People dashed back and forth, yelling out directions and needs across the hallway. You were currently in your dressing room, taking in deep breaths while practicing the dance to your song. It looked really simple just from watching the music video, but it was much more difficult. And dancing wasn’t your forte either. However, you had managed to perfect it with a bit of help and guidance from your choreographer.

“To the right, spin, to the left and up.” You muttered under your breath as you practiced the moves. The door suddenly swung open and your puffed out manager popped his head in.

“You’re on after BTS.” He alerted while pointing at the screen in the corner of the room. With a nod, he shut the door as he left.

You took in another deep breath and stared at your reflection. It was finally going to happen. You were going to debut soon. After many years of sweat, blood and tears your dream was finally coming true.

The sound of Kim Woo Bin announcing the upcoming performers broke your thoughts. Your heartbeat escalated at the sound of your name being listed as a preview of your music video played on screen. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you nervously played with your fingers. Suddenly, your manager burst through the door. “Come on Sona, you’re on soon.” He smiled and held his hand out.

===

Your manager led you to the side of the stage where you were going to enter through. A tingly feeling buzzed inside you as the sound of BTS’ new track came to an end.

“You’re on in 3…2…1!” Along with your back-up dancers you stepped on to the brightly lit stage to see a sea of people cheering behind the cameras that were pointed at you.

Throughout the entire performance, the feeling had never left you. The cheers from your fans had torn through the nervousness that had risen inside you. Glow sticks in all sorts of colours floated in the audience as light reflected off the purple balloons that were handed out by your company. You were having a blast and in your mind you were telling yourself that you had definitely chosen the right path.

===

Five months had passed and promotions for your debut album were coming to end. You had toured around countries in Asia and had met a lot of your international fans. And now it was time to begin preparations for your first album. H2Media, your company hadn’t given you much detail to the album and you were eager to find out.

But the excitement had instantly evaporated when you found out that you were going to collaborate with another idol for your title song. And he was no other than EXO-K’s visual and main dancer, Kai. Also known as your ex-boyfriend.

You had to re-read the document over and over again with disbelief. Why him of all people? You had mentally questioned. A sigh escaped your lips at the memories of your time with Kai, who then was known as Jongin.

///

“I missed you.” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around your waist.

You broke into a smile before wrapping yours around his neck. “I missed you more.” You laughed and he pulled you into a hug and snuggled his face in the crook of your neck. A soft sensation grazed your bare skin and you froze at the touch. “D-did you just kiss my neck?” You stuttered in embarrassment.

He chuckled again and you felt the vibration against your body. A blush crept up your cheeks at his mysterious behaviour. “You don’t like it?” He mumbled into your hair.

You shook your head lightly and you could feel his arms tighten around your waist. “What’s wrong?” you giggled.

A sigh escaped his lips. “I’m tired.” Your eyebrows furrowed. He had never directly said it before, but you had noticed it a few times whenever you met up with him.

It started around about a month ago when the two of you met up for a date. Usually he would be extremely excited and jumpy, but during that one date, he had just held your hand and walked around a park in complete silence. You had to admit that it was nice for some peace and quiet once in a while. But it was too sudden for your liking. You were going to ask him, but he had pulled you down at a nearby bench and used your laps as a pillow and fell asleep.

He looked so innocent but at the same time, exhausted, which made you wonder what he had been doing before he took you on the date. You ran your fingers through his soft black hair and watched him sleep.

And who knew that that date was the last peaceful moment you had together.

A week had passed since the late night date at the park and Jongin hadn’t contacted you. Worry was the only thing you felt afterwards when he didn’t reply to any of your texts or calls.

It was like he was avoiding you.

Another week flashed past when you suddenly received a message from him. You jumped up in excitement as relief washed over you.

‘Meet me at our gazebo.’

That’s it? That was it? For the past two weeks you had sent him multiple messages, called him millions of times and all he replied with was that? You sighed in frustration and ran your fingers through your hair. No. You had to see him and hear what he had to say.

At the gazebo it was. Jongin was leaning against the pillar with his hands in his pocket. He had a grey woollen scarf wrapped around his neck, making him look vulnerable. And under the scarce light from a nearby lamp you could see that he had changed his hair colour. It was lighter and it seemed…a lot fluffier.

You quietly made your way up the small flight of stairs as he glanced up. His eyes locked onto yours and you felt ashamed for having such thoughts before you came to meet up with him. He was exhausted. His eye bags were more pronounced and he looked like he was in pain.

“Hey.” He spoke in a whisper. You weren’t prepared to forgive him for ignoring you, but as soon as you heard his voice, your heart shattered. You ran up the rest of the steps and wrapped your arms around him, snuggling into his chest.

No matter how angry you were, you had to admit that you had missed him too much to actually hate him “Wher-” you began.

“Let’s break up.”

You felt your heart drop and everything around you seemed to stop.

No. You didn’t want to believe what you heard just then. You tightened your grip around his waist and buried your face deeper into his chest. “Sona-” He began and you shook your head furiously. How dare he speak of your name at a moment like this? Didn’t he know how much it hurt to hear him calling you that after disappearing for so long?

