Hyukjae knew he was being a coward, but he couldn’t help it. He simply didn’t know what to do with his current situation with Donghae. Avoiding him seemed like the best option at the time. With a school festival approaching, such a task was accomplished with ease.

“If we do all the above by next week, then the festival will be ahead of schedule and good to go,” finished Hyukjae. He dismissed the rest of the student council with a curt nod.

Hyukjae stared forlornly out the window. It had been two weeks since he went to the theme park- two weeks since the confession, two weeks since he last saw Donghae…He wondered how the other boy was.

“Hyung?” Hyukjae turned to face his vice president. “Is everything okay?”

Hyukjae smiled fondly at his dongsaeng. “Everything is fine, Ryeowook.”

Ryeowook returned his smile tentatively. “There has been a lot of work lately and I’ve noticed that you’re working harder than usual. Not that you don’t always work hard! But don’t push yourself too much. Remember to eat well and get some rest.”

Hyukjae ruffled Ryeowook’s hair affectionately. “Go to class before the bell rings. Don’t worry so much about me, I’ll be fine.”

After Ryeowook scurried off, Hyukjae decided to take the advice of his underclassman and skip class (although that wasn’t really what Ryeowook said, Hyukjae was taking liberties with interpretations).

The rooftop was, as expected, devoid of people. Hyukjae dropped his book bag on the floor before sinking down next to it. He closed his eyes and allowed his weary mind to drift off into blissful slumber.

Hyukjae woke up feeling warm and content. He snuggled closer to his pillow.

“Are you awake?”

Hyukjae’s eyes snapped open to stare at familiar brown orbs, whatever leftover tendrils of sleep dissipating. “Donghae!” he exclaimed, moving back so fast that he fell on his behind.

Donghae chuckled. “Hello to you too, Hyukjae. You looked so tired that I didn’t want to wake you up. By the way, you were drooling on my shoulder.”

Hyukjae’s mind came up with a million excuses for his absence the last two weeks, each less plausible than the last. “Donghae, I- You see- It’s just-”

“You didn’t know what to do with me confessing since you’ve never thought of me as anything but a friend, so you thought avoiding me would be the best.” Donghae shrugged at Hyukjae’s shocked expression. “I know you.”

Hyukjae avoided Donghae’s piercing gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.”

Hyukjae gave Donghae a strange look. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

Donghae chewed his lip. “I’m not sorry for loving you, just to clear that up. But I am sorry if my feelings made you uncomfortable. I would totally understand if you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“No!” said Hyukjae, a bit too fast. Impulsively, he grabbed Donghae’s hand. “No, I still want us to be friends. Can we go back to the way we were?”

Donghae stared at their clasped hands, surprised at Hyukjae’s boldness. His lips stretched into the smile Hyukjae missed so much. “Of course,” he agreed sweetly. “I still love you, but you can think of me as only your friend.”

Hyukjae felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt so relieved that he missed the pain that flashed through Donghae’s eyes before their master tried to mask the hurt with another smile.

“You should go back to sleep,” said Donghae, motioning towards the bags under Hyukjae’s eyes. “You’ve been working too much, haven’t you?”

“Is your shoulder still open?” asked Hyukjae.

“Naturally,” replied Donghae amiably. “Use me as you will.”

As Hyukjae drifted off to sleep to the sound of Donghae humming gently, he felt happier than he had in weeks.

-

“Hyukjae,” whined Donghae.

“What?”

“Hyukjae,” Donghae persisted.

Hyukjae sighed and put down his pencil. “What is it Donghae?”

His best friend looked up at him from his position sprawled out on Hyukjae’s bed. “I’m bored,” pouted Donghae. “It’s the weekend; I’m taking time out of my busy life to hang out with you and you’re doing your homework.”

Hyukjae ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I need to get ahead with my homework. The teacher said this next chapter is going to be very challenging.”

“You need to loosen up more,” scolded Donghae, sitting up and peering at Hyukjae’s head. “Your hair is starting to turn gray.”

