“What's the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin.

  Griffin shook his head. 'Nothing. She's just two personas struggling for dominance in one body.

  [Jasper] ... Poor little thing.” 

― Kady Cross, The Girl in the Steel Corset

November 28^th, 2013

“So, Kai…tell me, do you know Lee Hyeri?”

He scoffs. “Can I get a cig?”

The psychiatrist stops typing and looks up at the newly changed person in front of him. The nervous Jongin he brought in earlier had disappeared; and the boy who is sitting in front of him now wears a devilish grin and taunting eyes which are holding back secrets – dark secrets that have been kept hidden from Kim Jongin himself.

“If I get you what you want, will you tell me about Hyeri?”

Kai shrugs and adds, “Free me from these – “ he glances down at the metal locks around his arms. “ – and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“I can do that,” the elder man agrees, knowing that as long as Kai is still sitting on that special-designed chair, he wouldn’t be able to lay a finger on anyone else.

---

He returns a few minutes later, with a pack of cigarettes in his right hand and a lighter in the other. He hands both to Kai, who takes them with a coy smile and eyebrow raised.

The doctor settles back down in his own seat and switches on the black recorder in front of him. “Time: 1330 hours, 28^th of November, 2013. Case file #3145, patient’s ID: Kim Jongin.”

The boy makes a low grunting sound. “It’s Kai,” he corrects him. “Jongin isn’t here.”

The psychiatrist nods and humours him, “Correction – patient’s ID: Kai.” It was an intentional move, and he was glad that Kai had fall for the trick.

“So Kai, are you ready to tell me about Lee Hyeri?”

Another puff, a set of rolling eyes and an indifferent reply. “What about the ? She’s gone. Who cares.”

“What do you mean gone, Kai?”

“Didn’t you go to school, old man? Gone – disappear, vanish, away, dead…take your pick.”

Dr Han carefully chooses his next few words. “Dead, I presume?”

Kai chuckles and lets out another breath of toxic air. “You’re pretty smart after all.”

---

Within his two tortured souls, Jongin is struggling to break free. There are so many walls around him, thick heavy walls trapping him in and he’s starting to get really, really scared. He hears the echo of his own voice, but it isn’t him doing the talking. He hears the daunting words the devil in him spoke, about Hyeri…about the girl he loves.

Gone…

What is that supposed to mean? Hyeri isn’t gone – she couldn’t be. She’s always been right next to him. She would never leave him.

---

“What happened to her?”

He makes it seem so easy, as if he couldn’t care less about what he had done, of the sin he has committed, of the pain he had inflicted. Nothing rattles Kai, not even the deepest of pain that affects Jongin.

Shrugging, and with such nonchalance, he says, “I killed her.”

June 2012

“Where are your parents?”

It was the first time Jongin had brought Hyeri over to his house, and the first baby step he had taken to invite her into his world. It was a bittersweet feeling; he liked that they’re becoming closer but he was also afraid of pushing her away (like he had unintentionally done with everyone else)

“Dad’s working, like he usually is,” he answered, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “I don’t know where in the world he’s in right now though – always out of the country.”

That part was true. But what he didn’t tell her was his father did that because he was avoiding him, his own son. That bruised his pride, it hurts his feelings too much. Hyeri didn’t need to see that side of him.

“Mum…I don’t know. Probably out with her friends again.” This was the second stab. His mother had always been affectionate and full of love. She was the only one who stood by him when others were against and she always used her body to shield him from the pain his father would afflict.

But as of late, she’s been putting distant between the two of them. She’d stay in her room until he leaves for school and would only come home after he fell asleep.

His heart always aches for her. He yearned to tell her how his day had been, the scores he has under his name, the games she had missed, the improvements he’s made on his tests.

But she was never there.

“Oh…what about lunch then? Dinner? Do you cook?” Hyeri asked, her childlike innocent eyes widened up at him.

Jongin laughed. At least now, he has Hyeri. At least now, he has a listening ear. At least now, he has a shoulder to cry on.

“I usually eat out. But would you like to taste my cooking?”

Hyeri grinned. “I’ve a feeling I’m going to regret it.”

[+]

It was a movie night out for them (plus some of his other friends, who had become Hyeri’s friends too) The clique Jongin hung out with weren’t jerks – they just like to do stupid fun things together like every other teenager, and when he first introduced Hyeri to them; they had welcomed her fondly like she had always been one of them.

That night, it was only 7 of them. Chanyeol, who had brought along his girlfriend, Yura, volunteered to get the tickets while the rest of them waited by the side. Kyungsoo had been tasked to buy two huge containers of popcorns, with the help of Minah – whom they were all aware has a massive crush on the former.

The only ones who had nothing to do; Sehun, Jongin and Hyeri herself lingered by the waiting area as they waited for the rest of their friends. Sehun was teaching Hyeri a new magic trick he had learnt and Jongin was silently observing them from behind. He watched how Hyeri’s eyes lit up when she managed to pass the first step while Sehun encouraged her to carry on - and the little grazing of hands and unintentional touches were a tad hard to ignore.

Jongin averted his eyes away. This was Sehun, his best friend ever since they were 9. The only other person (beside his mother) who had his back when the whole world abandoned him. The only friend who held his hand when the strange occurrences started happening. The only one who understood even when nothing was understandable.

But, this wasn’t the first time. He’s always noticed just how extra bright Hyeri’s eyes would shine whenever Sehun was in the same room. Or how happier her voice sounds when she talks to him. Or the secret whispers they would exchange during classes.

It’s just your paranoia, Jongin tried to convince himself.  They’re just two friends who have a lot in common. This is a good thing for Hyeri, she’s never had a friend she could share interests with.

And then, he spoke again. The voice he’s always had but never acknowledged. The voice he’s always possessed, but kept buried deeply. The voice he thought might have left him for good, had come back to haunt him.

You fool, she will never like you back. She will never love you the way you love her. You’re just wasting your time. Nobody likes you. Not even the backstabbing Oh Sehun you call friend.

“Stop!” Jongin yelled out, much to the surprise of both Hyeri and Sehun – and also the bystanders who were standing nearby. Kyungsoo who was coming back with both popcorns, nearly dropped them due to his sudden outburst. Minah, who was following close behind him also froze in her tracks.

Chanyeol and Yura both turned their heads from the front of the line. All four of them witnessed what exactly took place next.

Jongin lunged forward and grabbed Sehun forcefully by his collar. As though he didn’t recognise the person standing in front of him, a hard punch landed squarely on Sehun’s jaw, sending the latter flying to the ground.

Jongin dropped to his knees, about to hit his friend again, but Hyeri grabbed his wrist in the nick of time. He was so furious right there and then, he could’ve struck her across the face hard – but when he turned to look at her, she was crying.

“Jongin! What are you doing? Please, stop.”

He faltered. Hyeri was crying – he has never seen her so sad (and possibly afraid) before. And now, he was the cause of her tears.

He looked down at the person he had just hurt. It was Sehun; it was his best friend. What had he done?

“I- I’m sorry,” he muttered, backing away up against the wall slowly. “I’m r-really sorry.”

Kyungsoo rushed forward and helped Sehun up to his feet. As he stood up, he couldn’t help shooting an incredulous look at Jongin.

Sehun used the back of his hand to wipe off the blood from his sliced lip. Because he knew – he knew that the person who had punched him just now wasn’t Jongin.

It was Kai.