Title: The Ice Princess & Her 12 Suitors

Author: sujushipper

Characters: Park MiNa (OC), EXO

 Title:

Just by seeing the title, I can figure out the storyline. But, since it is a comedy genre, it's okay. 

Rating: 4/5

Description/Foreword:

The description of the characters should be in the foreword section and the description of the story should be in the description section and lastly, the author's note should be at the end. In my opinion, though.

For the character's part, you shouldn't reveal everything, it will just spoil the story. Revealing it slowly will spark the interests of the readers out there.

Rating: 6/10

Grammar:

"classic stories of princesses acting as the damsal in distress whilst the knight in shining armour comes to save the day, and then they live 'happy ever after'," should be "classic stories of princesses acting as the damsels in distress whilst the knight in shining armour comes to save the day; then they live 'happily ever after'."

 "resulting in you not wanting to step out of your comfort zone and be adventurous." should be "resulting you, still in your comfort zone and not be adventurous."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks. I think I best be going now, s'good seeing you, Min," should be "Oh yeah, thanks. I'll be going now. Good seeing you, Min." (This seems a bit vague because I didn't understand anything."

  "Immediately, you began tidieng up and putting it back within the box." should be "Immediately, you began tidiyng up and putting it back in the box. "

"As a princess." You should remove that. It doesn't play much in the paragraph.

By the way, you should put some punctuation marks at the end of each dialogues.

Rating: 19/25 _{Due to punctuation marks.}

Characterization:

The characters are well explained throughout the story but Mina seems a bit too mary sue. Mina doesn't like guys ever since birth, shouldn't that be impossible? Unless some traumatic experience occured in her life. Especially the part when she told them straight that her mother died, its as if she didn't care at all. EXO is okay but the way you emphasize Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Kris was a bit off. She needs to find a suitor. She needs to meet every EXO member and evaluate them. To check who is going to be (or not) her suitor.

Rating: 3/5

Plot/Storyline:

I've read a lot of these kinds of things already. So it was predictable. Except for the third power thing though. Also, she was intrigued by Kai at the beginning. How come it was disappearing? _{(I was kinda shipping them. :)) )}

Rating: 20/25

Writing Style:

Your writing style is okay, but what disturbs me is that you use whilst too much (my opinion). You should be careful with the commas, periods and such. Vocabulary-wise, it is okay. Italicize the sound effects.

Rating: 4/5

Originality:

I like the 'marry the one you love so that you could obtain your power'. It gives off the feeling to the readers (including me) that you placed an original feel to the story. You also put emphasis to the characters but balance it out. So that each of them gives a distinct character. Not just 'The nice ones like Chen and Xiumin'. That's too vague.

Rating: 16/20

Enjoyment:

To be honest, I was half-happy and half-sad. The fact that it was a bit cliché and Mina should have a slight spark on one member. Hehe.

Rating: 5/10

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