“I’ll be there.”

Donghae heard a quiet sob released by Hyukjae through the phone, and the sound tugged at his heart.

“Hyuk… Don’t… I will be right there… Please don’t cry.”

An image of Hyukjae with tears streaming down his cheeks flashed through Donghae’s mind, prompting him to move faster. He hung up the call and put on his jacket over his pajamas. He did not bother to change since Hyukjae needed him right at that moment, and he seemed to desperately need comfort, which Donghae would gladly, and more than willingly, provide. The thought of his friend, this special friend, suffering made him feel weak and helpless.

He hurriedly walked to his car once he shut and locked the door of his place.

He reached the car, thankful that his fans were not outside, waiting for him.

It is the middle of the night, after all, he told himself.

He did not want them to see his current state. They wanted to see him happy and his happy smiles were what he would show them. Not his red, puffy, tear-stained face.

However, even if his fans were there, he would still come out with his current appearance. He had to be quick. Quick actions prevented him from taking the time to prepare his looks. However, at the same time, this was what Hyukjae needed from him. For Donghae to be there as soon as he can. And Hyukjae… Hyukjae was his priority. As much as it pained him to hurt or disappoint his fans, he could not refuse Hyukjae. He simply did not have the desire, or the ability, or simply the will to do so.

And this was why he found himself speeding down the roads towards Hyukjae’s place.

______________________________________________________________________________

After the call ended, all of the color drained from Hyukjae's face, leaving a pale and white visage, as he stared at the phone.

He muttered a string of curses.

What have I done, he asked himself. Why did I do this? Why did I basically beg Donghae to come to me when I knew full well that this best friend of mine would come… with no questions asked..?

But once again, he already knew the answer to his own question. He could not deny Donghae. He could not restrain his emptions when Donghae could effortlessly make him feel what he wanted him to feel.

Now that he was able to think somewhat rationally, he knew with absolute certainty that he could not, should not, see Donghae. Yes, he admitted to himself, he was a coward. For running away from his friend or lover or whatever he was to him right now. But, if he did not, the whole of Super Junior would disintegrate. It was not just the two of them. It was not just Hyukjae and Donghae, the unfortunate lovers. Because of the spotlight that was focused on them as celebrities and idols, and they were Super Junior’s Donghae and Eunhyuk, the rest of Super Junior members would also be negatively affected and brought down. The “Super Junior” name would be tainted. He kept repeating this information in his head.

There was also his family. How could he tell his parents that he was in love with a man? That he would have to adopt a child to give them a grandchild? Yes, his parents supported “EunHae.” They supported them together as coworkers, as buddies, as friends, wishing for their success in their careers. These were normal actions and desires of parents for their children. However, he did not think that they supported “EunHae” together as a couple.  With his Christian background which did not support such love, he did not believe that his parents would welcome such an idea.

If I am uncertain about my own family, then Donghae might have been also. Then, Hyukjae shook his head. Or not.

He chuckled, thinking about his friend’s lack of preparation and planning for anything, so this friend of his might not have yet thought about the effects of their actions. Donghae usually dealt with problems when they came; he did not usually plan for things in the future, except on having a vague idea of what he wanted. Which was him. Lee Hyukjae.

His smile vanished. A moment of lightheartedness, gone, when he was brought back to reality.

There he was, this current dilemma smacking him in the face. His precious time, the time to use to leave, slowly ticked away the longer he contemplated in his room.

Should he do the responsible, more noble thing? To leave this joy-filled relationship, which literally had the potential to ruin their lives.. their friends’ lives.. their families’ lives? To leave this poisonous relationship that had taken him to the brink of extreme ecstasy? To leave this secret relationship that confused him, making him unable to decide right from wrong?

Or should he follow his own desires..? What his mind screamed for. What his body craved for. What his heart longed for. What his soul yearned for.

Donghae…

He agitatedly paced in his room, all sorts of emotions running through him. He knew that he had about fifteen minutes left before his friend arrived to his place, and if that were to happen, it would send a clear signal to Donghae. That Hyukjae would stay in the relationship in which they, Hyukjae more than Donghae, tried to end.

Fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime. Fifteen minutes also seemed like a millisecond. Such a long time yet so short a moment. In which this man in the stillness of his bedroom suffered in uncertainty... in indecision.

Hyukjae asked himself once again, should I stay?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Donghae finally arrived to his lover’s place.

After breaking all speed limit laws in his rush to get to Hyukjae and praying all the while that both of them would be okay in the end and that everything would turn out fine, he found himself parking his car and walking up the walkway to the front door.

He lifted his right hand to knock, but then he slowly brought it down before he did so. He stood there silently, staring straight at the door, afraid of what he would find inside. Of what would happen next.

Feeling his heart thumping in his chest and hearing the harsh inhales and exhales of his breath, he took the plunge and finally knocked.

He then waited for the door to open.

He waited and waited.

Nothing happened.

After five minutes, he knocked again.

And once again, silence was the response that answered him.

“Screw you, Lee Hyukjae,” Donghae uttered an emotionless whisper.

