The Note.
Fatal
Walking down the smooth concrete covered in cherry blossoms that were blown from the cherry blossom trees lining down the road, she curled her short chestnut-brown hair behind her ear while looking at her feet. Holding the top of her purse, she gently pushed up the strap to her shoulder whenever it would slip down and inch, daring to drop the purse on the floor. Looking up at the serene blue sky, Ginni smiled softly as the breeze brushed against her legs. Coming to a stop at an empty wooden bench, she gently brushed the petals to the ground and gathered her skirt before sitting down. Placing the purse on her lap, she opened it and pulled out a note with rusted edges. Brushing her thumb against it, Ginni closed her eyes.
A note she had kept closed in a little treasure box under her bed for a year, a note she had yet to have read because she had received a set of instructions when it was given. She had to read it when she was ready and Ginni wasn't ready, not emotionally or mentally. She had put a smile on her face every day and pretended that she was okay but in fact, inside she was still curled up in a ball; sitting at the corner of her broken heart, trying to put the shattered pieces back together like puzzle. For a year she had mismatched the pieces, because she wasn't ready to put them together. Recently, she had found the courage to move on even with her heart in a millions of pieces, because even with a broken heart; you can. Telling herself that, Ginni had pulled out the box and took out the note that had turned into a lighter shade of brown due to age. Putting it into her purse, she walked to the last place where her heart shattered because if she wanted to read the note anywhere, she wanted to read it on the place from where she got it, and where the shattered heart may reconnect.
Taking the edge between her thumb and index finger, Ginni pulled the note apart from its fold and opened it. At the sight of the neatly written block of words, it took Ginni everything to hold back the cry that choked her. Covering she pushed away the tears that threatened to expose themselves as she read the words that touched the bottom of her heart. Ginni had remembered the first day she had encountered him face-to-face, her heart pounding loudly against her eardrums. Reading these words, it brought Ginni back to the days when she met him for the first time, the key events of his life and hers. All leading up to the day when she had cried her heart out, begging for something that could never be returned.
"Don't talk to the strange boy or..."
Her classmates did not spare any minute or details on telling her that the first day she stepped through the doors of her Art class. Kim Ginni lightly scratched the top of her very short chestnut-brown hair, wondering who this "strange boy" they were referring to. Locking her hands together behind her lower back, Ginni glanced around the room with her dark chocolate-brown eyes. Eyes everyone commented on how it resembled a cat's. Looking around, the dark pair of Ginni's eyes rested on a light amber brown-haired boy sitting straight at the corner of the room holding a pencil in his large yet delicate hand. His face reminded Ginni of a puppy, his soft serene expression, small petite face, chocolate-brown eyes, straight bridge with buttoned nose and soft pair of delicate lips; Ginni's heart skipped a beat. Trying to describe the boy was like trying to describe water, her words did no justice to that delicate face his. Yet the presence he held to himself, seemed fragile. Fragile enough that it could easily be ignored and forgotten. That's what he was to all the students in this class and unfortunately, school; because it was easy to tell that he was the "strange boy" they warned her of.
Ginni didn't understand why though. Why he was this "strange boy", why everyone wanted her or anyone not to talk to him; why, they were making fun of him and pushing him around like he was lower than the rest of them. Ginni had learnt the first week, he's name was Luhan; a student who moved to Korea from Beijing nine years ago. Ever since then, he had been bullied like any other unfortunate soul that got caught in the web. In Luhan's case, it was easier to bully him given the circumstances that he barely knew how to speak Korean or the customs. Of course, there were few people who tried to befriend him, but quickly changed their minds once they learned how weird he was. He didn't talk much but smile, when a question was given he rarely replied, he would follow them around like a lost little puppy. It was like taking care of a child and they didn't want that stress upon themselves. It was easier for them to cast him outside and make fun of him.
Ginni spent the next five month sitting as far from Luhan against her will. Her friends weren't going to allow her anywhere near him because to them she was like their little sister. From her seat, Ginni would sneak a glance at him from time to time and see that never faltered smile on his face. She wondered what was going inside the pretty head of his. How he looked at them, how he looked at her, or did he even know she existed.
