Based on the MVs for GD&TOP's "Don't Go Home" and "Baby Good Night", as well as inspired by http://badly-drawn-kpop.tumblr.com's Baby Good Night GIF as shown above~

 

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He’d done it.

 

He’d actually done it.

 

After ditching his car in the middle of the street, cutting the signal to her phone so she couldn’t get any phone calls, having a slight wardrobe malfunction three times involving getting kidnapped through the doors of a clothing boutique, also stealing three bunches of roses for her, protecting her from and beating up a gang of thugs, walking around town forever alone seeing couples everywhere, and watching his best friend become the president, Jiyong had finally kissed his girlfriend and gotten her to come home with him-

 

“What are you talking about? None of that stuff happened.” Mikyung, Jiyong’s girlfriend of seven months, looked to her boyfriend to frown at him. They’d been sat in the car, stationary, for over ten minutes. But Jiyong apparently believed himself to still be driving, gripping the wheel and blankly staring ahead whilst inanely babbling to himself about having to make a song about his adventures of getting his girlfriend to go back to his house.

 

“What?” Jiyong turned towards Mikyung, blinking slowly like a lizard sunbathing on a rock in the sun. Mikyung’s frown only carved even deeper into her formerly smooth forehead.

 

“Jiyong. Are you high? We’ve been parked outside your house for ten minutes now.” She spat, leaning over towards him, her tiny nose suspiciously scrunched as she sniffed the air. “Have you been toking again?”

 

“No.” Jiyong shot backwards so quickly, he would have smashed his head on the window had the convertible hood not been down. Although she could probably smell the herb and see how his pupils had dilated wider than an ulzzang’s from the rather close proximity, Jiyong figured he could still lie his way out of this one.

 

Stoner delusions. Almost as stupid as those crazy stoner daydreams.

 

“Anyway, babe. Let’s head on inside already.” Jiyong slyly flashed Mikyung his trademark devastating heartbreaker smile. She struggled not to swoon, instantly forgetting any accusations or suspicions she might have had as she managed a breathless agreement.

 

“Yes…”

 

~

 

The door clicked open quietly as Jiyong tiptoed into the house, Mikyung right behind him with their hands firmly grasped together. It was crazy o’ clock at night, and Jiyong assumed Seunghyun, his band- and housemate, was most likely already asleep. But as the door creaked wide open, Jiyong came face to face with Seunghyun and his very own girlfriend, Yoonju, all cuddled up on the couch.

 

Jiyong spun around to face Mikyung. She was only halfway through the door. If he was fast enough, he could definitely push her back outside and slam the door shut before she met the sight of the other couple and demanded they remain downstairs, ‘socialising’, for the rest of the night. Oh, dear lord, no. No, no, no. Jiyong definitely could definitely not let that happen. But if he tried to get both of them back outside, there was the possibility he’d trap either one of their arms in the door, consequently snap it in two and then end up spending the night in A&E.

 

How romantic.

 

However, Jiyong found it was too late. Mikyung had already closed the door behind her. He was doomed! Or…maybe he could play it off just as well as he had in the car earlier!

 

“Shhh!” Jiyong hissed, whipping round to face Mikyung, gluing his index finger to his wine-red lips in a hushing motion. Mikyung frowned. As enticing as it was to see her boyfriend’s lips pursed, and towards her at that, she hadn’t even said anything. Besides, it wasn’t like anyone was even asleep. Mikyung peered behind the feathery tower of black hair on Jiyong’s head to see Seunghyun and Yoonju sat on the sofa, wide awake. Maybe Jiyong really was going insane.

 

Or, you know, just ‘high high’ as .

 

Not bothering to give any further explanation, Jiyong clomped up the stairs, practically dragging his girlfriend behind him. He purposefully ignored meeting Seunghyun’s gaze, suddenly remembering his best friend had slipped him a joint earlier on that evening when he’d found him crying on the streets about not being able to get Mikyung to have with him. Seunghyun had always been there for him, Jiyong absent-mindedly mused. He deserved to be the president. Even if that had only been part of his totally whack daydream. Seunghyun still deserved to be the president.

