”chaerin ah”

I heard him whisper as i tuck him in bed. Its been what,  4 years. 4 years since dara left him, but here he is again losing himself to beers and more beers.

I just finished watching movie and preparing myself to sleep when the bar manager calls me. Apparently,  the manager and staffs know me already because this guy is a regular on their bar, and me, who have the role as his bestfriend is fetching him everytime he’s too drank to even drag himself to his apartment.

“chaerin, why did you leave me ? “

I dont know what to feel , cl is so unfair leaving him. She knows, she clearly knows what will  happen if she leaves him. I still remeber the day she says goodbye.

“darong, please take care of him. Please take care of him for me. I know this will be hard for jiyong but you will be there ryt ? Dont leave him.

Thats also the day that i found out she knows my secret.

“I know it dara, were bestfriend remember? I know how much you love him. And im sorry if i cant let him go. I love him too and even though i know your feelings for him im still being selfish. But now you will have the chance to show him how much you care for him. Please love him more than i did. Can u promise that daraya? “

“i promise”

Its been 4 years since that talk and i dont know if i can still go on with my promise. This is so hard, too hard for me. Ive been there for him ever since cl left, ive been there since he’s starting to waste his life. Im always there when he’s so drank and crying while chanting her name. Ive been there and you just dont know how much it kills me.

------------

“dara-ah”

I heard him calling me. I slowly open my eyes and stretch myself. The last thing i remember is sleeping on his couch while we are both watching movies. Though it looks like he carries me on his bed.

“Ive already cook our breakfast, go wash up now so we can eat already.”

He left me alone in his bedroom so i can prepare myself. jiyong ever since his last drunk moment 7 motnths ago, is getting better now. That night i decided that i need to talk to him for the last time, if he still doesnt get over with it, ill be leaving.

FLASHBACK

“JIYONG, Can we talk ?”

SILENCE

“ok, if you dont wanna talk, I WILL.”

SILENCE

“im tired already, im tired of this, tired of fetching you everytime you drowned yourself in beers. Im tired of pretending in the morning that everything is alright. Im tired of taking care of you, its been 4 years and what ? ive been devoting those 4 years for you. Making sure you’re ok, making sure that you’re still living and not killing yourself.i know how much you love cl but she is not here and she will never come back  to you. Why cant you just accept it and move on ? i know its hard for you JIYONG but its hard for me too. Im so tired, tired of waiting, waiting that one day you will be back. The guys who is always there for me, the guy who makes me laugh, the guy who i can depend on. The old jiyong who is full of life. The old you who never fails to smile. Im so tired of waiting, if you cant still move on and still want to continue this kind of life, im sorry. I love you jiyong,i love you so much. Ive been inlove with you but if i continue this nothing will be left on me. I will also be lost and i dont want this to happen. Im sorry if ill be leaving too. Its so hard fixing you when obviously you dont want any help.”

I dont realize im already crying. Tears for the both of us. Crying on how much he was broken,and  how much i badly want to fix him but i know i cant. This tears for realizing how much i love this guy. I dont want him like this. I miss him so much . but  i know im losing a battle here, i can never retrieve him.

“im sorry DARA. Im sorry.

Im crying so much that i dont realize his already so close at me. I look up and saw his also in tears.

“im sorry that i cant move on. Im so trapped at my pains, i dont realie you’re hurting too. It will be hard for me but for you i will try to do this. I will move on just please dont leave me too.”

And then he huggedme. He hugged me so tight. A hug that conveys a lot of message. Moving on, letting go and an old self.

PRESENT

Its been 7 months since our talk. And im happy to say we are doing great. Even though that time i confess his love for him were not awkward with each other.Sometimes i still saw the pain in his eyes but he us trying to move on and im so happy im part of this.

My thinking got interrupted when a loud knock came on the door.

“dara!! Are you planning to live in the bathroom ? i still need  to meetup with the guys. Im already late! Can you just go out there??!! “

“ ok ok .. im comming! “

so not wanting to pissed him more i hurriedly finish preparing and come out in the bathroom.

“you know you dont need to wait for me, if you’re running out late on your appointment.

“ well, i will not be running out late if you’re not so long in that bathroom. Just say it darong you want me to put bed on the bathroom? You know since youre always here in my apartment ill just renovate the bathroom into ur bedroom.. hmmm? “

“shut up before i throw this bread on your face. Not a bad idea ctually since ur already dressed and ready to go. It wouldn’t be hard for you to hange clothes again ryt ?

