Kibum smile. but his smile didnt reach his eyes.

He pretends that he was okay. but inside, his heart was aching so badly.

He didnt know how he should react. he wanna cry, because its hurt so much, but his eyes refuse to do. So he just frowned, letting his poker face on. eventhough, his heart was bleeding everytime their laughter touched his ears.

He need a breath.

He excuse himself then quickly walked out from the room.

Kibum opened the door to the rooftop. the cold wind welcoming him, touching his bare face, making him shivered a bit. he walked and sit on the ground, leaning againts his back to the wall.

Kibum closed his eyes and take a deep breath, hoping this uncomfort feeling go away quickly. He opened his eyes, looking up to see the sky was blues. like his feeling now. Grey cloud hanging above and ready to cry.

Kibum blinked. and blinked, and blinked. he lift his hand to touch the corner of his eyes.

why? why my tears didnt come?

i can feel the pain growing bigger inside myheart. but why? why i can't cry? why?

Kibum frowned. looking around.

Rooftop.

He cringe, bitting his lip. How can he manage to go here? Kibum sighed, throwing his head back.

Maybe if i'm the one who meet him here, i'll be there now, beside him. instead of Taemin.

Maybe, if that time he just go to here, maybe Jinki will more close with him more than Taemin.

Maybe if he's the one who youngest beteween them, Jinki will pay attention to him more than Taemin.

maybe if he can act more cute, Jinki will laughed with him. not with Taemin.

maybe if he can act more friendly to him, Jinki will care more about him than Taemin.

Or maybe if he's Taemin, Jinki will Love him.

Kibum bit his lip hard. this thoughts was overwhelming. eat his heart and made it rot. how can he hate Taemin becuse of this? how can he blame someone else?

He curse himself.

Pathetic, didnt i?

Kibum knitted his brow. He looked down. His eyes started glossy, hand playing with the ring on his hand. The nail ring he bought with Jinki. He smiled a bit, remember how happy he was when Jinki decide to brought the necklace with same shape with his ring.

"we look like couple,right?" Jinki smile was beaming, and Kibum was mesmerized. he feel like he can go die because of happiness. He hope Jinki meant it. But no. Never.

He blinked, a tear dropped on his cheeks.

He though that he can't cry anymore because of this. but like always. he only can cry because all of this.

He hate himself for being so gloomy.

He hate himself for always think how perfect they were when they together.

He hate himself for being upset everytime they fooling around.

He hate himself for pretend that he didnt care.

He hate himself for cryng becuse all the moment they have.

He hate himself for loving Jinki all by his heart.

He hate himself the most for being such a coward who didnt dare to move on.

"hey..."

Kibum look up, to saw Jonghyun smile at him. He smiled back a little, wiping his tears. Jonghyun sat beside him. Kibum thrown a glance at him before turn his eyes back to the ring. They keep silent for a whole minute, before Jonghyun talked.

"u cryng again"

Kibum smiled sadly.

"stop this" jonhyun turn to him, ruffle his hair "u better stop this now. stop hurting ur self".

Kibum bit his lip, sighing deeply. "i can't,hyung. i can't stop this love"

Jonghyun smiled. "i didn't told u to stop loving him. i told u to stop hiding"

"How can he know that there's someone who love him so much and always feeling blues all the time because of him? how can he notice ur feeling was exist when u never show it? u never try to tell him.”

Kibum hug his knees. turning his head to the side, ignoring Jonghyun stare.

"i cant,hyung.."

"why?"

Kibum closed his eyes, letting his tears down. "because i'm scared.... its hurt enough for me to know that he didnt love me, i don't need to be proved by the words from him. i dont want to ruin everything i have now"

"how did u know that he didnt love u?"

"i know he didnt love me. i feel that. besides, he love somebody else"

"..."

"he..love Taemin!"

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. Kibum sighed. "i can feel that, hyung"

"than u love me too,Kibum-shii. come on,  stop being delusional. stop killing urself with the though oh-Jinki-is-so-in-love-with-Taemin. they just bestfriend. aren’t its normal for them being closed because they have been best friend since a long time ago? like us?"