 

Whatever you say.

 

It didn’t matter, anyway. Jiyong was finally on target, as the two of them reached his room. Bursting through the door like explosion, Jiyong fiercely ravaged his girlfriend’s lips as they tumbled backwards onto the bed, Mikyung mewling oh-so-softly as his tongue accessed hers, tangling lustily as his hands wandered along the curves of her body.

 

“Clothes,” Jiyong breathed as he felt the thick material of her outer coat denying him entry beneath his hands. “They need to come off.” 

 

Mikyung complied, tearing off her clothes like they were on fire. Jiyong leant over to his bedside dresser to switch on the surround system, and the smooth melody of jazz quickly filled the room. Jiyong turned back towards Mikyung to find she had stripped down not completely, but to her underwear. Jiyong’s his lips hungrily. It was going to have to be good enough.

 

A good forty minutes later, Jiyong found things just weren’t working for him. The kissing, still on-going at Mikyung’s insistence, had gotten real old real fast, and he just wasn’t feeling it anymore. It felt pretty gross to be on her tongue for such a long time without a single sip of water, and Jiyong was getting tired, his tongue flicking lazily as he attempted to keep satisfying his girl. He just really wasn’t in the mood anymore, what with Mikyung having taken so god damn long to decide whether or not she wanted to go back to her parents’ house or her boyfriend’s house that Jiyong had gotten bored and then consequently stoned, and even with the strained warbling of French jazz in the background that was supposedly meant to be y was just really not doing it for him right now. He didn’t even understand French. He could scarcely speak English, for ’s sake. 

 

His barely present mind began to randomly wander as Mikyung cupped his angular jaw and moaned into his mouth. He hadn’t been to Chrome Hearts in a while. He needed to add some things to his shopping list, like another five billion rings. That would be cool. And did he enough snapbacks on hand? Ridiculous. Of course he didn’t. He only had, like, a million. Nowhere near enough. Jiyong was definitely going to need to stock up on those. He could also really do with some more weed right now. Maybe Mikyung would be up for a round of shotgun? Or two? He reached down into his jeans pockets for the other half of the joint he’d smoked earlier. It was a tiny little stub, almost nothing, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Maybe Seunghyun has some more, Jiyong wondered as he attempted to dislodge his mouth from Mikyung’s so he could prop the spliff between his lips, but every time he did, drew back and re-attached firmly to his like a magnet with even more pressure. He almost succeeded the third time, but then she tightly clasped his hands, and Jiyong’s last little shred of heaven fell to the floor and disappeared somewhere invisible beneath the bed.

 

“!” Jiyong cried out, drawing back for once and for all. Mikyung stared at him blankly in silence, confused. Upon noticing the scandalised look on his girlfriend’s face, Jiyong giggled nervously and ran a hand through his bedhead-like hair.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Mikyung pouted, crawling on all fours towards him like a ravenous jungle cat, bloodthirsty and deadly. Jiyong hastily inched backwards, hitting the bedframe. He couldn’t take another hour of inhaling like a hoover. He wouldn’t. It couldn’t end like this. He’d only wanted , god damn it. And now he wasn’t even asking for that. Right now, he simply felt like retrieving his joint from the depths of his bed, lighting up, consuming his bodyweight in rice and Vitamin Water, and then passing out in front of the TV. With or without Mikyung by his side. By this point, he didn’t really mind, but with the way things were looking, maybe it would be better without.

 

Speaking of drugs and drinks…Jiyong suddenly felt an idea illuminate his mind like a light bulb. He jolted upright, prepared to put his plan into action.

 

“I-I…I just remembered,” Jiyong hastily managed, desperate to wipe any clouding suspicions from her mind. “I...I have a bottle of champagne downstairs. Chilling in the fridge. Can’t let it go to waste! I’ll go get it now!” Jiyong yelled, leaping off the bed and out the door before Mikyung could object.

