II.
In Their Time--
Kyungsoo,
Happy New Year!
I’m writing this because I have no other choice but to. I know that this is a really huge favour to ask from you, but please, please, can you stop my girlfriend from leaving Seoul? I was looking at our past photographs and I realized just how much I love her. Would it be too much to ask if you could stop her from leaving? She will be leaving on the 11th of January 2013, that is a week from your time.
Best regards,
Jongin.
1st of January 2015
--
Kyungsoo could not believe his eyes when he entered the venue for the New Year’s party in 2013, and the first person his eyes laid upon was none other than Kim Jongin. He stood rooted on the ground, unable to move as his gaze was fixed on the young man by the fireplace. Beside the young man stood a female, and Kyungsoo knew immediately that she was Jongin’s girlfriend.
Kyungsoo contemplated if he should approach Jongin and introduce himself. He wanted to, he really, really, wanted to, but something was telling him that he should not do so. After all, Jongin had not officially known him yet, and him approaching and telling him who he was would only make Jongin confused. Worst, Jongin might even think of him as a mad person, and he definitely did not want that as a first impression.
Kyungsoo moved a few steps closer to Jongin though, but remained a distance from him. It was nearing the end of the party when their eyes finally met, and not knowing what to do, Kyungsoo merely smiled. And, being polite, the Jongin in year 2013 smiled back before putting his arm around his girlfriend and leaving the venue.
--
Jongin,
Happy New Year! It is 2013 for me, and 2015 for you. I don’t know if you still remember this since it has been two years for you, but we actually attended the same New Year’s party! I did not greet you though, because you weren’t supposed to have known me yet and we weren’t supposed to know each other through that way too.
Regarding your request about your girlfriend, do not worry, I will try my best to convince her that you still love her. And hopefully that would be enough for her to stay. But Jongin, not to be pessimistic, but would that be alright? What if…it isn’t meant for me to try to stop her? If I do this, I might change your future. Are you sure you would want to risk it?
Yours truly,
Kyungsoo.
2nd of January 2013
--
Kyungsoo,
What? That’s just really unfortunate! You should have just come up to me and introduced yourself. But then again, we wouldn’t be exchanging letters now if that happened.
I don’t know. I just thought of it. After that Christmas, I realized that it had been two years since I’ve been alone. And I thought… what if Soojung didn’t have to leave? What if I just let her have her space? What if I did something to fix everything before it got worse? What if I was meant to do something, but didn’t in the end because of my own stupidity? I thought that if only I had not been stubborn and went to see her, she might not decide to leave. I could have stopped her.
I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. You don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable. It’s okay. This is just me… dealing with the difficulty of living with a lot of what ifs and should haves. Someday, if you found that someone you love, take courage. Don’t be like me. Or else you’ll regret it for a long time.
Best regards,
Jongin.
8th of January 2015.
--
Jongin,
It’s alright, it’s not uncomfortable for me. I’ll do my best.
But what if I will not be able to convince her? I am not hoping such thing might happen, but I’m asking just in case. Couldn’t you just follow Soojung to the States? The States sound nice, isn’t it? I heard the people there are friendly, and there are many job opportunities too. It’s always nice to start afresh in a new environment, and to learn new cultures too.
Yours truly,
Kyungsoo
10th of January 2013
--
Kyungsoo,
It’s not that easy. Besides, I don’t want to leave Korea. My family and my job are here, and I’ve already grown so accustomed to the lifestyle in Korea. It wouldn’t be easy for me to adapt to a new environment that’s for sure. Plus…you’re here too, aren’t you? I treat you now as my close friend, and me going to the States would mean we have to stop communicating with each other. I don’t think I want that.
By the way, just a thought; what if we finally meet? It’s been such a long time since we’ve started exchanging letters and notes, and even gifts. Shouldn’t it be time when we try to at least meet face to face? I have an idea, why don’t you meet me in Il Mare restaurant just by Seoul International University on…say…20th January 2015? As far as I know, the waiting list for that restaurant goes up to two years, so I was thinking maybe you can reserve a spot for us in your time now, for two years later. What do you think?
Best regards,
Jongin
16th of January 2015
--
Kyungsoo read Jongin’s letter over and over that night.
Every time he finished reading the letter, he would let out an inevitable sigh. He would then stare at his empty notepad and would think of what to reply. But alas, like his blank piece of paper, his mind is also empty. Meeting Jongin would definitely be a great idea, one where he had hoped for in ages. But why must Jongin suggest this just as Kyungsoo was caught in a conflict between his work and friendship?
