Luhan wanted to scream. He wanted to cry, to kick people, to run away. He wanted to wake up from that horrible nightmare which seemed so horribly real. But the only thing he did was stand unmoving, eyes wide open at Sehun, who didn’t even blink. The blood was forming  a little silver pool in half-melted snow. Some villager entered the circle that had formed with only Sehun and Luhan in it, and he pushed the blond boy, yelling something Luhan didn’t hear. He was pushed again, by someone else. Like a deadly tide, all the villagers got closer to them slowly. Just before he was swallowed up, Luhan managed to struggle and slip between two girls then to escape. They tried to call out to him, but he ran away. At last, he could  move.

                Luhan ran faster than he’d even run, his feet sinking in the thick snow at each step. Once or twice, he slipped and fell down face first, but he still got back up and carried on, his fear and his panic acting more efficiently than the best drugs. It wasn’t long before he realized he didn’t even know where his crazy running had led him. He was in the middle of the woods. There, the leafless trees with their slender, bony branches, covered with snow, all seemed to be skeletons pointing accusating fingers at him. It gave such a different feeling from usual. Look, he’s the one in love with the man who killed the fairies, a grimacing voice sounded in his head. Although it was only his imagination, an unpleasant shiver ran down Luhan’s spine.

                He wandered around for a while, almost timidly, until he found a flat rock. With trembling hands, he pushed off the snow on it. His fingers were as white as the flakes. If he stayed outside for too long, the thin cracks on his knuckles would open and start to bleed. He wasn’t even wearing a coat. Luhan sat down, brought his legs against his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He curled up into a ball, forehead resting on his knees. And he listened. The trees were cracking from time to time. But everything else was silent. Luhan closed his eyes.

                So in the end, Baekhyun, Baekhyun the liar, Baekhyun the scandalmonger, had been right. They’d all been right. He was crazy. He should never have let Sehun stay, and even less showed him the fairy halls. Sehun was a killer. He’d murdered all these beautiful magical creatures. Luhan clenched his fists, filled with hatred, sadness and above all, a horrible feeling of betrayal. Behind his gentle and honest appearances, Sehun was a killer. A killer. But Luhan didn’t even know what was the worse between this or the fact they’d been in love. If Sehun had lied to him about the fairies, he had surely done the same about his feelings. That was when Luhan’s heart shattered for good. Icy tears rolled down his cheeks and got lost on the fabric of his clothes or in the snow.

                Sehun didn’t love him and he’d played with his heart. Although he knew he was all Luhan had got. Physically, Luhan could nearly feel all the places where the young man had kissed him burn, like painfully branded. Wiping his mouth with his sleeve afterwards, Luhan spat into the snow, and he took deep breaths in to attempt holding back the disgusting nausea creeping up inside him. He was shaking with cold like a fragile crystal that vibrated because of the frequency of winter. With a frozen sob, he got to his feet, only to find out his legs couldn’t quite support him. But he still started to walk, just wishing his hands could have moved.

                He wanted to go back home to find warmth, but at the same time, everything there would remind him of Sehun – if Sehun didn’t come back there; in that case it would be even more complicated. It would only be up to chance. Luhan didn’t even know where he was. It was somehow funny, because he knew the forest like the back of his hand, but now he couldn’t find his way back home. After he stumbled around for maybe half an hour, it started to get darker and even colder. One of Luhan’s fingers was bleeding, and even his saliva wasn’t warm enough to relieve the pain in the other ones. He walked for an eternity, until at last, he reached the edge of the woods and stepped into a lighter world. Fortunately, he recognized the main road, and briefly, he felt happy of having been able to find his way back.

                He followed the path towards his house, his fingers from time to time. However, a few minutes later, he arrived where the villagers had found Sehun earlier. There was no one left. Slowly, Luhan walked towards the circle of melted snow. But the blood he found wasn’t only silver. His heart received an electric shock. Someone was probably injured at the moment. When he looked down, Luhan saw a hollow in the snow; it formed a sort of curve and wound away as if someone had dragged his or her body along. Or another body, Luhan shivered. There were blood stains here and there. Luhan followed the trace carefully, dreading what he would find.

