If someone asked if there’s something that I’d ever regret, I’d surely tell them that I regretted letting you go. I regretted giving you the courage to go out there and catch your dream. I regretted being the hyung that will only be a hyung to you. I regretted being supportive. I even regretted giving the money that I’ve been saving up for more than 10 years for you, no- for us.

It’s not that I’m going to complain about my life now; it’s not as if I have anything to complain about it as well. After you left, even without the load of money I’ve been saving for myself, I managed to convince my father to send me to Seoul; at first it was to fulfill my dream of meeting you, to be with you, to be by your side. But I as young and foolish, and now I’m stuck in this heartfelt pain. It only took me a full year until I get a job, being a writer, in a very famous magazine, not sure how I actually get in there, forgot the detail, it wasn’t very eventful as well, but I was there. Not long after that, I met Siwan hyung, who also work in the magazine and started having his own fashion line, and somewhat he convinced me to be his model. Now, 3years after all that, I’m known as Jung Heechul the actor, the one who had done many movies and dramas and is one of the best out there. Despite all of these, I still hadn’t seen him yet.

Now I see you there, standing with such handsome man, smiling brightly in all earnest, being my beautiful little Hyungshik you are, and I can only watch. Yet, never in my 24years of living I felt this much pain and desperation, this much longing, this much hatred. I loved you dear, why can’t you see pass through me? Why don’t you understand how much I love you?

It has been years since we met, years since you become the well-known Park Hyungshik, the national’s golden voice they say, years since I haven’t seen you in person. And it had been awhile since you forget about me; forget about this Jung Heechul who had been foolish enough to let you go…

I love you, but seeing you with him made me realize. That i-

I’d never be your love… I’d never kiss you, the one I love… I’d never be with you.

And it’s selfish, but it’s hurtful in so many levels

I just want you

And this love for you

This love will never end