“ok ok ill stop teasing you. Later if you dont have anything to do, you can drop by on top’s bar ok ? ill be leaving now, dont forget to lock the doors later ok ??”

He said and kiss my cheeks. Its like a normal thing for us like this every morning and i admit im always giddy when he kiss me. (on the cheeks ./ sigh ). Im happy to say that our status is not on the friendship level now though were still not on bf/gf level also.  

“but you’re still not finish on your food! “

“i already drink my coffee. Ill be leaving now.see you later”

---------

Since i dont have any plans for the day, i called jiyong and ask him if i can join him and his friends.he just told me that they are in top’s restaurant vip room on the 2nd floor.  So here i am at the bar on my way to the room when i notice the doors open. Im planning to walk in when i heard him and top talking.

“so dara and you?”

“were just friends”

“friends?”

“well she is, what would we be?”

“lovers?”

“no, were not like that too”

“so you still dont forget cl?”

“i will never forget her, she is my first love and no one can replace her.

“even dara? “

“yes, even dara”

I dont know why im hearing this. I thought were ok. I thought were already have mutual understanding. Is it just me ? did i assume too much ? a tear escaped my eyes and when i look up i saw jiyong and top’s surprised reaction.

“dara. let me expla-“

I didnt listen to what he will say next. I just ran away outside and calls the available taxi on the street.

----------*

“it was still you cl, it was still you all this time”

When i rode the taxi, i told the driver to take me here. Everytime i feel  like this, its the place where i find my peace of mind.

“i know you will be here”

I dont need to look at my back to know who is the one talking. I know that voice. that voice who is always like a music on my ears. Tears escaped on my eyes again. And even though im crying i still answer him.

“what are you doing here?”

“we need to talk, and i know you will be here”

I didnt answer. I just stare at the ground.

“you heard our conversation” he is not asking but stating a fact but she still answer it.

“yes”

“you dont understand”

“i understand jiyong, no need for explanation.”

“no you’re wrong”

“i dont want to hear it right now. can you just leave me here alo-“

“shut up. You will listen to this even if i force you.”

“do we really need to do this in front of cl’s grave?”

SILENCE

“i love you DARA”

My heart stopped. How many times i imagined him saying that to me ?

“thats not what i hear a while ago”

“i love you dara

“how can you say you love me when obviously i cant compete to cl I cant replace her in your life.

“its true, you can never replace cl She was my first love, my world revolves around her when she was still alive/. She was my everything, my muse my inspiration. And then she got sick. I still dont care about that time cause i know she will live. I wont let her die. I wont let cato take her away from me but i lose. I died dara i died too. How many times i wish thats me. How many times i wish i can see her again. Im always drowning myself to beers and pains coz i dont know if i can still make it to live another day.

“you live, you make it for 4 years.”

“yes, and thats all because of you dara. I will never be myself again if not for you.  When you talk to me that time, thats when i realize that im taking you for granted. Im still fighting and not dying coz i know you will still be there even though im so mess. Its true you cant replace cl, chaerin is chaerin and she is not you.and i will never wish for you to replace her. You’re both different.  She will forever hold a place in my heart. But it doesnt mean i cant love you dara-ah. You fix me. Me and my broken heart. You’re the one who doesnt give up. , who still believes that i will come back. You show me your love dara/. To tell you honestly, im the onewho doesnt deserve your love but im still taking my chances. . And i know whereever cl is right now, she will be both happy for us.

I was speechless. Thats when i realize that even i dont want to replace chaerin. She became the instrument to me and jiyomg. She is jiyong’s first love and there’s no point of competing with her.

He said he loves me. I know deep inside my heart that he’s telling the truth. I can see it in his eyes, the love and sincerity . but i still need to be sure about this.

“you are sure with your feelings? Do you... really love me ? “

“i do, cl as our witness. I love you baby.”

“i love you too. “

“i will prove it to you every single day”

“you promise?”

“i promise”

And we sealed that promise with a kiss.

====

originally this is a chaehyuk fic coz my twitter friends are chaehyuk shippers. they ispire me. but then i cant resist daragon my main otp so i repost it to dg so if u see some mistakes on character spare me !!

hehe

ahn. im not good at writing so yeah. thank you if you are reading