“Please.” He whispered again. You could hear the crack in his voice. “Please let go.” He begged again, but you stubbornly ignored him.

 A sigh was heard before you felt his hands on your arms. He gently pushed your arms off of him and stepped back. You couldn’t bring your eyes up to meet his, because you knew that once you did, the water works would start.

“Sona-” He started again, but you didn’t want to listen.

“No.” you quickly replied in a whisper. “Tell me this isn’t happening Jongin-ah.”

There was a moment of silence, before his voice was heard again. “I’m sorry,” He began, “I’m sorry for ignoring your texts and calls.” Another pause. “I was busy…with work and-” There was a sigh, “I’m really sorry.”

Days, weeks and months passed after you broke up with Jongin. Like any other day, you were absentmindedly watching the TV. But this time a familiar face appeared on screen. You snapped out of your daze and stared at it, waiting for the emcee to announce the next act on M Countdown. It was a new boy band from SM and it seemed like it had gained a lot of popularity in the past few months.

The new band, EXO, appeared on screen with six boys standing with their heads facing down. As soon as the song started, both the happy and painful memories flooded back. And the words he said the night he broke up with you suddenly made sense.

He was sorry. But why? He was sorry because he had lied to you. And because he also knew of your dream to become an idol.

\\\

Your heart ached at the thought of the past and a single tear slid down your cheek. You took a deep breath and quickly wiped it off. I mustn’t let it affect me, you mentally thought and cheered yourself up.

===

The following day, your manager drove you to SM to meet up with the choreographer and Kai. You still weren’t used to calling him by his stage name, but you couldn’t let your manager know that you and Kai had known each other before the collaboration. No one needed to know.

Your manager led you through the corridors of the infamous SM building and stopped in front of a door. Music was playing inside and you could hear someone counting. Your manager pushed the door open and led you inside.

There he was. Dancing in front of a mirror as the choreographer clapped to the rhythm of the song. His moves were graceful, but strong.

He was still the same person. Nothing much had changed about him, except his hair was a bit darker than the last time you had personally seen him. And underneath that white t-shirt, you could see the muscle on his arms and torso. Maybe he changed physically.

The song stopped, pulling you back to reality as the choreographer made his way over to you. “It’s nice to finally meet you Sona.” He greeted with a smile. You ree and shook his hand that he had held out.

“It’s a pleasure. I’ve heard so much about you and it’s an honour to work with you.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. He then gestured for Kai to come over.

Your breath hitched at his presence beside you and you suddenly found it hard to look up.

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Kai, so I’ll skip the introductions. And I’m pretty sure that Kai knows who you are since he’s watched your music video and performances.”

You heard someone clearing their throat awkwardly and couldn’t help yourself to look up. Kai was…blushing? A slight tone of pinkness highlighted his cheeks. And it wasn’t because he was feeling hot; since the room was cool itself. He quickly looked away and grabbed the bottle of water the choreographer handed him. You gulped at the sight of him chugging down the drink. A droplet of water slid down his sweat glistening neck and you had to stop yourself away from staring.

Oh boy. You thought and panicked a little inside.

===

The dance was…very intimate. And dancing was a skill that you were yet to master. It became very awkward and the choreographer was close to losing his mind when Kai hesitated to grab your hand during a certain part of the dance. “Kai, what are you doing?” He grumbled and stalked up to him with a slight hint of anger in his eyes. “Just hold her damn hand.” He harshly grabbed your hand and placed it in his, not before apologising. A blush appeared and you dropped your gaze to the ground.

A spark like feeling shot through your body, bringing back the good and bad memories that you had forced to the back of your mind. You didn’t want this to happen, not when your career had just begun. It would be the first thing that would be affected.

The instrumental to your song started again, breaking you away from your thoughts. Unlike the last few rounds, this time you and Kai were able to go through the entire routine, more or less.

“Good enough, let’s wrap it up for today. Keep practicing and I’ll see you at the filming of your music video.” The choreographer hastily left the practice studio, leaving you and Kai alone. You opened your mouth to speak, but he had moved off to his bag before you could even start.

“Jongin-ah.” You spoke in a whisper. Silence was the only answer and you were pretty sure that he had heard you. “Jongin-ah.”

“What?” His tone was thick and low. He didn’t even bother turning around and you swore you heard a sigh before he had answered. Was he…angry at you?

“I-I just-”

He groaned and stopped packing his stuff away, “Stop stuttering and just say it.”

You sighed, giving up the thought of starting a proper conversation with him. “When are you free? F-For practice that is.” You mentally face-palmed.

“I’ll let your manager know.” He muttered and left the practice room.

===

It was the same routine every single time you met. Practice, have a break with the sound of heavy breathing in the air, practice again and then leave. Kai had changed. He was quiet, mysterious and distant. He was longer the loving and fun Jongin that you knew. Was it the change of name? Or was it his career? Either way, you were curious.

