Wang Xinling and I, Jang Geunsuk, began our super spectacular sibling when I was six. She’s four years my senior so that makes her ten-ish at the time. I have to admit, our relationship had a forced start when my dad decided to marry her mom but everything’s good now. And I like to emphasize the now part because back then… well… it wasn’t all good. The whole bizarre living arrangements took a while to get used to. Apparently, communication, one of the main keys of getting along, proved to be a serious problem. My dad spoke Mandarin pretty well since he flew back and forth between South Korea and Taiwan for his work in public relations. But me... hell... I knew . Yeah, sure... I was pretty good with Korean and I had hints of English under my dirty boy fingernails but not enough to build a complete sentence. Come on, I was six, okay? I built block buildings and kicked them down. Give me a ing break. Xinling, on the other hand, knew a lot of English because she learned it at her private school. But Korean? Nothing… so ha!

Hang on there… you have this ‘ugh’ look on your face... are you thinking what I think you're thinking? Because this isn't what you think it is. I didn't fall for my sister, okay? This story isn't about me romancing my sister, okay? This is a story about me trying to hook her up with someone other than her good for nothing boyfriend because he cheated on his former girlfriend and he's probably going to cheat on her too and guess who will have to hear her cry over the phone with a mouth full of warm ice cream dribbling? Give up? It's me, okay? And when your sister calls you from another country divided by the Pacific Ocean, it makes you feel pretty goddamn helpless, okay?

Good. We got that creepy taboo ‘I want to my sister’ out of the way.

As I was saying, means of communication equal bad. So we worked on it. I never had a sister so I thought it was pretty cool. She never had a brother so she probably thought it was cool too. There was no ‘I hate you because you’re not my real brother/sister’ deal because neither one of us had a real brother or sister to compare to. Hell, we didn’t even know our other parent well enough to compare our new one. Anyway, in our spare time between eating, sleeping, going to school, doing homework, playing in the mud, we used each other as practice while learning our respective new language. I’d speak to her in broken Mandarin while sticking in some Korean here and there when stumped. She’d do the same thing… except the opposite. Still following? Good. English became our side project and we’d occasionally stick a few words of it into the nice mixture we already had. After three years of experimentation, we were speaking Mandorean-ish (Mandarin and Korean with a dash of English) like we popped out of the womb already knowing how. Dad understood us most of the time… it just took him a while to process the whole language jumping deal. Mom, on the other hand, was another matter altogether. When Xinling and I start spewing Mandorean, her mind was just completely blown away. But now… she’ll just tune right out when we’re speaking Mandorean. Xinling and I are put on ignore or mute or whatever you want to call it unless we speak in a tongue she fully understands (Mandarin and Mandarin… and Hakka).

Mom and Dad’s marriage lasted a good seven years and then they suddenly decided it wasn’t going to work out. Like serious? After seven years? How the hell did they manage seven years then? Anyway, my sister and I were still tight after our parent’s divorce. Even though she was going to be a young adult soon, she’s still a kid at heart. Mom and dad still let us hang out together during the summer because we’d nagged them to death otherwise. She still likes to drive me out to eat. I’m sure feeding me is an excuse to feed her hidden flabs. She’s so small and skinny but the way she eats, I’m sure there’s flab somewhere underneath the clothes.

No, I’m not imagining her , okay? . Can you stop trying to go there?

Even as late twenties, early thirties adults, I don’t find hanging with my sister gay or embarrassing. I go eat out with her when we’re together. I go to the mall with her. I go to the movies with her. I’m not even embarrassed when she gets the kid’s popcorn combo and eats it right next to me. Yes, I eat some of it too, especially the gummy fruit chews it comes with... and it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s free food and I’m totally secure about my manhood.

But this story isn’t about my manhood, okay? This is a story about me hooking her up with someone other than her good for nothing boyfriend because he cheated on his former girlfriend and he's probably going to cheat on her too. I know I already said that but I’m repeating it so you know how important it is. You just don’t know this Yao Hao guy or whatever his ing name is. Even his name and Mom will totally agree with me. She hates his guts too. And we’re totally not haters.

Now, my sister… she’s not the prettiest girl out there but hell… even she could do better than this surf craze guy.

So this is what’s going down. She’s going to take a mini break from recording her 13th album and she going to Japan with me and we’re going to have fun at Disneyland. That’s where all the good guys are, right? With their families of nephews and nieces? We’ll find someone to replace this douche. Okay… maybe this is just a temporary solution because hell… most of them will be Japanese guys and neither one of us speaks fluent Japanese. Even though she went there for training before her debut and I’ve released so many Japanese album… still can’t speak decent Japanese. But that’s how it works. Just look at Avril Lavigne with her Mandarin version. The sound of it still gives me goosebumps.

Oh… you’ve seen Jaejoong’s name in the tag, huh? So you think you know everything and automatically assume I’m trying to hook my sister up with him. Yo, I’m not that crazy. He’s way out of her league. His fans would pummel her and all of her fans and then me and all of mine.

It just so happens that we’ll be co-stars for an upcoming production. That’s it, okay? I’m not even close to him. For ’s sake, stop thinking evil thoughts, will you?

Just wait and see. Just wait and see...