Kyungsoo’s gaze lingered at the white envelope just beside Jongin’s. He took it with a heavy heart, and reread its content again. It was given to him just this morning by his supervisor, and it was an unexpected promotion he had not been aware of. To make it worse, if Kyungsoo were to accept this letter, he would have to be relocated to another place.
The States.
But this doesn’t feel right, Kyungsoo heaved another sigh and rubbed his temples. This promotion…just doesn’t feel right.
Kyungsoo then looked at Jongin’s letter and he thinks he knows why.
--
Jongin,
That is a brilliant idea. I’ll see you in two years time. I will go over to Il Mare and book a place for us on 20th January 2015 at 8pm. I will be there.
Yours truly,
Kyungsoo
17th of January 2013
--
On the 20th of January, Jongin arrived at Il Mare restaurant an hour earlier. He was excited and psyched to finally meet his close friend after all these years, and was nervous when he had to confirm if there was a reservation for him and Kyungsoo that night. What if Kyungsoo never made that reservation? He asked himself nervously as he saw the lady by the counter looking up and down her list, finding for his name. Oh gosh, Kyungsoo never made that reservation now did he!
“Oh, wow. Do Kyungsoo, I…I remember this guy,” The lady suddenly announced and smiled brightly at Jongin. “He made this reservation two years ago,”
Jongin felt a wave of relief washed over him as he forced a smile. “Yes, yes he did.”
Jongin was then ushered to his seat and he began waiting. There was a silly grin on his face as he tried to picture what he should say when Kyungsoo appears, and before he realized, an hour had already gone by. Jongin anticipated Kyungsoo’s arrival even more as it was already their appointed time to meet.
He waited.
And waited.
And waited even more.
But he never saw Kyungsoo that night.
--
Kyungsoo,
You never showed up for the reservation. What happened?
Jongin.
21th of January 2015
--
Jongin,
I don’t understand. I wouldn’t have missed such an important day.
Also Jongin…what is your opinion about waiting?
Kyungsoo.
23rd of January 2013
--
Kyungsoo,
What do you mean? You’ve been leaving short messages lately. Is anything the matter? It’s alright if you didn’t show up that night. I’m sure you had your reasons.
About waiting… I don’t know. After Soojung, I think it will be difficult for me to do that again. You see, it’s been two years but I’m somehow still thinking about her. And she still isn’t back yet, although you’ve gone to stop her. It’s so obvious where I am in her heart, huh? I don’t think I ever want to commit such mistakes again.
Best regards,
Jongin,
26th of January 2015
--
Jongin,
Please don’t hate Soojung. I have a confession to make.
Will you be mad if I tell you that I did not talk to her? Sorry, Jongin. I just thought that even if I would, she’d left anyway. I mean, if she didn’t leave, you won’t be talking to me right now? Everything would have been different, and we might not have even known each other too.
I’m so sorry.
Sincerely,
Kyungsoo
27th of January 2013
--
Jongin was perplexed upon reading what Kyungsoo had just written. He felt a lump forming in his throat as his heart raced in a pace. Everything made him dizzy.
How could you do this to me, Kyungsoo?
Jongin left after he calmed himself down, Kyungsoo’s letter scrunched up into a ball in his fist. He did not turn back to look at the mailbox.
--
Kyungsoo checked his mailbox every day, but the fact remains unchanged.
And his mailbox remained empty.
Until one day.
--
Kyungsoo,
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and…I don’t know how to put this into better words, but Kyungsoo, I don’t think we should continue doing this. We tried meeting, but that didn’t happen. And maybe…maybe it’s time for us to stop dwelling in this…this little dream of ours. It was good while it lasted. But I believe it is time we part ways.
We will meet someday, if time allows. It was nice having to know you as a friend. You take care, alright? Best of luck in your future endeavours. Till we meet again.
Regards,
Jongin.
1st of February 2015
--
It is better this way, Kyungsoo smiled albeit half-heartedly. We’re both too caught up in this fantasy that we no longer know what is right and wrong, Kyungsoo sighed as he looked at his promotion letter in his hands. And I guess this is the closure that we both need.
“Yes, Mr. Kim, I’ve decided. I will accept this promotion.” Kyungsoo said through the phone, “Yes, I will leave on the 14th of February.” He paced to and fro in his kitchen as he listened attentively to what his superior had to say. “My house? I’ve put it up on sale.”
