--

 

The day Lee Sungmin said “I love you” to Cho Kyuhyun was the biggest mistake he has ever done. They became lovers, yes, but things weren’t turning things for the better. Sungmin, being the forgiving and considerate hyung that he was, always understands Kyuhyun’s mistakes; but, never did he expect that Kyuhyun would come to the point of breaking his trust. Given the pseudo name “evil maknae” Kyuhyun has lived up to that name. Constantly flirting with other members and dancers, Sungmin would just smile, silencing the shatters of his breaking heart. He would smile lovingly on stage, but deep inside, he knows that this relationship will be short lived. He’s kind, as Eunhyuk would say…in fact he is too kind that throwing his own happiness away is considerable. 

 

He would always say to himself “Everything will be alright…” But luck never seems to take his side. Kyuhyun took advantage of his sincerity that he began seeing girls behind his back. The maknae would sneak out of their room in the middle of the night with Sungmin crying silently. He once caught him talking to the phone and heard a soft “I’ll see you tonight”. Albeit all of this, he remained faithful, crying alone and acting that nothing happened.

 

A few months in their rocky relationship, Kyuhyun took a turn for the worst. Ryeowook caught him twice, out with some random girl while they were taking a break from their album promotions. When Sungmin heard this, he chos to ignore it but not before breaking down in front of his dongsaeng and cry his heart out. “Stop this hyung…you’re hurting yourself” Ryeowook cooed, caressing Sungmin’s head on his lap. “I just love him so much Wookie” Sungmin answered. “I can’t bring myself to hate him”

 

Another month passed by ad Eunhyuk noticed Sungmin’s gloomy nature. He confronted the older man, threatening that if Kyuhyun won’t stop, he will be the one to kill him. “This is stupid Sungmin, hyung…that guy’s nuts” Sungmin sighed and took Eunhyuk for an embrace. “Don’t hurt him…please, I’m gonna be alright, Hyuk”

 

“Stop being a martyr” Eunhyuk snapped.

 

“I’m not trying to be one”

 

“Then tell him. It’s hard to see someone like you break down just because of his worthless actions”

 

Sungmin changed completely; he no longer has that bright and cheerful aura that the members love, his eyes were dull and gaze into a straight distance, his voice was rough, no longer being able to sing sweet ballads. He would make mistakes in dance routines, mumbling about losing concentration as an excuse and his form became more fragile, reacting to the slightest touch. 

 

“What are you doing?” Eunhyuk barked at him, taking a hold of his form, he forced Sungmin to stare into his eyes. “Stop this, Sungmin”

 

“I can’t, Hyuk…I told you…I love him so much”

 

“DOES HE TELL YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU BACK?” the younger one shouted.

 

The latter was dazed and tears were now falling from his eyes, he buried his face on Eunhyuk’s chest and confessed. “H-He told me that he loves me…but I never felt it”

“He would only smile and leave, that’s it!” Sungmin wailed, his arms tightened around the male’s waist. “But It’s alright…we can make it better.”

 

“No” 

 

“W-What?”

 

“It can never be better, Sungmin. If you don’t talk to him…nothing will change. Put an end to this, hyung…prove to him that loving you was never a mistake”

 

--

 

Kyuhyun never did listen anyway.

 

He started to go out in public, dating several women and coming home early next morning. Sungmin was left speechless and more depressed than ever before. Eunhyuk and Ryeowook noticed this and took matters into their own hands.

 

Ryewook knocked on Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s room one day. Getting no response, he knocked on the door even louder. “Hyung! Open the door! I need to talk to you” Still no response, he banged even louder. But still, silence. Panic overcome him and bolted to the kitchen to take the duplicate keys. He scrambled around the drawers and hurriedly went back to unlock the door.

 

Once he got in, darkness met him. He flicked on the lights and gasped loudly as he saw Sungmin’s bloodied figure on the floor. His right wrist was cut open and his face was paper white. He reached for his figure and called out. 

