When Kyungsoo prayed for a boyfriend at church every Sunday, she had expected a nerdy man with a stable job. A husband-material type of guy. The kind of man that her mother had always told her to look out for.

Her mother and consequences of her actions, the two heavy weights that had never gone missing on Kyungsoo’s decision-making scale, were here again as she considered the issue that is Jongin. Being with Jongin had many outcomes and none seemed positive to her, especially the one with her ruined career, which subsequently equated to a waste of three university years. And the most important factor: her mother. While Kyungsoo didn’t quite mind tattoos, piercing and alcohol, her mother hated them, and Jongin happened to tick all those no-no things on her mother’s list of disapproval. Not to mention that he was three years her junior.

Nope, her mother would kill her and Jongin the moment she sees them together.

Despite the fact that Jongin didn’t exactly fit her expectation, Kyungsoo knew that Jongin would undeniably make a good boyfriend. He was an understanding person and they shared many common interests. She was never bored when she was with him. And most importantly, he showered Kyungsoo with affection and attention, the kind that she’d always yearned for whenever she watched Yixing and Kris being together.

She would have agreed to go out with him if he wasn’t her student. But he was, and so, she couldn’t do anything else but learn to cast away her feelings.

She continued to ignore Jongin, hoping that both her and his attraction would soon fade away. For the first few days, Jongin endured her avoidance, thinking that it was a temporary thing. But he quickly realised that it wasn’t the case when she continued showing no signs of wanting to talk to him.

The confrontation took place on a Wednesday. Normally, Kyungsoo would have stayed back for her weekly preparation. But she knew that if she did stay, she would be trapped by Jongin again. Thus, she had spent her precious lunch break to do her after-school work.

Ten minutes before the final bell Kyungsoo began to pack her things, getting ready to rush out of class the minute the bell goes. She had entrusted her best student, Soojung, with the job of locking the door for her, using the excuse that she had an after-school program that she needed to run to.

Kyungsoo was walking past the door of the school’s old gym when a hand extended out to grab her arm and pulled her inside. The person locked the door while holding her tightly with their free arm. She squirmed, trying to get out of the grip in the dark. Though she couldn’t see the face, she knew that it was Jongin. Who else would want to corner her beside him?

Turning on the light, he released her and stood against the door, arms crossed against his chest.

She yelled at him, ‘What do you think you’re doing? Let me out.’

‘No, you’re not going anywhere until we talk.’

‘I could report you for this,’ she said. A slight smirk appeared on his face. ‘You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t dare to risk the chance of exposing our kissing incident to the principal.’

She huffed angrily at her failed attempt.

‘So, did you think about what I said last week?’ His voice changed to a softer tone.

‘No, I need more time.’

Shaking his head, he said. ‘You’re lying. From the way you’ve gone back to avoid me, I already know your decision.’

‘If that is the case, then there is no need to continue this conversation.’

He took steps forward to her until he was only a feet away from her. ‘Kyungsoo, we can make this work,’ he said in an earnest voice. She looked down at the floor, fearing that his gaze would tempt her to give in like last time.

‘No, we can’t. Go and find someone else.’

‘But I only want you. And why do you keep pushing me away when it’s obvious that you like me too?’

‘Sometimes, mutual feelings do not necessarily equate to a relationship. Especially in our case,’ she said. ‘Even if we have one, it won’t work out so why risk the heartbreak when we can avoid it? We both will get hurt so please, stop - just forget everything that happened between us.’

The self-restraint and effort to avoid him that bottled up over the past week became overwhelming to her at that moment. She began to sob uncontrollably, angry for reasons unknown to her.

When Jongin had tried to hug her, she pushed him away with all the force she could muster. He stood helplessly beside her, watching her cry. After some time, he unlocked the door, stopping at the threshold and said in a resigned tone, ‘I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll forget everything.’

Regret and grief overwhelmed her as she watched him walking out.

------

Kyungsoo declined all of Yixing’s invitation to hang around with Kris’ team, using the excuse that she had taken up tutoring at night time. She’d missed her new friends, but she couldn’t risk spending more time in the presence of Jongin.

Despite saying that she will forget Jongin, Kyungsoo couldn’t do it with him being in her class. They treated each other like air. Present but not visible. Kyungsoo felt miserable, especially when she accidently overheard her students’ gossips about how Jongin was with a different girl every day.

She felt betrayed even though she didn’t have the right to. After all, she was the one who pushed him away. The saddest part was that she couldn’t express her sorrow. Her turmoil had to be kept hidden under the composed façade in case her mother and everyone else question her.

On the third week, something occurred during the last few minutes of her class had Kyungsoo thoroughly heartbroken. Soojung, the class’ gem, had walked up to Jongin and confessed to him amidst the stares of her classmates.

From her seat in front of the room, Kyungsoo prayed silently for him to say no.

It took him less than a minute to reply.

