So we're finally here... at last. Tokyo Disneyland, where all your dreams come true (Japan Version). I see my sister sitting by Mickey's Bowl (aka little/small fountain) and I wave to her. She stuffs her phone into her pocket and waves back, telling me she sees us. 

I don't want to get into details about the stuff she's wearing but it will only take a minute. My sister has one of those animal cap things on her head with the eyes, complete with black nose and two ears. The rest of her outfit kind of matches with the cap thing. She's dressed all retro or something like that... like she's going out dancing in the 50's. I can probably imagine her top being made into vintage wallpaper and I can't help but wonder how much it'd sell for on ebay.

Anyway, Jinhee is running to her with those short little legs. She's probably going to trip and fall on her face or something. And of course, she does. I know these things.

"Oh, my poor baby." Xinling rushes to pick the girl up and checks for scratches. I suspect the girl is going to start bawling any minute now but then, she doesn't and it surprises me. I guess since she gets to see her precious aunt Cyndi, she's invincible. Girls...

I hear my thoughts being projected out loud. I look down to see the boys still walking beside me. Apparently we think alike. If they weren't so small, I'd really consider recruiting them as my lackeys. 

"Did you call uncle J and tell us where we are?" This little girl... like seriously. Is she stupid or something? How can my sister call her uncle J if she's been on the phone with her non-stop?

"He should suffer a little for being a bad guardian."

"But what if he calls mom and makes her worry?"

"He doesn't have the courage to call her before he finds you."

"Will he call the police?"

Xinling thinks for a moment. "I guess he could. We better give him a call then, sweetie. You want to talk to him? Because I don't feel like talking to him right now."

"Okay."

We all huddle around her as she calls uncle J and hands the phone to Jinhee. She doesn't have the speaker on so we only get to hear one side of the convo... the Jinhee side. "No, uncle J. It's me, Jinhee." "We're at Disneyland." "It's because of your evil fans. They pushed Hyunshik older brother, Dongmin older brother, Daeho older brother, and me out. And one of them almost stepped on me!" "Yes, we're with aunt Cyndi." "She says she doesn't want to talk to you." "But she says she doesn't want to talk to you, uncle J." "Of course, I'm on aunt Cyndi's side."

Jinhee turns to her aunt Cyndi. "Uncle J says he's coming. He wants us to wait outside for him."

"We're not waiting for him. Right, Suki? Since we're already here ready to go, we're going to have fun."

Is she suddenly talking to me? Oh, actually, I would rather wait for their uncle J... so we can give him back his kids and be free to play on our own. Sadly, that isn't what comes tumbling out of my mouth. "Let's go have some fun, kids!" Great.

"We're going into Disneyland now, uncle J. I'm going to hang up now too. Bye." Jinhee is smooth... real smooth. She'll be one hell of a when she grows up.

"Daeho, where's your jacket? Aren't you cold?" The boy shivers slightly. I can count on my sister to notice what I fail to notice.

"It's with uncle J. He held it for me while we were getting off the plane."

"He says if his hands are full, he won't have to sign autographs or accept love letters."

"Oh really... if he's going to be like that, why did he decide to take you on a trip?"

The boys look at each other and it makes me think they know something but they're not sure if they should say it or not.

"Let's go inside and buy you a nice warm jacket. You don't want to be sick for Christmas, do you Daeho?"

"No way."

"Suki?"

She wants something from me. She totally wants something from me.

"Can you go buy the tickets? We'll go get in line first."

"I already have our tickets printed out and ready to go."

"You know what I mean. The tickets for them. Hyunshik probably counts as an adult admission... so one adult and three children."

I look down at the kids... so cold and full of hope for a happy day. Ugh, fine. Let's all have fun together. But they better not mess with my well planned day schedule or else.

I wonder about their uncle J. Will he try and find them in Disneyland? We'll see... we'll see... I head to the ticket booth and wait in line... the first of many, many lines.

"Yay! Disneyland!"

And I kind of want to 'yay! Disneyland!' too but I refrain myself like a good manly adult.

"Does everyone have a map?" Xinling opens up her own and points to Cinderella's castle. "If we lose someone, we're all going to meet up here. You should be able to see the towers from almost anywhere in the park. Everyone good on that?"

"Yes!"

"Good, now let's go buy Daeho a jacket. Jinhee, do you have a hat in your Hello Kitty backpack?"

"Uncle J is holding my hat."

My sister is silent but she's probably thinking about strangling uncle J. Hell, I would want to strangle him too for strapping me with his kids.

"It's chilly. We're getting you all bundled up."

Of course it's chilly, sister... maybe even freezing without clothes on. It's December! And it's Japan! "I follow her along with the rest of the kids... like the docile puppy that I am. The really cute one with the droopy eyes and the perky ears.

We enter Towne Center Fashion first since it's the closest shop to the entrance. It takes a good thirty minutes not because Daeho is picky about his jacket but because my sister is picky about his jacket. We leave the store and head down main street towards Disney & Co. That's where they sell all the Disney character stuff.

My sister is planning to get everyone character beanies but the boys say no to it. And I'm like... why you no want free stuff? In my head. I get myself a Goofy beanie since she offers to buy. Jinhee wants a hat but she doesn't want the one they sell in the store. She wants the one that looks like Xinling's. My sister hands over her animal cap thing. Jinhee puts it on and it slides right over her eyes. Well, of course it does. My sister's head is way bigger than hers. So Xinling has to roll it up a little. No nose for you, animal cap!

