Holding her suitcase with sweaty, shaky hands, she stands beside the train station's platform, her eyes having those glassy stares looking straight at nothing in particular, just staring in front of her. The chilly winds of autumn softly blowing her mid-length hair as well as her fedora hat's wide brims, she didn't bother fixing them as she let them float a bit around her face, her furry coat thankfully being stopped from flying around by the suitcase she's holding in front of her.

People walked through and passed by, carrying on with their own busy lives, as if time is forever chasing them around and running out for them. However, for her, her time already stopped since that fateful night.

She glanced down at her hands where she holds a single suitcase of her most precious belongings, and this time, her glassy orbs finally let go of a single tear drop across her pale porcelain cheeks. She's tired of crying already and yet she wonders where do these tears keep coming from when she thought she already ran out of them. Thankfully, her hat covered half of her face as she lowered her head down further to hide the tears she's shedding.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes as she wiped of the tears from her face with her hand. Stop please. Please stop…

As she was able to control her emotions, she then looked up the skies observing it, how it contrasts the feelings she's having inside. The clouds are bright, the skies blue, everything is clear, the sun is even peeking through the clouds. The weather though, seemed to agree with her feelings, as it was a chilly windy day - a reminder that winter is about to come and the first snow has yet to fall.

As she glanced around, she saw a couple cuddled on the platform bench, the boy warming up the girl by rubbing her arms up and down.

She tried to look away at the sweet but painful sight but her eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, as her mind drifts off to bittersweet memory…

*Flashback*

She was standing on a sidewalk, warming her hands up by breathing on it while jogging in place, waiting for him to come back with their hot packs and canned coffees. It's in the middle of winter and yet she randomly wanted to stroll down the park, much to her lover's dismay, but he is not someone to turn her down so they went for a quick date.

What's taking him so long? My is freezing here already.. She thought irritatingly, her eyes searching here and there for a red-beanie-d guy running towards her way, but she's been doing it for the past 15 minutes and yet no signs of a red beanie or a running guy with bags in his hands.

She was already getting pissed by the second because she's just wearing her skirt and a pair of knee high stockings, wanting to show off her legs to him, but she just ended up freezing her legs and off, and it's feeling numb already.

Aish, where are you?? Her mind screamed.

As if she just sent a telepathic signal to him, she finally saw her lover in his favorite red beanie, running hysterically towards her, a bag of goodies in his arms. She put her hands on her waist, pouting, then tapping her feet impatiently at him, bidding him to run faster.

As he finally reached her, he handed her the hot packs and her coffee, all the while huffing and puffing. "What took you so long??" she asked irritably, "My is freezing already, you know!" She then grabbed the hot pack from his hands and put it on her numbing legs.

"Aigoo, it's numb from freezing already," she pinched her legs to feel them but no pain shot up, all the while he was watching her curiously.

He then chuckled and kissed her cheeks, "YAAAHH! I'm still mad at you why are you doing that?" she asked, flabbergasted.

"I'm sorry, baby, I tried to look for other things you might want and then I got caught up at the long queue. I swear I would've flown to you if I could coz I missed you so much already," he pouted as he crouched down and started rubbing her legs.

"Heo--heool…" she stared dumbly down at him, feeling the heat suddenly crawl up her body as she melted with his cheesy line and his hands on her legs. Oh, she can suddenly feel her legs now!!!

He continued rubbing her legs to warm them as he looked up at her, noticing the furiously red cheeks of his lover, to which he giggled at as he continued to warm her legs.

"Why are you laughing?" She asked absent-mindedly.

"Nothing, baby girl, you just look so cute when you're being pouty like that," he answered nonchalantly, as if it's the most normal thing in the world, then looked up at her again and pinched her nose, before turning around to have her face his back.

"What are you doing?" She asked again.

"You ask too many questions today, did you leave your brain at home?" he as he looked at her over his shoulders. "Hop on, your legs are numb right?"

"Ehh?"

"Aish, what happened to you, seriously? Is my touch that mind blowing already?" He giggled as he scooted towards her and grabbed the back of her knees to make her stumble to his back, which normally made her wrap her arms around his neck.

"KYAAAHHH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

"Carrying you. Now hold tight and let's go home," he said laughing, grabbing their goods with his left hand and hanging it on his wrists, while the petite girl on his back blushed furiously and suddenly felt like summer amidst the blowing of the winter breeze.