 

“Eunhyuk-hyung!” he shouted. “Eunhyuk-hyung! Sungmin-hyung cut himself!” 

 

The older male dashed out of his room and quickly went to their direction. Grunting a curse, he lifted Sungmin’s figure and instructed Ryeowook to call the paramedics.

‘, Sungmin” he whispered. “This has got to stop”

 

--

 

Upon waking up, Sungmin felt his head turn and his vision blurred. “Where am I?” he whispers. “You’re in the hospital, hyung” Ryeowook answered beside him.

 

“Wookie…I-”

 

“Why do it, hyung? Do you think killing yourself will give you answers?”

 

“…”

 

Eunhyuk who was leaning against the wall spoke up. “Yah! Sungmin! Answer us!” The older male smiled bitterly and lowered his head. “I-I…saw him…”

 

“Kyuhyun?”

 

Sungmin nodded as his body shook, tears were now flowing from his eyes. He wailed loudly, trying to rip off the IV tube attached to his hand. “Hyung!” Ryeowook held him. “What’s wrong?!”

 

“It’s Kyuhyun! I saw him kissing Victoria this morning…and what’s worse, is that he knows that I’m watching them…and he doesn’t even bother stopping!” he answered while hugging his figure.

 

Eunhyuk and Ryeowook watched him pitifully. “No, Sungmin does not deserve this” they thought. The youngest of the three approached the crying figure and hugged him tight, whispering soothing words and patting his head. 

 

“I don’t get it…why is he still with me when he does all of these?”

 

Eunhyuk sighed and plopped down in front of the hospital bed. “Break up with him” he says. He laced his fingers into Sungmin’s hair and wiped the tear that fell on his cheek. “Like what I said…you don’t deserve to be like this” Sungmin watched him with teary eyes and his heart clenched with painful emotions. “I love him” he answered.

 

“If you love him…let him go.” Ryeowook butted in. “You also have the rights to be happy, hyung”

 

Sungmin was left passive and motionless. He was startled as both of his dongsaengs flashed a plane ticket in front of his face. “What’s this?”

 

“We’re going on a vacation, hyung…” Eunhyuk beamed. “I already asked permission to manager-hyung and he said we got his approval.”

 

“What about the others?”

 

“Only the three of us, hyung. You need to loosen up…stop thinking about that brat for a week”

 

Ryeowook gave him a smile and whispered. “Everything will be okay now, Sungmin-hyung…we’re here for you”

 

--

 

A week vacation in the island of Jeju allowed Sungmin to reflect and to relax. His bright smile returned and his eyes were now full of life. Without thinking of Kyuhyun proved enough to forget everything he felt and encountered. For once, he felt content.

 

“Having fun, hyung?” Eunhyuk asked.

 

“Yeah…I owe it to you guys” Sungmin responded, giving the other male a warm smile.

.

.

.

“I am so grateful to have friends like you”

 

“We won’t leave your side, hyung. We’ll be with you all the way” Ryeowook says, placing his arm around Sungmin’s shoulder.

 

--

 

When they got back, thing were as usual, heavy and tiring. With their album promotions coming up, Super Junior was busy than ever. Sungmin rarely saw Kyuhyun and would even wonder if the younger male even missed him.

 

“Sungmin-hyung!” Kyuhyun appeared from behind, giving Sungmin a kiss on the neck. “I missed you, hyung…” he pouted. “How come you didn’t tell me that you were going for a vacation?”

 

Sungmin smiled lightly and turned around, “Sorry, Hyunnie~ I needed a place to think” he hugged the tall male and inhaled his scent. “I love you so much, Kyuhyun-ah…” he says.

 

“Right” Kyuhyun answered. 

 

The former frowned and let go, hiding the tears that were now starting to form. “Kyuhyun-ah”

 

“Hmm? Is something wrong?” the maknae questioned.

 

“I-I… do you love-” 

 

“Err… sorry, hyung! The manager needs to speak to me pronto!” he left with a hurry and disappeared into a corner, making Sungmin stare and shocked beyond belief.