Kibum sighed, shrugging his shoulder.

Jonghyun smiled, ruffling Kibum hair " u just have  two choise here,Kibum. take it or leave it. and stop thinking Jinki-hyung in love with every person he best friend with. Taemin, Luna, Hyeyoen-noona, Junhyung-hyung, Joon-hyung. maybe if i got closer to him, u will tell that he in love with me too?" Jonghyun laughed while got up.

"stop cryng,okay. i'll go first" Jonghyun pat Kibum cheeks before walk away, hand on his pocket.

Kibum ruffled his hair. he staring blankly to the door that closed after Jonghyun gone. Slowly, he slump down to the ground. he hug himself, letting sob from his lip  come out.

but Jinki never care about me, Jonghyun hyung. Never..

------------

Jinki fidgeting in his seat.

He looked again at Kibum through the rearview mirror. though it almost visible, Jinki can see Kibum eyes was a bit red.

 Is he tired? or he has been cryng?

Jinki remember events that happened before at office. Kibum hurriedly went out from their room when they had a break.

Jinki didn't miss Kibum blank eyes before he stormed out.

and He started to worried because Kibum didn't come back after half of hours. He about to check him but Jonghyun was faster. so he just smile when Jonghyun said he will search Kibum.

Jonghyun.

Sometimes Jinki just want to kick him out from his life.

He didnt hate him. how can he hate one of his precious member and best friend. But he can't handdle his feeling to hate jonghyun whenever he close to Kibum. whether its fanservice or not.

Blame him. call him jerk or whatever.

He feel sad for Jonghyun when he know about the news that he broke up with his girlfriend. but on the other hand, he feel anxious.  he just scared with the though that after all of this Kibum and Jonghyun will get more closer than before. and he hate it.

Why its Jonghyun who always there with Kibum, not him?

Why he always has to glance secretly to Kibum when what he really want is staring deeply in to his beautiful eyes?

Why he always have to suffer with all of this?

No one never know how much he want to kill Jonghyun when he saw him being too close to his Kibum.

His Kibum.

Jinki snorted.

Pathetic! how can i said that he’s mine, when just to  take a step closer to him, i never dare?

How can he said Kibum was his?  when just to saying that he deeply in love with him, he didnt dare..

How can he said Kibum was his? when everything he do was admiring him for  a far.

Stupid.

Taemin who was sitting next to him nudge him with his shoulder.

"whast wrong,hyung?"

Jinki shoke his head before let his head drop at Taemin shoulder. Eyes looking at Kibum back.

Taemin follow Jinki stare and smiled. He move his shoulder to nudge Jinki again.

"just confess, u stupid hyung" said Taemin.

Jinki just smile, tired of repeating all the words he always tell to Taemin.

He rather hurt himself like this than find Kibum reject him.

Its enough for him to be closed with Kibum like this, watching how he smile for a far.

or maybe not.

Because the pain always creeping inside his heart.

Jinki eyes lightening when he notice Kibum look at him through the rearviewmirror, but the said boy turning his head right away. Jinki couldnt hide his disappointment. His heart aching more when Kibum leaned his head on Jonghyun shoulder.

Jinki burried his head on Taemin shoulder. Tensed. Taemin sighed,  understand  what was happening to his hyung. he typed quickly on his phone and show it to Jinki. Jinki read the message.

"dont be sad. its nothing between them. just like us"

Jinki smiled sadly. He take his bag and put his hand in, searching for a pink box he always carried wherever he goes. He opened the box inside the bag and touch what was inside. a necklace with a nails pendant. The necklace that he bought because its similar with the ring that Kibum have. He remember Kibum smiled so brightly when he showed this necklace to him. and he really happy back then.

just this necklace, that always make him feel more better when he depressed.

He turn his head to leaning againts the glass window. looking at Kibum through the reflection. he sighed, gripping the necklace tightly.

but Kibum never care about me, Taemin. Never..