He dragged himself to his car, feeling quite numb. He sat on that driver’s seat for awhile. Mixed emotions, between raging fury and hopeless misery, filled him, rendering him immobile in his seat.

What did I expect to find? he berated himself bitterly, that Hyukjae would open the door, welcome me with open arms, and just live happily ever after? Stupid happy, happy endings. Stupid fairy tales. Stupid Disney movies. Stupid Lee Donghae. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So this is your answer, Hyukjae? His thoughts continued. I have rushed all the way here to find… that you’re not even here. To find that your ‘I need you’ means that ‘I still do not choose you’... Really? In the end, I was not your choice? I thought… I believed… that ultimately, it would be me. Me...

He screamed his frustration in the car.

When he could finally slightly diminish the severity of his emotions, he the engine. Afterwards, he paused, willing his mind to think clearly by focusing on the music playing in the radio.

“Now, now they can see the tears in our eyes

But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts

Well, maybe that’s a pain we can’t hide

Cause everybody knows that we’re both torn apart

Why do we hurt each other?

Why do we push love away?

Let’s don’t wait til the water runs dry

We might watch our whole lives pass us by

Let’s don’t wait til the water runs dry

We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives

Don’t do it, baby”

His poor vision already decreased by the lack of light blurred even more as tears rushed to his eyes once more, effectively impeding his ability to see.

“. I need to stop doing this .” He yelled once more inside the empty confines of his car as he wiped his face with his left forearm.

He sighed and looked straight ahead. He said out loud in a firm voice, knowing that it was just him hearing the words and not the intended receiver, “I’m not giving up on you, Hyuk… Lee Donghae gets what he wants. And you… are what he wants the most. So, watch the out.”

Astonishingly, this calmed him down considerably.

Just then, the front door opened. A lone figure slowly walked towards the passenger side of his car, opened the door, and sat heavily beside him. Silence filled the car. Neither individuals speaking.

At this time in the dark where late night and early morning met and mixed together, Donghae and Hyukjae sat outside in the vehicle. Donghae stared at the man beside him who was concealed by the shadows; he could not view this person’s face, but he knew without a doubt that this could only be Hyukjae.

He was still frozen in his seat; however, now for an entirely different reason. The only movement he could manage was his labored, uneven breathing and the erratic, unsteady beating of his heart. Which were actually all body functions that he, in truth, did not have any control over.

“You know what will happen next, right? When we come out with this to the public? Since I don’t think we can keep it hidden for long…” The figure asked Donghae in a hushed tone.

Donghae, meanwhile, felt relief wash over his body once he heard Hyukjae talk. He started to perk up, the negative feelings he had earlier disappeared quickly, as if it had never even been present.

“Hyukjae, this may be hard for you to believe, but I have already thought about that. About what will happen to us and to everyone around us... Let me tell you… I know that these few months had been hell for me, and I do not want to live my life like that. I just can’t—” Donghae’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat and continued, “I care… I care about Super Junior. I care about our families. I care about our fans. I care about the company. I care about what people would think of us. I care about what would happen if people find out. Yes, I am scared. You weren’t the only one who thought about this, Hyukjae.. But I care more about you.. Call me selfish. Call me all the nasty names that you can think of. But you are my ing world. You are everything to me. Without you, I’d only be a shell of a man that I once was. I know that you have tried to replace me with that girl. And I also know that it is not working. What we have, Hyukjae,… you won’t be able to find it with anyone else.”

Donghae suddenly stopped. He could not utter more words or he would break down. He was happy that Hyukjae decided to come to him, but the topic saddened and frustrated him.

“I give up… Help me…” Hyukjae rasped out.

Donghae soundlessly reached across and gently wrapped his arms around his love, ending with Hyukjae’s head buried in the crook of Donghae’s neck.

Because of the dimness of his surroundings, Donghae could not see the person he was embracing well. Rather, he felt him. He felt Hyukjae shaking violently. He felt Hyukjae weakly grasping the front of his shirt, pulling him even closer towards him. He felt Hyukjae’s lips move against his collarbone area when he heard the words “I love you” voiced out in the softest of whispers. He also felt Hyukjae kiss that spot of his collarbone. He felt Hyukjae’s lips move up his neck. Felt that kiss on his jaw. Felt those lips again on the move, trailing down his jawline to his chin. And finally felt Hyukjae’s sinful, yet angelic, lips meet his own. These kisses were merely quick pecks, but they made Donghae tighten his arms around the man that was inadvertently assaulting his senses.

When Hyukjae finished his actions, he said another “I love you” once more before he grazed his lips against Donghae’s lips again and finally settled his head once again on Donghae’s neck.

He heard Donghae whisper quite closely by his ear, “I was getting worried there. I knew you’d choose me, but that took you awhile.. If you didn’t come to me like how you just did, I was really going to get you.”

~~~ o ~~~ o ~~~ o ~~~ o ~~~ o ~~~

A/N: The song playing in the radio when Donghae was in the car is called 'Water Runs Dry' by Boyz II Men. And, yes, I do love this song a lot. <3