"Everyone, please grab a canvas," the teacher walked in the class and instructed as she began to write on the board with the white chalk. Getting on her feet, Ginni headed for the stack of canvases behind Luhan when someone grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Don't use those canvases, Ginni. Use those over there." Jongjin, her friend told her as he led her to the crowd made of their classmates fighting for the best canvases they could find. Pressing her lips together and puffing her cheeks to imitate a blowfish, Ginni waited for the crowd to disperse, but seeing how that would take some time; Ginni glanced back at the canvases where Luhan began to look through. What difference did it make using those canvases then these? Stepping back a step, Ginni turned herself around and walked up to the stack behind Luhan's seat.
Feeling her presence, Luhan took a step to the side to give her a space at the stack before looking through them. For half a year Ginni had admired Luhan from afar, despite how everyone casted him out and looked down on him. To Ginni, he wasn't a cast out. She had watched him, the way he sat alone in class quietly, blending in with the walls like a wallflower, how he sat by himself at an empty lunch table. After school getting on the public bus she saw him sitting alone at the backseat next to the window, spaced out while everyone else had a friend sitting next to them chatting and laughing. Ginni had wanted to get up and seat next to him, but the option wasn't even allowed to wander her thoughts with her friends buzzing around like her own personal bodyguards. She didn't ask them to looked after her, she could do that all on her own, so where did they get the idea that they should? She appreciated that they cared enough about her to do it, but limiting her from who she could associate and who she couldn't, was out of line. Especially, when they were limiting her from the person whom she had feelings for the past five months.
Walking past Luhan in the halls every weekdays, watching him from afar; it didn't stop Ginni from feeling butterflies in her stomach or the loud pounding of her heart against her eardrum. She didn't dare to tell anyone of her little one-sided crush because she knew if she did it wouldn't be her they would terrorize, it would be Luhan and Ginni wanted to bring him less misery than he was already receiving.
Standing next to him, Ginni's hands shook. She was standing so close to him that she could smell the fresh mist as fragrance giving off of him. She could just drown in that scent of his because it was so intoxicating. Picking up a canvas, Ginni examined it before setting it back. Should she say something to him? Would that startle him? Biting the inside of her cheek, Ginni's hand accidentally brushed against Luhan's. Her heart skipped a beat as she quickly pulled her hand back. Even though it was just a slight brush a warm tingle spread her hand like a fire, causing her cheeks to fluster. Did he notice it? Ginni wondered as she held her hands together.
Ginni was too busy asking herself millions of questions that she wasn't aware of Luhan's stare. At first she was too preoccupied with the mental battle of questions inside her already complicated head, but then she felt the eyes burning into her skull. Turning her head slowly her eyes met Luhan's chocolate ones. Luhan gave her a small smile before grabbing a canvas and handed it to her. Without a word, Ginni took the white board and hugged it against her chest, drunk by that soft serene smile of his. She had seen that smile staring off into spaces but never did she imagined it that it would be directed towards her. Smiling back slowly with a little flustered cheeks, Ginni gave a soft "Thank you," before turning around and heading back to her seat.
Setting up the canvas and picking up her pencil, Ginni turned to the board where the teacher began to talk about their lessons for the month on how to draw from different perspectives. Instead of listening to her, Ginni glanced over her shoulder towards Luhan who began to move his pencil in ways only Ginni could ever dream of. What was he drawing? The teacher had yet to give them their assignment. Watching Luhan's hand moving smoothly and fluidly, Ginni couldn't help but be mesmerized by it; by him. Just watching him made her feel content. Turning back to her canvas, Ginni stared at the blank page and wondered what she could draw to capture her inner self. While she debated the next two hours of her life on staring at the unused canvas, the bell rung. Sighing, Ginni signed her name on the very corner of the canvas and pack up her belongings in a rush that everything fell out when she stood up. Telling her friends to go on without her, Ginni got on her knees and began to picked up her pencils and books.
Reaching for the book that slide under the next chair, a black Nike stepped into Ginni's line of vision. Glancing up, she flustered once again. Sitting on one knee, Luhan picked up the book and handed it to Ginni before helping her pick up the rest of the contents that spilled from her bag. Handing her back her phone that dropped, Luhan got up and pulled the strap of his bag before turning to leave. Quickly, Ginni got on her feet and closed her bag. "I'm Ginni!" she shouted to him, the pitch of her voice going up an octave due to nervousness. Slowly, Luhan turned his head around and gave Ginni a smile she had never seen; a smile that touched her heart. A smile that said someone had recognized him, that he wasn't invisible. "...Luhan." If Ginni had been holding her breath she didn't realize it, not until she let out the gush of hot air and stuck her tongue out a little in a manner a child did when they got caught eating a cookie before dinner. The sound of his voice filled Ginni's ear like an unknown melody, a melody Ginni didn't mind hearing over and over.