 

~

 

Seunghyun, frankly, was feeling a bit distracted himself. It was nice and all, toasting the night with Yoonju, exploding fruit and a delicious glass of Veuve Clicquot, as well as a whole bottle of the stuff chilling in an ice bucket right next to the couch along with even more champagne on the table in front of them. It was pouring down outside, and even though it was pretty toasty inside, Yoonju still insisted on snuggling up to him. Sure. Seunghyun was feeling rather peaceful. Read: bored. Although the package an anti-fan had sent him in the mail which Seunghyun had discovered earlier that day was anything but boring…

 

A snake. Somebody had sent him an actual, living, breathing snake in a cardboard box. Seunghyun had no idea how the package had even got past his manager, but he’d probably duped it safe since there appeared to be no explosives, and thought it was some incredibly realistic, snake-like Bearbrick. Seunghyun hadn’t minded all that much, having blankly watched it slowly coil around itself in the box upon unwrapping, whereas Jiyong would’ve been screaming bloody murder, absolutely off his head whilst demanding damage control. There had been no note, but Seunghyun could only assume the worst and that it was poisonous. And so, he continued to remain currently deep in thought on how to dispose of the creature without raising any alarm, whilst Yoonju only continued to bury into his chest like it was a gold mine. Seunghyun hadn’t exactly planned on spending his evening thinking about the danger currently boxed in his kitchen, but then again, he didn’t exactly feel like going to bed with Yoonju, neither for sleeping nor for . But Yoonju was clearly more than eager, now pawing at the buttons on his shirt, when Seunghyun would much rather have been hanging out with his Bearbricks collection at that very moment. Or Jiyong. Bearbricks or Jiyong. Both were good. And both could be accompanied by another blunt, which was almost as delectable as wine and ice cream combined. Or maybe a Cuban cigar. Or even just a plain Marlboro. Seunghyun would honestly take any of the three, since Yoonju was so absolute on the fact that Seunghyun did not smoke in her presence. Or, as she believed, ever.

 

Right.   

 

Well, whatever made her happy. Which she definitely wouldn’t be if Seunghyun suddenly demanded she leave because he needed some quality time with his collectables and smokables.

 

“Oppa…I need you…” Yoonju purred, jolting Seunghyun back to reality. He glanced down at her pearly manicured fingers, gently coaxing the first button on Seunghyun’s shirt out of its hole.

 

“Wouldn’t…Wouldn’t you rather take this to the bedroom?” Seunghyun murmured huskily, an idea rapidly forming within his mind. An idea that would get him out of this jail cell known as his girlfriend’s apparent ual frustration.

 

“Yes!” Yoonju moaned in a rush of excitement as Seunghyun pulled her down onto his lap, and she eagerly wrapped her lithe legs around his waist. Seunghyun smirked as he stood up from the couch and carried her to his room. His plan was already going so accordingly, and she didn’t even know it.

 

~

 

 

Before he made his way down to the kitchen, Jiyong stopped by the bathroom first to retrieve the packet of homeopathic melatonin pills the group planned to use for long-distance flights, say, to America, since they cured insomnia literally on the spot. The drugs in hand, Jiyong flew back out onto the landing, peering over the railing to spy on the front room down below. Thankfully, Seunghyun and Yoonju were gone, and so they wouldn’t have a problem with Jiyong stealing their champagne since they wouldn’t know. Hurtling down the stairs at breakneck speed, Jiyong grabbed the closest bottle of opened champagne and attempted to head to the kitchen to find two fresh champagne flutes. However, he found the door was blocked off by two Bearbrick guards and a sign Jiyong instantaneously recognised as Seunghyun’s boyish scrawl of ‘DO NOT ENTER’. Weird. Oh, well. Jiyong flipped back around to hesitantly eye the two used glasses on the table. Beggars definitely couldn’t be choosers, especially if he wanted this to work and be re-united with his beloved stoner daydreams once again that night.

