Chappie 10

Everything was dim, I was wearing a black dress. I don’t like it. I don’t like this atmosphere. I hate it! I hate it when I have to wear those black dresses again, for the third times!

I sit on his seat, while looking through the window, it was gloomy outside there.

‘Are you sad?’

That was what on my mind that time. I looked at his table, and touched it. Wiping off the dust from his table. Trying to feel his touch. I took the book under his desk. And smiled while looking at the front page of the book. He wrote my name on it.

‘Amber, I love you.’

I chuckled, this guy  must be crazy for writing something like this on Mr. Lee exercise book.

‘Do you?’

I stood up, and walked through the hallway. It was empty, and dim. I opened his locker. I saw the ball, books, comb, sweets, chewing gum, cap, jacket, and our pictures were everywhere. Here and there.

I closed it, as well as my eyes. I tried to held in my tears, and took a deep breath. The deepest one, and opened my eyes. I kept walking through the hallway. Until I reached the small store. The small store that we were in when we were trying to hide from the homeroom teacher.

I opened the door, it was still the same, the desks and chairs. I walked in, and closed the door. The store was dim, as dim as my heart. I leaned my back on the door, and looked in front me.

This is how my position that day. And his body was so near that I could feel his breath, the heat of his body. I could see his eyes, his lips, his face, closely. In front of me, was his chest. Everything kept on replaying in my mind. Every seconds of it.

I opened the door and walked out. Because I realized, that, I can’t go back in time. And I realized, that day will never happen again. I will never spend my time in this small store again.

I closed the door and continued to walk until I reached the rooftop.

I felt it. Yes, I felt it. You were living between the air. You were with me, I felt your presence. I know you were here, but you just could not be seen. I smiled.

‘Can you see me? I am smiling, for you.’

I closed my eyes as I felt the cold morning breeze. Today’s weather was gloomy. No more sunlight, no rainbow, no more happiness that I could felt. Nothing . It was empty.

I took my deep breath, and opened my eyes. I can see everything. Everything that we did together. Chasing around, hearing the lame jokes, laughing so hard. All the happiness we shared, all the moments we had together while eating our sweet buns, were playing in my eyes.

Looking at your face, the brightest face I’ve ever seen. With that pinkish lips of yours, with that nice hair, never tired of running around, that sweet smile, that round big eyes, still sparkling while looking at me, you looks like an angel. Are you the angel that was send to me? To fill in the emptiness in my heart? Were you?

But you left me. After I’ve got what I’ve been looking for, you left me. I thought everything will be fine, but you left me. You let my heart feel empty again. You let my tears flowed out from my eyes again. You let me crying days and nights again. Do you really like it? You like to see me like this? Do you enjoy it?

Tears was flowing out from eyes. I didn’t want to stop it from flowing. I want to let it all out.

‘You see me, right? Do you like it? Seeing my tears?’

I cried as loud as I can. I fell on the ground,  I felt the cold breeze kept on hitting me. I saw everything around me, empty. The empty rooftop was filled with sadness and tears. While I kept on seeing everything around me, something caught my eyes.

I stood up, and walked to the half-wall of the rooftop,

‘Chanyeol and Amber’s place’ I touched it. It was written by me.

‘We love this place ! We are one! We are best friend! We will never leave each other behind!’ I read the words under it, I touched it. It was written by Chanyeol.

I chuckled when I remember how crazy we were that day. Chasing around, and wrote these on the wall, enough to show you that both of us are not that good.

Tears still flowing out from my eyes, kept on being on my cheeks, and won’t leave, kept flowing. I leaned my back on the wall. Replaying those words he said to me, those looks while he look at me, those smiles that he gave me, Trying to remember everything about him.

How he looks like, the way he talks, the way he smiles, the way he tells those jokes, those words that came out from his mouth, everything. Was still in my mind.

