Dear myungsoo,

When i thought i would not spill anymore tears because of you, i was wrong.

Today i cried again because of you. Do you know why?

Because of her. She said something again.

When everyhting's going down somehow, she decides to speak up again.

What could i do, i am after all a fan that's sitting behind this computer screen.

I want to say that they're wrong when other people claimed that you're in fault and you're dumb.

But i couldn't.

Because deep in my heart, i know that some things that they say are true.

And it's driving me insane.

It's driving me insane because even after all those words people say,

my heart still beats for you. 

I might say to myself i hate you for inflicting so much pain towards me, 

but deep down, i can't hate you.

People say you're talentless and that you're just a pretty face,

my logic says somehow in a way that it's true, but my heart won't admit that.

When people say that us, the fans are stuppid for the fact that we tried to prove that it's not true in the first place,

i know it's true, but my heart denied that.

when people say that all along you were never honest to us, i refused to believe that,

but this song rang in my ears :

"I didn’t beg you for love

I just wanted your true heart
Even on the day I saw you for the last time
I didn’t want you
I wanted your true heart

My scarred heart and
My tainted memories of that time
Your face looking at me
I hate it all
I hate you

Our nervous relationship
Me, trying to protect it
I regret it all
I didn’t know better
I hate you

I didn’t beg you for love
I just wanted your true heart
Even on the day I saw you for the last time
You had no true feelings
I wanted your true heart

My scarred heart and
My tainted memories of that time
Your face looking at me
I hate it all
I hate you

Our nervous relationship
Me, trying to protect it
I regret it all

My tightly shut heart and
Our relationship that can’t be turned back
The times we used to hurt each other
I hate those times
I hate you

If more time passes
Will we be able to understand each other?
But even then, let’s not meet
I hate myself for being like this

I always showed you my true heart
I believe that you did so too at least during those times"

~Urban Zakapa- I Hate You

You know what myungsoo, when all this happens, 

i tried to hate you, i tried to forget you.

But no matter what i do, i just can't seems to do so.

so i wanted to say few things, listen carefully...

"This road that I always walked

Why does it feel so lonely
I sent you away because there seemed to be no end
But I still can’t forget you

I erased someone like you
But why do I miss you so much
Although I try to erase you and hold back my tears again
But that person who comes back again

It’s a lie, right
When you said that you loved me
You only leave scars deep in my heart

I erased all memories
But why do I feel so sad
I try to hold back again
I try to erase you
That person who will come back again

Am I not the one
Is there someone else for you

Although I know it well, please don’t let go of me

I can’t do anything about me being a tiring person
I only become obsessed like this

I seem like a fool like this
Really like a fool
You know it

I won’t be able to see you
It’s probably the end

Although I know it well, please understand me

It’s a lie, right
There’s probably someone for you

Although I know it well, please don’t let go of me"

~Infinite- A Person Like Me

People might be weirded out thinking i'm obsessed about you and all,

but that's not it.

It's just that without me myself realizing, i had let you into my heart so deep,

despite the fact that i'm just a fan. 

I have found myself to be in a one sided love with you.

And if not because of what happened, i might not realize it too.

“How timid and frail is unrequited love?

A place you entered of your own accord,

but you’re trapped inside, unable to find an exit.

He doesn’t know a thing, and could one day leave my line of sight,

and the love ends passively.

A love that does not bloom flowers,

and thus cannot dream of bearing fruit.

A love like a seed that is forgotten.

That is unrequited love.”

But i figured, i might not just be the only one, after all, you are Kim Myungsoo.

But still i want to ask, why out of all the people you could pick,

Why her?

Maybe if it was someone else, you might not be hurt like this.

We might not be in this pain.

So once again,

Why her?

Sincerely,

Just Another Fangirl Who Simply Loves You Too Much.