My sister ends up buying me one and her one. This is a picture of hers with the bow, ulzzang style. It looks like she has red demon eyes but she really has brown eyes... it's just this stupid filter thing that I'm using.

We spend another fifteen minutes or so wandering the stuffed animal section because Jinhee wants to cuddle them before we leave. According to my plans, we're way behind schedule. Looks like we'll have to skip a few early shows and get to the rides because hell... I know how long those lines are and I forgot to buy the fast pass VIP stuff for the kids. Will they let me upgrade at the ride?

Oh well. So we walk out of the store and Jinhee yells 'uncle J.' Apparently, this girl's got a pair of hawk eyes. I can't even make out the person she's pointing to. We walk a little closer and then I finally see the skinny dude pushing through the throng of people to get to us. He has his shades off and I can now confirm... the 'irresponsible uncle J' is indeed Kim Jaejoong, my future co-worker (co-worker once we get back to Korea and the company confirms the drama). 

Doesn't he have a huge fan base in Japan since his TVXQ days? Maybe he should keep those shades on. I, on the other hand, pride myself in blending in. I get a few looks now and then but my fans aren't the scary rowdy type. They won't trample over little girls to get to me... I don't think. My sister is pretty much a nobody except when she's in Taiwan so she's okay. The kids... well, they're obviously nobodies too so they're safe.

My sister's got her hands on her hips and looking mighty pissed. I would be pretty pissed too if someone dumped their kids on me while I'm on a vacation trip with my adorable brother. But this isn't about me, it's about my sister and my mission... oh yeah, my mission... to hook her up with some Japanese family guy...

Somehow, I don't see that happening now. One look at these kids and the guy is going to head for the nearest bomb shelter. Well, at least we can still have fun (without the hooking up part. I'll have to deal with the Ya hoo guy later, god... his name is so stupid).

"You kids gave me a scare. I thought you've been kidnapped by a e or something." I guess their uncle J is genuinely worried about their safety so he's no monster.

The kids... they all look up at me and I'm like... what? And then it hit me, not an object but a realization. Do they still think I'm a e? What the ? I thought I cleared my name!

Jaejoong looks at me too but without the creepy facial expression. "You must be Xinling's step brother, Jang Geunsuk." He holds his hand out to me and expects me to touch it. Dude, I'm not gay. But I shake his hand anyway.

And how the hell does he know me? I mean, I know he probably knows me like my name because I'm Jang Geunsuk but how does he know I'm Xinling's brother? Hmm... I guess... my sister told the kids' moms and their moms told Jaejoong. That makes sense... kind of.

Jaejoong crouches down next to Jinhee and whispers in her ear. "Is your aunt Cyndi still not talking to me?"

"No, I'm ready to talk. And you're going to get an ear full, mister." Xinling stomps on Donald Duck's face repeatedly.

"Duck killer. She's becoming a duck killer again." I mutter to myself. The kids catch my words and they put their curious minds to work.

"Aunt Cyndi's a duck killer?"

"Was she a butcher, once?"

"Now is not a good story time, kids." I look at Xinling and Jaejoong. They're arguing about something but I zone out after the seventh 'irresponsible/not irresponsible.' "Okay, maybe it is. Let's head to a bench and sit for a bit."

I lead them to a nice looking bench and make it story time. Hopefully, by the end of the story, the two skinny people will have cooled down.

"So how is aunt Cyndi a duck killer?"

"Yes, we want to know.'

"Okay, okay, kids. It was back when I was eight years old... that makes her twelve at the time. Mom brought back two baby chicks and two baby ducklings for us to play with."

"Like real ones?"

"Yes, very real. The chicks died over night because they're natural born wimps."

"No!!!!! This is a very sad story."

"Very true. Anyway, we have a small pond in our backyard so my sister, your aunt Cyndi, decided the little ducklings wanted to go for a swim. I thought they would too so I watched. She placed them into the pond they waddled around like they were having a blast. And then, after a while... they started moving less."

"No!!!! They're dead!"

"No, not yet. If only... They're still alive when she scooped them out of the water. They were shivering like mad. My sister tried to dry them with a towel. They were still shivering like mad. Their head wobbled around like they were half dead. So my sister thought up of a faster way of warming them."

"The microwave oven?"

"Hyunshik... you have a very disturbing mind, buddy. But close... very close. She plugged in the hair dryer and started blow drying them. And they died. The end."

"No!!!! They're dead!"

"Yes, Jinhee... yes they are. Now let's see if your aunt Cyndi and uncle J are ready to go."And they're not. Still going strong... maybe a little too strong. They're now arguing about something dating back to the prehistoric age.

"They're so weird."

"Yes." I agree whole heartedly. "Yes, they are." Seriously, they're arguing like an old bitter couple. Odd. Very odd. But today is a happy day and I'll let it slide. "So... who's up for ditching them? I have a whole list of rides and shows I want to go on and see."

All the boys agree instantly but Jinhee... she needs more persuading. The little girl still wants to stick to aunt Cyndi like glue. But we manage... with much compromise and bribery.

Disneyland, indeed the happiest place on Earth minus the skinny couple over there stomping away on poor Donald Duck's face.