I kept on crying while looking at the ground. My eyes became blurred. I cried as loud as I can, letting go all the pain, all the emptiness I felt inside. Until I couldn’t catch my breath.

Then, someone approached me. I know who was it, even though I didn’t look at him. But I know that it was Kris, through his scent, and his touch. He gave me a red diary. And pulled me into a deep hug.

He broke off the hug, and walked away. I didn’t look at him even a glance. I don’t want him to see me in this condition. I don’t want him to see the weak side of me.

I sat on the ground. And wiped off the tears on my cheeks. I took my deep breath and opened the diary. When I was about to open the diary, something fell. It was a white envelope. I took the envelope and turned it.

‘For the prettiest person, Amber.’

The tears dropped again. I took out the letter from the white envelope. Then, something fell on the ground. It was our picture, doing the ‘peace’ sign while smiling happily. The background was … this rooftop.

I chuckled while looking at the photo, I turned the photo.

‘Look how beautiful her smile was. Smile, Amber.’

I smiled. With those tears on my cheeks. I wiped the tears , and smiled. I began to unfold the white paper. And preparing myself to read it.

Dear bestfriend , Amber.

  Hey, beautiful. How are you? Are you smiling? Did you wiped off those tears on your cheeks? Hey, don’t cry. Wipe it off, now! I mean, NOW! ^^

 Amber, I got so many questions to ask you. Answer it, okay? Loudly. I will hear your answer. The questions are … *drums roll*

How’s your health? What are you doing? How’s your studies? Are you having a great time? Are you crying? Are you okay? Everything is fine, right?

Haha! Hey, laugh with me! LOL, okay. Not funny. XD

Amber, I know that when you are reading this letter. I am not there, right beside you. Or , am I ? Kidding. Okay, okay. Yah, Chanyeol! Be serious! *punched my face* Amber-ah, don’t cry. I will be there, within the air. You can’t see me, but can you feel me?

Amber, I know you are crying. Don’t lie! I wish I could wipe off those tears, and make you smile with my jokes. I wish I could see your smile again. I wish I can touch your face again. I wish I can look at your eyes again. I wish to do everything with you again. I wish I could eat the sweet buns with you again. I wish to chase you again. I wish to tease you again. Ah, so many wishes. :D

I’m sorry, for breaking our promises. I’m sorry for telling you those lies. I’m sorry, for not being there, to wipe you tears. I’m sorry, I couldn’t spend much time with you. I’m sorry, that we can’t be best friends until your last breath. I’m sorry, for leaving you behind. I’m sorry, for keep you reading this letter alone. I’m sorry, for letting you feel this kind of pain again.  Sorry for everything. I know it was my fault to have this kind of disease.

I couldn’t tell you about my disease. I can’t see your tears anymore. I can’t see you’re crying while looking at me. I can’t see those teary eyes when you talk to me. I can’t see you’re seeing me dying.

I can’t let you see me in this kind of condition. Guess what? Do you really want to see me? Chanyeol with no hair, Chanyeol with a pale face, Chanyeol with the hospital’s uniform, Chanyeol with the tubes, Chanyeol that can’t walk properly, do you really want to see me? I don’t want you to see me like this. No way!

I really want to stay with you. I really want to see you with your family, having kids, playing in the garden, peacefully. Whoa, it’s a great moments. I want to see your future. You know, I always cry when I think about it. When I think about the future, I cry a lot, because I know that there will be no this silly guy in your future. It’s so sad.

But, hey! I managed to smile! Am I strong? What did you say? Yes? Aw, thank you for praising me. Haha.

Hey, do you still remember our moments? Aw, that was the most beautiful moments in my life. Thank you, for giving a chance to feel that kind of moments. Do you still remember the store? Do you still remember that shady tree? Do you remember where I sit in the class? Do you remember the half-wall at the rooftop? Thank you, for giving me those places.