“I can always dye it,” said Hyukjae dismissively. “Grades on the other hand…”

“Can wait!” exclaimed Donghae, eyes flashing the way they did when he had one of his “brilliant” ideas (Hyukjae had somehow ended up in a park fountain clad in nothing but his boxers after one particularly….innovative idea). “You need to come with me.”

Hyukjae’s protests soon died out in order to save his breath as they ran from his house to…

“A barbershop?” asked Hyukjae, skeptical. He reached up to feel his brown fringe. “I don’t need a haircut. It’s fine like this.”

Donghae rolled his eyes. “It’s perfectly fine and there is the problem. Live a little, Hyukjae. Don’t worry; this guy I know gives the best haircuts. Remember Heechul-hyung? This guy is his hairdresser.”

Hyukjae’s eyes widened as he remembered the hyung whose hair changed more often than Hyukjae changed his socks (which was everyday, thank you very much). There was no denying that each of the diva’s hairstyles looked better than the last. “No way.”

Donghae dragged him into the quaint shop. It was small, but cozy, giving a relaxing atmosphere. There was only one chair, which spoke of the careful attention each customer was given. Hyukjae liked it almost immediately.

“Hello!” said a familiar voice cheerily. “Welcome to…Hyung!”

Hyukjae stared at his vice president. “Ryeowook! What are you doing here? Are you the hairdresser?”

Ryeowook laughed. “No, I just help out around here sometimes. Hold on.” The smaller boy disappeared into a back room and emerged shortly with another person.

He was a gorgeous man with kohl-lined eyes. He was dressed completely in black. On one hand, he wore fingerless leather gloves; on the other, he had an intricate tattoo.

Hyukjae’s eyes widened as the punk-ish man approached him. In one swift movement, the man reached out and swiped the area above Hyukjae’s lip.

“Philtrum !” he heard Donghae sing. Hyukjae turned to face his friend to demand who this nutcase was.

“Jongwoon,” said Ryeowook disapprovingly. “I told you not to do that to first-time customers. You’ll scare them off.”

This “Jongwoon” laughed. “But they’re the most fun, Wookie,” he said in a low, husky voice. He turned to Donghae, giving him a friendly hug. “Donghae! What can I do for you?”

“Hyung,” said Donghae, gesturing towards Hyukjae. “He needs something different.”

Hyukjae shrank under Jongwoon’s scrutiny. The man nodded, and then plunked Hyukjae down on the single chair. “I know exactly what you need.” He reached out for scissors and Hyukjae noticed that Jongwoon’s tattoo was actually bars of music that ran across his hand, disappearing up his sleeves.

“It’s not a tattoo,” Jongwoon said, noticing Hyukjae’s gaze. “Ryeowook was composing music.” He lifted his shirt up to stare at his ink covered skin. “He wrote everywhere. Not that I mind, of course.”

“Jongwoon!” exclaimed Ryeowook, flustered as intimate details were revealed.

Hyukjae laughed, hardly noticing that Jongwoon had already finished snipping his hair and was now massaging something into it. He never seen Ryeowook act so cute, or look at someone like he looked at Jongwoon, like how Donghae looked at him…

Hyukjae glanced over at Donghae, who was currently lying on his stomach on the floor, making kissy faces at the turtle. A turtle. A turtle that was not in a tank. A turtle that was wandering freely around the shop. Hyukjae shook his head and decided he didn’t want to know.

“All done,” chirped Jongwoon, spinning Hyukjae’s chair around to face the mirror. Hyukjae’s jaw dropped.

He was hot. He was drop dead gorgeous. He was so y it hurt. He was the epitome of all things-

“You look good,” said Donghae, before giving his attention back to the darn turtle.

“Red is really your color,” commented Jongwoon, satisfied with his work. “And the uneven fringe just gives it an edge.”

After paying Jongwoon (who touched his philtrum again) and bidding goodbye to Ryeowook, Hyukjae dragged a protesting Donghae (“No, Ddangkkoma!”) out of the shop. As they walked to a new cafe together, Hyukjae glanced at Donghae apprehensively.

“Donghae, do you not like my new hair?” asked Hyukjae nervously.

Donghae gave Hyukjae a surprised look. “I said you look good, didn’t I?”

