The following week, we saw each other again. Or is it only me? Because she did not seemed to notice that we kind of bumped into each other at the hallway of the mansion that day. When I tried to look back, the guard that was showing my way out hushed me away. Aissshhhhhhhh~

Finally, I was very surprised to see her with Mr. Kim Hwan at the next room, with a glass door separating my views. The sound of his wooden stick meeting the hard surface of the piano startled her, though there were very little sign of it. Angrily then, Kim Hwan dashed out of the room, leaving her alone. On an impulse, I almost dragged my feet to her, but I froze when I saw her move and accidently knocked the candy container. Hastily, she kneeled down and moved her hands randomly on the carpet. It hit me hard then.

She’s blind.

I turned to the butler that was with me. “She can’t see?” But he hushed me; forbidding me to ask. I looked back at her.

I did not know why the image of the girl intrigued me since the first glance. The mystery of her identity? Well, I know for sure now that she is Mr. Kim Hwan’s daughter. The gossiping maids told me one fine day. But only that was that I got. The head maid hushed them away to their own respective works. The effect of my lacking and boring life? Maybe...

So as soon as I had the chance, I sneaked up to her and sat beside her. I could feel her flinched a little. Smiling, because finally I am less than 1 meter radius from her, I played her piece; Gone.

Silence engulfed the both of us throughout the... Seconds? Minutes? I did not know until I heard the heavy footsteps of Mr. Kim Hwan.

“OOPPPSSSSS!” I moved and made myself invisible behind the piano. I cringed as I heard the sound that was getting closer and came to a halt. I heard the girl play around with the keys, playing a simple piece called Cappuccino. After an excruciating and painful amount of time, I sneaked my head out to see whether he had gone away. And he did. I saw her face up close for the first time. Pretty.  

I figured she would not start talking, so I talked away all the things I want to her. I told her my name, real name. Not some Chinese nickname that my 4 Chinese friends got me years back, Xiumin, that some people found it cute to use. Heavens forbid that the ‘Baozi’ came out afterwards. I told her of my friends, their antics, ugly faces and evilness, and also of how much I missed them. She smiled and laughed a little. For me, who looked at her stoned face all the time before, she looks the most beautiful then.

Then, it came again. The pain. Groaning, I clutched my chest, my heart. I reached for the bottle at the back of my pocket and swallow the pills. I tried to control my heartbeat and relax.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. Hearing her voice for the first time, I steadied my breathing to answer her, trying to mask the quivering in my voice.

“It’s nothing.” Tentatively, I reached for the candy on the piano to bring it upon her lips.

“Say ‘aaaaaa’.” She opened to taste the candy and smiled. As my finger touched her lips, I instantly felt warm and fuzzy inside, my heart was not getting any better in that situation. I smiled with her.

The days after that were easier, for us to talk to each other when nobody was around. The guards, butler and maids in the house would prevent the two of us from being in the same room at the same time. So when I had finished my lesson and Mr. Kim Hwan leaved me to my expenses to clean up and leave, I played her piece and she would come down. And then we would talk.

Her name was Yoojung. Beautiful, wasn’t it? She said she had never been able to see; she was born that way. The same as me: we were born with a defect. She liked to walk on her own, so she counted her steps around the mansion. I am very impressed with that. She was one strong girl.

That one afternoon, I asked her to come with me somewhere. I surveyed the backyard for some quite time. It was quite deserted, so we can talk longer. “The coast is clear. Let’s go, let’s go!” I looked behind me and face palmed myself.

“Aish, I forgot. Come.”

Excitedly, I forgot the fact that she is blind and left her behind, so I took her hand in mine and lead the way. I kind of liked the feeling it gave me.

The gazebo was still strong, so we sat together to enjoy the view. Well, I am enjoying the view. She said she enjoyed the soft wind and nature sounds.

That evening, she touched my face. Tracing her cold and fragile fingers on my face, I closed my eyes, enjoying every moment. When she stopped, I opened my eyes and smiled at her smiling face. But then, she pinched my cheeks. “Auuuwwwww~why do people always does that? My cheeks hurt, you know?”

I pouted. My round face was always tortured. Since I am a small boy, they call me dumplings, lil fattie and so on. They said I am so cute like that. But really, people? Really? Do they really HAVE to pinch them all the time?

She laughed, and my irritation melts away. Like a snowflake landing on top of my fingertips. She caressed my cheeks and when I was least expecting it, she pinched them again.

But this time, we laughed together. Happiness enveloped me. I brought her hands on my chest, right where my defected heart lies. Can she feel it; the strange way that my heart is strumming? I did not have the opportunity to ask. I felt the pain.

Out of nowhere, the guards ripped me away from her and dragged me away. I fought hard, but then the pain came again, and I out. I couldn’t find my bottle anywhere.

The next thing I knew, I am in the hospital with my parents hovering around me. I smiled and said that I am okay, but my heart disagreed. The doctors said that my condition was getting worse. The drugs turned out to act as a pro-arrhythmic, rather than helping my situation. My mother broke down with me, but I smiled in tears and hug her tighter in my embrace. “I am sorry I couldn’t live for you and dad.” I kept chanting in my head.

I stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks, always thinking about Yoojung. I wondered if she missed me a much as I missed her. Yes, I missed her so much. So, I begged my driver to help me and sneak me out from the hospital to her house. The butler opened the gate for me, smiling at me. “She’s been waiting for you, it seems.”

I smiled back at him. My heart almost burst.

‘Creeeeeeeeekkkkk~’ I opened the door. I can felt the pain coming, again. I sat on the bench, uncovering the black and white keys. My sanctuary. I played Gone. I knew that she was listening. In the meanwhile, the pain kept intensifying in my chest.

I forced my fingers to keep playing, trying to call out for her. Maybe for one last time. The notes flowed perfectly, still, in my agony of pain.

I’m sorry I couldn’t live for you, or anyone at that. I hope you will smile like the strong girl you are, but please do not break; because you are my precious porcelain doll. As beautiful as that. I have to go. I love you.

I out.