                About a hundred meters further, he spotted a dark shape in the white from a distance. As he got closer and closer, it became obvious it was a body. And Luhan was scared because he could recognize it. It was Sehun’s body. Perhaps he was even more scared the young man might be dead than he was scared of him himself. When he reached him at last, Luhan kneeled down. Sehun was lying on his side, one of his arms outstretched as if he’d wanted to grasp something and drag himself further. Luhan stared at him for quite a long while. He poked the young man’s stomach. Sehun didn’t move. He shook him, grabbing his shoulders. Sehun didn’t move. “Sehun!” Sehun didn’t move. Terrified, Luhan shook him harder. But Sehun didn’t move.

                Nervously, Luhan rested his ear against his chest. And he had the huge relief of feeling the, albeit faint, steady move produced by his breathing. He was happy to see Sehun was alive, but at the same time, guilty. Sehun was a killer, he wasn’t supposed to help him. Luhan didn’t know what to do. If he left the young man there, the feeble trace of life remaining in him would definitely freeze and fade away.

                That was when he noticed the strange stain on Sehun’s temple. That stain was dark, too dark. Even if it was almost night time, Luhan had no trouble identifying what it was. Taking a deep breath in but above all blaming himself a thousand times for doing this, he lifted Sehun up the best he could and draped his limp arm over his shoulder, then he started walking slowly towards his house. Sehun’s hands were even colder than Luhan’s if it was possible. Halfway, Sehun coughed suddenly and Luhan had to let go of his arm and support him while he spat out a scary amount of blood. This only made the blond boy walk faster and faster afterwards.

                By the time they got back home, everything was pitch dark. Fortunately, Luhan hadn’t forgotten to leave a light on inside his house. He struggled hard to open the door, having great difficulties with both supporting Sehun and managing to push the key into the lock despite his frozen fingers trembling and not obeying him at all. As soon as he got inside, he dragged Sehun to an armchair and dropped him on it with a heavy thud. He immediately went to the fireplace and stretched his hands out, his palms facing the flames. He couldn’t stop shaking. But his entire body seemed to thaw out little by little. Closing his eyes, he wondered again why he’d carried Sehun back home. He’s a criminal!, the lucid part of his mind’s duality said. But you’re in love with him, the other part pointed out softly.

                Luhan took off his beanie and got a little closer to the fire, snuggling up to its warmth. For once, he thought about nothing, allowing himself to have a short rest. All that mattered was heat. However, a low groan reached his ears suddenly and he started. Abruptly, he remembered the blood on Sehun’s temple and he got up. He hadn’t even looked at the young man in full lights yet. And when he did, a horrified cry left his lips. He hurried to the armchair where Sehun’s body was sprawled, and kneeled down. All his doubts had vanished – the only thing that was important right then was Sehun’s safetly. But for the moment, it wasn’t guaranteed.

                Sehun was in an awful state. His lower lip had been cut open, as well as the arch of his eyebrows. He had bruises all over his jawline. And his temple was bleeding dangerously, blood sticking to his hair. Luhan’s heart skipped a beat. He hurried to the bathroom to fetch bandages and cotton, and came quickly. Of course, Sehun hadn’t budged. Luhan took a fair amount of cotton to press it on Sehun’s temple, after carefully pushing his hair off it with his index. It was the biggest wound, and seemed to have been caused by something powerful – not a fist; a foot, more likely. Once he’d washed it with a little water, Luhan bandaged it, and took care of his forehead. It was bleeding too, but it wasn’t as deep. He still cleaned it, and put a bandage there as well. Though he couldn’t do the same with the young man’s lip, and he just hoped his saliva would do the work.

                After looking at Sehun’s neck, he noticed a few other cuts and traces. For a second, he hesitated. But there was no doubt, he had to check. Not there, though. Trying to be delicate, he slid his arms under Sehun’s armpits and half-carried, half-dragged him upstairs to lie him down on his bed. There. He gazed at his face for a moment. And modestly, he undressed him.

                Sehun wasn’t bleeding in any other places, or only slightly, but there was a huge bruise on the right side of his chest. Luhan bit his lip. He would probably have a cracked rib. Luhan sat down on the bed slowly, Sehun’s stomach with a finger. His skin was white and smooth. Luhan had seen him for fractions of seconds, before he’d have shut his eyes tight and turned around. But never like this, for long minutes, without the feeling of being peeking. Luhan traced circled around his bellybutton. He could distinguish the soft outline of his ribcage which formed thin enlongated hills on his upper body. And his collarbones, with hollows above them.