Hyukjae fidgeted. “Well, yes, but it’s just that…”

Donghae’s face lit up with realization. “Oh. I like your new hair, I really do. I just thought you would feel uncomfortable if I told you it makes you look like a total god.” He smiled brightly. “Hyukjae, I love you no matter what you look like.”

The ringing of Donghae’s cell phone saved Hyukjae from his embarrassment. Donghae checked his phone as Hyukjae opened the door to the café.

“Hyukjae.”

Hyukjae turned at the odd tone of Donghae’s voice. He was shocked to see that all the color was gone from his friend’s face. “Donghae, are you feeling well?”

Donghae shook his head, backing up. “I-I need to go.” He whirled around and ran off in the direction of his home, leaving a very confused Hyukjae staring at his retreating back.

-

Hyukjae was rudely woken up by the insistent ringing of his phone. He groaned, rolling over to look blearily at his clock. 2:33 A.M. Grumpily, he reached for his phone. Whoever it was had better have a very good reason for waking him at such a god-forsaken hour.

“What?” he mumbled, deciding he was too tired for pleasantries.

“H-Hyukjae?”

Hyukjae was wide awake in a matter of seconds, his sleepiness forgotten. “Donghae?” he hissed. “What are you…Wait, are you crying?!”

All he got was a muffled sniffle in reply.

“Stay where you are. I’m coming,” said Hyukjae, scrambling out of the warm comforts of his bed. He quickly pulled on jeans over his boxers and ran out of his house, only pausing to grab a jacket on the way out.

Hyukjae ran as fast as his he could (not fast enough, his mind chanted) and reached the park in record time. He sprinted to the playground and sure enough, Donghae was there, sitting at the very top of the igloo. Hyukjae, heart pounding like a drum, climbed up and took his place next to Donghae.

“H-Hyukjae,” said Donghae, with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes (red and puffy, Hyukjae noted. He felt a slight pang in his heart). “How did you know I was here? And how did you get here so fast?”

“This is our special place,” Hyukjae reminded him. “And I ran.”

“You’re not wearing a shirt,” Donghae said with a chuckle that contained none of the tinkling bells and rolling waves Hyukjae always heard when his best friend laughed. “I can’t believe you actually have abs. I have competition now.”

Hyukjae felt an icy claw grip his heart (a cold that had nothing to do with the fact that Donghae was right and he was indeed shirtless). Hyukjae hesitantly reached out and touched Donghae’s cheek with his fingertips. “Donghae…What happened?”

Hyukjae watched as Donghae’s eyes widened. The other bit his bottom lip, looking for the entire world like a lost child. Hyukjae waited.

Tears welled up in Donghae’s eyes and spilled over. “Hyukkie, he’s gone,” he whispered brokenly.

Hyukjae’s heart constricted at the pain in his best friend’s voice. Only the one person Donghae loved most in the world, himself included, was capable of breaking him to this extent. “Donghae…”

“He’s gone, he’s gone,” Donghae repeated.

Without thinking, Hyukjae pulled Donghae in and wrapped his arms around the violently sobbing boy. He felt a combination of tears and snot drip down his bare chest, but at the moment, he could care less.

“He’s gone,” gasped Donghae, clutching Hyukjae like a last lifeline. “He’s gone.”

“Shh, shh,” said Hyukjae softly. “It will be okay, Hae.”

Hyukjae tightened his grip, doing his best to hold the shattered pieces of Donghae’s heart together. It scared him to see his friend in such a broken state. After some time, Donghae’s sobs subsided into an occasional tremor, but Hyukjae didn’t let go.

“Hyukjae?” Donghae croaked at last, voice hoarse from crying.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Hyukjae kissed the top of Donghae’s head before tucking it under his chin. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll never leave you,” Hyukjae promised, closing his eyes and resting his cheek on the other boy’s soft hair. He dared not let go of Donghae, not even after the younger boy had fallen fast asleep in exhaustion. Not even after his arms went numb. Not even after the sun rose. No, he wouldn’t let go.

-

Hyukjae stared at the white door before him, hand hovering hesitantly over the doorknob. His stomach was clenching unpleasantly and he could feel his heart pumping fast with anxiety. He wanted nothing more than to fling open that door and run into the room to reassure himself of the other’s presence.