That was the first day, the first day Ginni felt that just maybe her one-sided crush could turn out and be a two-sided. Just maybe, he could return that feeling she longed from him; to her.
Ginni had never realized what the consequences would be for falling for the loner boy. She had thought maybe her friends would cast her out and shun her like they did with Luhan, but never did she realized it would be something much worse. Ginni had thought of the worst possible scenarios, but never what she was about to find out. Admiring Luhan from afar had been going on for too long that Ginni decided to take another step, another step towards Luhan to express her feelings and hopefully get his in return. Picking up her canvas and bag, Ginni walked over to Luhan's seat and asked if she could sit next to him. Ginni could tell by his expression that he did not expect anyone to even ask or offer to sit next to him.
Smiling a little, Luhan nodded. Setting the canvas on the wooden easel, Ginni sat her bag next to her seat, ignoring all the stares and whispers that were circling around the room like a racetrack. Glancing at the older boy, Ginni gave him a small smile before picking up her pencil and started to sketch the outline of an oak tree. For the past two hours, Ginni asked him few questions in a hushed tone and Luhan replied with a simple nod, a shake or just kept quiet. Ginni could understand why it would frustrate everyone to get to know him, but she didn't mind. He just liked it to keep to himself.
When the class ended, Ginni began to pack up her stuff when Luhan placed a blank paper on her easle before standing up. Glancing at the paper, Ginni turned to Luhan who rocked back and forth on the heel of his shoes. Picking up the paper, Ginni unfolded it. A bright smile spread on her face at the sight of a beautiful rose drawn on the paper. The light of the pencil, the faded gray shade to give off a depth and accent to the drawing; Ginni didn't realize his art skill was this honed. "Thank you." Ginni smiled at Luhan. Grinning, Luhan nodded before leaving the classroom.
The next day, Ginni repeated her steps by sitting next to Luhan during Art class and before that she took the initiative on sitting next to him at lunch. Her friends questioned her on what her motive and reasons were on sitting with the loner boy, and Ginni's simple answer was that she wanted be his friend. They stared at her like she had lost her mind, but Ginni brush them off with a smile. For the next two months, Ginni sat next to the loner boy, ate with the loner boy and walked with the loner boy; it didn't take long for others to figure out that Ginni, was in love with the loner boy except him.
Valentine's Day arrived sooner than Ginni had expected. She had spent the previous night baking over and over to get the treat made perfectly without her mother's help because everyone knew; Ginni couldn't cook to save her life. She had either over baked the treats that they would turn out like rock hard scones or under baked them that they would deflate the moment she had pulled them out of the oven. Her frustration level took another notch when she had run out of ingredients and made a huge mess in the living room. Late midnight run to the store gave Ginni the creeps, but she had no choice if she wanted to get her treats ready for Luhan. By the time she returned home it had passed two a.m. and she was dead beat tired. Still, Ginni wasn't going to let such a little thing as sleep get in her way or her pride. In the end, Ginni had asked her mother's help but only on instruction; her mother made sure that everything important such as mixing and decorating was the result of Ginni's two petite hands and filled with love.
The following morning, Ginni had walked down the halls filled with girls confessing left and right. Seeing how some had accepted the sweets with a hug or a kiss made Ginni's heart pound with nervousness while she witnessed those unfortunate ones getting rejected, the knot in her stomach tightened. What if Luhan didn't like it? What if he rejected her? Maybe she could tell him it was a friendly gift, not that she was confessing; but what if he did like it? Dilemma filled Ginni's mind with a never-ending cyclone when she walked towards her locker.
After the first week of sitting next to Luhan and initiating conversations, Ginni had come to realize that Luhan was like a little puppy. He seemed to follow her everywhere with a smile and Ginni couldn't be more than flattered. He waited for her after Art class to walk her to her next class, waited for her by her locker and saved a seat for her at lunch even though the seat would always be open. Ginni's heart fluttered whenever she saw him waiting for her, giving her a smile asking how her classes went. It was like they were an unofficial couple, if only. Ginni knew she was nothing but a friend to him, if only she could show him her true feelings.