 

--

 

“Hyung?” Eunhyuk altered his gaze from the MV set to Sungmin. “Why are you crying again?” Sungmin shook his head and sniffed. “It’s nothing, Hyuk”

 

“Nothing? It’s that bastard again, isn’t it? I’m gonna let him have a piece of my mind.” He marched towards the direction Kyuhyun went and ignored the desperate pleas of Sungmin.

 

“Kyuhyun! Where the hell are you? Yah! Kyu-” Eunhyuk stopped as he heard whimpers and pants coming from a corner. He slowly moved towards the direction and peeked at the large black curtains. His eyes widened and his hands clenched into fists as he saw the two familiar figures.

 

“Ahh…Oppa!” Sooyoung cried wantonly, her arms entangled around Kyuhyun’s neck. The male was profusely on her neck and his hands had a tight grip on her hips. “Mmm~ Kyuhyun…” She grinded her hips on Kyuhyun’s own and her hands travelled down the male’s buttoned shirt, fumbling to remove each one. 

 

Eunhyuk lost his patience and bolted right into the pair, surprising the both of them. 

“E-Eunhyuk-oppa! We were j-just-”

 

“Shut up, !” Eunhyuk snapped, sending deathly glares towards the woman. “And as for you…” he fixed his gaze on the maknae. “You deserve this!” with a quick reflex, his fist landed on Kyuhyun’s cheek, punching him with much force. The younger fell down and scoffed, wiping the blood that trickled down his chin. Sooyoung shrieked and ran away, fearful that Eunhyuk might do the same to her.

 

“ you” Eunhyuk hissed. “I ing hate you to pieces…” he grabbed Kyuhyun by the collar and stared down at him.

 

“Sungmin knows all of this…and what does he do? He keeps on reminding himself to love a selfish person like yourself.”

Kyuhyun stared back at him in total bewilderment; he kept his cool composure as he hesitantly listened to what Eunhyuk was saying. 

 

“He doesn’t deserve to be with you, Kyuhyun. All of us know that he deserves to be taken care of, to be loved by someone who is true to his word.” He continued.

 

“Sungmin made a mistake for loving you. Hurt him again, and I swear, I won’t hesitate to kill you.” He let go of him with a push and stood up without turning back. 

 

As he turned to a junction, he was met by a crying Sungmin. “Hyung?!”

 

Sungmin wrapped his arms around Eunhyuk’s neck and wailed. His tears were falling down profusely on the younger male’s shirt. “Shh…you’ll be alright from now on, Sungmin-hyung” he mumbled, caressing Sungmin’s head to his neck. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ryeowook’s number, telling him to come quick.

 

“What happened?” Ryeowook panted out, obviously tired from all the running. Eunhyuk signaled a hush sign and pointed at the sleeping form in his arms. The other man sighed and knelt down in front of Sungmin. He brushed a stray strand of hair and placed a small kiss on the male’s forehead. “He’s been hurt a lot” he says softly.

 

Eunhyuk nodded. “It’s all over now, Wookie.” He carefully carried Sungmin to his arms and walked away.

 

--

 

Sungmin avoided Kyuhyun for almost 2 months. The pain he’s carrying seems not to be carried away, for when he sees the young man from a distance, his heart tangs and sinks with sadness. His eyes would become moist and his body would tremble. But the hardest times is when they enter their shared room together. Kyuhyun would look at him sympathetically and kiss him goodnight. He said that he was sorry for the way he acted and that he wasn’t acting as a lover to him. And with those simple words, Sungmin found himself again, opening up to his young colleague. His suicidal thoughts were always in mind, whether it’d be his end or this relationship he was tied into for years.

 

“I still love you, Kyuhyun-ah” he says softly on a night when Kyuhyun was fast asleep. He clasped their hands together and kissed him on the lips.

 

--

 

At the end of their promotions, the Super Junior members quickly resumed to their individual activities. Seeing that Kyuhyun was not around, Sungmin’s shoulders dropped and his eyes went blank. “Maybe he’s back at the dorm playing StarCraft” he thought.