 

After giving the glass rims a quick wipe-down with a nearby handkerchief, Jiyong ripped open the packet and popped a single pill into his palm. Without a moment’s hesitation, he dropped the pill into one of the flutes, where it immediately fizzed and dissolved until completely invisible, non-existent. He just had to remember to give the right one to Mikyung. Although, to be perfectly honest, as long as the drug was taken by one of them, it didn’t matter who it was. His girlfriend would either fall asleep and leave him in peace for the night, or he would fall asleep, also still in peace for the night. Either outcome was great.  

  

Mikyung grinned in anticipation at the beautiful sight of her gorgeous boyfriend finally re-appearing in the doorway, proffering two bubbling glasses of Dom Pérignon. She immediately snatched a glass and greedily sipped from it, automatically believing that the bobbing motion of was turning on Jiyong at an unbelievable rate. When, in actuality, she opened her eyes to find he hadn’t even bothered to sit back down, far too busy guzzling down his own glass of champagne like a raging alcoholic.

 

“Jiyong…” She begun, quickly faltering as she found herself lying down onto her back, fatigue not dissimilar to that of post-coital suddenly overtaking her body.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Jiyong sang, echoing Mikyung’s earlier words, as he walked round the bed towards her.

 

“I…Just really sleepy…” Mikyung yawned. Jiyong grinned victoriously. The drug really was instantaneous.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jiyong soothed, grinning even wider now that her eyes were fully closed. It really couldn’t get better than this. “We can get together another time.”

 

“Mm…thanks, oppa.” Mikyung murmured, just about dozing off. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.” Jiyong murmured back, her hair with intense stoner concentration. He meant it, he really did, but right now, all he needed Mikyung to do was to go to sleep. Eventually, her breathing did become heavy and even, her chest rising and falling in time. Jiyong smiled with satisfaction. It was the perfect end for the perfect night.

 

And the perfect beginning for Jiyong’s perfect, private pot party.

 

Although he wouldn’t mind inviting Seunghyun along.

 

Because there wasn’t any other pot without him.

 

Jiyong ran a hand through Mikyung’s dark mane of hair one last time before pulling the covers over her bare shoulders, sighing with relief. Now that he was done trying to continue to impress his girlfriend whilst on a completely different planet altogether, he could finally chill out and pick up the party from where he’d last left off. Jiyong bent down onto the floor, sweeping his hand on the carpet underneath his bed until he found the roach, and slipped it into his pocket to ensure he wouldn’t lose it again. He blew out the candles on the bedside, leaving the room in darkness as he shut the door behind him and headed downstairs.

 

“Baby, goodnight…”

 

~

 

Once upstairs, Seunghyun didn’t bother to close the door behind him. Instead, he laid his girlfriend down on his bed and stood back up, only to be met with an extremely mystified look from Yoonju.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Seunghyun explained, already heading for the exit. He paused by the doorframe, slowly turning to face Yoonju, who, surely enough, was still burning curious holes into the back of his head.

 

“Make yourself…comfortable.” Seunghyun grinned suggestively, eyeing his girlfriend up and down. “And….” He added, before sailing out the room, being sure to close the door behind him. 

 

Seunghyun charged back down the stairs like an episode of Running Man towards the kitchen, carefully removing the Bearbricks and placing them to the side out of harm’s way before ripping his sign off the door and pushing it open. He wouldn’t need it after this, after all. He quietly closed the door behind him and paced slowly towards the box placed in the very middle of the island counter. Seunghyun took a deep breath, and slowly, ever-so-slowly, raised the lid of the box by a centimetre. He consequently sighed with relief upon the sight of the wriggling kaleidoscope of reptilian flesh. He hadn’t known what to expect; the snake to be missing, or the snake to jump up in his face and attack him with deadly, poisonous fangs like the black mambo in Kill Bill. It didn’t look that poisonous; an exquisite array of gold, black and tan with smooth, shining scales. However, Seunghyun wasn’t so sure Yoonju would think the same.