*end of Flashback*

She smiled at the bittersweet memory as her eyes continued to stare at the couple.

I miss his touch.. I'm longing for it…

Her mind drifted away again, as it went blank with only his name being repeatedly called by her heart, echoing it.

She looked away and resumed her waiting, refusing to sit on any of the benches as she wanted to be alone. Her eyes stared blankly at the railroad tracks, as she observed each pebbles and rocks, their shapes, their sizes. She needs to distract herself.

She heaved a deep breath again as she stood there, unconsciously her mind drifting off again to thoughts about him.

She loves him. He loves her.

She wants to run back to his arms.

With him, she feels it's safe to be vulnerable.

With him, she feels secure.

With him, she feels warmth.

With him, everything just feels right. Like nothing would ever go wrong.

How his hands fit hers perfectly.

How she fits perfectly inside his arms.

How his lips felt on hers.

How his touch feels against her skin.

The warmth only he can provide her.

How he caresses her face when she's half asleep.

The sound of his heartbeat when she lies on his chest.

How he breathes when he's asleep.

How the sight of him every morning makes her feel like she's the luckiest girl in the world to wake up beside the man she loves the most.

How his voice sounded when he's talking to her softly.

She can count a thousand things that she remembers about him and them together.

Each and every one of them she longs for right at this very moment.

She stared at a distance, to the farthest her eyes can view of the railroad tracks.

A part of her randomly wonders, if she traced and walked through the end of those tracks, will it lead her to him?

Even thinking of the tracks, her thoughts end up with thoughts of him.

She's longing for him…

She's not gonna deny it.. Not gonna deny herself from admitting that fact…

She felt another strong gush of chilly breeze that made her shiver not only physically but also emotionally. She feels frozen up inside and it's eating her. She wrapped an arm around herself, trying to replicate the warmth he gave her during these times in the past. But no warmth came off her.

She then stared up in the sky again, looking for nothing in particular, as her eyes caught one faint tiny white thing floating down her, to which she held her hand out and caught it.

"First snow…" She whispered, as she stared on her palm where a snowflake landed, gradually melting into a puddle of liquid. So it's today, I see… she thought to herself.

She looked up again as her eyes felt misty on the sudden memory triggered by the innocent snowflake, which is now fully melted on her hand.

*Flashback*

She's sitting alone in his apartment, cuddled on the sofa with the blankets wrapped around her, staring at the TV in front of her. It was an especially cold day that day and she had a feeling the first snow will really fall today. And he's overseas for work. And she's alone.

bigtime.

She was pouty all day as she lazed around the apartment, and true to his sensitive self, although it will cost him huge international call fees, he stayed with her on the phone to keep her company because he knows she'll be all sulky and depressed about not having him beside her on this day where it's forecasted that first snow will fall. He stayed on the phone with her, all the while she was acting a lot clingy and cheesy and sulky - not that he's complaining. He enjoys this rare moment when his lover is just acting like a teenage lovesick girl with him, and he's hating the fact that he's not there beside her to comfort her and give in to all her whims and wishes just to make her feel better.

However, after 2 hours of cheesiness and mushiness over the phone, his work beckoned him and they needed to hung up, and now she's feeling all de-spirited as she feels all sorts of feels from missing her guy.

She tried to distract herself by watching TV but every channel she turns to all talked about the impending first snow.

This day could've never gone worse, she grunted to herself.

And then she reached this channel that showed this Japanese anime "We Were There", that she ended up getting finally indulged with something. She bawled her eyes out with the story as it's on marathon on the said channel for a few episodes.

After a couple or more hours of watching where she was left hanging with the last episode that was shown, she pulled her phone and lurked around to look for the synopsis of the said anime, and she came across a picture of the characters kissing amidst the snow.

Being emotionally vulnerable from watching the melancholic anime, her lips quivered as the feeling of longingness for her lover came back with a revenge. She then typed in to text him and unconsciously she just sent the emotional message to him:

Baby, you not done yet? I'm missing you so much again. I watched this anime to distract myself but it turns out it had a sad story  and now I feel like crap because it just made me miss you more… ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ Please come home soon… I miss you beside me…  ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

A few seconds after she sent her message, her phone vibrated and upon seeing his name flash on the screen her eyes became teary. She answered her phone and her voice cracked as she said "Babyyyyy~"..