He left ahead along with Eunhyuk and Ryeowook, who was pretty determined that they would not let Sungmin go off alone. With such persistence, they arrived at the dorm with all laughter and happy smiles.

 

“We’ll treat you out, hyung!” Eunhyuk and Ryeowook said together. “Really now? I’m so lucky then!” the older man grinned. 

 

Upon reaching the door of his and Kyuhyun’s room, he felt a gush of cold went past him. He shivered as his heart continued to do an endless drumroll. “Kyuhyun?” he called out. The door squeaked as it slowly opened, revealing a very dark room. His eyebrows furrowed as he squinted his eyes. When the room was illumined by the light in the hallway, Sungmin could not believe what he saw.

 

He clamped his mouth with his hands in order for him not to gasp aloud. His fear-stricken eyes watered and his figure slumped on the floor. 

 

“Hey, Sungmin-hyung…what’s wro-HYUNG!” Ryeowook who was standing by the doorway called out. “What is it this time?”

 

Sungmin didn’t answer him. Instead, his eyes pointed towards the direction of what he meant. Ryeowook was puzzled and lifted his gaze to what Sungmin was silently saying. He felt his eyes widened as his teeth gritted with fury, for in front of them lay Kyuhyun on his bed; with a dozing Seohyun in his arms.

 

“Oh…dear, I-I…” Sungmin muttered.

 

“KYUHYUN!” Ryeowook shouted, making the man shot up in bed, losing his hold on the stunned woman.

 

“Ryeowook!” Kyuhyun stammered, his panicked voice croaked. His eyes trailed on the figure below and his eyes broadened. “Sungmin-hyung…”

 

“You piece of nothing! This is by far your gaffe!” the man rained down curses and reprimands, approaching the two forms in bed; he pulled the woman to her feet and dragged her to the front door. 

 

“Don’t ever come back, you !” he pushed her roughly and threw her clothes. “I don’t want to see your face again, got it?” 

 

The door slammed shut, and Eunhyuk ran towards Sungmin’s direction. “Now you have done it this time…” he spat angrily. He was about to storm towards Kyuhyun when Ryeowook stopped him. “What?”

 

“Let him repent for his own sins” he tugged Eunhyuk by the hand and lifted Sungmin up.

 

“I hope this kills you inside as well, Kyuhyun-ah” Ryeowook warned. “I despise you for what you did…thinking of no one else but yourself, you filthy being”

 

He closed the door and brought Sungmin to his room. 

 

--

 

For a month, Sungmin never appeared into their performances. He has sulked himself into a lone room with all alcoholic drinks he could find. Thinking of killing himself as a solution, he was caught abruptly numerous times, thanks to the spare key Ryeowook kept. 

 

For a month, he rarely spoke, staring into the abyss with lonely eyes. His heartache was always tormenting him and his mind would play flashbacks on the night he caught Kyuhyun. With swollen eyes and shaky hands, he reached out for a pen and paper, writing all the bottled up emotions he kept.

 

One sunny afternoon, Kyuhyun went home tired and worned-out. Followed by an irritable Ryeowook and Eunhyuk, he quickly detoured to his chamber – his and Sungmin’s previously shared room. 

 

Sensing the eerie loneliness of the room, he sat down and reflected to himself all the things he has been doing for the past years. He frowned lightly at the thought of Sungmin being hurt at what he has done. His sorry wasn’t sincere and his response to Sungmin’s “I love you” are always just a nod or a groan. He hated himself. So much that he wants himself to be killed or anything. “Sungmin-hyung”

 

His thougts were bombarded as he heard a panicking Ryeowook calling out Eunhyuk’s name. He rushed out the door and followed his two hyungs. They discovered that Sungmin wasn’t on his room and that a note was found on his bed.

 

“I believe this is for you, Kyuhyun” Ryeowook handed him the paper with smoldering eyes. He took the sheet with trembling hands and saw that it was a letter addressed to him.

