When Jungkook finds himself, inadvertently but also quite grumpily, holding at least seven assorted paper and plastic shopping bags, in a middle of a very raucous, very rowdy last minute Christmas shoppers crowd, no morning coffee drunk and the last shreds of his faith to humanity and world peace taken away from him, he thinks, the universe is somehow out to get him.

But of course, universe, being as mighty as it is, would send somebody else to do its dirty job. Someone by the name of Kim Taehyung.  Sneaky, devilish, opportunist, Kim Taehyung. Jungkook never stands a chance, to be quite honest.

The said opportunist had banged on his door for a full five minutes, on a Saturday, and for 's sake Jungkook had only slept for two hours because his Hoseok hyung (yet another of universe's minion) refused to let him go to sleep by luring him in with promises of video games and overly salted chips. Jungkook tried  to use the Just Ignore It And It Will Go Away approach to the insistent knockings, but he guessed the said opportunist wouldn't go away even if Jungkook bodily removed him from his vicinity. Jungkook wanted to sob at his life, but instead he got up and screamed 'what the hell' to the unsuspecting cactus on the windowsill (a gift from Jin hyung) and opened the door.

"What the ."

"Is that any way to talk to your hyung? Kids these days! No respect at all to their elders."

"Okay, my darling your highness Taehyung hyung, what the ?"

"CHRISTMAS!"

And that is how Jungkook finds himself, three hours later, arms aching and mouth tasting like bubble tea and so many regrettable life decisions, in front of a fitting room, in a high end boutique that sells stuff he could never afford. Ever. He misses his cactus.

"Jungkookie! Do you like this shirt?" The devil incarnate appears yet again in another shirt, this time a blue dress shirt with sleeves roll up to his elbows. If Jungkook was going to be honest, he would've said 'you look like McDonald's worker' but Jungkook is never mean, even to people who he routinely wants to slap with a sledgehammer.

So he just nods and says, "perfect, hyung."

"You know I don't trust you at all, you ."

Jungkook heaves a giant sigh. Honestly, that's all he's done today; sigh. If people have specific quotas on things they do every day, he'd go over limit of sighing a few hundred sighs ago. Ah, life. "If you don't, why did you ask? Hyung, I wanna go home."

"But, Jungkookie, hyung has so much more shopping to do! I have to get Christmas gifts for everyone! You must accompany me if you love me," Taehyung pouts, the little . Sometimes Jungkook wishes he could write cute Japanese emoticons on giant cardboards so he could use them when he doesn't want to say anything out loud.

Like right now.

But that would be ridiculous, so Jungkook says, "I swear to heaven, hyung. I am never going to get conned to accompany you shopping, ever again."

The universe, of course, being a sneaky thing that it is, grabs this moment of weakness and lack of focus to unleash another of his great weapon upon Jungkook's existence. Taehyung pouts. Big big eyes blinking and lower lip jutting out and his cheeks puffing out and his bangs getting into his eyes and what the hell, really, Jungkook thinks, because one moment he wants to seize the nearest hard object and bodily harm Taehyung with it and another moment he wants to grab those cheeks and squish them so hard they become dumplings.

"But, I thought Jungkookie loves me." There he goes again, another pout and all the glittery eye thing and sparkly sparkly fairy dust around his head and wait, where the hell is this chiming coming from?

"Hyung, I- it's not like- what? I need coffee." Jungkook throws his on a chair. He can't deal with all of this before coffee. He doesn't even know who he is before coffee. This is too much before coffee.

"We'll get you some coffee after I'm done." Taehyung ruffles Jungkook's hair and marches into the fitting room again. Jungkook lets his head fall with a resounding thud on the wall, thinking, that maybe one day he would be able to coexist with only his cactus as companion, which is not able of any cuteness or pouts or glittery eyes, because he's so done with any form of cuteness after he met Taehyung. So ing done. Someone please take him out from the oven.

Two espresso shots and one session of foot thumping later, Jungkook finds himself yet in another clothing store, shopping bags overflowing on his fingers and the sharp slices of the plastics being a painful reminder that he is the one who agreed to this scheme. Sigh. He throws a sorrowful look at the ahjumma who stands behind the counter and the ahjumma glances at Taehyung's frantic browsing and down to Jungkook's hands and she nodded emphatically. The struggle is real.

"Come here, Jungkookie! Do you like this?"

"Why did you ask me? You said you don't trust me."

"If you lie about this one too then you're stupid. This is for you." Taehyung grabs two or three or eight hoodies and shoves them into Jungkook's arms, the shopping bags precariously saved from falling all over the floor by Jungkook's abnormal athletic ability, thank goodness. He takes one look and says, "Why?"

"Christmas! And you're my favorite dongsaeng so ho ho ho !"

"Are you retarded?" Jungkook wants to cry out from his hyung's ridiculousness, and yanks at his hair and makes a dash out of the store as fast as possible because everyone is staring at them at that point, and people must think that he is Taehyung's boyfriend, which he so painfully obviously unfortunately (he's not sure about unfortunately) is not, but instead he grabs the hoodies and marches defiantly into the fitting room.

He models everything out, all the eight of them, in front of Taehyung. There's a small group of giggling girls in the corner and he knows Taehyung looks like he just walked out straight from a manga, but can't they be less obvious? Jungkook can't deal with this but Taehyung apparently can. He ignores their pointed fangirling and continues to look critically at Jungkook's modeling session.

"Which one do you like the best?"

"I don't know, hyung. You're the one buying."

"I don't know, Jungkook-ah. I kinda love the bunny one. Jungkook the bunny. Ah, so cute!"

"Hyung, I don't wanna be cute." Inserts Japanese pouting emote here, Jungkook thinks. Jungkook doesn't want anything cute, much less a bunny, a freaking white bunny on his hoodie and how many times should he say that HE'S A MAN, he wants to be treated AS A MAN, wears manly shirts and do manly things which of course don't include shopping but alas, what Taehyung wants, Taehyung gets. This is what Jungkook meant when he said he never stands a chance.

The day ends uneventfully, the both of them slumping on the couch of Jungkook's student accommodation room because partly, Taehyung is too tired to drag himself up the stairs to his own room and partly, he loves to see Jungkook suffers. Jungkook removes his shoes and jackets for him and cringes at the smell but otherwise makes no comment when Taehyung tries to snuggle into his lap while he watches rerun of Breaking Bad. He looks at the cactus staring accusingly at him from its place on the windowsill and Jungkook thinks he really really really doesn't stand a chance. At all.

Damn universe.

a/n: if you spot any mistakes please let me know i've been up for nearly 20 hours when i wrote this lol what is sleep. as per usual, comments and subscriptions are not compulsory but they are strongly encouraged hahahaha.