Kyungsoo stopped pacing around as he glanced at the pile of letters Jongin had written for him on the kitchen counter.
“Don’t worry. There will be a buyer soon.”
--
Jongin returned from work one day to find a surprise waiting for him on his porch. He nearly dropped his briefcase, stuttering as he breathed out the word he had not used in ages. “S-Soojung?”
“Jongin.” She nodded at his direction, a small smile on her lips as he rushed towards her to give her a hug. He was clearly surprised to see her, and after the brief hug, Jongin invited her inside. He was happy to see her, of course he was, a part of him skipped upon seeing her, but there was an unexplainable feeling in his stomach…something he couldn’t quite fathom. When he turned around though, he saw that Soojung had not moved an inch from her position. “Soojung?”
Soojung remained rooted, her eyes avoiding contact and her fingers fiddling with one another. “Look, Jongin, I have to tell you something.”
Jongin halted in his steps and turned slowly towards her, his grin faltering. “What is it?”
There was a lapse of silence for a moment, but eventually, Soojung took a deep breath and strung out a sentence Jongin had hoped not to ever hear again. “I’m sorry but, I don’t think this is working out for us.”
The young man placed a hand by the door and realized there was something in Soojung’s hands. She passed the object to him, and he accepted it with mixed emotions. “Isn’t this…”
“The necklace you gave me two years ago. It is only right that I return it to you.”
“But…why? I don’t understand, why can’t we…why isn’t this working for us?”
Soojung sighed, running her hand through her hair and shrugging remorsefully. “I honestly don’t know, Jongin. I…I love you, I really do,” She paused, shutting her eyes and then opening them again. “Just not anymore.”
Jongin kept mum; he was looking at the necklace in his hand.
“I thought two years was all I need to realize if I want to really be with you. And to be honest, from the moment your friend came to the airport to tell me how much you loved me, I thought I already knew the answer—“
“Wait,”
Soojung blinked, confused with the sudden interruption. Jongin was now looking at her, but for all she knew, he wasn’t looking at her with hatred or sadness; he was looking at her with confusion. “What do you mean by my friend going to the airport to tell you how much I loved you?”
Soojung shifted her feet uncomfortably, “There was a man by the name of Kyungsoo who came over to the airport two years ago. He tried to stop me from leaving.”
Jongin was stunned upon hearing the revelation. “What happened after that?”
“I’m sorry, Jongin. I ignored him.” Soojung rubbed her temples in distress. “I couldn’t handle our relationship back then. I needed time away from you to really think of us.”
But Jongin wasn’t listening to what Soojung had told him. Instead, he replied; “It took you two more years to realize that you loved me? So it isn’t because Kyungsoo never did what I asked him to?”
It was Soojung’s turn to be confused. “I…don’t quite get it but from the gist of it, I suppose so?”
Jongin was silent once again, his heart pounding and his head hurting. He wasn’t sure if he was agitated because of Soojung, or because of himself. He forced a smile onto his lips and assured Soojung that he would be alright. “Thank you for telling me now, Soojung.”
Soojung hugged him one last time and bid him all the best. She left seconds after that and never looked back. And Jongin, he received the answer to his pondering a minute ago. He was surprised that he watched her leave with much ease in his heart and mind, and realized then that his heart was pounding not because Soojung did not love him anymore. His head was hurting not because he had just lost his girlfriend again. It was another matter; a completely and entirely different matter; one which was all his fault in the beginning.
Jongin rushed towards his living room and grabbed the pen and paper from the coffee table, and began writing.
--
Kyungsoo,
I’ve made a mistake. I’ve blamed you for something you never did. You’ve kept to your words and done what I have requested you to do. Soojung told me today. I don’t know why you lied to me but Kyungsoo, I’m sorry. I am the one who should be. How dumb of me to think that Soojung might have returned earlier if you had really stopped her from leaving?
You asked me earlier if it was alright to change the future. It turns out that you asking her to stay was already what determined my future even before I met you; she still left. It was silly of me to think that by asking you to stop her, Soojung would still be by my side. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?
p/s: You can have this. Maybe give it to your girlfriend. I don’t need part of this necklace anymore.
Jongin
5th of February 2015
--
Kyungsoo looked at the heartshaped necklace in his hand. He then took out another piece, the one he spent his Christmas Eve looking for at the pond behind his house. It fitted perfectly. He looked at the whole heart-shaped piece of jewellery in front of him and felt his own chest constrict at the thought of the person who owns it.
Jongin.
