Feelings

CL’s Pov

This continued on for the next couple of months. The incessant calls from Tao and me ignoring them all. I finally cracked and had to block his number so the damn ringing would stop and I could forget him. I finally felt relaxed knowing that I could move on with nothing holding me back anymore. Tao no longer preoccupied my mind. I guess time really does heal all wounds.

Tao’s Pov

Why isn’t she picking up her damn cell phone! I throw my cell phone down onto my bed and let out a yell of frustration. I heave a heavy sigh. I’ve been calling her every night, hoping one night she would answer, but no such luck. I even wait for her to call during the day. My girlfriend is even worried about me, because my whole day revolves around my phone. I hear a knock at my door, probably one of my members checking on me. “Come in!”

The door slowly opens and reveals a worried Suho. “Hey I heard you yell, are you okay?” Suho asks.

I sigh and shake my head. “No. No I’m not okay. A very good friend of mine started to ignore me once I told her news of my girlfriend” I explain.

“Is this friend Chaerin?”

I nod.

“Maybe she likes you. Did you ever think of that?” Suho questions me.

“There’s no way she likes me. She’s smart, funny, beautiful the list could go on. I would never stand a chance of going out with her. That’s why I got a girlfriend…to get rid of my feelings for her.”

“Well that’s my only explanation. She just so coincidentally starts to ignore you after you tell her about your girlfriend. The MAMA awards are coming up next month, why don’t you sort out your feelings and try and talk to her there.”

“I guess you’re right. It’s not like there’s any other way for me to contact her.”

“Now that we have settled that issue, we better get to bed, come on, chop chop. We got a long day of practice tomorrow.”

“Okay, okay hyung. No need to get your in a bunch” I snicker.

“Yah!”

CL’s Pov

It’s finally recording day for our new song Missing You. It’s such an emotional song, I don’t know how I’ll keep a straight face while singing. I head towards the booth and clear my voice.

“Ready Chaerin?” Teddy’s voice asks through the speakers.

I give a nod of my head, waiting for the music to start playing. When it’s my part I start singing,

I’m just shaking a bit, but I’m okay

No, the truth is...

“Okay that’s great Chaerin, now do the next two parts in one go okay?”

“Neh.” I respond.

I still hate that guy who just up and left me

My cold, burnt-out heart is still…

Missing you

I feel hot tears roll down my cheeks as I sing the last lines. I excuse myself from the recording booth, and run towards the nearest restroom. I stand in front of the mirror, staring at my crying self. I slam my palms against the cool counter. Why am I so weak? I promised myself I’d never cry about him ever again. He was just a little crush. Huh. Maybe that’s why they’re called crushes. You always get crushed in the end. I splash cold water against my face and regain my composure. I walk back to the recording studio, acting as if nothing had happened at all.

Tao’s Pov

“Hay jagiya.” I say over the phone.

“Hey Tao, what’s up?”

“Umm, if you’re not too busy, can you meet me in our usual café for a lil date?” I ask, unsure of what her answer will be.

“Sure sounds great! Meet me at 8.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

I hang up, and lay back down onto my bed. How am I going to break up with her? I can’t just tell her I used her to forget someone, but I also don’t want to tell her I love someone else, even though we’ve been dating for a couple months now. I should just get it over with. Act cold, and chic towards her. It’ll be like ripping off a band-aid, quick. I get out of bed and heads towards the bathroom.

“Does anybody want to shower with me?”I yell to no one in particular.

“NO!” Shouts all my members.

Tch. Guess I’ll shower alone.

*Timeskip to 8*

I head to the café in disguise, and when I get there, my girlfriend is already at our usual table. Heading over there, I feel my heartbeat, beat faster with each step, and I can feel how nervous I am in the pit of my stomach.

“Hey, jagiya.”

“Hey, Tao.” She says as she stands up and gives me a quick peck.

“So what’s with the sudden date? We haven’t been out in ages.” She says.

“Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about something important.” I say sheepishly while rubbing the back of my neck, looking downwards.

“Lemme guess. You are going to break up with me?” She says with a sad smile.

“How-?”

“You slowly started to drift away from me ever since you had that fight with that ‘friend’ Chaerin. Your whole day circled around that phone of yours. And now you suddenly ask me on a date. Come on Tao, it’s not that hard to figure out. So tell me, who do really like?” She asks propping her elbows up on the table.

“You’re right. You’re right about everything. I’m really sorry, but the one I really love is that ‘friend’ Chaerin.” I say, hanging my head down low.

“It’s okay Tao, we drifted apart. Come on look at me.” She puts her hands around my cheeks and lifts my head up. I can see tears in her eyes, and I already feel the guilt. She gives me one more kiss, before she gets up and leaves, whispering a goodbye. I sit still, letting the guilt eat me alive. She never once complained about my busy schedule and never once cried in front me. But it wouldn’t have been right, dating someone, while you love another. So I head back to the dorm.

When I get back I see my hyungs gathered around a laptop.

“Ah, just in time Tao, we’re about to watch 2NE1’s new music video, Missing You.” Chanyeol calls over his shoulder.

Huh, I guess this was the new song Chaerin was talking about before our fight. I stride over trying to get a good view of the laptop. When Chanyeol finally presses play, I already feel my heart ache. Chaerin was the first to appear and she looks as beautiful as ever, except now she has black hair. Everybody keeps quiet, listening as their emotional vocals hit our ears. When Chaerin sings the chorus, I can literally feel my heart breaking. She sounds so emotional, sad, and in pain. Is it selfish of me to say, but it sounds like she’s saying those words directly towards me? Then suddenly her back view comes to shot.

“Oh.” Almost all my members say, surprised. Then her…front view is shown.

“OMO!” All my members yell this time. I can feel my fists clenching. How could she just be for the whole world to see?! I didn’t want any other man to see her in this state, so I walked towards the laptop and closed it. I walked back to my room, ignoring all the complaints from my members.

CL’s Pov

Oh no. Today’s the day. The Mnet Asian Music Awards, AKA the MAMA awards. I just hope to god, I don’t sit anywhere near Tao. But if I do see him, it’ll just be a regular sunbae/hoobae relationship. I arrive on the red carpet, do a little interview, and my members and I head inside towards the section where us idols sit. But of course god is isn’t always merciful. Exo sat right next to us, so I just busied myself by talking to my members and the Bigbang oppas who sat behind us. I willed myself not turn around and look at him, but let me tell you it wasn’t easy.

The awards finally started with the opening act. I watched, content with the performances. Then the best female dance performance nominees started to be announced. Not to sound cocky, but I’m pretty sure this is in the bag for me. And in the bag it was, as they announced my name and I heard my song start to play.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrY57uiLVaI) I pulled Bom into a hug and went to go get my award. I came back and bowed to Exo, but I made eye contact with Tao, but quickly looked away. I hurried back to my seat, and before I knew it, it was time for us to prepare for our performance.

I could hear my heart beating despite the loud cheers. Then I hear Lonely start to play through my ear piece. Show time.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3zA09tfU7g)

Tao’s Pov

Amazing. Words can’t describe how talented her voice is. I feel myself slowly being drawn into the music. The emotions she portrays is overwhelming. Sadness, bitterness, and…pain. I look at her the whole time, not even daring to steal a glance at the other members, but at Chaerin alone. She looks over to the general vicinity of where I’m sitting, and I swear she is staring right at me. But her face portrays pain, and it’s as if she’s communicating to me through this song. My heart shatters. I have to tell her my true feelings when this is all done. Their performance is sadly over, bringing a wave of emotions to everyone watching. Time flies, and it’s finally Exo’s turn to head backstage.