A slight heaviness dropped on Ginni's heart when she saw that Luhan wasn't waiting for her by her locker. Maybe he was running late? Chewing the inside of her cheek, she opened her locker and pulled out her Math book before closing it. Turning around, she rested her back against the locker, waiting for him. Crossing her ankles, Ginni kept her eyes out, looking for any sign of Luhan in the mist of pink and red; no luck. When the first bell rung, Ginni sighed. Turning towards her class, she dragged her feet hoping that Luhan would appear with a sheepish grin, apologizing how sorry he was for being late and wish her a "Good Morning." Reaching the threshold of her classroom, Ginni glanced around both halls with a sigh, there wasn't any sign of him.
There wasn't any sign of Luhan for the next three weeks and that three weeks were like a living hell to Ginni. She felt as if her heart was harshly being squeezed by someone's bare hand, cutting off any blood flow to her head or throughout her body that she couldn't think straight or even move in a stable manner. Sitting alone next to Luhan's seat during Art class felt so lonely; Ginni could never understand how Luhan ever managed being alone for nine years. It was like you didn't exist, with an anti-social force field around. It drove Ginni crazy and at the brink of her sanity. Ginni never saw Luhan again, not for another three weeks. She missed him and she couldn't help but to worry. Did something happen? Did he move? He wouldn't move without telling her, would he? Ginni felt like she was suffocating, she wanted to cry her eyes out. Did she do something? Was he avoiding her? Maybe he transferred his school so he could be alone again. Maybe he didn't like that she invaded his loneliness and he couldn't take another second pretending that it didn't bother him.
Negative scenarios and possibilities played around like a violin in Ginni's head. She did cry. Every night for the past month. It has been two months and there was no sign of Luhan. No one really cared except for Ginni, to them Luhan didn't exist unless they wanted him to. They didn't care or even noticed that he hadn't been showing up to school or even omit to gossip about it. To them, Luhan was a ghost, a ghost who decided that it was time to disappear.
Ginni had been gathering her belongings after Art class when the teacher stopped her. She had asked if she knew why Luhan had been missing from school, Ginni replied with a small head shake. At least, someone beside her worried that he was missing and by the fact that her teacher was asking, Luhan didn't move or transfer. The teacher had handed Ginni graded artworks done by Luhan and asked if she could stop by his house and deliver it to him and ask when he would return. After getting his address from the school office, Ginni hurried.
It was chance to see Luhan again, to see his smile again and get the answer she had looked for. Holding the artworks tightly against her chest, Ginni followed the direction written on a piece of paper. Walking down the unfamiliar neighborhood, Ginni grew more nervous every step she took as the realization settled in. She was about to see him again after two months. What if he got disappointed? What if he told her to go back? Biting her bottom lips, Ginni came to a stop in front of a two-story house. Pushing the tiny gate back, she stepped through the marble road leading up to the steps of the house. Reaching for the doorbell, Ginni stopped herself and took a big breath; trying to calm her heart from beating so loudly and quickly. With a shaky hand, she pushed the red button and waited as the sound of the doorbell rung throughout the house. Ginni shuffled in her feet as she looked around, counting the seconds; waiting for the door to open.
Maybe no one was home? Maybe she got the wrong house? As she asked herself these question, Ginni startled a little when the door opened and a middle-aged women with long wavy black hair and dark circles under her eyes stood in front of her. She was beautiful but the tiredness of her face gave off a frightening beauty.
"Can I help you?" the woman asked Ginni with one glance. Ginni's voice got caught in as she tried to get the words out. Taking another deep breath, Ginni managed to ask if Luhan was home and if so could she see him. The woman-Ginni has guessed that it was Luhan's mother-debated, asking Ginni who she was and what business she had to come over looking for her son. When Ginni had told her that she was a friend of Luhan's, her eyes sparked in recognition, as if she knew who Ginni was. Apparently, Luhan had been talking about Ginni; the girl who befriended the strange loner boy.
