♦CHAPTER V♦

◘◘ THE VERDICT ◘◘

 

 

Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it.  ~Horace Mann

 

 

 

 

 

“What you’re experiencing Mr. Jung is what you call a habit."

 

That's what the doctor said after he untied me and helped me sit up on my bed.

 

“What?”

 

Whatever the doctor is blabbering about, I don’t get it. Maybe it’s because, it’s still too early for such bizarre information to sink in into my brain. Or, my brain is just stubborn to understand anything today.

 

“Habit, Mr. Jung. You must’ve been very tired on the first night that you literally sleepwalked and entered your member’s room. That, I can guarantee you were a true sleepwalking incident. I won’t deny that. But I think it was just a coincidental as you don’t have any sleepwalking experiences when you were a child or it runs in your family.

“Maybe, Mr. Lee’s scent lingered on your senses and you dreamt of him that’s why you sleepwalk all the way to his room that night. I am telling you, I am not a hundred and one percent sure because like I’ve told you last time we met, you have to figure it out yourself.” The doctor explained.

 

Maybe, I did? Ken smelled nice that night when they tackled me on my bed that time.

 

The doctor then continued.

“The next incidents then finally become repetitive, Mr. Jung. Suddenly, you got used to it because Mr. Lee is always beside you and I think you’ve grown fond of him. The warmth that he gave you must be exceptional. Possibly, he’s already reached inside your heart and you can’t stop the growing feeling you’re feeling for him now that your senses are calling for him.”

“Excuse me?”

The doctor cleared his throat. “A habit, Mr. Jung… It’s a disease. It’s contagious. It’s poisonous. You never know when it will hit you, and when it will stop. Habits are hard to break when you get so use to it. And, that’s what is happening to you right now, Mr. Jung. And, that’s also why I didn’t prescribe you any medicine all the time I’m observing you.”

So, I do not have a sleepwalking disorder but instead, an inevitable habit which is hard to break?

“Mr. Jung?”

“…”

“Mr. Jung?”

“A habit… A habit… All these time, it all came down to this conclusion? A habit?”

“Yes. It’s fortunate that you don’t have a sleepwalking disorder but a habit instead. Though, like I’ve said, it is hard to break.”

 

I tried so hard then it all came down to this? This is crazy. Then, what am I doing all these time? To observe my disorder I had to be with Ken since he’s the one my body and mind is calling for but, look at what’s happening to me now? Ken got my heart too and I think I’m going crazy!

Ken should be the one I should avoid but it turned out that the one I’m clinging onto is the same person I should keep away from.

And now, it’s already too late to change that. Damn.

 

“I should probably leave now, Mr. Jung. Goodbye.” The doctor bid but I didn’t even watch him go and instead, I laid back on the bed, stare at the ceiling then stare at my wrists with rope marks that stayed on it after the doctor freed me.

 

“I tried so hard to fight it, think so hard to get over it but, was all my effort went for naught? That I presumed I was sleepwalking when in fact, I was just getting used to Ken that my senses didn’t want to let go him?

“Is that why I keep dreaming of strawberries because Ken always wears that sinful scent? Is that also why I get addicted to it? Is this the unbreakable habit? My dangerous, bad, bad, habit?”

 

 

 

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After good long hours of staring, assessing my feelings, asking myself of things I should do once I go out of the room, but in the end, I didn’t find any answer during that special time for my brain to think. I was completely staring blankly at the ceiling, unoccupied and spacey.

 With a deep heavy breath, I turned the knob to open and let myself out of the room in search of my members who were already anxiously waiting for me in the living room.

Once they saw my face, they all stood up in unison and gave me a worried look on their faces.

I quietly sighed.

Without a word, I walked over them and they all let me sit on the couch while all of them took their seats on the floor, all looking at me and waiting for me to speak.

When my eyes all look at each one of them and then stops, staring at Ken’s face for as long as I remember because soon, I started spacing out once again and, what makes me snapped out was N clearing his throat, calling back my attention.

“What the doctor said, Hyung?” Hyuk began asking before I could finally speak after spacing out.

My eyes shifted at the magnae and I wish I could answer him directly but my lips couldn’t move and open. I just stared once again, this time, at Hyuk.

“Leo?” N called, catching my attention for the second time and I faces N, still without me talking. I wish my eyes can speak and tell what my lips couldn’t.

Actually, I really wanted to tell them that everything happened for the past week was just all but misunderstanding and, it was just a habit that is getting worse and soon will turn into chaos once I couldn’t control these feelings anymore. I might ambush Ken, kidnap him and, him. I think I’m almost at my limit. I might not stop at the next opportunity and eat him alive.

I think I’m in love with Ken and it was hard to admit the fact that I am. I do.

When did these feelings and thoughts sink in and entered me? I don’t have one single clue. There were too many maybes’ I concluded but every single one of them falls to the same hole: Ken is just outstandingly adorable so there won’t be a soul who wouldn’