Another day have come and yesterday has gone. I turn to my left as the stylish unnie arranging my school uniform. I can see and hear Sunyoung unnie bickering over her phone with Amber, maybe. Jinri cuddling with Qian unnie on the sofa. Typical things that we always do when we’re in waiting room.

I smile at him when he greet at all of us. I just bow my head a little since the stylish unnie still doing her job with my skirt. Right after she done, I called by the photographer to take a solo shoot first. Right after that, he come to me holding two white round cards and give to me another one.

It not so awkward than the one we had yesterday. Which I had to link my hand on his arm then look into his deep eyes and brought both of us into laughter. I can’t explain my feelings that time. I just way too nervous around him. And I don’t know why.

He smile at me then I told him sorry for not greeting them in proper way and he just shook his head and said that they understand. It really calm me down and his words are so warm to be heard. I have this feeling before with another guy but I don’t know what the exactly thing it is.

It just makes me feel warm, butterfly on stomach, excited, nervous also makes me want to scream. I don’t know what exactly it is. Like seriously. I should ask Qian unnie and Sica unnie for this. They’re much older than me and they must already felt this feeling more before than me.

His chuckle makes my tiring day turns into a wonderful days. He said sorry for thousand times because asking my number  from Amber without my permission. It’s not a thing to say sorry for and I’m happy for it actually. Glad that Amber give it to him. Just like that how we became friends.  

And today, he come to my set right after he done with his performance. He didn’t come alone, he come with his manager, flowers and the polaroid camera which I gave him during his birthday before. He said he love the camera so much because someone special give it to him. He really know how to make girls heart beating.

Today is the last day of High Kick filming. So, he decide to come to give me a ‘congratulation’ surprise. I did surprise with his sudden visit. I bring him to somewhere more warm then he give me that flowers that he holding and a smile create on my face. He is so sweet. Then he told me to stand just like how I stand right now without moving an inch.

I did it and then a flash shock me. I walks to him and see him taking his own selca with the camera. As the picture starts to show it’s magic, I can see my back capture perfectly. I ask him did her did it on purpose and he just answer me with a simple words saying that he will use that picture as his twitter’s display picture.

I’m not sure why he did it. Why did he want to use that picture when I’m sure he have bunch of better picture and why using it and the picture have me on the back. Does it means that he likes me?

“Kim Doyeon. The ulzzang. Do you know her?”

My heart stops for a while just when he told me that he is in the relationship with that girl. He also told me that I’m the first person who know about this relationship because I’m special for him. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad for this.

This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expect. He giving me hope before but I’m too stupid for thinking that the hope is more than just friends but the hope is – be my best lady friend.

‘Don’t expect too much on people, the less you expect, the less disappointed you will be when they let you down’

I guess the quotes is right. Don’t give your hope too high. Just like I’m hoping a fairytales with him. All I can do for now is smile and listen to everything that he want to tell me just like a bestfriend would do even it's hurting.

He called me. He telling me what exactly happen. He cry. He sob. He want some comfort.  

But he doesn’t know he hurts me. Since he with her,

He didn’t call me. He didn’t tell me what happen to him anymore. He smile. He laugh. He want some space with her.

Now, when everything going out from what it should be, he regret it. He also told that she actually planned all of that. She just want some fame. He finally know it and I knew it before him. I just don’t tell him because he deserve some lessons.

To know which is honey and poison in life. He just taste a bitter medicine and now he regret eating it. He just got the pain and he want a pain killer. Yes, he deserve a better girl but not me anymore. He keep repeating the word of ‘stupid’ tons of times but all I can say is

“Too late”

He is too late to regret everything because all of it already happen. Some of his fans gone and some stay but just a little amount of them that support him with her while the others, stay silent. Just like me. I rather stay silent than respond to his scandals.

I don’t know what I can help. I don’t know how to comfort him. I just don’t know. He didn’t even help me with my feelings and didn’t even comfort me. How should I know how to help him with that. I seriously don’t know. I’m sorry Myungsoo.