 

He unfolded it with horror-laced eyes as he read the first statement.

 

--

 

To Kyuhyun:

 

Hello Kyuhyun-ah! Missed me? Well, I sure did miss you...

 

 

--

 

“Search the whole dorm!” Eunhyuk commanded, banging the doors of the other members. “Where could he be?”

 

--

 

Did you know? The day when you accepted my confession was the happiest day of my life. I jumped for joy and my heart sang when you hugged me tight. You my head like I was your other half...

 

--

 

“He’s not in the practice room!” Siwon shouted. “He’s not in the recording studio either” Donghae announced.

 

“Keep looking!”

 

--

 

I was so overwhelmed with joy and my days seemed brighter. You were always with me for the first month of our relationship and I can’t help myself but to smile like an idiot just because you kept an arm around me…

 

--

 

“Sungmin-hyung!” Kibum screamed at the empty parking space of their dorm. “Damn, where is he?” Heechul grunted beside him.

 

--

 

I found myself falling in love with you every single day. Even though you have a bad temper, I find it very cute and amusing. When you play StarCraft, I would watch you cheer every time you win and curse at times when you lose. I would laugh silently and watch you sleep every night…

 

--

 

“My dearest, Sungmin! Where are you?!” Leeteuk thought as he roamed the hallways. “Sungmin!” Yesung cried out in a husky voice.

 

“Come on…where could he have gone?”

 

--

 

And have I mentioned that I love you so much? Well Yeah, I tell it to you every day…and you would respond with a nod or a kiss to my lips. That made me believe that you love me too, even though you never say it in words…I feel that my world revolves when I am with you.

 

I love you so much!

 

 

--

 

“Minimi!” Shindong called out at the neighboring streets, not minding that fangirls would spot him. “Yah! Where are you?”

 

--

 

But… it seems that you have destroyed my trust Kyuhyun-ah…you started to see different people behind my back. And it scared me. Scared that you would soon leave me, scared that you would disappear right in front of my eyes. You have hurt me, Kyuhyun-ah…but I push myself and try to forget that you ever did those acts. Because, I love you…and I am willing to give up my happiness just to be with you…

 

--

 

“Hyung…” Ryeowook cried, his puffy eyes were now red and his small stature quivered. “I hope you’re safe…”

 

--

 

When I saw you kissing Victoria, my world was shattered and my heart ached so much that I felt I was gonna die. I tried killing myself, but alas, I delved the knife into my wrist instead. Eunhyuk and Ryeowook helped me, Kyuhyun-ah…and I am very thankful to them. They cheered me up when times were very hard for me. They guided me and taught me how to be strong….they stayed by my side when you were not there…

 

But it still feels different when I am with you.

 

 

--

 

“! !” Eunhyuk cursed loudly. Pulling Donghae and the others along with him, he instructed them to search again.

 

--

 

That vacation I got in Jeju allowed me to have a piece of mind. You were always on my dreams, did you know that? I can’t bring myself to hate you…although you rarely show any feelings of love towards me, I cherish you deeply and I admire your whole being.

 

--

 

The other Super Junior members went out and searched every shop, place and corner they could find. Their desperate calls and cries were heard throughout the whole neighborhood, not stopping until they find their missing member.

 

--

 

Eunhyuk-hyung would always tell me that I deserve someone better and that I was a martyr. But how can I deserve to be with someone when the best person in the world already belongs to me? Ironic, I know. Then I heard you got an affair with Sooyoung-sshi…

 

I felt broken again, Kyuhyun-ah…you never kissed me lovingly and you never held me tight. And at that moment, I thought to myself about letting go. I love you still, but seeing and hearing those actions you have done only brings me immense suffering. I lost my passion for singing...and I can barely even dance.

 

Call me crazy, but I still hold on to you, until this very moment.

 

 

--

 

Kyuhyun who was now tearing up, plopped down the couch. His fingers were crumpling the paper that he was reading as he controlled his sobs.