Thank you for giving me a chance to feel the meaning of love. Ngeee! :D

I’m sorry for that day, I’m sorry because I ignored the pinky-promise. When I know that I’m having this disease, I don’t want to make any promises with you anymore. Because I know that I can’t fulfil it. Because I know that I will break the promise, one day. I’m sorry.

Hey, remember our last moments? Under that shady tree? When you told me, that you can’t accept my love for you, I felt the pain. It’s hurt. But I couldn’t say anything. Because it’s the best for you. When you said that you will never ever ever ever leave me, honestly, I felt that my heart broke into pieces. Because I know that you can’t. Thank you, for forgave me because of my fault. You can punish me, when you want. 

I want to see your face, I want to mess with your hair, I want to hold your hand, I want to pinch your cheeks, once again. For the last time, before I close my eyes. But I can’t let you visit me.

Seriously, you will never like the hospital’s atmosphere. The air, the smells of medicine, the sounds of those machines, you will never like it. You will hate it. Hey! Stop crying, silly girl! Such a crybaby. Tsk. ><

And, guess what? I experienced many things in this room. Now, I got the tubes under my skin, I’m holding a drip, I can see the weather through the window, I can sleep on the white sheet of the bed, cover my body with a white blanket, reading magazines, hears those weird machines sound and how it work, and .. aha! There are so many hot chicks here! I’m enjoying it. >:D  Don’t worry. Haha! xD

Amber, don’t worry. I’m still with you. Within the air. Please don’t cry, I’m happy up here. I’m looking at you. I’m protecting you from up here. It’s great! I wish I could bring you up here, you can see the whole world! Beautiful! >,<

Don’t cry, and don’t worry, because I could feel the pain, it was hurt, you know? Really hurt. Do you like to see me in pain? So, don’t cry, okay? Now, smile. Show the world your bright side. Show the world your smile. Okay? You promise me? Good girl. :)

I want to say many things you. But I can’t because I don’t want you sleep late at night. You need your beauty sleep. Because if I write everything in my mind right now, It will be a hundred papers for you to read.

So, I know it’s the end. Hey, stay with Kris, okay? He’s a good guy. I know he will take care of you. He loves you, very much. So don’t betray him! Yah, you got a handsome boyfriend, why are you still crying? Oh, ya! Sorry, I already forgot to say ‘Congratulations’.

“Congratulations! On your relationship with Kris! I hope you will stay together until your old days.” :D

Amber, keep smiling. I’m waiting for you up here. But come up here when you are already old, okay? :)

I will always be right by your side,
Always be your friend,
Always be with you,
Always be the one you loved,
I will.. I promised!

I love you, so much. :)

Okay, now, let me say my last goodbye for you *waving at you*

Goodbye! :'D 

Your silly best friend, the most handsome guy,

Chanyeol. ^.^

The tears kept on flowing out. I chuckled while looking at the last words written on the letter,

‘Will you?’

“Tsk. What a silly guy.” I chuckled, and looked away, trying to hide my tears. But I can’t. I cried even more.

Then I wiped it off, and looked at the sky. I smiled. Gloomy.

“Yah! Why you are sad? Look, I’m smiling!” I yelled. Then, the rain started to fall on the ground, one by one.

‘Stubborn boy.’

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes, and I saw everything was still the same. The gloomy sky, the empty rooftop, the same atmosphere, the same clothes, as the proof that it’s the reality. He really left me.

Alone.

The rain started to get heavy. I cried even more. I couldn’t held it in anymore.

‘I wish you are here’

I cried, because I know that my Chanyeol was not here, beside me. I want to hear his deep voice, I want to see his big round eyes, I want to see him, once more. God, please give me one last chance. Please.

The rain was heavy. As if it was also crying for me. Crying because of the pain I felt.

‘Are you there?’

Sad. Pain. Dim. Lonely.

Crying,  alone. 

Hey guys! Sorry for any grammatical and typos error(s). Thank you for reading! Hope you like the chappie~ >.<

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