But at the same time, a tiny part of him wanted to run away, run away from it all. He could go back home, climb into bed. He could go back to sleep and have pleasant dreams that involved well-endowed girls. He could have a very late breakfast and play video games all day. He could pretend all was right in the world.

But it wasn’t.

Hyukjae sighed and opened the door. He wrinkled his nose at the unpleasant smell of disinfectant and rubbing alcohol that reached him as he walked in. Ignoring the white walls and the flowers, he zeroed in on the figure in the bed.

Never had he seen Donghae look so weak and pale. All the color was gone from Donghae’s face and his lips were chapped. His chest rose and fell under the thin hospital gown with every shallow breath he took. Numerous needles were attached to his arms and ran to complex machinery on either side of the bed.

“Hyukjae?”

Hyukjae felt was though his feet were glued to the linoleum floor as he watched Donghae struggled to sit up.

“What are you doing here?” asked Donghae faintly.

That did it. Hyukjae took three large steps across the room and slapped Donghae across the face. Donghae let out a gasp of pain. He stared up at an angry Hyukjae without saying anything.

“How stupid can you be, Donghae?” demanded Hyukjae, his hands balled into tight fists. “Tell me! How ing stupid can you be?”

“Sorry,” mumbled Donghae.

“Sorry? Sorry?! That’s all you have to say? You could have died!” yelled Hyukjae. “You should know better than to cross the street without looking! You’re lucky to be alive!”

“I know,” whispered Donghae, chastened. Tears welled up in his eyes despite his best efforts.

Hyukjae sighed and ran a hand through his crimson hair. “Donghae,” he said in a gentler tone. “I know you’re not over your father’s death.” Donghae flinched. “But you have to be more careful. Think of your mother. If you died, imagine how heartbroken she would be. She was a wreck when we thought you were going to die. I thought-” Hyukjae stopped as he felt a tear escape his eye.

Donghae peeked up at Hyukjae. “Are…you crying?” he asked uncertainly.

Hyukjae ran his hand over his eyes furiously. “No.”

“Why are you crying?” Donghae inquired.

Hyukjae smacked the back of Donghae’s head. “Why else do you think, you stupid fish? I thought we were…I thought I was going to lose you.”

Donghae reached out and took Hyukjae’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “I’m sorry,” said Donghae quietly.

Hyukjae stared at their linked hands through tear-blurred eyes. “I know.” He reached out with his free hand and touched Donghae’s reddened cheek. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

Donghae leaned into the touch and covered Hyukjae’s hand with his own. “It’s alright. I probably needed that.” He looked up at Hyukjae, tears running down his face. “Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.”

Hyukjae’s breath hitched. Without thinking, he leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “I know,” he breathed. “I know you do.”

-

Hyukjae stared out at the sea of black-robed students. This was it. The moment they had all been working so hard for. All that sweat, blood (do paper cuts count?), and tears have finally paid off.

Graduation.

Hyukjae wondered where all the years had gone. One moment, he was entering the high school gates for the first time (no, his knees were not shaking. Not at all) and the next, he was seated on stage, waiting to make his valedictorian speech.

Hyukjae watched as Donghae was called up to accept a full-ride sports scholarship to the school of his dreams. A smile lit up Donghae’s face, but Hyukjae noticed tears forming in the other boy’s eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” asked Hyukjae softly, as the other returned to his seat beside him.

Donghae nodded, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. “I wish he could be here with me right now,” he whispered in a pained voice. “I want to make him proud, even if it’s just once.”

Hyukjae squeezed Donghae’s hand. “There was never a day he wasn’t proud of you.”

Donghae looked up at Hyukjae, shock evident on his face. “What?”

Disregarding warnings to not expose the graduation gown to water, Hyukjae used his sleeve to wipe away the remaining tears on the younger boy’s face. “It was before your father passed away…I saw him at the park and we talked for a while. He told me how proud he was of you, the person you are and the person you will become.” Hyukjae hesitated. “I guess he knew he didn’t have much time left because he asked me to take care of you if he wasn’t there anymore.”

