Tell me I’m not the only one.

Tell me that with every ounce of dreaming I produce, I bring myself closer to you.

Don’t talk to me about never because never has killed me so many times in the past, I don’t think I could take it coming from you. Don’t tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t real because I’ve never been so sure, and I’m willing to make all the sacrifices possible to show you just how much you mean to me. Don’t tell me you love him because honestly, I know that you love him. Isn’t he the reason you’re not with me? Or is it really me that’s the problem?

Your existence means so much to me, sometimes it nearly takes my breath away. Every single morning when I wake up, I think of you, I wonder if you’re still sleeping. Then I get up and realize that in some other life, you’d probably be there, still sleeping next to me. It makes me smile. As I rub the sleep off my face, I get up and start my day without you. It’s always without you. It bothers me lately, it’s like an itch in my heart that I can’t scratch. I want you in ways I’ve never wanted anything before. When I sing to you, do you hear me? They say real lovers can communicate through space and time, so do you hear me right now? Can you feel my pain?

Whatever you do, please don’t forget about me. I know I’m not the prettiest person alive and certainly not the most charming, but I’m pretty sure, no one has ever felt the way I feel about you. I’m presumptuous enough to believe that you won’t ever meet anyone like me. Not because I’m unique as a person, but because of the way you make me feel.

I know that I’m human and that humans at keeping promises, but I was never like the rest of the crowd, I always walked backwards, always avoided the current, always looked down when everyone looked up, so believe me when I promise you that someday I will come to find you. And when I do, you will never forget the look in my eyes and the smile on my face. It will be glorious, it’ll be something you never want to look away from.

When I hold you down and make love to you, you’ll feel things you’ve never felt before. When I kiss you, you’ll be begging for more because no one has ever tried kissing you with as much love as I have.

It all bears down to one thing : I love you.

I may not be able to say it out loud, or act it out, but I still feel it with every fiber of my body. All I need to do is think about you and my heart races. You cloud my judgment, you alter my decisions.

You changed me.

 For better or for worse.

In my fantasies, I’m always comforting you. Is it because you’re sad? I know you’ve been having a hard time lately and I know that it’s partly my fault. I’m sorry I can’t hold you like you want me to, but at least you have someone to hold you and that person isn’t me.

I have no one.

I bear the weight of the world on my shoulders. I only have two hands though, so the task is impossible. I can’t do it alone. Sometimes I lean on your words and then I know I can face another day. But when I think of you being held by someone else, I die a little and then I remember that what matters most to me is not whether you’re with me or not, but that you’re happy. If I didn’t love you any less, I’d tell you to break up with that man that now possesses your heart, but I love you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts. I have to admit sometimes it’s hard, sometimes I want to be selfish, sometimes I want to tell you just how much I love you and see the look on your face. Would you cry if I were to tell you now? Would it matter at all if I said it out loud? How does it feel to be loved by two people simultaneously? How do we measure up? He and I are so different…

When I look at those pictures of you, I feel as though you’ve already died and I’m mourning the loss of you. Am I crazy? Is this not enough? What did I ever do to deserve this? I brought it on my own self but God sometimes I swear it’s like I was destined to love you. The way it just happened; without effort, without any second thought.

Pure, genuine, love.

I swear I could grow wings if I loved you hard enough. That way I’d always be close to you, enough to see you but not enough for you to see me. But I also believe that if it were the case, I’d stop loving you because I’d realize my love would only hurt you.

Why does it hurt to love? Why must it destroy as well as heal? Why is love just so powerful? If I wasn’t strong enough, I’d cry about my fate every day, but your love also makes me strong and so I don’t. I still have other ambitions, I must be a better person, I must be what others can’t. I have a purpose in life and so, even though it is connected to you, I have things to keep me alive. If I only lived of your love, God knows I wouldn’t last long. I don’t mean that your love is poison, but rather, that you can’t love me as much as I love you and therefore, I would run out of it. If we loved each other equally however, then it would be different.

We’d be invincible.

We could change the world.

I could go on but you’re waving for me to go to you right now. I’m assuming there’s something wrong with the verse we just recorded and so I must end this rant here. I’ll just write this :

I love, I have loved and will always love you.

Pour Vivienne, come toujours...