Notes: I did upload different version few hours ago, but somehow I end up with deleting the old one and rewrite everything. Keke

I'm sorry for anyone who have read the previous one, I think it has many mistakes, kk.

Thank you for reading, commenting, sucribing and upvoting, everyone.

Happy thank giving.

Flashback starts.

Ji Yong POV:

“Agh, what should I do, what should I do”

I collapse on the table, muttered myself while look out of the window.

Big Bang has debuted almost half of the year. Nevertheless, we cannot exploit like our name. People still consider us as small kids who neither have the beauty nor much talent. As a leader, I really want to do something to make up the situation, to give rise for us. But, what should I do?

“Ji Yong, time for lunch”

Yong Bae calls me out from the kitchen. I sigh, get up from the chair and shout back to him “Coming”

The rest of members have already sat on their seat, they can't hide the depressed and worried emotion. Dae Sung still smile at usual but his eyes show the sadness. Yes, since he got trouble with his throat recently, he couldn’t sing well which bring many criticisms for our band. That kid is a type of people who blame himself a lot, he must feel really guilty now. I pat his shoulder and he smile at me in return.

“Ah hyung, what do we have for today? I can’t wait, Seung Hyun’s hungry Seung Hyun want to eat."

A noisy sound comes from the corner of the kitchen, where Yong Bae tries to finish cooking and serve food for us.

It’s Seung Ri. That kid.

I never like him since the days he looks at me and haughtily asks: “Aw, Kwon Ji Yong has grown up well”. I like obedient and humble kid. I don’t like those kid who put them in the center of the world and act overconfident. I, don’t like him.

"Little Seung Hyun, just few minute later. Now helping me brings it to the table." He pouts and do as Yong Bae says. His eyes brighten when sawing me, “Ji Yong hyung “ he greets loud to gain the attention. I know that he likes me; too much that he follows me everywhere and doing stupid things just for having my attention. However, I just nod in return and he doesn’t seem to mind at all.

Throughout the lunch, he tells terrible jokes, joking around and is very humbling. Everybody is ing tired, but he seems very energetic in contrast. He’s laughing, and jumping around.

I can’t stand it no more.

“Can you shut your mouth up, maknae?”

He stops, look at me, stop for a moment before smiling back at me and return to his seat.

“Do you know that you are so annoying? We’re in trouble, everybody is worry but you. What are you thinking? If you are such easy with your dream like that, don’t stay here, just comes back your ing hometown, won’t you?”

I know I’m being overwhelming, I just can’t help myself. Stress makes me overload, that sometime I can’t control it anymore.

“I know hyung”, he smiles awkwardly and scratch his head.  “But I still a kid, can you please forgive me?”

“A kid? You are just 2 year younger than me, and 1 year younger than HyunSeung, but see how you’re different from us. That’s why I much prefer …”

“Ji Yong”, Yong Bae disrupts me. “Just eat, you’re tired.”

I  haven’t even done with my meal but geting out of the room angrily.

Seung Ri still smile brighly, like he doesn't care. Dammit that smile, I hate that. I look especially stupid and indifferent with me.

From Yong Bae

Ji Yong, he’s not that bad.

I texted him back immediately.

To Yong Bae

He is.

From Yong Bae

Not at all

I turn my phone of in furious, put it back in my pocket and head to my way. I go to the mall, buying some necessary stuff and come back in the afternoon. Everybody seems leave the dorm already that I walk straight to my room.

“Omma, I’m totally fine”

Seung Ri’s voice. I shouldn’t stay because I shouldn't care

But I stayed.

“Yes, totally. Your son becomes more and more popular recently, omma, hehe. You should proud of me.”

“Yes, everybody treats me well. Especially Ji Yong hyung. You remember the one I told you that I really like? He really heartwarming and care for me, omma.”

“I like them all, omma. I really have fun here”

“Ah, you don’t need to send me any money. Your son can make a lot of money now. If you want to buy something just let me know.”

It’s a lie

“Arasso, I love you.”

He hangs up the phone. From my view, I can’t really see his emotion. He takes out something from his pocket, grins himself and whisper

“You will be fine, Seung Ri. You can do that, right?”

Since he thinks everybody’s out, he lets his voice shaking.

“ Hwating Seung Ri yah, I love you”

“Although everybody hates you, I always stay beside you. I really will.”

That’s the first time I have ever seen he’s crying. At that time, I know

He’s just the kid who doesn’t want anybody worry about him. He smiles to hide his sadness, he’s joke to not have any spare for thinking.

He is a kid who's very persistent with his dream that he can pay any price just for fully achieving it. 

How can I forget it? He is just a very young kid who stays away from his family, from his hometown just for his vague dream. 

We're afraid about our future. He’s even more. He just hides it too well that everybody can only see his bright smile.

I was wrong.

I’m sorry.

I start paying attention to him, but he never dared to receive it from me anymore.

“Seung Ri, sleep with me!”

I demand while he eats that he split out food from his mouth, so do the rest of Big Bang. I used my thumb to wipe the stains from corner of his mouth, his eyes widened in shock.

“Hyung, why?”

“Dae Sung’s bed is small. My bed is much bigger. You better sleep with me.”

“Hyung, but …”

I my thumb and walk to the studio, leave him behind, confused.

“Seung Hyun, it’s not an invitation. This is an order.”

“Knock, knock”

“Come in”

I turn my swivel chair to face him, he enters my room timidly. He holds his pillow tight and looks on the ground like something interesting in there. He wears a white T shirt which too large to hide his body. I easily see his collar bone under his T shirt and his neck is throbbing under his hot breath.

 I found myself gulped difficultly and my throat burned.

What’s happens to me?

I point to my bed, he nods in return, crawl on my bed bashful and force himself to the corner of the bad, face himself with the wall.

I stop working, turn off the light and join the sleep with him. I hug him from the back that his body’s freezing and he snuggles.

He’s avoiding me.

I hug him more firmly in response, and whisper in his ears which make them turn red.

So sensitive

“Baby good night.”

In the middle of sleep, I heard some sobbing come beside me, I wake up and found Seung Ri is crying, he bites his lip that make it bleeding and his body’s shaking.

“Seung Ri, what’s the m…”

I try to turn him face to me, he still sleeping and suddenly he hugs me firmly.

Nightmare?

I sigh; pat his head, try to comfort him.

“Don’t cry, baby”

He still cries in my embrace, but his body is no more shaking.

Seung Hyun ah, how hard your life have been?

Just stay with me, I will protect you. I will hold you under my wings.

He always avoid my embrace when he’s awake, but he will come to my embrace spontaneous whenever he deep sleeps.

I’m satisfied.

I haven’t loved him yet. But I start my biggest obsession.

End flashback

“Yong Bae, maknae, has he really, gone?

“Ji Yong, won’t you regret?”

I look out the window. “Will I?”

I am Kwon Ji Yong. Once I love, I really obsessed, I am possessive.

But no one has ever keeps me beside too long.

I have many goals; he is just one of mine.

What did I do with my goal after I achieve it?

I leave it behind.

I’m a lion. A bastard Lion.

Seung Hyun ah, stay strong, you will, right?

“The day you smiled at me, said you fine, like everything between us never happens, I regret already.

Seung Hyun ah, please, just give me one more chance “

““Hyung, it’s really, over. “