Inviting Ginni inside the house, she led her to the living room. Ginni couldn't help but to notice the faint smell of hospital. The aroma really thickened when she passed a bedroom door on the way to the living room. Sitting down after a few minutes with a cup of tea, Luhan's mother turned to Ginni with a warm smile. Of course, she had a little doubt that maybe Ginni would be another one of those "friends" who befriended him and ends up dropping him like he was some kind of a pest; but talking to Ginni, she had realized Ginni was different. Luhan's mother could see it, Ginni was different because she was in love with her son.
Which made it even more difficult for her to tell Ginni. Luhan was asleep in his room, he had been awake for so long that he had passed out. Insomnia was a pain, but Luhan was willing to deal with it. Luhan's mother told Ginni that Luhan would not be returning back to school, he couldn't. Something told Ginni that it was more than simple insomnia that could be cured. The older women told her, they tried every treatment, but it couldn't be cured; that Luhan was fatal.
Curling her fists against her lap, a tear drop landed on Ginni's fist. Her whole body began to cover in goose bumps as a chill went down her spine. She couldn't look anywhere but her fists, slowly parted; quivering at the hot tears building up.
Luhan was sick. Sick with leukemia.
Luhan had received small treatments from time to time, but they weren't enough to cure him. Luhan refused to miss school even though it might save his life. By delaying the biggest treatment, he had grown too weak for it. It broke both his parents' heart. Two months ago, Luhan's sickness became worst that he had could no longer attend school or anywhere for that matter. The sickness continued to spread at an increased rate that he had begun to lose weight and experience fever and pain. His parents had to wake up every single night to try to ease his pain as much as they could, trying to get him to eat, take some rest, take his medicine; it had been painful, even more when they had woken up one night to wipe the blood he had coughed out.
Hearing these, Ginni's heart compressed in the most painful way. Luhan didn't have long. They didn't know when, he didn't know when but his time was running out. Ginni's knuckles turned white as she gripped the hem of her skirt. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard his voice, calling out for his mother. Luhan's mother stood up and hurried to Luhan's room, excusing herself. Ginni bite down her lips, trying to hold back the cries. The woman was lying, right? Some kind of sick joke this family had cooked up, there was no way Luhan...
Tightening her fist, Ginni slowly stood up when Luhan's mother touched her shoulder; letting her know that Luhan was waiting for her, how excited he was to hear that she had come to visit him. Following her slowly, Ginni stopped at the threshold of Luhan's room. Wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes, Ginni stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Slowly, she turned around and found Luhan sitting up in his bed. Ginni felt her heart drop at the sight of the boy she loved. Bruises covered his arms, the colors from his face had drained, dark circles took their places under his beautiful brown eyes.
Seeing Ginni, Luhan gave her a weak smile he had mustered up with everything. That did it. Ginni broke down in tears as she dropped to the wooden floor, covering her eyes dampening with tears. She couldn't stop it, the hiccups continued to push themselves out as the tears spilled like a fountain. Her hands shook, her whole body felt like it was going through a seizure. Her heart squeezed, feeling suffocated. Luhan's smile disappeared slowly at the broken down Ginni.
He didn't like it. He didn't like seeing her cry, especially because of him. He knew he looked bad. Bad didn't even cover it. Pushing himself out of the bed, Luhan slowly made his way to Ginni and knelt beside her. He wanted to stop those tears, seeing Ginni cry like she had lost her lover; it gave Luhan great pain. He didn't deserve these tears. Reaching for her hand, Luhan felt the suppressed tears making their way up.
Feeling Luhan's soft, cold fingers wrapping around her tear damped hand, Ginni choked on her tears as she looked up at him. The tears that traveled down from the corner of Luhan's eyes broke her heart. Ginni threw her arm around Luhan and cried like she had never cried along with Luhan who held her tightly as he could. She longed to hold him, have his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, but she had never imagined it would be so heart breaking because they never knew. They never knew when they would ever get the chance to do this or anything again.
Ginni didn't want to waste any minute being parted from Luhan than she already had for the past two months. Before school started, she would visit Luhan's house and have breakfast together even though he barely touched his food. Another symptom she'd been told, lack of eating; which would explain why Luhan looked so frail and seemed like he could fit in Ginni's skinny jeans. Instead, while Ginni ate he talked about what he had done to preoccupy himself for the past two months. Once done with her breakfast, Ginni would wave "Goodbye" reluctantly to Luhan who gave a small painful smile.