‘Okay. Let’s date.’

Without sparing her as much as a glance, he strode out of class, followed by a flustered Soojung.

While the male and female students were busy cursing Jongin and Soojung respectively as they left the classroom, Kyungsoo remained motionless on her stool, staring at Jongin’s seat. Drops of tears fell down from the corners of her eyes as the implications of what happened registered her mind.

‘Kyungsoo, are you alright?’ A female’s voice brought her back from the reverie. Realising that it was Luhan, she wiped her face furiously, going back to hiding her misery. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked.

‘Are you the reason why Jongin returned to his promiscuous life?’

‘I don’t know what you are talking about,’ Kyungsoo lied.

‘Oh yes, you do. There was definitely something going between you and him,’ Luhan said with conviction. ‘You two hid it pretty well. I wouldn’t have known it if he didn’t accidently call out your name in his drunken state last week.’

Kyungsoo said nothing in response. Luhan continued. ‘You know, Jongin doesn’t normally sleep around like this. It had only been twice and both times were the result of something wrong with his love life.’

‘It’s pointless trying to deny because it’s obvious that you like him too. If you didn’t, then you wouldn’t be crying when he walked out with Soojung,’ her student said in an exasperated voice. ‘Look, both of you are miserable so I don’t understand why you broke up.’

‘We didn’t break up. We weren’t in a relationship,’ Kyungsoo corrected angrily.

A knowing smirk appeared on Luhan’s doll face. ‘Ah, you’re not denying that you like him.’

‘I don’t like him,’ she snapped. Luhan pulled a chair and sat next to her. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing happened.’

‘Don’t be like this, Kyungsoo.’

She scowled. ‘It’s ‘Miss’ for you. And no, you will hear nothing from me.’

‘Fine, then I’ll make a guess. So both of you have feelings for each other, he confesses to you –’.As she spoke, Luhan carefully observed Kyungsoo. ‘- and you reject him.’

‘Don’t make things up like that,’ Kyungsoo denied, trying to maintain a straight face.

Unfortunately, the hitch of her breath did not go unnoticed by Luhan. Ignoring Kyungsoo’s reply, she asked, ‘Why did you reject him?’

‘Stop it, Luhan. What are you trying to get out of this?’ Kyungsoo gritted.

‘Nothing except trying to rescue my best friend from his astray before it becomes a regret to him in the future.’ Luhan was close to yelling at her teacher. Taking hold of Kyungsoo’s hands, she looked at her, concern evident on her face as she asked earnestly. ‘Tell me why you rejected him, I might be able to fix it. Is it because he is too young?’

Chewing her bottom lips, she slowly replied. ‘That is one of the reasons.’

‘How about other reasons?’

‘I’m a teacher and he’s my student,’ she stated. ‘It’s illegal.’

‘You won’t be his teacher anymore at the end of this year when he’s graduated. In the meanwhile, all you have to do is hiding your relationship until then.’

‘Yeah, it’s easy as counting one two three,’ Kyungsoo scoffed. Luhan was glad to see the gradual wavering to her resolve. ‘I didn’t say it was going to be easy. I’m saying that it isn’t impossible.’

‘No, even if I was able to hide it, my conscience won’t stop biting me, society will look down on our relationship. It’s unethical!’

‘Screw morals and society. Who cares what they think?’

‘I do.’ Came Kyungsoo’s instantaneous reply.

Luhan rolled her eyes. ‘Well, then you will suffer under their hypocrisy. What, you don’t think that society is committing immoral acts behind closed doors? Tell me, how can a relationship between a teacher and her student be considered as so wrong when it’s not doing harm to anyone?’

‘Maybe he will regret it later. He is too young, he just got caught up in this fleeting attraction to me.’

‘You make it sounds as if he is a kid. He’s legally an adult now. And trust me, he is more mature than you think. Looking at how he is taking your rejection, I’m sure that what he feels for you isn’t fleeting.’

‘Look, what I am saying is that all you need to think about is your own happiness and ignore the voices of your conscience and society. Jongin is a good person, so don’t let such a man slip from your grip. They’re kind of rare nowadays.’

The words sunk into Kyungsoo’s mind. It seemed like the battle between her conscience and heart was coming to an end very soon.

Then she remembered the issue. ‘But he’s dating Soojung.’

‘Don’t worry. She’s only a one-night stand.’ Luhan waved a dismissive hand at Kyungsoo’s concern. ‘He’ll be ready for you tomorrow. Don’t mess things up again.’ She assured her before leaving.

That night, Kyungsoo lied in bed with the different possibilities of Kai’s reaction (which only consisted of joy and surprise) running wild in her mind. She would abandon her conscience for once and pursue happiness. Even if it would only be for a few days, she was willing to take the risks.

(tbc)

It's a short chapter. Thank you for reading.

Feedbacks are always appreciated. And I would be more than happy to answer any questions you have.