                Sehun had broad but gentle shoulders, so low and delicate despite his strength that Luhan wondered how it was even possible. His waist was thin; his legs, long. Luhan sighed quietly and fondled his pale stomach with his hand. His chest was now raising and lowering visibly. There was a scar on his hipbone. It was a slightly different colour from the rest of his skin, and looked like smoke. With a tug at his heart, Luhan looked at him really closely, his gaze embracing all his body. Sehun was beautiful.

                The more Luhan observed him, the less he could believe he was a real killer. But the memory of silver blood dripping down his fingers flashed through his mind and he clenched his teeth. Even if he tried really hard to find another explanation, he found none. Taking his fingers and his palm off Sehun’s stomach, Luhan covered the young man’s legs and chest with the bed sheets. He gazed at him for a while, inwardly feeling really frightened by how small the difference between the colour of said bed sheets and Sehun’s pale skin was. He really hoped he wouldn’t die in his sleep. He deserves to, though, Baekhyun’s voice said in Luhan’s head. Luhan shook it away.

                After going to the bathroom, he slipped into his bed as well, much too exhausted to do anything else. Compared to usual, Sehun’s breath was almost inaudible. Luhan still listened to it, scared it might stop all of a sudden. He had trouble falling asleep, in spite of his weariness, because he knew nightmares were waiting for him. That time, he wouldn’t be able to crawl into Sehun’s bed to be reassured and soothed. Luhan cried a little.

                And for the second time since he’d met Sehun, he drifted into sleep without really knowing whether he was a murder or not.

~

                He had expected Sehun to wake him up in the middle of the night because he was in pain, but no noises interrupted his sleep. When Luhan got up in the morning, Sehun was still in his bed, lying almost in the same position as the previous night; he’d just pushed the bed sheets a little away, and his hands had slipt unconsciously onto the right side of his chest, covering the large bruise in a gentle protective way. In daylight, he didn’t look as white as before. Or maybe he was really getting his colour back. For a fraction of a second, Luhan’s mind and thoughts took flight like a dove and he saw himself climbing onto the bed and pressing kisses all over Sehun’s skin until he woke up. But he caught the bird just in time, before it flew too far away, and caged it. He was absolutely not to imagine such things. Sehun was still more likely to be a criminal than to be innocent.

                Feeling somehow sad, Luhan realised the young man would have to leave. Now that the entire village had caught him, it was too dangerous for him to stay. Luhan was frightened, because he could feel an end coming to a lot of things. Many things… Walking and eating with someone by his side, sleeping with another breathing for lullaby, cuddling sessions by the fireplace, whispers exchanged and feathery kisses on his skin. So many things. With a sigh, Luhan tore his eyes off Sehun and headed to the door of the bedroom. He decided to let him sleep – he really needed to rest, especially after having been injured so badly.

                In the kitchen, Luhan drank a cup of tea and forced himself to swallow a couple mouthfuls of bread. He spotted his diary on a cupboard. Of course, there was nothing written in it about the events of the previous day. But he couldn’t bring himself to open the thick notebook and to write down his thoughts. They were so confuse and unclear that they surely couldn’t be put into words. So he only remained sitting on his chair with his long-sice-gotten-cold teacup in his left hand and a half-eaten piece of bread in the other, gazing at the fireplace across the room but not really seeing it.

                The main thing he was wishing was for the earlier incident to have never happened. If only he’d never got to know Sehun had murdered all these fairies… He would have lived in lies, but in happy lies. While now, he only had the harsh truth. And honestly, he’d have preferred the first option. Even though he hated lies and black areas in his mind, dark and unknown, where horrible secrets were waiting to be found out, this, this reality wasn’t the one he’d wanted. Luhan swallowed with difficulty for the lump in his throat was huge. He feebly dragged himself to the bathroom, where he curled up into a ball in the shower, under the boiling hot water, until said water turned cold.

                He made his way back to his bedroom. Sehun hadn’t moved an inch. But when Luhan got closer to himp, he noticed his eyes were wide open. It surprised him so much, because he’d been convinced the young man was still sleeping, that he let out a small yelp. However, Sehun didn’t even blink. “You’re – you’re awake,” Luhan said awkwardly, trying not to sound too aggressive but above all not too tender. Not too in love. Sehun looked down. His eyes were the only thing that moved. Luhan stayed a few steps away from the bed, fists tightly clenched. He didn’t say anything. Sehun still hadn’t met his eyes.