They play the intro clip, while I sit in a desk, ‘chained up’. I finally hear the music and I start the choreography. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfFjAVzvSJs)

CL’s Pov

I didn’t want to, but my eyes were glued to him the whole time. He was so charismatic, and I swear every time he had the chance he would look at me. As if singing to me and me alone. My eyes started to get watery, but I held them in. I needed to keep my composure, especially on live TV. I listened to both songs and kept my eyes on him the whole time. I chuckled. There’s no way. There’s no way I can keep these feelings bottled up. Once I saw him after these couple months I ignored him, my feelings resurfaced. I have to tell him. I’ll tell him when this is done. While thinking, their performance ended without me realizing it. I clapped, and got lost in my thoughts about how I’m going to tell him.

Tao’s Pov

It is finally the end of the awards show, but I saw Chaerin heading out early with her members and Bigbang. I really wanted to follow her out, but I’ll have to be patient a little bit more. The ending stage is finally here and I have a pillow fight with my members. I was having fun, believe me, but my mind is too preoccupied with Chaerin for me to be here being childish with my members. The recording is finally done, and I almost push all my members aside so I can get to the after party. When I get there I search and search. Like a hawk looking for its prey. I finally catch sight of her and make eye contact with her but she turns and tries to walk away. But I’m not letting her off that easy. I squeeze my way through the crowd, trying to grab onto her, and I finally do.

CL’s Pov

I lock eyes with Tao. I’m too scared of what he’ll say so I try to hide in the crowd. Unfortunately for me, he gets a hold of my wrist and leads me to a secluded corner. He traps me between his arms as he looms his face closer to mine. His breathe tickles my face every time he exhales. I dare not look at him, fearing of what he’ll say. But when I lower my head, he finally says something.

“Look at me.” Taos says, more like commands.

I slowly lift up my head. I finally get to hear his voice after so many months. Oh how I’ve missed it.

“Why?” He asks, pain in his eyes.

I remain silent, not wanting to answer that dreaded question. But he slams his fist into the wall and inches even closer to my face.

“Please…tell me why.” He says this time with desperation in his voice.

“You want to know why?” I ask, already feeling my throat start to close. “That day I was suppose to meet you at the café, I was going to confess to you. But I saw you with your girlfriend, and so to get over you I needed to stop seeing you, and I still need to stop seeing you. So please…let me go.” I say, almost on the brink of tears after harboring these feelings for months.

Tao remained silent, as if he was at a loss of words. After contemplating, he finally removed his hands that was encasing me and let me go. Just as I thought I was free from him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into an embrace. I was about to reprimand him, but his next words shocked me.

“I broke up with her.” He says.

I look up with confusion written on my face.

“I broke up with her. But you wanna know why I went out with her? It was because I liked you but I thought I wasn’t good enough.” Tao looks down on me, as my eyesight starts to get blurry. “Though after being ignored by you, I knew these feelings for you wouldn’t go away. I love you.”

Tears cascade down my face after hearing these words from Tao. I rest my head on his chest, punching his chest lightly, while muttering ‘pabo’.

“I know, I know. I’m a fool.” Tao says as he my hair.

“But you’re my fool.” I whisper.

“What was that?” Tao asks, looking down at me with hope filling his eyes.

“I love you too.” I say, as more tears fall.

Tao tightens his hold on me and says, “I’ll never look at anyone else, because I have you now.” Tao says, giving the top of my head a small kiss.

“And I’ll never hide from you again, because we will always be together. Forever.” I say as I grip the sides of Tao’s suit.

I look up at him, giving him a small smile, but he gave his bright smile that I’ve missed so much. I lean in closer to his face, angling my face, and giving him quick peck. Oh how I’ve longed to do that. I wrap my arms back around him, wishing time would stop at this very moment.

Oh my gosh. It's finally done. Sorry this took so long for me to update, that's high school for ya. So please, comment, subscibe, and I hope you enjoyed this story! And have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!