A/N: Trigger warning. This chapter contains some references to recent events - the sinking of the Sewol and the postponed comeback. I have tried to incorporate it in a respectful way and mentions will be very vague and brief, but I figured it'd be best to give you a little heads-up. If this makes you uncomfortable, I advise you skip the first scene.

someone call the doctor 날 붙잡고 말해줘
사랑은 결국 중독 오버도스

With every twist of his body, Jongin feels the strain in his waist. He’s been dancing for hours on end, and the pleasant buzz of a thorough workout is starting to wear off, muscles tensing up and prickling under his sweaty skin instead.

“Think of your health,” his mom told him on the phone earlier. They don’t call each other often, because it only makes Jongin miss her more and one of them usually ends up crying. He has never been much of a talker anyway, and his mother has learned to be satisfied with the occasional text from her busy son. This week, however, she has called him three times already. She hadn’t said so explicitly, but he knows she’s been so eager to talk to her son because they’d all been confronted with the images of desperate parents being denied that opportunity.

The shock and sadness of the ferry disaster seemed to have left everyone a little quieter, a little kinder. Hugs between friends and lovers lasted a moment longer than usual, and Jongin had seen how people’s smiles were tainted with sadness, yet seemed more genuine. Their own schedules had been cancelled, and most of the Korean members had jumped at the opportunity to visit their own friends and family. Jongin, on the other hand, had been hiding out in the dance studio, trying to work out the last kinks of the Overdose choreography with Yixing, long after the other EXO-M members had left for their own dorm.

시간이 지날수록 통제도 힘들어져
점점 깊숙이 빠져간다

Jongin thinks of the text he received from his sister a few hours earlier. “Don’t forget to take a break, little brother.”

His schedule never leaves much room for sleep, and Jongin has more than once pushed himself to the point of injury, ignorant of what his own body can handle. He’s always been reckless and he knows his friends worried about it, and they’ll always make it a point to try and pace him when he speaks to them.

“Stop, you’re gonna wear yourself out.”
“Please don’t push yourself too hard.”
“You’ve earned some rest.”

They’re alluring words, and they always seem to resound a little louder, a little more tempting in his head during the small hours of night, when Jongin’s limbs are heavy with exertion and the stuffy air of the dance studio is filled with his laboured breaths and an EXO song on repeat booming through the speakers.

He’s grateful to have people who love him to the point they worry about him so much, but there’ll always be certain aspects of his job they won’t understand.

too much 너야 your love이건 오버도스
too much 너야 your love이건 오버도스

“You’re getting sloppy. Start over.” Yixing’s voice cuts through the music easily as he reaches for the remote, restarting the song and taking his place next to Jongin again, following his movements perfectly.

someone call the doctor 날 붙잡고 말해줘
사랑은 결국 중독 오버도스
시간이 지날수록 통제도 힘들어져
점점 깊숙이 빠져간다
too much 너야 your love이건 오버도스
too much 너야 your love이건 오버도스

Yixing is not like Jongin’s other friends.

Truth be told, Jongin wouldn’t consider Yixing a friend in the traditional sense of the word. He probably wouldn’t spend this much time with the other man if it wasn’t for his dancing. They have never really fought over anything else than choreography (which always gets settled pretty fast because Jongin’s stubbornness is legendary and Yixing hates arguments and usually folds quickly to stop any fight from escalating). There is nothing about Yixing Jongin finds particularly annoying or offensive, because the Chinese man is always polite, he keeps to himself and he always knows intuitively when Jongin isn’t in a talkative mood.

Yixing is also patient, attentive and cheerful, with an excellent record for personal hygiene to boot. He is, pretty much, the ideal band mate.

Jongin doesn’t like it. He doesn’t dislike Yixing either, but he doesn’t know how to deal with someone whose soft personality clashes so much with his own sharp edges. Yixing’s sense of humor is a tad too Chinese to Jongin’s liking and while the latter is always striving for something tangible, something grounded, Yixing is perfectly happy living with his head in the clouds.

So even though they share the same cramped space in the van, the same stage, the same meals and occasionally the same shower stall, Jongin and Yixing are both on a completely different level.

난 너를 맡고 또 너를 마신다
내 심장이 떨려와 계속 들이켜도 아직 모자라
손끝까지 전율시킨 갈증 이순간을 잡아

Except when they are dancing.

Because whenever Jongin wants to call it a day, Yixing will be right there, smiling but relentless, pushing him for one more rep, one more pirouette, one more push-up. Jongin is convinced that at this point, Yixing knows his body better than he does himself, because he can encourage the younger man until Jongin reaches the thin, treacherous line between his giving it all and guaranteed injury.

질주를 멈추지 마 너무 좋아 can’t stop her
헤이 닥터~지금 이대로 가진않아?

Only then, Yixing tells him to stop.

Usually Jongin listens to him. But sometimes he doesn’t. And when that happens, Yixing doesn’t try to hold him back, but takes out the extra pain patches he keeps in his duffel bag and places them on Jongin’s bag, along with a couple of the heavy-duty painkillers he and Tao always sneak back from their trips to China (which they don’t usually share with the other members since it’s technically an illegal drug in South-Korea, but Jongin has long since learned that sometimes the over-the-counter stuff simply doesn’t cut it and Yixing has always taken his role as ‘healer’ of the band very seriously). The next day, Yixing will never fail to ask him if he’s okay, and if he needs him to work out the kinks in his back.

Yixing isn’t a friend, Yixing is the brother Jongin never had.

주체할수 없는 이끌림에 너와 내가 하나

A brother who always comes second, a nagging voice in his head says.

Jongin knows these rankings matter to the public. Who’s the most handsome. Who’s the best singer. Who’s the best dancer in EXO. Jongin wants to be the best and craves to be acknowledged for it, but Yixing, who works just as hard as him, is often overlooked by interviewers.

If he’d be in Yixing’s position, Jongin would be angry. He hasn’t trained to be ‘the other dancer’, he has trained to become the best, and he’d never be satisfied or happy if someone else in the band outshone him on his own terrain. But Yixing has always been graceful about it, taking it like a champ, and nothing can chip away at that endless patience. It almost infuriates Jongin, because if Yixing had shown any sign of envy or disappointment, it would make sense, at least. But the other man’s attitude is unwaveringly chivalrous, and it is another aspect of Yixing’s personality that leaves Jongin baffled. Finding someone who gives up the spotlight so easily in favour of