December 2010

Practice was alright, but it seemed like TOP was avoiding me. When we were dancing, he would be dancing with me but avoid my eyes. If it was an other choreography, that would have been okay, but for “Oh Yeah”, there was a part when we would look into each other’s eyes, but he would always be looking either left or right, avoiding my face completely.

When YG walked in to monitor our practice, even he noticed TOP avoiding my gaze.

“Yah! TOP ah. If I wanted an awkward performance I would have asked Daesung and Seungri to sing a love ballad. Now cut the awkward and give me chemistry!” YG yelled at us.  

We tried it again, and when it was time for him to look at me, he did. It was the first time I had ever gotten such a good look at his face before. He was gorgeous. His eyes were locked onto mine and I finally got a good look at his beautiful dark brown eyes. I could see he was sad about something. It didn’t glow or glisten like it sometimes did in performances from the past.

I remember watching him and the rest of Big Bang winning awards at MKMF before my accident and it used to glisten. I’ve watched performances of Lies, Haru Haru, his solo songs and various other ones and he always had that glisten. On radio shows and in interviews, he always did. Not now though. I can remember that glisten so well, but I haven’t even watched that many Big Bang videos. Why do I remember the glisten, it‘s like I‘ve se----

“OWWWWWWWWWWW” I screamed, as I grabbed my head. My head was hurting like crazy and I couldn’t stop the pain.

I collapsed from the pain in my head and I felt TOP hold me up, catching me from my fall. His arms were wrapped around me now, and between the pangs of pain in my head, I was able to open my eyes for a second and I saw me sobbing in someone’s arms before everything went black and blurry.

When I woke up again, I wasn’t in my room, but I was on a bed. I would recognize my ceiling if I were at home. So I turned my head to find out where I was and I was in a hospital room. All I remembered was a headache that hurt so much I was blacking out, and I guess it also landed me here.

Dara walked in with a large bottle of water in her arms and smiled.

“Bommie! You’re awake, finally! We were all so worried! The doctors didn’t want too many people in your room, in case they aggravate you and your headache returns.” she said as she set the bottle of water down on the bedside table.

“What happened?” I asked. I remembered most of what happened, but I wasn’t even clear if I was imaging it all.

“Well, you passed out during practice and according to everyone in the practice room, you were yelling and in pain from a really bad headache. When we took you to the hospital, the doctor decided to conduct tests to make sure your headache wasn’t caused by any internal injuries that might still exist from your accident. We’re waiting for his results right now.”

“Oh…I see. Can you tell the doctor I want to see the other girls? Please?”

She nodded, and left the room before I could tell her never mind.

I wanted some alone time for myself and my thoughts. Why did I see me crying in someone’s arms? It was so vivid, like I was watching it happen before I out. I was in my signature five-inch Louboutins, but in long sleeves and long pants, collapsed over in the halls of the YG building, crying in a dark figure’s arms. It didn’t look like me now, since I had black hair in the vision.

Was  it something that happened before the accident? Was it a dream? A vision about the future? I had no idea, and before I could figure anything out, I was greeted by the leader and the maknae.