Once right after school was over, Ginni would rush over to Luhan's house and spend the rest of her days there. Luhan would help her with her homework and teach her techniques to improve her art skills. They would tell each other their childhood memories and what they would like to do in the future even though Luhan knew, it would be nothing but a dream and a fantasy for him.
Ginni had always been away when Luhan would have to take his medicines and undergo a small treatment. Luhan didn't want her anywhere near when it happened. It gave him great pain and if Ginni were to witness it, it would hurt her even more. Yet, keeping her away whenever things went wrong didn't last. The two of them had been watching a movie together, sitting side by side on his bed. It was a sappy love story that touched Ginni's heart and she had fantasized about with Luhan. It was near the end of the movie when Luhan had started to cough rougher than he had for the past few weeks. It frightened Ginni whenever he did. His face would turn bright shade of red, trying to catch a breath while letting out the cough that gave him pricked pain in his sore throat.
The sight of crimson red liquid and the smell of heavy metallic made Ginni's vision blurry and made her dizzy that she couldn't stay still. She had never been good with blood and seeing and smelling is so close, seeing how it came out of Luhan's mouth made her sick to her stomach. She wanted nothing but to run and throw up in the nearest trash can, but how she could when Luhan was in pain. He wouldn't stop coughing and Ginni start to panic, the anxiety built while she beggn to hyperventilate. Confused, Ginni reached for the tissue box and started to wipe as much blood off of his lips. He was coughing up so much blood, the more Ginni cleaned him up, the more he coughed up that the tissues ended up being soaked in blood. The metallic smell filled Ginni's head, making her want to throw up right in . If Luhan's mother hadn't come in and told Ginni to go take some fresh air while she took care of Luhan, Ginni would have passed out right there and then.
Ginni and Luhan knew, even his parents did. His time was coming to an end, and Ginni didn't want it to. Luhan had asked Ginni the end of the following week a wish, a wish only Ginni could grant because to him she was his Genie. Luhan couldn't move by himself, not much with all the bruises; from then, Luhan could only be transported with a wheelchair and that broke Ginni's heart.
He wanted to see the cherry blossom trees. Luhan had always been fond of cherry blossoms Ginni had learned. Pushing Luhan in his wheelchair she followed his direction to his favorite spot to watch the blossoms blew against the wind; dancing around in the air in harmony with each other. Luhan held out his hand as Ginni pushed his wheelchair down the smooth concrete dressed in cherry blossoms. Seeing the soft serene smile spreading on Luhan's face brought her joy. Even though behind that smile he was going through a hell, he had the will to push it away just for this moment. This was his wish. To bring Ginni to his favorite place.
Stopping at the empty wooden bench, Ginni gently swept the petals away and helped Luhan to the seat. Sitting next to him, Ginni felt content. If Luhan could push away the misery just for a moment, so could she; because for him, she was willing to do anything. They joked and played around while seating on the bench, talking for hours until Luhan began to cough again, this time even worse than before. Just like she'd been instructed by Luhan's mother, Ginni helped him ease away the pain and clean up the blood before grabbing a tissue box from the bag behind the wheelchair. Using the bottle water to clean up the remained blood, Ginni tightened her grip on the bottle. Luhan thanked her for her help and apologized for being such a nuisance. Ginni shook her head. He could never be even categorized as a nuisance. She liked to help him as long as if it meant it would help him feel better and stay with him.
Throwing away the tissues in a nearby trash can and closing the bottle cap, Ginni sat back next to Luhan and put the bottle down on the bench next to her. Resting her hands neatly on the top of her lap, Ginni closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before she felt the cold smooth hand of Luhan's on top of her's. Opening her eyes, Ginni turned her head to Luhan who reached inside the pocket of his black hoodie. Slowly, he pulled out a folded paper and held it out to Ginni; he told her to open it when she was ready.
The set of instruction was simple, but Ginni was definitely confused by it. What did he mean by "when she was ready"? Ready for what? Nodding, Ginni took the paper and gently slipped it inside her pocket. She might be confused by the meaning, but that didn't mean she was about to refuse it. Giving Luhan a soft smile, Ginni reached over and gently kissed him on the cheek. Luhan gave her a weak smile, his eyes closing a little longer every time he blinked.