                There was a sort of invisible wall of silence pressing hard on both of them, and it was so heavy that Luhan thought it would never be broken. He was pushing against it, because it was truly unbearable. And Sehun must have been doing the same, as the two of them opened their mouths simultaneously. What left the young man’s lips was only a faint whisper, but Luhan stopped speaking right away. Sehun swallowed. Silence again. “Explain,” Luhan said, his voice about to shatter.

                “I can’t…”

                “I don’t care, tell me what happened!” Luhan said. “Tell me or I’m going to – to…”

                “I love you – ” Sehun began.

                “Don’t,” Luhan stopped him. “Don’t even start with that. Don’t even start with that!” he said. Like bubbling water, all the words he’d emprisoned inside for so long started to overflow, and he couldn’t contain anything. “Don’t – you’re always using horrible ways to get what you want – you’re, you’re grabbing my hand and…and kissing me and saying things like that and – and then I’ll agree with you and you do this because you know I will and you know you matter to me and I hate you for this! I hate you!” he screamed. Sehun had turned as pallid as a corpse. Breathing in and out at a pace fastened by adrenaline, Luhan looked away and tried to calm down. No reply came from Sehun. Absolutely none. “I hope you stay there and die in your sleep,” Luhan spat before he walked out of the bedroom, slamming the door.

                As soon as he was outside, he started to shake like a bush in the wind. His heart was drumming a crazily upbeat rhythm. He ran downstairs so fast he nearly missed a step, and he took refuge by the fireplace, curled up in an armchair. He only stopped panting several minutes later, when tears weren’t threatening to roll out of his eyes anymore. Ha. It had been so long since he’d lost his temper for the last time. A sort of lightness had seized him, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. That was when he realized how he truly felt. He felt happy. Relieved. Liberated. Soothed. Luhan rested his chin on his knees and smiled to himself, gazing at the dancing flames. Of course, he’d have to apologize before Sehun left, otherwise it wouldn’t be nice. But it could wait for a while. After all, that guy needs to stew a little, he thought amusedly. Criminal.

                It wasn’t long before he closed hie eyes to think more peacefully, dozing slightly. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew he’d been away for too long. Through the windows, the sky was splashed with dark blue and grey. No surprise – the clock indicated it was almost five p.m. Luhan sighed. He really should stop falling asleep in the middle of the day. But strangely, he felt fine. So fine he decided to go to the bedroom and check on Sehun. After turning the lights on, he climbed the stairs quietly, pricking up his ears in attempt to hear whether Sehun was doing something. But he heard no sound. And indeed, when he stepped in, Sehun was lying on the bed, only in a really slightly different position from before, head turned towards the opposite wall, eyes hidden.

                The blond boy walked to the bed. Sehun’s eyes were closed. Luhan sat down as lightly as he could, but barely a second later, Sehun’s dark irises and wide pupils were looking at him. “I’m sorry about earlier. I still hate you but I shouldn’t have said you could die in your sleep,” Luhan said right away. Sehun blinked.

                “Do you think I deserve it?” he asked in hushed tones.

                “Nobody deserves it,” Luhan sighed softly. A bitter laugh left Sehun’s lips, but he winced, raising his hand to his ribcage. “You surely have a cracked rib,” Luhan said. Sehun nodded even if he didn’t look like he cared, and he looked away. Luhan was sad that every time their eyes met, the young man wouldn’t hold his gaze even for a mere millisecond. “If you want to drink or eat something…” he began dully. Sehun shook his head. “Well then…” Luhan said awkwardly.

                “Do you think I killed them?” Sehun whispered after a while, so low Luhan wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. He swallowed with difficulty and turned his head to the side so that Sehun wouldn’t see the shame painted all over his face.

                “Y – yes, I do,” he replied.

                “Do you think the fairy died in my hands?”

                “I do,” Luhan murmured.

                “Well, you’re right. Because she did,” Sehun said. Luhan’s heart skipped a beat. He’d crazily hoped Sehun would say something else, at least a word that would still have left hope. And now he was confirming everything. Luhan felt the lump in his throat grow. If Sehun himself said he was guilty, it was no use to hang on the thought everything might’ve been a mistake. He thought once again about living in happy lies. “You’re right,” Sehun repeated. “She died in my hands.”

