been his boyfriend but also her first friend in a long time. She told him everything. Loser… with every tear she droped, his heart break a Little more.
—I’m sorry. —as if that was of any use now.
—Why did you lie to me?! —she asked hitting him for the last time before falling to the ground. Changjo grabbed fast enough to stabilize her and then she let her go to turn his back to her. He had no right to talk her back and he didn’t even know what to say.
—I’m sorry… —he said again. They were words, just words that couldn’t embrace the whole meaning of how much he regretted everything.
—Do you feel that miserable, being who you are?
He froze, not really sure of what he had just listened. From everything she could have said, that was the last thing he had expected to hear. The sound of her breathing was heavy behind him. He decided to look at her again, moved closer, taking her glasses off and clean the tears from her eyes gently.
—I don’t feel miserable. I just… I just needed to escape for a while from the unreality that is my life. All the falseness. As soon as I saw you… I knew that I needed you by mi side. It wasn’t love at first sight but somehow… —he finished cleaning her eyes. —I knew it was our fate.
—You lied to me, you used me and it took you two months to have the courage to tell me the truth. I don’t know how that is fate. —she held her stare focused on him, with no blinking. Her eyes beclouded again but the kept herself strong, holding it up. He admired her and without not even noticing, grabbed gently her hands that were closed in fists. 
—I love you.
—I love you too. —said, kissing her forehead. So Young closed her eyes out of habit.
—But…
—But I can’t forgive you so easily. No… I can let you treat yourself like that. —he couldn’t let her hands go. If he did it, he knew that she would escape. She was trying to say goodbye. She was telling him that she couldn’t be by his side. And he knew why and he knew that being away from each other was for the better; for both of them. He couldn’t use her as a way of escape nor could he drag her to his world. Both of them would suffer.
He grabbed her more tightly and kissed her. It was their last kiss, their goodbye, sweeter and tenderer than any other, though a bit wet due to her tears
Changjo didn’t cry. He wouldn’t allow himself to do so.
Before letting her go, he put the necklace back on her hand. He wanted her to at least to have. Because if had to keep it, he would remember her and he wouldn’t be able to do it.
So Young turn her back to him. Her back moving because of her crying while she walked. It was really happening; she was getting away from him. She was leaving him. She was… 
Changjo ran. He ran until he caught her and hugged her tightly, keeping her in his arms. He couldn’t let this end like that. He had approached her to escape from the fakeness of the music industry. He wanted… he needed to find a love that would keep his feet on the ground, on reality. He had fallen for her real fast, for her normality and perfection. He couldn’t see himself with anyone else. He didn’t want her to suffer, but he needed her. And he wanted to keep on being selfish. A selfish kid.
—I don’t want to give up on you. So Young, I won’t go away. You’re not what I needed to put up with that part of my life. No I need you for both sides of my life. Damn it, I hate these cheesy thing but, So Young, if you leave me, it’s over. I’ll turn into a puppet who is only able to dance. If I’ve been like that… who can’t tell that anyone who’d approached me will be the same? Make me trust those who are like me. Don’t leave me. You know that I need you.
So Young let herself go. She didn’t turn to look at him. His words had been useless and he knew that. Even though he had tried to tell her about his feeling, it wasn’t enough. No matter what he would say because he had lied to her before.
—Until I don’t… Until I am able to trust you and your words enough… and, on top of that, trust myself and my capacity to be with you, the answer is no. I have your phone number. We can call each other. Maybe start something over and then… Changjo, take care. See you. —she whispered and started walking away, away from him, leaving him behind, one step after the other. The guy could hear the sound of her feet beating in his ears.
It was over. As fast as it started, it went away. He had been lying to himself all that time, thinking that he could have a normal life. Luckily, she didn’t want to break their connection completely. It was more like a “we’ll try again”; when they were more mature, less insecure.
He was a kid. He had been selfish but he had also learnt a lesson. Lying and waiting for everything to be fine, if not better… being so innocent and naïve had been a mistake.
He picked up his phone. He opened it and then closed it. He looked up and couldn’t find So Young’s silhouette. Looked down to his phone again, dialed a number and waited.
C.A.P’s voice was on the other line.
—Hyung, I’m… I’m hungry. Could you treat me?
—Changjo, what’s wrong? Are you crying?! —was his answer. Damn it. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. Yes, he was cryong. He hadn’t noticed and his voice had given him away.
—It’s just that I’m growing up… will you buy me some food. —he sensed some hesitation on the other side but C.A.P finally accepted and they decided to meet.
Well, until now he had had a friendly relationship with his band mates. He cared for them and he knew that they’d help him whenever necessary, but he hadn’t taken the first step. He was afraid, always afraid that people was like him. But he was maturing, right? And what better sign of doing so than to open up to s?
It will be a long road to go through. He’ll had to trust in what make up and physical perfection had covered. However, it’ll be worth it. Because maybe at the end of the road, So Young would be waiting for him.