"Are you crying, Jagi?"

She sniffed in response, "I miss you…"

"Aigoo, I miss you more and you know that…" she heard him smile on the phone.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked.

"How did you know I am?"
 

"I can hear your smile…"

"Babe, does that even make sense?" He chuckled.

"Aish why are you laughing at me when I'm being this emo here???" she grunted.

"Babe, look out the window," he randomly blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Look out the window babe.."

Her brows meeting at the center, she dragged her lazy to the window, dragging the blanket with her as well. She pulled the curtains away, and her jaw dropped as she saw the guy she most wanted to see right now, standing there looking all gorgeous with the snow falling around him, a bouquet of roses on one of his hand and his phone on his other hand.

"Oh my gosh!"

"Come out here and let's enjoy the first snow, baby.."

"But I'm on my PJ's!"

"And so? Who cares? I love your bedroom attire anyways----"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as she rushed outside, leaving the blanket on the floor and jumped on him and kissed him, clinging to him with her legs wrapped around his waist, and her arms around his neck.

"Woahhhh baby girl you really missed me.." he said as he tried to balance their weight and struggled to make out the words as she kissed him nonstop.

"Didn't I tell you on the phone for 125 times that I do??" she said as she kissed him longingly.

He pulled away, looking at her incredulously, "You seriously counted??"

"Yes, that's what you do to me when I miss you this bad, you babo. Now shut up and kiss me!" she said frustratingly.

"My pleasure," he said as he carried her back towards their apartment while kissing her with equal passion.

*end of flashback*

It's funny that whenever she thinks about him all that comes to mind are their happy memories which makes her forget her pain for a few moments.

She stared up at the sky again and saw more and more snow is falling, and she held out her hand again to catch them and stare at them till they melted on her hands.

She repeated the cycle for around 2-3 times, feeling the coldness of each snow flake seep through her. Little, tiny things, and yet, she feels colder and colder each time. Colder and freezing inside.

Through those happy memories, things did happen but for her she preferred to look back on the happy ones, just to make her feel blissful again even for a few minutes.

Both of them fell deeply that now they had to end it, both of them do not know how to go on.

She didn't mind and didn't even care if she'll be able to pull out of this anytime soon, but she wishes that he will be happy.

She just loved him that much.

Just then, she heard the sound of the train approaching, and she stared at the other end of the railroad tracks as the view of the bullet train approaches.

This is it.

She took one last glance at the station.

People still busy with their own business, rushing here and there, the sound of clicks of heels and thuds of footsteps, and the faint voice of the announcer on the sound system announcing the arrival of the train bound for Busan.

She heaved a deep sigh. She will be leaving everything behind. But she's not regretting a single thing of what happened to her. To them. In fact, she was thankful for all the things and memories of them together.

She's leaving not to forget. She doesn't want to forget.

She's leaving to move on and relieve the pain she's feeling. But she will most definitely not forget.

Never.

*Flashback*

They were sitting across each other in his apartment, neither of them speaking a word towards each other, just staring at each other.

This was the calmest of all the fights they've had ever, but somehow, both of them knew that the worst thing that might happen will come after this.

No words spoken, both of them know each other are hurting like hell deep inside that no word can relieve them from it. They know what's going to happen next. Both of them are too emotionally beaten up that they can't find the strength to speak or do anything because the moment any of them tries to, they will both break down.

She finally forced all of her strength out to stand up, her hand holding on to the arm rest of the chair she's sitting on as she felt her knees might betray her.

She then turned her back from him, thinking this will make it easier for her to say her next words without seeing his agonized face.

"I'm leaving…" she finally said, closing her eyes, trying her best to stop the impending tears about to escape her eyes, controlling herself from shaking and her voice from shaking. She felt a sharp stab on her chest as she let those words out and she bit her lips from the pain she's feeling.

He, on the other hand, isn't doing any better as he sat there lifelessly, his face blank, staring at the seat she was occupying just before she stood up, only that he can just see the white bare wall in front of him instead of her face. His insides are in a chaos, but being the stoic man that he is, he tried to keep it in. He stared and stared at the white wall, processing everything that he just heard, while trying to calm his insides by taking in its whiteness. It didn't prove effective for him though, as he tried to close his eyes and hung his head low, his face buried in his head.