                “Please stop – ”

                “Only I wasn’t the one who killed her.”

                Luhan turned towards Sehun abruptly. He honestly was hesitating between wanting to slap and to kiss him. The first option, because that horrible suspense he liked to put to ‘make everything more dramatic’ was starting to get on his nerves; the second one, because he hadn’t killed them, he was innocent and everything would be fine. But if he hadn’t, then…who had? Luhan only opened his mouth in mute astonishment. A tiny smile formed on Sehun’s lips. “I guess it’s really time for me to tell you everything,” he chuckled with a little moan of pain afterwards.

                There were creatures almost nobody knew. At a moment of his life, Sehun had used to live in a village, far, far away, with a name that sounded like little rocks being thrown into the water, to Luhan’s ears. In that village, there’d been an extremely strong community belonging to his religion. One of the said creatures had, during several weeks, slaughtered absolutely everyone there, including all Sehun’s relatives. He had only managed to run away luckily, and he had reached another place, where he’d told his story to people who fortunately had believed him. In particular, a man who knew about the creatures.

                Sehun had learnt a lot of things about them. They were monsters attracted towards places with high vital force; for example, countries where elves, people with powers or a strong religion lived. Or fairies. Eventually, Sehun had left the village and kept travelling. Crossing more and more villages, he’d noticed there were a lot of places where people or magical creatures were killed inexplicably. So he’d started to hunt the monsters. He would even stay in magical places for long, although sometimes there wasn’t any monster. Not yet.

                Some were easy to get rid of. Some others would have butchered everybody before he could even catch his breath. But the worst was when people thought he was the killer. This had happened more than once, which was why he had to run away constantly. When he’d reached Luhan’s village, he knew there was a really powerful vital force inside, but he’d never seen fairies before, so it was new to him. Of course, he’d expected a monster to come sooner or later, which had happened. Whenever a fairy was attacked, he would go outside and try to do something to save her. In these moments, he would have told Luhan he needed to pray. (Luhan frowned, a little offended.)

                Most of the time, he managed to save them, but some couldn’t escape and were killed. Then, the day when he’d been ‘caught’ had come. But the situation was really serious. After killing magical creatures, the monsters attacked humans too. Ha. A horribly cold shiver travelled down Luhan’s spine. But what if Sehun was lying completely? All these people dead – Luhan wanted to throw up. “I don’t believe you,” he choked. But Sehun’s devastated cry washed all his doubts away like a giant wave. For a second, they just stared at each other. Then Luhan swallowed. “O – okay, maybe it’s true…” he stammered.

                “Thank you,” Sehun whispered, closing his eyes with a quiet sigh. Luhan was a little confused. He’d received too much information at the same time. So he just remained sitting where he was, processing everything. Sehun may not have been a killer, but the entire village believed he was one. Which meant he couldn’t possibly go outside and be seen. What about Luhan? He was the one who’d welcomed Sehun and brought trouble. So it wasn’t a good idea either. Biting his lip, he realised they would have to manage by themselves for the moment. “Do  you?”

                “Wh – what?” Luhan stuttered.

                “Do you? Do you forgive me?” Sehun asked.

                “That’s stupid, I can’t forgive you. You haven’t done anything,” Luhan muttered, still blushing. Sehun smiled with his eyes closed and he slowly stretched out his fingers for Luhan to take his hand. The blond-haired boy took it, hesitantly at first, but he felt amazingly relieved to find that gentle warmth spread into his whole body once again. Sehun pulled him closer. With an awkward cough, Luhan looked away, trying to hide his embarrassment, because Sehun was still underneath the bed sheets. “Does your temple hurt?” he asked to break the silence.

                “So much,” Sehun smiled without opening his eyelids.

                “I’ll fetch some drugs – ” Luhan began to stand up, but the young man held him back.

                “Don’t, it’s okay. I’d rather you be here.”

                Luhan found nothing to reply to this. He sat back down and gazed at Sehun’s injured yet peaceful face, feeling strangely happy.

                Even after Sehun fell asleep, he didn’t release his grip on Luhan’s hand.

A/N: Here, I hope you feel better now xD

I really didn't want to tell anyone Sehun wasn't really...well...ahem. But now you have more information ;)

Thank you for reading, I love you!

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