 

--

 

After I avoided you for 2 months, my heart once more, called out to you. When you said you were sorry, I was beginning to trust you again. My love for you never wavered and It feels so painful when you wouldn’t hug or greet me back.

 

--

 

Kyuhyun ignored the two intruding figures that entered. “Hyung! What now?” Ryeowook’s shrill voice echoed in his ears. 

 

“Search this place again, Wook. Meet me here after a few minutes.” Eunhyuk commanded.

 

--

 

The night I saw you with Seohyun killed me inside. You didn’t even bother to explain, instead, you shrank back in fear. 

 

After that, I realized…How stupid was I? Thinking that you love me back and say “I love you too” was all a dream of mine. You never showed care…and I wondered, why did you ever accept my feelings when you don’t even love me back?

 

I wasted my time and happiness to someone like you. You took away my pride and my happiness. How dare you?! I still stubbornly refuse to believe that I am a masochist...well guess what? It turns out that I actually am! 

 

I despise you…I hate you! You never deserved to be given such trust and love from me…

 

And yes, those fateful events have led me to my final conclusion…

 

 

--

 

“Wait! Ryeowook!” Eunhyuk says. “There’s still one place we haven’t cheked…”

Ryeowook quickly thought and bolted towards the wooden door.

 

“The rooftop!”

 

Kyuhyun’s breath hitched, he stood up and followed the scurrying figures into the flight of stairs, gripping the letter with his hand.

 

--

 

“Sungmin-hyung!” Ryeowook shouted, spotting the older male on the edge of the concrete. “Stop! No, Please…don’t do it…” he ran towards him.

 

“One more step…and I’ll jump” Sungmin cautioned, swinging one leg on the air. His gaze followed the two figures behind him and he gasped aloud as a third form appeared.

 

“What are you doing here?” he shouted, venom was eminent in his voice. Kyuhyun stopped at his pace, eyes were now full of fear and he spoke with a squeak. “Sungmin-hyung…”

 

“Stop calling my name”

 

“Please, Sungmin-hyung…stop this…”

 

“You never cared anyway, so why the would I stop now? You were never concerned on what I do…so stopping me can’t change a thing.”

 

“Please! Hyung…I’m sorry, I really am. I was a fool for not loving you back. I made mistakes that can take forever to straighten, But please, don’t do this…you are my whole being hyung. Hate me as much as you want, beat me, curse at me, just don’t do this…”

 

Sungmin scoffed at his words. “Heh, look who’s talking. You can now experience what I feel, Kyuhyun-ah? For 3 years I kept silent, for 3 years, I restrained myself…and for ing 3 years…all you did was made me cry. I was so lost when I saw you having those affairs…my mind was spinning and my heart was shattered to pieces…If only you knew how painful it was, you wished that you weren’t even born.

 

“Sungmin-hyung…I’m so sorry…I love you so much, Please!” Kyuhyun cried out, kneeling in front of the older male. Ryeowook and Eunhyuk watched with a tearful set of eyes, silently begging for Sungmin to stop.

 

“Let me make it up to you, Sungmin-ah…I’m sorry, I love you”

 

Sungmin only shook his head and plastered a sly smile on his face. “Too late, Kyuhyun-ah…too late.”

 

With a swing of his arms and a twist of his legs, he dropped his body 15 floors down. The three figures were frozen in place, wide-eyed. Ryeowook bursted into tears as Eunhyuk sobbed down, clutching each other tightly. Kyuhyun on the other hand, screamed and shouted, calling out Sungmin’s name with fervor. The strong east wind blew past them, carrying their cries of grief and sorrow. Kyuhyun’s grip loosened on the piece of paper, dropping a teardrop on the stationery. 

 

He cried aloud, and realized that regrets are felt when it's just too late. The wind carried the paper he was holding; it danced slowly in the air and landed on a corner beside the building’s edge. Kyuhyun wept and accused himself, his words were caught at the back of his throat as he remembered the last words Sungmin wrote:

 

 

… Loving you was a mistake.