He's starting to lose control of his emotions now….

I'm leaving….

Her words ringing inside his ears as he felt it shatter up his insides into shreds..

"Live well, Jiyong-ah.. Goodbye…" he heard her voice crack and that was it.

She started to take a step towards their room to get her things, when suddenly she felt his strong arms possessively wrap her waist, holding her tight, his body shaking with tremors, his face buried on her shoulders as he whispered, "Please… don't go.."

Please don't go… Please don't go…

She closed her eyes, her body finally giving in as she shook with silent sobs. She bit her lips trying to control herself, trying to focus on feeling the pain on her lips instead of the pain on her chest, killing her inside. Oh how she wanted to turn around and hug him back tightly and kiss him and tell him she won't leave…

But she can't.

She shouldn't.

So she won't.

It took all of her last remaining strength to stop herself from wanting to just succumb to his embrace and let herself be vulnerable for him.

She raised her arms a bit, wrapping them around his arms tightly holding her.

He knows what she was about to do, so he pulled her tighter into his body, securely holding her waist still, as he whispered, "No, we can still work this out. Please…. Have faith in us…"

She in a deep breath as she wanted to believe those empty words, because she knows full well that he also knows how untrue the words he just said are.

She pulled his arms down, away from her to let her go, and she felt that he didn't restrain her weak force as his arms fell limply beside him.

He realized that the words he said were useless, futile words that he lost all strength to resist her attempt to free away herself from his embrace.

Although she knows she will regret it, she turned around to finally look at him, to take one last look at him. She pulled his face up to look at him, caressing his cheeks while cupping his face, her eyes roaming around his face, memorizing how his eyes glinted, the curve of his lips, the shape of his nose, how his cheeks felt. She then whispered, staring at his eyes, "Please be happy."

He shook his head as he finally let a tear escape from his eyes, his mind in chaos, shouting, No, this isn't happening… I can't…

She then let go of his face and smiled that painful smile one last time, then turned around towards their room, as she heard him call out for her again, "Please, Dara…."

She walked hastily inside and locked the door, scanning for her suitcase around, but her vision went blurry which then made it harder for her to look for it. Hysterically walking around the room to look for it as she can no longer stand being in this room anymore because everything screams of all the things they have shared in the past, she finally found the suitcase and reached for the closet. She didn't notice she already slumped hard on the floor, blindly grabbing at each item she vaguely recognizes as hers, all the while silently sobbing while messily packing her things. The cycle continued as she pulled all her other items that she was able to spot around the room. When she finally felt she got everything she needed, she grabbed her suitcase and stormed out of the room, only to find him still standing there, staring blankly at her.

She looked away as she made her way outside the apartment, but before she was able to pass him, he grabbed hold of her hand, "Dara, please…."

She didn't dare to look back at him, and instead, wriggled her wrists of his hands, and as she reached the door, she grabbed the first coat she was able to hold as well as her car keys on the side table beside the coat stand, finally storming out into the night.

*end of Flashback*

Her eyes went cloudy again, remembering the last time she saw his face, stabbing her chest repeatedly at the memory of it.

She covered to stifle the sob that was threatening to escape her lips.

In a flash, the train already stopped in front of her and she felt her legs were heavy as she tried to lift them to board it.

She gripped her suitcase tightly as she held on to the railing of the train door, she struggled to find her seat by the window, feeling her knees might give in any moment now.

Finally finding her seat, she settled down and gazed out the window as the train signaled that it's now about to leave the station. She stared at the spot on the platform where she stood just a few minutes back and finally let her tears flow down her cheeks, wrapping her arms around her.

Suddenly she caught some movement at the corner of her eyes, which tugged her to look at that direction.

As the train started to move slowly, she saw him running towards her window, his face contorted in pain, beckoning her to get off the train.

With tears on her eyes, she smiled at him, and the words she mouthed at him broke him into million pieces.

"Goodbye. Be happy. I love you."

He then stopped running and stared back at her, who is looking back at him with a sad smile on her pretty face, until he can't see her anymore as the train went further and further away.

He stood there, tears in his eyes as he finally felt numb, and whispered, "I love you more. Please come back…"

oOo