He put down the necklace with a sigh. He took out an envelope from his back pocket, flipped it open, and stared at the rectangular stab of paper.
DO KYUNGSOO
SEOUL-NEW YORK
DEPARTURE FEBRUARY 14 2013 17:45KST
ARRIVAL 17:55 FEBRUARY 14 2013 EST
The words on the plane ticket remained the same. His schedule to leave is fixed and yet he still has reservations about going.
He put the ticket back on the envelope and placed it on top of the box on his table. The box containing all of Jongin’s letters. Some of the letters were strewn all over his desk. Kyungsoo has been reading them all day. Two years. They have been friends for two years. Even though they haven’t seen each other yet, Kyungsoo acknowledged the fact that Jongin has played a huge role in his life.
Kyungsoo picked the heart-shaped pendant again which lay atop a letter from Jongin dated February 14, 2015. He bowed his head and clasped his hands together, as if on a prayer. A firm decision has been set on his mind.
Tomorrow, before he leaves, he will meet Jongin.
---
It was Valentine’s Eve when Jongin strolled into the office of his new business partner. The both of them exchanged polite greetings before Jongin was asked to be seated. “It is my pleasure to have you here with us, Mr Jongin. We’ve heard many great successes from various companies regarding your business plans, and we are simply delighted that you’ve agreed to have a joint business with us.”
Jongin chuckled slightly. “You flatter me too much, Mr…” He left his sentence hanging in midair when he realized he never quite remember the name of his new partner.
“Suho.” His partner replied, unaware of Jongin forgetting his name. “It’s Do Suho,”
There was a pause as Jongin sat up straighter. “Do…Suho?”
“Ah yes,” Suho smiled, “I have a really rare surname, which I must admit.”
Jongin felt his pulse increasing as he forced himself to ask a question he knew was inappropriate for a first meeting. “Do you by any chance, Mr. Suho, know a Do Kyungsoo?”
Silence lapse upon the two males as Jongin studied the sudden change in expression of Suho’s face. Earlier, the man had a smile and calmness on his face, but now, it was replaced with an expression Jongin identified as grief. What?
“I see…you know my brother.” Suho said after a long silence, and Jongin nodded his head a few times. So this is Kyungsoo’s brother?
“Yes, I do know your brother. In fact, we were friends. Is there…is there any way I can get in touch with him?”
Ever since the last letter Jongin had wrote for Kyungsoo asking for his forgiveness, Kyungsoo had never written back. Jongin only wished to know where Kyungsoo was now, so that he could personally apologize for his reckless behaviour back then.
“I’m…I’m sorry,” Suho looked away, his expression broken. “My brother…he passed away two years ago.”
Jongin felt as though all air has been away from his lung. His heart pounded against his chest so fast that he was almost convinced that he was suffering from a heart attack.
“As a matter of fact,” Suho said sombrely, “Tomorrow will be his two years death anniversary.”
Jongin struggled hard to keep his breathing on par. He glanced at the calendar on Suho’s desk and began to perspire. “T-tomorrow’s…tomorrow’s Valentine’s—“
Suho nodded once without saying anything, and Jongin forced himself to ask a question that has been lingering out of instinct in his mind. He feared for the thought he had in mind, the thought he had never quite ponder until this very moment. “H-how did Kyungsoo pass away?”
Suho was confused with the question, but after seeing how troubled Jongin looked in front of him, he eventually answered his question. “It was in an accident. Just right outside of St. Nicholas.”
--
Kyungsoo,
I understand why you wouldn’t want to respond to my letters anymore. But I need to tell you this.
I know why you didn’t show up that day at Il Mare. Oh God, Kyungsoo, I am shaking as I am writing this. Please, Kyungsoo, please, please don’t find me on Valentine’s Day 2013. I shouldn’t have told you that I was at St. Nicholas. Please don’t find me. I don’t even know why you decided on finding me on that day, Kyungsoo, but please don’t. I am telling you this, pressing on this matter so hard because…because the man who died on that day, the one I witnessed with my own eyes…he was you. He is you, Kyungsoo. You will die on Valentine’s Day 2013 if you decide to meet me on that day. So don’t, Kyungsoo, please, don’t. If you truly care for me, please wait two more years. Don’t go looking for me. Just wait, just as how I am waiting for you right now, waiting for you to show up at the home, I am waiting, Kyungsoo. I am waiting for you.
With love,
Jongin
13th of February 2015
--
The mailbox flag remained still.
--
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