And for the past few weeks that you and Kai worked together, you realised that you were slowly falling for him. All over again. Although he wasn’t the same person as before, you had actually fallen deeper for him. Was that even possible?

===

The day of the music video shooting arrived, sooner than you had expected. You were worried about the outcome of the dance part. The choreographer had reminded the two of you that you had to show the emotions, and that was the most worrisome part. How the heck were you able to express the feelings of love and pain when neither of you spoke to each other?

You arrived at the location before Kai showed up. With the help of the make-up artists and stylists, the concept was sweet and a bit too feminie for your liking. They had put you in a simple light green knee height dress with simple make-up and a floral headband. Along with a simple pair of heels, you were ready to shoot.

Kai’s arrival was unannounced, so when the two of you stepped out of your dressing rooms into the scenery for the music video, shock was the only word to describe the moment.

You had taken his breath away the minute he saw you. And he still looked amazing in your eyes.

The director’s voice broke the little moment and he started to order his people around the set. The shooting began with a small drama plot, with the theme of young love. Surprise, surprise.

And soon enough it was time to record the dance scenes. Your stylists gave both you and Kai much simpler outfits, which allowed you to move freely for the dance routine.

But this time, Kai couldn’t keep his eyes off you. A slight blush appeared on your cheeks which your make-up stylist thought she had overdone, and you had to escape to your change room to calm your beating heart. Why must you do this to me? You mentally cried and took a shaky breath. But other than the messed up feelings inside you, the words of the choreographer repeated in your mind. You groaned in frustration and started walking around the room.

“Sona,” Your manager’s head popped in, “We’re waiting for you.” You took a deep breath, held your head up high and stepped out of the dressing room. I can do it, you mentally reminded yourself.

The song was playing in the background, the camera was recording and you and Kai were moving to the rhythm. Suddenly, the feeling of Kai’s grip around you felt different. It was strong, but light. Like he was being careful with you. And then the most important scene came up.

After stepping away from him, like you had practiced you still had your arms reached out to him. You expected him to lightly grab your hand like practiced, but to your surprise, the grip was strong and abrupt. A gasp escaped your lips and you locked eyes with him for the very first time in weeks.

It was still the same.

A smirk could be seen on his plump lips and a hint of playfulness in his eyes. He was enjoying it.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see the choreographer’s delighted expression at the successful show of feelings. You looked at Kai again. His smirk was wider, and his face was far too close to yours.

What is happening?

===

“Next up, we have a comeback from Sona, featuring Kai of EXO-K. She’s performing her title track, ‘I’m Sorry’, from her first album, ‘Young Love’.” Announced Woo Bin with his gummy smile.

You sat in the dressing room with the outfit that you wore during the shooting of your music video. Kai was sitting on the couch, his face in his phone. After the recording of the video finished, you hadn’t seen each other until today and you were still wondering what happened during the dance scene.

“Stop pacing around, you’re making me dizzy.” He mumbled and threw his phone across the couch.

You glared at him. “Stop staring at me then.” First he was cold and mysterious, and now he was...childish and annoying. He was confusing you and your feelings and you were starting to get fed up with it. You didn’t know how to act around him because of his sudden change of behaviour. It was as if Jongin was back.

A crew member of the music show appeared and asked for the two of you to head backstage. With a deep breath you and Kai made your way there. Silence between the two of you was comfortable and no words were needed to let the other know that nervousness flooded inside.

Another member of the crew stepped beside you and led you to the side of the stage.

“I’m sorry.” Kai suddenly whispered before you left his side. Your eye brows knotted in the centre and you glanced at him for an answer in which he shrugged. Your attention was brought back to the stage as the crew member smiled widely before pressing the speaker further into his ear. “You’re on in 3…2…1!” Along with your back-up dancers you stepped onto the brightly lit stage to see a sea of people cheering behind the cameras that were pointed at you. There were more fans this time than your debut stage performances and happiness spread inside of you. The nervousness disappeared and was replaced with adrenaline.

When the part came up for Kai to appear, more cheers and screams could be heard from the crowd and a wide smile appeared on his face. Your heartbeat escalated involuntarily. “I’m sorry.” He mouthed with a smile right when your voice sang it in the background. “I’m sorry.” He mouthed again. Somehow it felt as if he wasn’t being silly, but serious.

The song ended with Kai’s hand on the side of your cheek and neck. His eyes looking into yours as both your breaths were in sync. A smile broke out on his face right before the lights turned off.  

“I tried to forget about us, the good times we had and the bad. But you made it hard for me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t help myself but fall for you all over again.” You felt his thumb rub your cheek and his breath glided across your lips. “I’m sorry Sona, for lying and for not giving you a proper explanation.” There was a short pause before he continued again. “I don’t care what you say, but Sona, I still need you.” His thumb brushed your lower lips. “Be mine. Be mine again.”

Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest and the only words that you seemed to have heard were the last three. A single tear slid down your face as a chuckle escaped your lips. You nodded without hesitation before he leaned in, pressing his lips on yours.

---

AND IT'S DONE! My first ever oneshot request. PHEW!

comments would be nice my dear readers ^^

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