 

Quickly replacing the lid back on the box, Seunghyun picked up the box, swiftly exited the kitchen and hurried up the stairs as silently as possible. He crept towards his bedroom door, his footsteps muted by the thick, plush carpet as he placed the box down on the floor with a soft thud so he could slowly turn the door handle. Praying the door wouldn’t creak, Seunghyun carefully pushed the door open to see Yoonju in bed. Her back faced the door with the white sheets obscuring the rest of her body. Seunghyun wasn’t sure if she was asleep as so much pretending, but it didn’t matter – his plan would still work out beautifully in the end.

 

Seunghyun grabbed the box and took off the lid completely, placing it to the ground so the exotic creature could sliver onto the carpet. Once its flickering tail had disappeared through the crack in the door and Seunghyun had watched the last of the creature determinedly make its way towards the bed, he firmly clicked the door shut and silently locked the door, satisfied. He knew he wouldn’t be bothered for the rest of the night.

 

Lazily making his way down the stairs, Seunghyun stretched his arms out behind him as he gave a yawn, only to reach the ground floor and see none other than Jiyong. The younger rapper was flailing about in the chaise diagonal to the couch, singing his entire heart out to a black cherry dangling from the stem that he held oh-so-tenderly right above his face, as though it were his absolute, one true love. Rain continued to stream down the window behind him, his head occasionally lolling backwards like it was a battle and beyond to keep it upright.  

 

“Jiyong. What the are you doing?” Seunghyun raised an eyebrow at his housemate, who had now fully collapsed back onto the cream chaise.

 

“Is mah pot party, bro.” Jiyong could barely speak; his tongue felt so thick and heavy in his mouth. He also couldn’t stop smiling like an incredibly serene toad. “Wazzup?”

 

“You finished that ‘special cigarette’ I rolled you earlier, I’m assuming?” Seunghyun chuckled, making his way round behind the table and sinking exhaustedly onto the couch.

 

“Thanks, man…” Jiyong slowly nodded to signal ‘yes’. “You’re the president, man. The ing president. You deserve it.” His voice cracked, even raspier than usual.

 

Seunghyun could only laugh, shaking his head. “You are so ing out of it right now.”

 

“You deserve it,” Jiyong repeated, apparently ignoring him. He shifted his head to the right to look at Seunghyun, his eyes glassy. “I thought you had a girl over, bro?”

 

Seunghyun froze. “Oh, her…she…she went home.” He eventually decided. It wasn’t like Jiyong would run upstairs and demand the truth, anyway. He was so high he could barely move his freaking mouth to form words.

 

Jiyong hadn’t recalled hearing the front door open or anyone leaving the house, but then again, he was so out of it right now that a spaceship could crash land on the roof and he probably wouldn’t remember it tomorrow morning. Besides, he didn’t want Seunghyun going upstairs and finding he’d swiped their champagne and drugged Mikyung. But it was highly unlikely, with the way Seunghyun was contentedly pulling a cigar from his pocket and lighting it up, releasing a cloud of smoke up towards the cavernous ceiling.

 

“Oh, yeah…mine too…” Jiyong lied, too sleepy to bother explaining what had happened. He probably wouldn’t remember doing that tomorrow, either.

 

Seunghyun nodded. He didn’t really care what the hell Jiyong had done, he was just glad that he’d escaped. He turned to Jiyong, about to suggest they order some take-out since the younger was bound to get munchies sooner or later, but Jiyong had flopped onto his side and fallen fast asleep, snoring like a foghorn. Seunghyun smiled, shaking his head once again. He was feeling pretty tired himself. But he didn’t want to sleep just yet. Spying his Bearbricks that he’d left by the kitchen doorway, a mischievous twinkle pierced his smoky eyes like a beam of light shooting through to the depths of the seafloor.

 

“Looks like it’s just you and me.” Seunghyun grinned, standing up and heading towards his most prized treasures and companions for the rest of the night.

 

Sometimes, it’s just best to enjoy the simple things in life.

 

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Don't crey cus oppar got caught and you know it. Crey cus he had fun without chu trolololol sorry not sorry~