Turning back to the horizon, Luhan pointed out the sunset and how beautiful it would be to capture it on a canvas. Ginni agreed with him, it would be. Watching the sunset, Ginni continued to tell Luhan of the first time she attempted to ride a bike because Luhan, he wanted to hear it. Half along the story of how she scrape her knee and cried for her mother, Ginni felt Luhan's cold hand slip away from hers and drop to the empty bench space between them.
Ginni's breath caught in as her words became a distant whisper. She was suffocating, she couldn't breath with all the emotions hurling at her. Sitting beside the older boy, Ginni curled her hands into fists on her lap. Her vision blurred as the knuckles of her hands turned to the shades of white she never thought it could. The boiling heat spread on her face as the hot tears streamed down her flushed cheeks. Wiping the corner of her eyes with the back of her cold hand, Ginni choked back her cry, shaking her head. Covering her face, she refused to believe it; she refused to. She called out his name between the chokes of her cry, asking him how beautiful the sunset was, where he would like to go next, but Luhan never replied back because Luhan; Luhan was gone.
Ginni had always wondered why everyone failed to finish their warnings when she had walked through the threshold of her Art class. "Don't talk to the strange boy or..." Spending half a year with Luhan, Ginni had realized why. They had failed because they didn't know Luhan. They didn't know what would happen if the strange loner boy had become attached to them, but Ginni did; Ginni had talked to the strange boy and the strange boy had become attached to her.
If someone would come up to her and asked, "What would happen if you talked to the strange boy?" Ginni would smile and reply to them. "If you talked to the strange boy....you'll fall in love with him."
Gripping tightly to the paper with one hand, Ginni wiped her tears with the back of her right hand. Her heart ached, it longed for Luhan. It longed for his touch, his voice, his smile, his presence. Ginni had screamed back then, demanding why they would take him away. He had never caused anyone harm, he was a sweet boy going through difficult times, being shunned out and made fun of. Why him? Why couldn't Luhan stay? The pain Ginni felt, the pain Luhan's parents went through; it was too much. Curling her fists tightly, Ginni pressed them against her eyes, trying to stop the tears.
Giving herself a moment to recollect herself, Ginni took a tissue from inside her purse and wiped away the tears and gently wiped the tear drops that had landed on Luhan's note. Throwing away the tissue, she reread the note and held it against her chest. She had never knew he had done this because this piece of paper made her love him more than ever. She had never gotten the chance to confess her feelings to Luhan and reading his words written on the paper, Ginni felt herself dying a little more inside. Life was cruel, it was cruel to them both. Ginni couldn't remember how many times she had reread the note until she fell asleep on the bench, clenching the paper tightly against her chest.
September 29th: Kim Ginni had spoken to me for the first time, she had said "Thank you" and we had exchanged our names.
October 13th: Ginni had sat next to me in Art Class, she smelled like the beganning of Spring.
October 14: Ginni and I had become friends. She...is my first ever friend.
April 5th: Ginni had come to visit me, I couldn't be more happier to see her face; but she cried...I didn't like it.
April 15th: I knew it, there was something other than sickness inside of me for Ginni...
May 6th: I had asked Ginni to take me to my favorite place because I felt it, the end.
May 7th: Ginni is taking me to see the cherry blossoms today and today I will be giving her this note to show her that the times I had spent with her are worth being documented like this; even if it is just but a single paper.
Ginni, I may be gone by the time you read this and if you are reading this; I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for moving on from the past, even if it is just a little. It's a step, a step to recover, just like the step you took to get to know me. I couldn't thank you enough to let you know how much that meant to me; you're my best friend Ginni. I had never got to confess this to you before because if I had, it would have made my death even more painful to you. I wanted to leave as your friend in your heart, because friends can easily be forgotten when new ones come into your heart, but not lovers. Lovers can always be remembered forever and in my heart you were my lover, even though you only saw me as your friend. I love you Ginni, if only I had met you sooner. Thank you for the memories, thank you for taking care of me and thank you for letting me love you. Please, take care and remember, be happy. I love you. - Luhan.
*author's note;
I haven't wrote a oneshot in a long time so I maybe a little rusty on it (/sobs) I'm sorry for all the grammar errors ; n ; I hoped it to be longer, but when I finished it, it really didn't seem like it. (/sobs again) It took me a while to finish it since I wanted it to be a good one, I hope you guys liked it.
comments are appreciated & upvote it you like it <3
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