Donghae’s eyes welled up with another round of tears. By the time Hyukjae got up to make his valedictorian speech, his wet sleeve was a different color than the rest of his gown. He ignored the odd look the principal gave him.

Hyukjae adjusted the microphone at the podium and then turned to his graduating class. “Hello everybody, my name is Lee Hyukjae and I am your student body president.” Hyukjae suddenly flashed back to the time Donghae had persuaded him to accept Jungsu’s offer. Hyukjae smiled fondly at the memory.

“Principal Lee, honored guests, fellow students, families (Donghae…). We’ve made it this far and here we are, graduating high school. We’ve made so many memories together here; it’s almost regrettable that we are leaving.” Hyukjae remembered all the times Donghae had convinced him to skip a class to simply lie on the rooftop watching clouds.

“We have many wonderful teachers who do their best everyday to insure we get the best education we can.” Donghae employing the power of his puppy dog eyes to get them out detention with their teacher for a tardy.

“Our classes were filled with fun and learning.” Donghae pelting him with eraser bits as Hyukjae attempted to study during a particularly boring class.

“Here, we found friends for life.” Donghae staying up with him to keep him company when he had too much work and making him countless cups of hot cocoa.

“We found love…” Donghae’s expressive brown eyes, his soft hair, his perfect body, his child-like personality, his freely expressed ‘I love you’s’.

Hyukjae paused in his speech as he noticed something. He looked out at the crowd. At the people he had grown to care for. His parents who always gave him everything he needed. His sister who at all times encouraged him. Ryeowook who was always there when student council work got out of hand. Even the guy who was constantly preaching from the bible. But most of all…

Hyukjae’s eyes finally landed on Donghae, easily picking him out of the black sea from the glow that only Donghae had. His carefully memorized speech flew out the window as he stared into Donghae’s eyes. And that was when Hyukjae knew. It has always been about Donghae.

“Lee Hyukjae!” hissed the principal from behind. “Get on with your speech!”

Hyukjae ignored the flustered administrator and continued keeping eye contact with a now bewildered and blushing Donghae. Even though he was in the same ugly black gown as everybody else, Donghae had never looked so beautiful to Hyukjae.

“Donghae, I love you.”

-

“Hyukjae,” whined Donghae.

“What?”

“Hyukjae,” Donghae persisted.

Hyukjae sighed and put down his pencil. “What is it Donghae?”

His boyfriend looked up at him from his position sprawled out on their bed. “I’m bored,” pouted Donghae. “Amuse me.”

Hyukjae pushed his glasses up his nose. “This paper is due in two weeks and I haven’t even edited my second draft yet. I don’t have time.”

Donghae frowned, shifting so his head was cushioned by Hyukjae’s thighs. “You’re so boring,” he accused.

Hyukjae threaded his fingers through Donghae’s hair, it slowly. “I’ve always been like this. You didn’t complain so much before.”

Donghae made a face and poked Hyukjae’s side. “You got even more boring ever since we got to college. You need to loosen up a little. Live life, you know.”

Unable to resist, Hyukjae leaned down awkwardly to kiss Donghae. “As long as I have you, I don’t need a life,” said Hyukjae boldly.

Donghae groaned, covering his eyes. “Hyukjae, that was so cheesy even I wouldn’t say it.”

“Yes you would.”

Donghae sat up and glared at Hyukjae. Unable to keep a serious face for long, his lips soon broke out into a brilliant smile. “Okay, I would,” Donghae admitted. He leaned over to kiss Hyukjae again. “But only to you.”

“And you call me cheesy,” muttered Hyukjae.

Donghae smiled as he got off the bed, pulling Hyukjae with him. “Come on,” he said, tugging Hyukjae’s glasses off and tossing them to the side.

Hyukjae felt his gummy smile, which was impossible to keep in with Donghae’s presence, tug at his lips. “Where are we going?” he asked, following Donghae to the door.

The look in Donghae’s eyes- excitement, hope, wonder, and most of all, love- quickened the beat of Hyukjae’s heart. Donghae always made Hyukjae feel so alive. Just when he thought he couldn’t love the other boy more, he fell again and again, each time harder than the last.

“Somewhere. Anywhere. Everywhere.”

 -

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